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151
Review of Tomb  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Cosmic Chameleon
I am stopping by to give you a review on behalf of "Invalid Item *Smile*.

I enjoyed reading this Poem because it is deep and meaningful. From an emotional viewpoint your Poem is bursting at the seams. There is a melancholy weaved through the words which is visible. The sadness and loneliness being expressed in the first stages of the Poem is profound and I found it to be moving.

I have a few suggestions for you to help enhance the quality of your item but please know: All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take onboard anything which you feel is not a perfect fit for you and the item. *Smile*

1. Punctuation: Your item is in need of punctuation to create a consistent flow and steady rhythm.
This is entirely the Author's decision to make but I do encourage you to incorporate it to strengthen your item.

2. Repetition: You make reference to 'in her mind' quite regularly in your item. It is established from the onset that we are being delivered her thoughts and feelings so I suggest removing the multiple repeptitions to sever any distractions.

3. Errors: Line 6- Remove the 's' in whats. 'its' should read as 'it's' because you are refering to 'it is'.

Line 15- Insert another 'l' in peacefuly. It should read as peacefully.

Line 16- finaly also requires another l to read as finally.

In general I enjoyed reading your Poem. I liked the message and the brooding tone within the Poem. All emotional aspects were strong and remained consistent from start to finish.

I hope my review has been of some help to you.
Well done and write on.

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152
152
Review of The Bug  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Dezi>>secret ninja
I am stopping by to give you a review on behalf of "Invalid Item *Smile*.

For the most part I love this story! It is rich in detail and imagery and the seediness of the content is enthralling. As a dark writer myself, I am always excited when reading items of this nature. The story itself reminded me of a movie I once watched featuring Ashley Judd as the leading lady. It had the same bug theme.

I have a few suggestions for improvement but please know that all comments and suggestions are offered in the sprit of helping to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take onboard any suggestions which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item.

Viewpoint: There is an issue with the perspective in which you are telling this story. In the beginning we see things through Jamie's eyes but as the story progresses this view point changes from Jamie's to third point narration and continues to switch back and forth. I personally believe your story is more effective coming directly from Jamie's point of view but whichever view point you choose to use just be sure you keep it strong by staying with it through the entire story.

Purple Prose}: There are many areas in your story where words of no relevance or importance have been introduced. This causes the story's length to increase but not in a positive light. Remove any and all words which have no significance in the content, even the small ones. *Smile*

Conclusion: The conclusion is not very satisfactory. Too many loose ends are not tied off and too many questions remain unanswered. For instance: Is Jamie actually mentally ill or is she telling the truth and afflicted with something no one else can see? When did this begin and how long has it been going on for? These are just a few examples of small but important questions which the reader needs answered for your ending to feel satisfactory.

Tip- A deeper connection would be established if you were to give Jamie an identity. We have no information as to her appearance or personality, therefore we cannot identify with her. *Smile*

Thanks for an intriguing and gruesome read. I hope my review is of some help to you.
Well done and write on.

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153
153
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Billie Jean
I am stopping by to give you a review on behalf of "Invalid Item

As a Bipolar sufferer myself, I was able to identify and relate to the emotions you are expressing in this Poem. The unfulfillment of promises is crushing, devastating and hard to deal with on any level but when suffering from this condition it makes people more emotional than others and inflicts all sufferers in an entirely different way.

Your Poem is emotional, potent and delivered to the reader in a crystal clear manner.
I could find no visible grammatical errors. *Thumbsup*

I have one small suggestion for improvement but please know: All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take onboard any suggestions which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item.

I feel the format is holding the Poem back. It is not flattering or enhancing at all. Some of the most pivotal points of the Poem where the reader is beginning to be drawn into the item end abruptly to continue on the next line. This causes serious distraction and should be erradicated as much as possible. Again, this is only my opinion and you do not have to agree with me.

Thank you for sharing this Poem with all of us here at WDC.
It was a pleasure to review you.
Well done and write on.

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154
154
Review of Broken  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello LdyPhoenix
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item review for your birthday!

The conflict and inner turmoil Niema is experiencing is intense. It is a battle many of us can relate to but from a different perspective, other than a violin. Self-doubt is an infectious disease which afflicts many of us at one time or another. It can shatter the dream of anyone if we allow it to take hold as Niema did. I am thrilled she was able to overcome this setback.

I enjoyed reading the thoughts she was experiencing and I especially liked that her own thoughts served to tell us most of the story. This was a very clever way of ensuring the full story was told without the item becoming too lengthy. *Thumbsup*

There were some errors which I will point out to you as follows but please keep in mind that all comments and suggestions are offered to you in the spirit of helping you to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take onboard any suggestions which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item.

Line 2- Drop the 3rd reference to 'the'.

Line 5- Insert the word 'a' between was and sign.

Line 14- Insert the word 'the' between 'to' and 'back'.

Line 15- clothes should read as cloths.

Line 18- it's should read as its because you are not making reference to 'it is'.

Line 25- Is not forming properly. You may want to take another look and see how you can smooth it out.

Line 29- 'had' should be replace with were.

Line 32- 'it's' should read as its. Again, you are not making reference to 'it is'.

Line 37- Reverse the positions of blaring and horn. The line will read smooher.

Line 47- 'its' needs to read as it's. In this case you are refering to 'it is'.

Line 53- Requires a question mark at the end of her question.

Line 57- Drop the 'd' from tumbled.

Line 60- 'it's' should read as its as you are not making reference to it is.

Line 62- Add an 'e' to the end of breath so it reads as breathe.

The ending was awesome. I loved the Niema was able to summon that confidence and belief in herself to answer yes and mean it. It was inspirational.
I hope my review is of some help.

Well done and write on.

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155
Review of What You Wish For  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello LdyPhoenix
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item review for your birthday!

I am a huge fan of stories with the central theme of 'Be careful what you wish for'. I also write these quite often but not many of them make it to my port. LOL. It is a theme in which there are no limitations, no hinderances, and the writer may allow their imaginations to soar like never before because there are no rules. I also enjoy watching the irony unfold as we watch their dreams turn into something sinister.

I enjoyed that the ending took me by surprise. I was not expecting it at all because you distracted me with other events at the beginning. I thought perhaps Marcus would be beaten by Monteverdi and his sidekicks, perhaps it was not authentic and he wasted all of that money, It would be damaged somehow and therefore would hold no value...these are just a few things which entered my mind while I was reading. As you can see none of them were right and I loved that I was taken by surprise!

I did happen to notice a few small errors which I will point out to you as follows:

Line 3- Question mark after the word 'start'.

Line 14- Question mark required at the end of Monteverdi's question to Marcus.

Line 29- Insert the word 'to' in between not and shout.

It was an enjoyable read. You peaked the end very well and the finale was satisfactory. I would love to see a part 2 to this item. *tumbsup*

Well done and write on.

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156
156
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Maryann
I am here to give you the last folder review for your "Invalid Item package.
This folder was chosen for review by narnia3.

This looks like an interesting folder and one which I will be taking a closer look at.
The description states that this is where all of your best short stories are housed. Again, I like the fact that the moment I click onto something I am navigated by the descriptions, to what you feel are items we will all enjoy. I like that I do not feel the need to wander aimlessly around looking for something. *Smile*

Tip- The item you have featured in the introduction is coming up as an invalid item. You may want to check this out.

It was a pleasure to review your folder and I look forward to peeking through it further.
Well done and write on.

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157
157
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maryann
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item review. This is the first of two folder reviews you will receive from me as specified by narnia3. *Smile*

I like that this is a one stop avenue to view all of the items that you deem as your best products.
It makes it very easy for the viewer to find something they would like to read because the folder is structured and items are placed in an orderly fashion. I also like the fact that if these are the items you feel the most proud of then I know my review will be appreciated because you 'want' reviews made in this folder. *Bigsmile*

You have a large selection of many diferent writings, cNote shops, groups and activities. You pretty much ensured that you have catered to everyones personal tastes all at one time. *Thumbsup*

After looking through this folder and seeing how meticulously it has been presented I am very much looking forward to reviewing your writing as I am sure it will be presented with the same quality of effort.
Well done Maryann. Awesome folder!
Write on.

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158
158
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen
I'm here to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

I can quite honestly say I have never read an 'Ocean' theme like this before. LOL
I enjoyed the concept and once I read it I wondered why this theme had not been used before because it makes perfect sense. I esepcially enjoyed how you put a sinister spin on something so calming and relaxing. It made your item unique and out of the ordinary. *Thumbsup*

A good amount of imagery has been fused into the item. There is always room for more but if you decided not to incorporate it, I don't think the item would suffer in any way.

There is only one area where I feel this item requires some alteration and this on the last line of the second stanza.

'Forever ebbing against me in unforgiving.'
Unforgiving what? This section needs to be tied off.

It was an enjoyable read and I found it to be extremely refreshing because it's different.
Well done and write on.

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159
159
Review of Ode to my phone  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lauren Nichole Jordan
I am stopping by to give you a review from "Invalid Item

I like the simplicity of your Poem. It's fun and quirky and yet beneath the surface, phone or even technology addiction in general is a very real issue which strikes over half of the population. I enjoyed that you tackled this subject in a light-hearted manner and found a balance where the theme is addressed but in a nonsensical tone. *Thumbsup*

The rhyme is all direct and consistent through out the entire item however I do suggest that you take a closer and more in depth look at the wordplay you have used. Some of the longer lines can be made more compact if you re-think your word choices. *Smile*

All comments and suggestions are offered to you in the spirit of helping you to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take onboard any suggestions that you feel do not fit you and your item perfectly.

There are no visible errors detected.

Well done and write on.

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160
160
Review of The Ocean  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Joy
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

I enjoyed reading this item. I found it to be soothing and relaxing.
I love the description you fused into this item. It enticed me to become more involved in the content. From the images you have featured on the page the reader is made aware that a great deal of care and craftsmanship has gone into making this item fantastic.

There are no visible errors and I can find no sections in your Poem which I feel are in need of alteration. It's great as it is. *Thumbsup*

Well done and write on.

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161
161
Review of Winter Touches  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

What a beautiful winter Poem. The splendid detail you have captured and placed into this short but potent item is fantastic. I have read many Poems based upon the winter season and whilst some of them have been sensational, they have never gone into such depth in an attempt to deliver such a rich and crystal clear winter canvas to the reader.

I especially liked that you chose to write this in a blue font. It places extra emphasis upon the theme and manipulates a chill from the reader as they view it. I enjoyed the format to which it has been written. I feel it compliments the overall content and enhances the quality.

There are no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement. Shhesh, I wish I could find one small problem with something you have written so I feel helpful LOL

I wonder how a summer based item would turn out? *Wink* That would be something I would love to read as a comparison to this.

A pleasure as always.
Well done and write on.

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162
162
Review of Rainbow World  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

Your description for this item creates a source of mystery and also a challenge. You challenge the reader to make the right interpretation as to the authenticity of your item and I thought this was a very clever way of making sure each and every reader is paying attention to every single word in this story.

The story is interesting, sad, uplifting and hopeful. It is beautifully composed and narrated to the reader in such a way where it feels you have transported me to the top of a cloud and placed me into a world of my own. It has so much grandeur and beauty and I sincerely hope that something this beautiful can in fact be authentic and true to its word. *Smile*

I am obsessed with pendulums and reading of your love for the colorful rainbow prisms made me feel as though we shared a common connection and appreciation for their mystical qualities. When you speak of the prism which started you off on your journey of seeing peoples auras you spoke with a true appreciation and thankfulness for the happiness and or perhaps escape from reality it brought to you. When your ex smased it into pieces I truly felt as though my heart would break along with it for you because right from the onset you made the reader aware of how special this was to you.

Reading this item was like sharing a seat with you on a rollercoaster as you took us through some of the high and low points of your life. All of the items I have reviewed of yours so far have all shown an exceptional talent for wordplay and balance. This item is no exception and only enhanced an immaculately written story. *Thumbsup*

I personally have never been a person who has seen the color of someones aura but my Aunty on my father's side is able to and has done so since she was a small child. If, in fact your story is true, and I make no guess, and you were able to heal someone then your abilities run much deeper than my aunty's. *Smile*

I walk into your items with a very high expectation based on what I have seen come from you so far and yet, you always manage to amaze me, no scratch that, you blow me away! Thank you for such a refreshing, invigorating and exciting reading experience.

There are no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement. It is perfect the way it is.
Well done and write on.

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163
163
Review of Family Memories  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jace,
I am here to give you yet another "Invalid Item review. *Bigsmile*

The first thing I would like to say is thank goodness you incorporated some information notes at the beginning of your item explaining how this Poetic form works. This is a form I am unfamiliar with and without the added information I would not have been able to review it. Thanks for introducing me to something different! *Smile*

Taking a close look at your Poem and following the forms guidelines which you highlighted, it is easy to see that you have followed the rules down to a 'T'. I can find no error within your item which strays from how this form is to be tackled. *Thumbsup*

I enjoyed the overall content. Memories are very powerful tools for so many reasons and we are shown an excellent example of why this is so. Through recollection you are able to remember some important and happy times which involve you and your family. It is such a blessing to have so many fond memories to keep you positive. *Thumbsup*

Thank you for an enjoyable read and congratulations on penning yet another great Poem.
Write on.

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164
164
Review of I Notice  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya Jace,
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review.

I am so glad I chose to read this Poem. One word sums it up completely for me and that word is 'precious'. Your Poem is moving and beautifully composed. I love that you have not gone all out and attempted to do a 'Romeo and Juliet, undying love' theme. You have kept it simple in expressing that you simply notice her (your wife) and I feel this is absolutely stunning. It is the little things which have more power than others.

Some people spend an entire lifetime searching for one person they truly notice, that one person who has the ability to capture their whole attention and never let it go and through your Poem your readers are made aware that you have in fact found that person. It was so romantic!

What surprises me the most is that it had the ability to move me. I confess that I am not a romantic and there is a very real possibility that no one will ever see a romance item penned by me because I tend to shy from this theme, however I do enjoy reading how it makes others feel and the impact it has upon them and this is what I would call something special.

There is absolutely no suggestions I would make for alteration. You say what needs to be said and nothing more and I feel this is potent enough to make reviewers 'notice' it as is.
I am sure your wife was thrilled to read it. You will have to let me know. *Wink*

Well done. It was a pleasure to review this outstanding write.

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165
165
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello maggie

I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

In my opinion this item is a masterpiece. I must admit that although this item has been written for children I found myself enjoying it just as much as I'm sure they would. *Laugh*

It had a Dr Seuss tone to it, largely due to the consistent rhyme and I loved everything about it! The rhyme was solid from the beginning to the end. At no point did it falter or lose momentum in any way.

The content was kept simplistic which is what is expected when dealing with the children genre. It was interesting, vibrant and I enjoyed the story within it. A world without color would be such a sad existence. We rely on color more than we know and I loved that you encouraged children to appreciate this. A lesson learned and hopefully not forgotten by your readers. *Thumbsup*

I found only one typo and this occurs on the final line of the item. You have written colours instead of colors. Whilst colours is the correct spelling for this word in my own country I have pointed this out merely because you have opted to spell it the other way through out the rest of the Poem.

All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take any suggestions onboard that you feel are not a perfect fit for you and your item.

I love this piece exactly the way it is and feel extemely content and satisfied by what I have read. I will most definitely be passing this on to my eldest child to read. He will love it! *Laugh*

Well done and write on.

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166
166
Review of On Gray  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello emerin-liseli
I'm stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

I have decided to review your item: "On Gray today and I am thrilled I chose to do so. *Thumbsup*
You really have gone above and beyond to create a colorful canvas of emotions for the reader to be swept up by. I was literally mesmerised by the portrait you created and delivered directly to me and I feel although this Poem is based upon negative emotions, you have expressed them to the reader with a unique grace and elegance.

Your wordplay is simple and I feel this enhances the connection forged between the item and the reviewer. It was extremely effortless to understand and grasp the meaning within the item simply because it was written in a crystal clear manner. This is most certainly a potent item which you should be proud of. *Thumbsup*

My only suggestion to you is to place some further emphasis upon your punctuation, especially your capitalization. I noticed immediately that the first letter of the first word was not capitalized as it should be and if this was highlighted to me from the onset then I am sure there are others who would also notice. I feel punctuation is needed to strengthen and steady the overall flow of the piece and although the lack of it does not cause any immediate hinderance it would certainly benefit the item if you were to consider adding it.

All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping you to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor must you take onboard anything which you feel is not a perfect fit for you and your item.

It was a pleasure to review you. Great wordplay, excellent imagery, potent emotion and outstanding title. *Thumbsup*
Well done and write on.

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167
167
Review of Blue Moon  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello emerin-liseli
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

I sincerely enjoyed the journey in which this item led me through. The reader was made to climb Winston's Hill with you and hold hope in their heart that it would in fact be 'your' day.
The beginning of the item had a small note of melancholy within it but as the item unfolded this note quickly turned to one of expectation.

You have included some descriptive wordplay in your item which I believe encourages the reader to lose themself in the portrait you have created. It most certainly worked on me. *Smile*

I was not overly fond of the format but that is only a personal preference and what does not work for me may work for others. However, it was simple to read and very easy to grasp the overall concept.*Thumbsup*

There are no visible errors in your item but I do suggest you sprinkle some punctuation through it to help steady the beat and central rhythm.

It was a pleasure to review your item.
Well done and write on.

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168
168
Review of ~Love thy self.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen
I am stopping by to give you review 2 of 10 as part of your package from "Invalid Item.

I seem to have stumbled into unfamiliar territory here. I can honestly say I have yet to read anything else of this theme,on site, to date LOL. Way to go for daring to do something different.

I like the small, yet important details given to the reader at the beginning of the Poem such as:
So wet without water,
So hot, yet cold.

This sets a very vivid, yet still tasteful scene for the reader right from the onset. We are clearly made aware of what we can expect will follow as we read on. The descriptions are vivid but not graphic. Room is left for the readers own interpretation.

I like how you chose to end it. The ending was there for the reader but we know it has not ended for the character.

There are no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Well done and write on.

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169
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen
I am stopping by to give you review 1 of 10 from "Invalid Item

An Immortal Heart is a dark, fictional piece of writing which strokes the darkness within all who read it. You have the ability to write extremely dark and sometimes morbid items yet you express them with the same grace one would see in an item featuring a lighter subject. Your words are possessive and creep into the bloodstream of the reader.

There is some great wordplay shown in this item and a solid rhythm has been built up, although it is free of rhyme. I like the aggression within the content: Embrace the darkness, Walk with your heart, Take her...etc,etc. These are all commands in which you are the person who is making the orders.

My favorite section of this item is:
Take her in struggling ecstasy, rip her softness in two.
Sink rotten teeth; your fouled mouth into her flesh.
Enjoy her~

This section conjures some strong and mildly sadistic visualizations to the mind. *Thumbsup*

There are no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Well done and write on.

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170
Review of November  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello maggie
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

November is an exquisitely written dedication to your mother with beautifully presented wordplay.
I enjoyed the deep emotion presented in the item and the love which radiated from it. It was breathtaking.

You have presented your memories, thoughts and feelings quite vividly to the reader and I felt myself completely overtaken by them. There is a subtle and lovely rhythmic pattern weaved through the item which caught my attention with ease. It is very noticeable but does not take over the item but rather enhances the overall quality.

There are no visible errors and I have no suggestions for improvement.
This was a fantastic write from the heart which should not be altered.
Well done and write on.

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171
Review of Rhythm & Rhyme  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

I am a huge fan of the Acrostic format, among others, and reading your item ignited that love once again.
The Acrostic format is a fun and quirky form to use but unfortunately many of them are unsuccessful in terms of leaving the reader satisfied at the end.

This is not so with your item. It is very easy for the reader to see that a monumental effort has been put into making this a successful creation and I believe that is exactly what you have achieved. Success.

Creative and fresh wordplay has been used in the delivery and I thoroughly enjoyed the way you have set it out. It was a great show of craftsmanship on your behalf. I adore when it is clearly visible that a writer has gone out of their way to put in 110% effort into their creations. *Thumbsup*

I do not feel your item calls for suggestions for improvement and I did not stumble across any errors.
I am pleased to see it has been awarded. *Thumbsup*

Well done and write on.

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Review of Storm Music  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

I was and still am completely blown away by this Poem. It is not very often that I am confronted with an item in which I personally feel could not be made any better than it is but I feel this is the case when it comes to this Poem.

Such beautiful imagery has been delivered to the reader using outstanding wordplay. I literally read this and sat back, allowing it to sink in and could think of no other word but 'wow'.

Each individual stanza paints a very intricate picture for the reader to envision and be swept away by. No one stanza was higher in quality than another. They were all equally enchanting and potent with in-depth imagery.

The subtle theme of nature is weaved through this item nicely. It does not overshadow the true meaning within the Poem nor is it distracting, in fact it is quite the opposite.

I have no suggestions for improvement and will end this review with a simple- thank you for writing such a wonderful item and sharing your talent with the members of WDC.
Well done and write on. I will be recommending this to others.

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Review of Tell Not A Soul.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jeanimoo
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item review. *Smile*

This was such a sad and moving Poem for me to read because I have experienced both sides. I have been the person who refused to tell a soul and chose to suffer in silence and I have also been forced to watch loved ones go through this process.

Although the content is heartbreaking, you have expressed the Poem beautifully and with the upmost elegance and I feel this enhances the emotional impact it has upon the reader. I was completely riveted to your item and could not look away for a moment. You seized me and pulled me into the depths of the item to feel those emotions once again that we would rather numb ourselves to. This was done with the greatest of ease and I found it to be a splendid show of the talent you possess for writing.

My only suggestion for improvement is in regards to the format you have used. The format does nothing at all to enhance your item. It is not flattering and I think your item would benefit greatly if you were to consider changing it. However, I do realize this item is an intimate one and as such you may feel that you do not wish to alter it. Please do not feel that you have to.

You did a fantastic job and I am thrilled I was fortunate enough to come by it.
Thank you. Well done and write on.

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Review of Julian's Secret  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Shannon

I'm here to give you a Helping Heart review.

I was always a huge fan of Alice In Wonderland and you story has just reignited that love. I am usually not a fan of stories which re-tell a classic because most of the time they fall short off the mark but I thoroughly enjoyed your story because you made it your own by incorporating the modern twist and only loosely following the original storyline.

I loved how you incorporated the caterpillar, rabbit and the cards which serve as the queen's ever faithful servants and it was extremely clever of you to use Alice's name backwards in your story. It was not until the end that I realized you had done this. *Blush*

I love the way it ended. You have completely left it open to continue on with a part two if you wish and I sincerely hope you do because this was simply not enough for me. I want MORE! *Laugh*

There are no visible errors in this story and my only suggestion is to make the text larger so it is easier for people to view. I found myself squinting to read it properly.

Well done and write on.

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Helping Hearts Leader.

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Review of Redeemed  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Shannon

I'm here to give you a Helping Heart review.

Wow...this was a chilling psychological write from beginning to end. At no point was my attention taken from this story. I was completely submerged in the content and felt as though I was there with Jenna. *Thumbsup*

It is amazing how people are able to relay such an in-depth story using a minimal amount of words and this is largely attributed to the use of good, strong wordplay and a well timed pace within the story.
I enjoyed how this kept switching from past tense to present tense. The extra snippets of information the reader was given at the beginning of the story really helped to set a stronger ending scene. I was able to sympathize with Jenna and feel outrage and disgust towards her father because you sufficently forged this connection between the reader and your story.

The image was an amazing aid to help me get a visual. Her dash through the woods as she attempted to escape her father's pursuit was told to us in vivid detail and I fell completely under this item's spell.

There are no visible errors and no suggestions are required. This was a chilling, action packed item which does not require alteration in the slightest.

Well done, Shannon! This will be going into my favorites. It was an absolute delight to read. *Thumbsup*

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