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Public Reviews
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51
51
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello JonBBell

*Balloon* Happy WDC Account Anniversary From "Anniversary Reviews"  *Balloon*
.

Initial impressions: This is an interesting piece and I can see the dry humor in which it has been written. The great thing about modern times is the ability to exercise freedom of speech. What I like about your item is that you do not force your opinion down others throats. You put your own opinion out there for people to indulge in but you allow them the freedom to either agree or disagree with you.

Content: As a smoker myself, I can see why you would choose to use this habit as an example and I feel it is justified. Smoking is just as dangerous as obesity and both of these habits are indulgences that the indivdual chooses to partake in whilst turning a blind eye to the dangers. It's true what you say, that people are always too willing to give you words of wisdom in regards to smoking and yet this same information/opinion is not as readily offered to people who suffer with obesity although their lives are also in danger. Naturally this does not extend to offensive quips but just general opinion would suffice.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors present nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: This suggestion is simply an observation that I will put out there. Your words are your own as is your opinion but people may embrace your item with more enthusiasm if you make it clear that it is not your intention to slander plus sized people but merely inform them of the seriousness of this condition for a wake up call.

General comment: The item is well written and most certainly thought provoking. I admire your honesty and your ability to create an item of sincerity and importance. The dry humor just makes it more interesting. *Wink* I completely agree that people should be left to their own devices. What may not work for someone else will work for another. We know the dangers and yet we still indulge. We have only ourselves to blame when the consequences arrive but if we are prepared to face them, so be it. Well done and write on.
I hope you enjoy many more creative years here at WDC!

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
52
52
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Marine Mom

*Balloon* Happy WDC Account Anniversary From "Invalid Item"  *Balloon*
.

Initial impressions: Your poem is a work of gratitude and appreciation in which you attempt to show your admiration for a site which has provided you with a creative outlet unlike no other. I am sure many other loyal members would share your thoughts and devotion. I know I do.

Content: The poem has been written well and the rhyme has been executed nicely. I like the fact that you incorporated some of your everyday activities into the poem because it brought the item to life. I also enjoyed the combining elements of giving and taking. Not only do you like to receive GP's but you also make mention of the fact that you enjoy giving them too. It is nice gesture when the member goes out of their way to ensure this circle of giving remains intact.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: I bring your attention to the last stanza. The rhyme featured on lines 2 and 4 is an indirect rhyme and does not mesh well the direct rhyme you have opted to use through out the rest of the poem. I encourage you to alter it to the original pattern so it does not highlight itself to the reader as a kink in the flow.

General comment: I can find nothing about this poem I do not like. It has been written well, your appreciation is on display for all to see and this item serves to show the reader that you put in as much as you are given. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*.
I hope you celebrate many more creative years here at WDC!

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53
53
Review of Dark Alliance  
In affiliation with The Coffee House Employees  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello StephBee - GOT Survivor
I am here to offer you review 6/7 from "The Coffee House "  from the Tall Latte gifted to you by Shannon . *Smile*

Initial impressions: I love reading dark poetry and was very excited when I stumbled upon this as it is right up my alley. *Smile* You captured a dark and murky scene and delivered this ominous atmosphere to your reader very vividly.

Content: The wordplay in the poem is exceptional and there seems to be some form of pattern to your stanzas but I am unable to put my finger upon exactly what it is. Hopefully you can clear this up for me and set me on the right track?.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: I have only one suggestion for improvement and this in regards to the beat within the stanzas. It is quite sporadic and needs to be harnessed. Perhaps a syllable count or simply the removal of anything not crucially relevant to the item would help to strengthen this weak point.

General comment: A dark and dreary poem which I found appealing. The item is in need of a minor polish but I do like where you were going with it. Well done and write on.

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The Coffee House   (E)
Come on in and try the house roast. It's delicious!
#1589670 by Lonewolf
54
54
Review of The Storm  
In affiliation with The Coffee House Employees  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello StephBee - GOT Survivor
I am here to offer you review 5/7 from "The Coffee House "  for the Tall Latte ordered for you by Shannon . *Smile*

Initial impressions: I like this poem simply because it reminds me of the impact nature has upon me. I become my most creative when I am able to hear the rumble of thunder and the crack of lightning. Rain also helps to get my creative juices flowing. It seems the onset of storms have a powerful impact upon many different people in an array of ways. *Wink*

Content: I like the imagery within the piece. Not only do your words allow the reader to know that you are referring to stormy weather but strong descriptive words help to visually bring this scene to life. I liked this aspect of your poem because I found it to be calming and pleasant.

Errors/inconsistencies: Line 12-I am wondering if lighting should be lightning?

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestion for improvement is to try and time the lines better. Some are very large whilst others are small and not only does this impact upon the flow but also your presentation.

General comment: I enjoy reading items which are based on nature because they have a calming effect upon me. Your item was no exception to the rule. I enjoyed reading it and I especially liked the rhyme, this was an added bonus. Well done and write on.

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The Coffee House   (E)
Come on in and try the house roast. It's delicious!
#1589670 by Lonewolf
55
55
Review of Words Can Hurt  
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello biddle.connie}
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review.

Initial impressions: I am slightly confused by your story. The reader is led to believe that Emily had an abortion performed, yet at the end, just before she seals her fate, she is showing signs that she is in fact still pregnant. Did she lie to Johnny or are you wishing for her to be showing phanotm signs of the pregnancy she just terminated?

Content: The content has been written fairly well with limited errors. Emily's emotional turmoil has been portrayed well but I must say, Johnny didn't really cut it for me. He was quite flippant and random and whilst he attempted to persuade Emily of his sincerity and loyalty, his actions and attitude were in direct conflict with this.

Errors/inconsistencies:There are two small errors in the content but I cannot seem to locate them again. lol I'm sure if you look closely you will be able to find them.

Suggestions for improvement: Locate those two small errors and correct them. I also encourage you to clarify the ending of your story. It is a little confusing.

General comment: Emily's emotions give a very clear warning that your story is going to have a dire ending and yet I was still unprepared for what happened. I admire that you were able to take me by surprise as that does not happen often. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1558344 by Not Available.
56
56
Review of Lost  
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Happy May 2024!
I am here to offer you a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" .

Initial impressions: I was surprised by how you started this story. From the description I expected to 'see' someone being sucked into a painting but you push passed all this and began the story with the character already being situated inside the painting.

Content: I am not a huge fan of the concept of waking up to realize everything is just a dream. It is too cliche, mundane and simply just overused. However, this did not stop me from enjoying the rest of your story. You deliver the atmosphere to the reader by using detailed descriptions and I like that you found the time to make mention of the others characters attire. This helped to set the timing of the scene.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestion for improvement is to develope the story further. It ends very abruptly and leaves the reader with a sense that it is not finished. I am unsure if the item has been cut short due to wordcount restrictions but if that is the case then you may have to decide what is entirely relevant to the piece in order to concentrate on the finale.

General comment: I like the concept as I feel it is one where you can allow your imagination to run wild. You are not boxed in by anything and there is no reason to hinder your creativity. I say pick it up and run a mile with it!
Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1558344 by Not Available.
57
57
In affiliation with PSYW  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Happy May 2024!
I am here to offer you a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" .

Initial impressions: Your story is based upon an incident where the characters nerves surpass their courage and thankfully there are no witnesses present to share this moment with her. *Laugh*

Content: I like the fact that your story is direct. I was not forced to wade through a sea of purple prose and I was grateful for that. You say what needs to be said and deliver all that needs to be delivered, nothing more and nothing less.

Errors/inconsistencies: I did happen to notice the following errors:

Line 12- lightening should read as lightning.

Line 12- Replace 'this' with 'an'.

Suggestions for improvement: Correct the sections noted above and pay particular attention to the structure of your wordplay. Always be sure that there is not possibly a better way to word something before you set it in stone. *Wink*

General comment: This was a quirky little tale and I love that the character was able to be scared so easily. I found this part of the story to be comical and could almost feel the heat of her blush when she realized how silly she was being. LOL
Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1558344 by Not Available.
58
58
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Jaiam
Thank you for your entry into "Invalid Item"  contest. I will be judging your entry in demonic_soul's absence.

Initial impressions: This is an interesting poem and I am very curious to know which particular contest this was written for or what prompt inspired its creation.

Content: The rhyme has been well written and takes the edge off the serious nature of the poem. Religious poetry is an aquired taste and not for everyone and I am one of those people. Fortunately, I am able to see past the theme to closely look at all other elements within your poem.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors nor are there any inconsistencies present within your item.

Suggestions for improvement: I suggest writing the capitalized sections in italics for emphasis. Bold letters signify yelling or screeching and much like a conversation when someone screeches something at you most people tend to not pay attention. *Wink*

General comment: An interesting and thought provoking piece which delivers your personal interpretation upon the matter in question. The item is in need of a minor polish but for the most part it reads well and has the capabilities to be inspiring..
All rules and regulations stipulated in the contest forum were followed correctly.
Thank you for your entry and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1598852 by Not Available.
59
59
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Happy Spring
Thank you for your entry into "Invalid Item"  contest. I will be judging your entry in demonic_soul's absence. *Smile*

Initial impressions: This is such an endearing story which pulls on the heartsrings. I like the way you have told majority of the story through memories of times that have since come to pass. This helped the reader to get a foothold on how good life was before tragedy decided to strike.

Content: The recollection of memories all help to tell the story effectively and in turn it gave your item a whimsical tone of narration that helped to lull the reader into the depths of your story. However, the one visible weakness is the shift in tenses. When Lindsay is not recalling a memory the story should be narrated from the present tense and it is not, it is being told from the past tense. This needs to be corrected.

Errors/inconsistencies: The only visible error I could detect was in regards to your tenses, minus this there were no visible grammatical errors present.

Suggestions for improvement: Correct your tenses.

General comment: In general, this was an enjoyable read. The story was moving and you brought the characters to life through whisps of memories. I thought this was very creative of you to do. *Thumbsup*
All rules and regulations stipulated in the contest forum have been followed correctly. Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the contest.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1598852 by Not Available.
60
60
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello
Welcome to WDC! I am here to offer you the following "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group"  review for your item: "Creeping Through The Night" .

Initial impressions: Essentially your story is based upon one character trying to hunt down and find another character. For what reasons, the reader is not made aware. Insight into these characters is also not given to the reader and the lack of all of this vital information makes it extremely hard for the reader to become interested in the piece.

Content: What I happened to notice the most is the slip in your tenses. Are you attempting to narrate this story from the past or the present? You seem to skip between both time tenses and this causes confusion and distraction. After reading your story, I feel the tense would work better if you were to deliver it from the present but this is just a personal opinion.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are some errors in your item that are in need of correction.

In certain sections you have failed to capitalize your [I's]. When making reference to yourself the I's must always be capitalized.
You have overlooked the required spaces needed after the incorporation of a period. I encourage you to fish them out and add the spaces.


Suggestions for improvement: The major improvement needed is the correction of your tenses. To leave your item the way it is would be dire to the quality. Choose just one tense and stick with it through out the item. I encourage you to correct the errors that were noted above too.

General comment: The actions of the character are portrayed well and you build up a good amount of mystery through their suspicious behavior. However, there is no real depth to your story and I am unable to find a central storyline to grasp onto. Concentrate on the direction of this story, figure out where you want it to go and what you want your characters to do and then implement it. Best of luck and write on.

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RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  (E)
RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.
#398524 by Writing.Com Support
61
61
Review of Tick!  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Your Best Nightmare
Welcome to WDC! I am here to offer you the following "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group"  review for your item: "Tick!" .

Initial impressions: It is stated in your description for this item that you feel it is a random write. After reading the item it seems to me that this is a purge item, an item full of electrically charged emotions which you needed to get off your chest.

Content: The poem is being narrated by a person who is obviously fed up and very clearly warning that they are on the brink of an explosion. The content itself is just a scratch upon the surface and I feel the form of expression you have used is in major need of improvement.

Errors/inconsistencies: So many emotions are involved within this piece but instead of showing us you are merely telling us. One word descriptions are not sufficent enough to establish a connection between the character and the reader.

Suggestions for improvement: The use of elipses and exclamation marks are extremely excessive and make the presentation look weak. Elipses are made up of three points, no more no less. One exclamation mark is all you need to show your frustration, anymore are simply irrelevant. I encourage you to correct the ones you have and I also encourage you to incorporate some depth and body into your content.

General comment: The emotional tendencies are coming across strong but the story or source is lacking. If you decide to elaborate further I feel your item will soar. Keep close watch on your presentation. If the presentation appears weak the reader will assume your words will also reflect upon that and may lose interest before they even bother to read it. Write on.

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RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  (E)
RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.
#398524 by Writing.Com Support
62
62
Review of Lost True Love  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello LisaMaria
Welcome to WDC! I am here to offer you the following "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group"  review for your item: "Lost True Love" .

Initial impressions: Your poem is based upon a love that is lost due to the troubles of drug addiction. The poem depicts the pain and suffering of the person who is left to contend with the heartbreak this situation ignites.

Content: For the most part ,your poem was gripping and ripe with the tumultous emotions that coincide with this situation. I think the poem would have had more of an impact upon the reader if you were to have revealed which drug this person was addicted to. Many different drugs induce different behaviors within the person so clarifying this would have enabled the reader to better understand the motives of the addict.

Errors/inconsistencies: I happened to notice the following errors:

Line 16- completley should read as completely.

Line 19- A question mark is required at the end of this line.


Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to correct the errors noted above and to sprinkle your item with some much needed punctuation. This will help to sustain a rhythm within the piece.

General comment: For the most part your poem is well written but I feel some additional information is needed if you wish for the reader to truly connect with your piece. Well done and write on.

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RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  (E)
RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.
#398524 by Writing.Com Support
63
63
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Daizy May
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "I Wanted To See An Elephant" .

Initial impressions: I like the quirkiness of this item. It is fun and spirited and the partial rhyme would easily hold the attention of young children. I know because I tested it on mine *Wink* and they loved it.

Content: I like the story the poem tells. You have a very clear notion to see an elephant and whilst other activities are attempting to secure your attention you are still unable to shake this need you are afflicted with to see an elephant. This trait is present in all children. Once their minds are made up they are made up and that is the end of the matter.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: I think the poem would read better if you were to break it up into sections so it does not appear to be so long winded. The incorporation of some color would also work a treat to help coincide with the fun loving nature of your poem.

General comment: A fantastic item to amuse children with and also those older kids (such as myself) lol. Excellent rhythm has been captured and in general this is an enjoyable read. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
64
64
Review of Guarantee  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Anastasia. V. Pergakis
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "Guarantee" .

Initial impressions: Your poem is essentially based upon an old lament of 'You reap what you sow'. I am a huge believer of this concept and feel that karma has a way of finding you wether it comes to you in the form of a reward or punishment. During the reading of this poem it is apparent that you are encouraging positivity in the world in which we live. Let's hope others take notice of the importance of this message.

Content: I love the rhyme in this poem. I think it strengthens the quality and creates a strong melody for the reader to be swept up by. All of the featured rhyme is direct and at no point does it stray from this form. *Thumbsup*

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but I feel the lack of punctuation is hurting your poem, especially considering there are sections where you have asked a question but the question mark is not featured.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestion for improvement is to add some much needed punctuation to your item.

General comment: I like the theme and I also like the rhyme. I feel you got your message across loud and clear without allowing the rhyme to hinder you in any way. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
65
65
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Just an Ordinary Boo!
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "Just Cry - Long and Loud!" .

Initial impressions: This was a very creative write and one I enjoyed reading considering I am expecting myself. I have often looked at my children when they were first starting out in the world and wondered what they they would tell me if they could. In this story the mystery is revealed. *Laugh*

Content: I enjoyed watching the many different adventures this soul had experienced. I was kept thoroughly intrigued and at no point was my attention diverted elsewhere.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: I loved reading this from the newborn baby's point of view. Watching the parents actions and reactions through her eyes and closely reading of her adventures as she swept through nine different lives It was interesting, entertaining and I am pleased I stumbled upon it. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
66
66
Review of ~Velocity  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "~Velocity" .

Initial impressions: This item is an acrostic and the word you have chosen to use is 'Velocity'. You have done a fantastic job in using this word to the best of its ability.

Content: You have captured a rhythmic flow and the overall pace is very fast which kept me moving through the item at an electric speed.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the piece.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: This is a creative write using a format I love and you did not disappoint. If I were to nitpick the only thing I would suggest would be to find a way to highlight the actual word it has been created to. *Thumbsup*
Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
67
67
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "~ On a bed of Softened Nails" .

Initial impressions: I like the message in this poem. To love someone so much that you do not realize that love and affection are killing them. It's chilling because, although your poem is different, this has been known to occur. One must ask themself; How much love is too much?

Content: As always, you have captured some empowering dark elements in your poem but what I liked the most is that your poem is haunting and plays on the mind. The mixture of some gross depictions, eg- You are wet with my parasite infested blood, combined with dark and natural thought essences was fantastic and an immaculate and thought provoking mix.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but I am thinking perhaps you may need a comma after 'me' on line 14.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: Excellent write and a phenomenal read. I could stay in your port all day! *Bigsmile*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
68
68
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your poem: "If You're Broken Hearted" .

Initial impressions: I am in love with this item. It is so deep and meaningful and not only do you address what feeling broken hearted May feel like but you travel on further and tell us exactly what it feels like because you reveal you have experienced it. The loneliness, the regret and the pain and sadness are all visible in your item.

Content: The isolation you are expressing in the poem is so potent that it felt like I had locked myself away in a room on my own just to read it. I was taken in by your item and all else was forgotten. It was awesome!!

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors present in your item nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required. It is perfect the way it is.

General comment: A fantastic read which plunges the reader into the isolated state you are expressing. Magnificent!

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
69
69
Review of Death Persists  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello JTL~~Thanks Anonymous!!!
Thank you for your entry into the "Invalid Item"  contest and for allowing your dark muse the opportunity to shine. *Smirk*. I am here to offer you the following review for your entry: "Death Persists" .

Initial impressions: I think you have used the image very well in this entry. The image prompt is haunting yet mysterious and your item has the same feeling and tone to it. *Thumbsup*

Content: For the most part, your poem has been written well and I like that the message you are sending in your poem is crystal clear with no room for mis-interpretation. I could only find two areas of weakness in your poem and they were in regards to repetition and rhyme.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but your item is in need of a sprinkling of punctuation to help stabalize the general flow.

Suggestions for improvement: There is a hicccup in your rhyme scheme on line 7. Every other part of your poem has been written to a rhyme scheme of abab but you have strayed from this pattern on line 7. I encourage you to alter it to fit the rest of the piece.

Repetition has the ability to have a negative impact upon the piece especially if it is short in length as your poem is. I suggest removing the repetition and replacing it with something fresh in content to keep a tight hold on your readers attention.

General comment: I love the theme and I feel you have embraced the image prompt very well in your entry. All rules and regulations stipulated in the contest forum have been followed correctly. *Thumbsup* Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the contest.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1574678 by Not Available.
70
70
Review of Inner Child  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Noelle ~ TY Anon!
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your story: "Inner Child" 

Initial impressions: Your 55 word story is based upon a teenage girl taking a home pregnancy test only to discover that the result is positive.

Content: Your story does not exceed the wordcount and sits comofortably on 55 words as it should. The theme itself is an interesting one but I feel it is not entirely suited to being minimized to a mere 55 word story as the issue is complex, important and one that is a reality for many young girls. This was a mere scratch upon the surface.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present.

Suggestions for improvement: If it were not for the description you have given the item I would not have known this was based on a teenage girl. There is no real reference or hint of her age. There is also no finality to the piece. Too many questions remain unanswered as to the final conclusion. I suggest fiddling with sections that bare no real significance to your story to make room to implement information that is relevant.

General comment: I like where you were going with this and the scene you have set is gripping. I think if you were to consider continuing on with this and perhaps increasing it to a 100 word flash it may have more of an impact upon the reader. If you wish to leave it as a 55 word story then I simply suggest considering some of the suggestions noted above to enhance your story. *Thumbsup*
Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.

Please stop by and check out this awesome contest: "Invalid Item" 
71
71
Review of My Family  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Noelle ~ TY Anon!
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your poem: "My Family" .

Initial impressions: Your poem has a nice and tender theme and expresses an appreciation and thankfulness for all of the blessings life has brought to this person.

Content: The rhyme is very sporadic and at times distracting because the pattern is not consistent and continues to change as the item progresses. The overall timing of the poem also has this same trait and needs to be reigned in.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: I offer you the following suggestions for improvement to take onboard if you wish.

1. The item is in need of further punctuation.

2. Stabalize and stengthen your rhyme by choosing just one rhyming pattern to follow.

3. I feel your item would read much smoother if you were to implement a meter. If you choose not to do so, another great way to compact your item is to simply remove any and all words in the content which bare no real significance or importance to the piece.

General comment: Your poem has a peaceful and family orientated theme. It is an item which implores the reader to take note of the blessings they have been given in life and appreciate them as they should. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen
I am here to giv you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your poem: "~Dark as the night" .

Initial impressions: Your poem seems to be essentially based upon an infinite state of despair and sorrow and although, for the most part, the poem seems to be expressing this negative emotion as I drew closer to the ending it seems you are happy and content to be feeling this way because you feel life has nothing better to offer you.

Content: Your poem has been written in free verse and this has allowed you more room to move and be creative because a rhyme scheme has not hindered you. The poem is a mix of verse and stanza formats with the verse being more aggressive. I feel you balanced the two very well as one does not particularly overshadow the other.

Errors/incosnsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement:I have only two suggestions for improvement and they are as follows:

1. Due to the large length of the poem I feel it requires additional punctuation to stabalize the flow and further navigate the reader through your item at the pace you inended.

2. Keep close watch on your use of 'me'. It has become slightly repetitious in your content and you may want to think about weeding some of it out.

General comment: As always, you have delivered a dark and ominous write which is thought provoking and open to the interpretation of every individual reader. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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73
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello warriormom
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your poem: "Calm After the Storm" .

Initial impressions: Your poem depicts the spontaneous bouts of anger which all bipolar sufferers are left to contend with along with the people which are close to them too. As a sufferer of this condition I know too well the feelings the person gets when they feel an episode coming on. I assure you, it is very rare that the person actually means what they say when this occurs. They simply cannot help it.

Content: Yet another poem which hits close to home for me. I feel for your daughter and your entire family. It is not an easy situation to deal with and requires a lot of love, forgiveness and patience from the people on the receiving end. She is very lucky to have a source of support like you. Not all of us are blessed with her luck.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: Another great write from you. Yet another window you have opened and allowed all of your friends here at WDC to look through. Well done!

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74
Review of Shroud  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello warriormom
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your poem: "Shroud" .

Initial impressions: Wow Pat...this is such a powerful write. Your poem reads like a purge. It seems pent up emotions and thoughts boiled over and you needed to write this for yourself.

My favorite part of this poem is:

You owe me for a life of darkness,
but how do you give back a life
that wasn't yours to take?

This is such a powerful section that really hit home with me because it is so true. Once this act is commited it can never be reversed. Sure, you are able to take steps in attempting to overcome it and continue living your life but it is never the same and the experience is never forgotten.

Content: This poem is moving, deep and so very sad to read. You are a true source of inspiration, pat and I am thrilled you have the ability to open up and express yourself through the written word. As the saying goes: A writer is never a true artist until he is able to look deep within himself and share his own pain and suffering with others. You are the perfect role model for this saying.

Errors/inconsistencies: Thre are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present.

Suggestions for improvement: I have no suggestions whatsoever. This item could not possible be improved upon.

General comment: In all honesty, I am completely gobsmacked and at a loss for words. All I can offer is an encouragement to continue doing what you do best...writing.
Well done and write on.

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Review of Heaven's Worth  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello warriormom
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your poem: "Heaven's Worth" .

Initial impressions: This is a poem I can relate to because I experience these same emotions on a daily basis. It gets to a point where it feels like everything becomes a struggle, even ordinary things and one can't help but to ask themself if they will receive some sort of peace and enlightenment for the battles they have constantly fought. Reading this poem felt like you had gotten into my head and revealed personal things about me! It was great to receive such a profound connection from an item written by someone else. *Thumbsup*

Content: Your poem is direct and you express your feelings very vividly, leaving no room for mis-interpretation. The poem has a nice flow and a consistent and steady pace. The rhyme is an added bonus and yet another display of the care you fuse into your creations.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible inconsistencies nor are there any errors present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: I have only one suggestion for improvement and this is in regards to the last line. I suggest changing the word 'and' and replacing it with 'to'.

General comment: A fantastic read and an amazing write. This is an item I would definitely encourage others to read as I feel you have expressed emotions that are felt by many others too.
Well done and write on.

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