*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gothic_angel/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
Review Requests: OFF
1,989 Public Reviews Given
2,896 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 3 4 5 -6- 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
126
126
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
I'm here to give you the last review of your gifted package from 💟Crissy~Hijacked at "Invalid Item" .
I offer you the following comments:

I like this cNote shop. You have catered to a wide and necessary range of occasions.

The images are all flamboyant in color, which make them stand out. I especially like the featured borders, they are quite nice. My favorite note would have to be 'You've got mail'. I love the picture and it is a topic note I have not seen available elsewhere here at WDC.

The prices are very affordable and the fact it is featured on your main portfolio page makes it easy for this shop not to be overlooked by any guests visiting your port.

Well done.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1527427 by Not Available.

"Invalid Item" 
127
127
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
This is review 2 of 3 you will receive from me as part of your gift from 💟Crissy~Hijacked from "Invalid Item" . I offer you the following critique:

Initial impressions: This was a very funny story and thankfully one with a fortunate outcome. An event such as this in such a large city could have been disastrous on many proportions and I am glad this was not the case in this story. Your partner's reaction was hilarious! I almost had tears running down my face as I read through that part. And they say they mothers are the ones who worry... yet another example of how this is not always the case. LOL

Content: This is another great write from you. The entire story flowed well and I loved the way you expressed all of the comical parts. Your wording made them quite vivid.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors in your story.

Suggestions for improvement: The only suggestion I can make is to close in the gaps where you have double spaced some of the words in the story.

General comment: Great title, fantastic story and a guaranteed laugh for the day for all who read it. Way to go!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1527427 by Not Available.

"Invalid Item" 
128
128
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH
I'm here to give you the first of three reviews you will receive from me as part of a package gifted to you by 💟Crissy~Hijacked from "Invalid Item" .
I offer you the following critique:

Initial impressions: This is a nicely written item depicting lovely memories of times when you were considered the 'Masterchef' of all of the neighborhoods you lived in. I can imagine the thrill and satisfaction felt by you when you discovered how powerfully addictive these little culinary delights actully are. No doubt you would have been the talk of the town! *Laugh* Good on you for having a talent for cooking these spicy sensations and even more so for sharing the goods with others. *Thumbsup*

Content: I love the way you have written this item. It was fun to read and felt very warm as your memories of these times enveloped me. I really can find nothing at all that I do not like about this item. You did a fantastic job and just reading it brought a smile to my lips.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: None what so ever. It is wonderful as is. *Thumbsup*

General comment: This is an outstanding item in which you depict not only sharing your culinary skills with others but you share your talent for writing with us all here at WDC too. At the end of your item you wonder if the people who looked forward to these snacks ever think of them... I think it would be safe to say that, considering they were such a big hit, there would have been many neighbors who mourned your departure when you located to different areas. I am sure you were surely missed, or at least your Buffalo Wings were. *Laugh*
Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1527427 by Not Available.

"Invalid Item" 
129
129
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maryann
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

I am surprised I have not stumbled across your cNote shop before now, whilst on my WDC travels.
Now I am aware of its existence, I will most certainly be stopping by here from time to time.
You offer good quality, flamboyant images for many different occasions for a very modest price. I like the different occasions you have catered for, especially the 'Thank you for the merit badge' one. It is a fantastic way to encourage people to show their gratitude and appreciation when they are awarded by another. I know I would have used this note countless times already.

Thank you for offering such an affordable and unique shop for all WDC members use.
Way to go!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
130
130
Review of A Ghostly Poem  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Maryann
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item"  review.
I offer you the following critique:

Initial impressions: The title and description drew me in because this genre is right up my alley. The moment I saw that you had chosen to write your poem using couplets, I was very excited as I am a huge fan of this format. I was pleased to see you had taken full advantage of what this format has to offer.

Content: I loved the tale within the poem. A house haunted by two children would naturally encourage viewers to want to read to see what chill/thrill awaited them but you creatively took a poem which could have been made quite horrific and directed it down a path of acceptance. I like that you did this because it was unexpected and I feel the lack of terror and gore and all such things one would associate with a haunting only served to open your poem to a larger audience.

Errors/inconsistencies: Line 5- Comma after inside.

Line 16- Splendour is an indirect rhyme whilst the rest of the rhyme present is direct.

Line 17- 'can' should be changed to 'could' for tense purposes.

Line 18- There is a repetition of 'seemed' on this line which is a weak link.

Line 22- There is a repetition of 'always' in small conjunction.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to correct the errors noted above and keep a close check on your tenses to ensure they are compatable with your viewpoint.

General comment: It was a fun read with a fresh twist on an old theme. Quite enjoyable!
Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
131
131
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Maryann
I'm here to give you a "Invalid Item"  review.
I offer you the following critique:

initial impressions: I love the dreamy quality this poem has. It was very relaxing to read, almost hypnotic. The highlight for me is the description you have fused into the item. It really brought the poem to life for me and it required no effort on my part to cojure a visualization.

Content: I enjoyed the incorporation of the title in the content. Considering it is such a good title to begin with it was an added bonus to see it featured in the bigger picture. *Thumbsup*
All of the rhyme was direct and consistent with no bumps along the way. This created a fantastic flow within the item.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but your poem is in need of some punctuation to stabalize the flow.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestions for improvement are to sprinkle the item with some much needed punctuation and attempt to trim down some of the larger lines to enrich the pace of the poem.

General comment: I enjoyed reading your Poem. It was very tranquil and the dreamy narration had a calming effect upon me. I am a fan of astronomy too which boosted my liking of your poem. *Laugh*
Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
132
132
Review of Moon  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sunshine :)
I'm here to give you a "Invalid Item"  review.
I offer you the following critique:

Initial impressions: This Poem seems to be more of a description of the moon as opposed to poetic expression. You have managed to capture some vivid imagery in this short piece, which is great, but there is not really any message within the content. The imagery made it enjoyable to read because you did a fantastic job in this area but I was left wondering: 'What was this writer trying to express to the viewers?'. This is something which needs to be made clearer.

Content: The piece, although short, is rich with imagery. After briefly looking over some of your other writings it seems you have a talent in this area. The tone of narration is dreamy and whimsical. I found it quite relaxing as I allowed your words to wash over me. I feel this poem is an excellent foundation to build something much bigger and of more substance upon.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors in regards to your grammar but there seems to be some minor issues with capitalization and punctuation. Below, I have listed a line by line of areas I feel require some alteration.

Line 1- Comma after cloudless.

Line 5- By inserting the word 'a' or 'its' at the beginning of this line you will find it comes together smoother.

Line 6- Change on to upon to create a poetic feel in this line. Replace the comma at the end of this line with a period.

Line 7- Capitalize the 'i' in its and place a comma at the end of the line.

Line 8- I suggest altering this line to: is but a velvet, green puddle. Again this is merely to create a poetic vibrancy to the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I suggest thinking about what it is you want the reader to take from this piece and incorporating it into the item. This will create substance and volume within the item and lead it away from a descriptive piece only.

General impressions: The imagery is outstanding and I would not encourage you to make any alterations in this area. The tone of narration captured in the item fits quite nicely with the overall theme and helps to enhance the overall quality of the item. Once you have an opportunity to fine tune other areas which have been pointed out to you, I feel this item will be something very special.
Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
133
133
Review of Berserk  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello ragefire2000
I'm here to offer you a "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: The title and description for this item piqued my curiosity and encouraged me to want to read your story. I have always found clowns to be somewhat creepy. I'm not sure if this is attributed to the fact that I have watched way too many horror flicks where clowns are portrayed as evil and sadistic beings or simply because their appearance is so odd. LOL Nevertheless, I wanted to know what this clown was capable of.

Content: The beginning of the story is portrayed quite well. Small snippets of information such as the stench on the clowns clothes due to a child vomiting on him are all clear indications of why this clown has reached his threshold. Let's face it, it is not exactly a dream job. You encourage the reader to sympathize with the clown and his situation and for a brief moment I felt sorry for him until his behavior turned extreme and he lost the plot. Once your story took this turn it became fast paced and the action occured in the blink of an eye and I was completely hooked. The pace suited the situation perfectly, as one would expect an event such as this would unfold very quickly.

Errors/inconsistencies There were no visible errors or any areas where I feel potency and relevancy were lost or overlooked.

Suggestions for improvement: None are coming to mind.

General comment: I am in conflict as to my overall opinion in regards to the finale. I thought the fact he was merely living out this situation in his mind was a great, creative twist to the story, especially considering you gave no indication that this was anything other than a real occurence. But I felt short changed at the same time that this was only a day dream. Any horror elements were lost for me once this was revealed but I did still enjoy the story! *Bigsmile*
Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.

Please stop by and check out this contest "Invalid Item" 
134
134
Review of Secret Admirer  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Stephhhhh!
Thank you for entering "Invalid Item"  and allowing your dark muse to shine.
I offer you the following critique for your entry:

Initial impressions: I was drawn to the fact that your story is based on a stalker. I enjoy reading and writing these themed stories as I find the behavior and thought processes of stalkers fascinating. You used the prompt very well and I was thrilled to see that you actually gave us a visual of the image within your story. *Thumbsup*

Content: The story was thrilling, riveting and thoroughly entertaining. At no point was I bored or un-enthusiastic with any elements of the story. You portrayed the main character well and her bizarre thoughts were intriguing to watch unfold. I loved that you took it upon yourself to give the viewer a translation of how certain actions and remarks were taken into account by her. I thought this was a fantastic way to express just how deluded this illness makes people who are afflicted by it. The smallest things have an entirely different meaning for people who are besotted by an individual.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are some issues with your grammar and spacing. Besides these minor imperfections I could find no other fault.

Suggestions for improvement: I will provide you with a line by line of errors I found within your item.
They are as follows:

Line 1- Insert 'the' between of and desolate.

Line 6- A space is required after the comma which appears after 'hair'.

Line 10- The word 'lipstick' needs to be replaced with a fresh description to remove any repetition as it is featured on the line above. Remove the comma after 'crooked' as it is not needed.

Line 13- defiantly would read smoother as definitely.

Lines 15 and 16- Check your punctuation in these lines.

Line 19- Replace had with shared.

Line 21- I suggest inserted some elipses after together. The pause would put more significance upon eventually.

Lines 29 and 30- Check your usage of accident and accidently. There is too much conflict in using them so closely together. Weed out the distractions.

Line 39- face needs to be altered to read as facing.

Line 61- Drop the 'I' after that.

Line 62- were should be where.

Line 69- Insert some elipses after now.

Line 78- starred should read as stared.

Line 95- This entire line needs to be written in italics for emphasis.

Line 100- Change starred to stared.

Lines 114 and 115- Remove the capitalization and either write it in italics or as normal. The capitalization is distracting and the exclamation marks already enforce that the character is yelling. Tip- Only one exclamation mark is needed, further usage is irrelevant.

Line 130- Replace to with into.

Line 142- your needs to be you're.

Line 144- This line needs to be written in italics.

General comment: Your story is rich with imagery and emotion and I loved this. The insanity of the main character is potent and palpable and I could not tear my attention away from your story for even a moment. *Thumbsup* There are many issues with your paragraphing that need to be addressed for future editing. It is not necessary to break so often. *Wink* I feel you used the prompt very well and delivered exactly what was asked of all participants. Sure, there is room for improvement as you can see from the errors I found but for the most part your story is well written and above all very entertaining. Thank you for entering the contest and for offering such an interesting piece for all to review. Well done and best of luck.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1574678 by Not Available.
135
135
Review of No Escape  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello aralls
Thank you for entering "Invalid Item"  and allowing your dark muse the opportunity to shine.
I offer you the following critique for your entry:

Initial impressions: I will be completely honest in saying the first thing which came to my mind after reading your Poem was 'Wow!'. I think you used the picture prompt exceptionally well within this piece. The torrent of dark emotion was so strong that I was constantly met with flashes of the picture prompt. You really brought it to life for me.

Content: I quite enjoyed the format you have used for this poem and I was not surprised to find this format had in fact been created by 🌕 HuntersMoon . He has the ability to produce some of the highest calibre of dark poetry I have come across during my WDC travels and this magic has now been transferred to your own poem.

The darkness flowing through the item is fantastic and drew me snugly into its murky depths. The item itself did not terrify me in any way but it was most certainly though provoking and moving and this is exactly the kind of material I hope to be presented with in each entry for this contest.

For the most part the rhyme was good. There were one or two small sections where I would have opted for a more significant rhyme to produce a bigger 'bang' but this is just my own personal opinion. I enjoyed the rhythm produced in this item. At no point did it falter, it was the complete opposite actually. It steadily carried me to the end with no bumps along the way. It was all smooth flowing. *Thumbsup*

Errors/inconsistencies: I could detect no grammatical errors within the item but I do encourage that you take a closer look at your punctuation use. A period at the end of each individual line is not needed and I believe a stronger and more potent melody could have been created if you were to opt for some commas along the way.

Suggestions for improvement: Noted above.

General comment: The prompt has been used well and you have delivered exactly what was asked for. All rules and regulations were followed. I believe you have given the other entrants a run for their money. *Bigsmile* It was a pleasure to read your entry and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1574678 by Not Available.
136
136
Review of Misplaced Love  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Beck Firing back up!
I am here to give you a "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*
I offer you the following critique:

Initial impressions:From the moment Betsy entered the story I was immediately aware the tale was going to be centered around Dante finding the courage to approach her and perhaps unveil his true feelings for her. However, I was surprised when the story took a turn and focused more on his friends perspectives in regards to this crush. I was not disappointed that the story took this turn but I was left slightly perplexed that you decided to focus solely on this new direction and the situation of his feelings for her were not directly approached nor confessed to Betsy herself.

Content:The story is smooth flowing and as previously stated because the 'theme' of the story is made so crystal clear the reader is given the opportunity to build up a certain expectation of what they feel the story will ultimately deliver. It is great the story itself is so clear but I feel the turn it takes may not have the positive effect you may have been aiming for. The expectation of Dante's big moment of truth falls by the wayside and is not addressed as the reader would presume. This is a delivery I would certainly encourage you to think twice about.

Errors/inconsistencies: Line 2- shown needs to be altered to read as shone.
Line 14- He'd run should read as He'd ran...This alteration will keep your tenses in place.

General comment: I feel you have written a good story where the general theme is highlighted to the reader immediately. Admitedly the theme becomes obscured as the story progresses and much of the spotlight is directed upon the opinion of his friends but this is something which can be easily corrected without too much of your story being re-written. *Thumbsup* All of the characters featured were strong in personality and very entertaining. I hope my review has been of some help to you. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to view your writing talent.

Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Please stop by and check out: "Invalid Item" 
137
137
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Stephhhhh!
Thank you for your entry into "Invalid Item" . I am pleased you gave your dark muse the opportunity to shine. I offer you the following review:

Initial impressions: The overall theme of your story is quite strange. It has snippets of horror, supernatural elements and concoctions of the effects of mental illness. Reading your story gave me the same feeling one gets when they take a ride on a rollercoaster. By the time I reached the end of the item I wondered if I had in fact lost some of my own sanity as I tried to piece it toegther and differentiate between what was real and what was not. It was great!

Content: The content was hypnotic, bewildering, startling, sheesh, I could use many words to describe the different impacts it had upon me and I probably still would not cover them all. *Smile*
Your story was unique and I liked the imagination which was fused into it. The atmosphere was ominous and chilling, very sterile and the strange turns it kept taking only served to enhance the creepiness of the overall piece.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are many lapses in regards to your tenses. The reader is led to believe this is happening in the present tense but as the item progresses your wordplay takes us to the past tense. It was distracting and drastically reduced the quality of the item for me. The viewpoint in which this has been written to is also quite rocky. It appears Anna is the one narrating the story but then it switches to a third person viewpoint.

Suggestions for improvement: Correct your tenses and stabalize your viewpoint. I also suggest taking another look at the divisions within the story. There is certainly room for improvement with this aspect of your item.

General comment: Your story is different and this is what I liked the most about it. You created a whirlwind of confusion within the content and I feel this helped to express the state of mind Anna was experiencing. The picture prompt was used effectively and all rules and regulations were followed.

Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
"Invalid Item" 
138
138
In affiliation with TEN 4 TEN SUMMER REViEWING WOR...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ian72
Thank you for choosing to enter "Invalid Item" . I am pleased you allowed your dark muse the opportunity to shine.
I offer you the following review for your entry:

Initial impressions: Your item presented itself to me in a comical way. I could not help but to giggle as I imagined you holding onto the door, screaming and begging to be released. It felt like I was reading a parody of 'Scary Movie' or something like that. I enjoyed reading it and viewing the imagination you have incorprorated into it but as far as frightening, terrifying or down right horrific it fell very short off the mark.

Content: There is a repeptiton being presented of the words 'soon' and 'sudden'. The length of your item is too short for any repetitions to go unnoticed. They cause a distaction and the repetition of 'sudden' creates an annoyance. It is expressed from the onset that all action which takes place is going to be sudden and rapid and the extra reminders are not needed.

I was unsure if the item was a piece of poetry or a short story at the beginning. The lack of poetic format caused me to think it was a short story but the rhyme led me to believe it was in fact a poem. This is an inconsistency which needs to be corrected.

I feel the imagery you have offered the reader is fantastic. As noted at the beginning of the review I was able to picture you holding onto the door for dear life, your frantic mind racing with disturbing thoughts of the menacing fate which awaits you. *Thumbsup*

Errors/inconsistencies: There are many (i's) in your poem which require capitalization because you are making direct reference to yourself.

The repetition needs to be weeded out to the best of your ability. It reduces the quality of the item. Fresh is always best. *Wink*

The rhyme needs to be structured so it appears poetic in nature as opposed to conversational. I think the couplet format would be perfect for your item. (2 lines of rhyme, space-repeat). This particular format would highlight the rhyme more substantially and create a fantastic rhythm and pace within the item.

I feel your word selections require a vast improvement. There is a lack of dark and ominous descriptive words and this is why your item appears as a parody. Fuse some imagery into your item, think of ways to make this more chilling and menacing. Use this item as a template to haunt your viewers with something that will make them cringe and pray it never happens to them.

Suggestions for improvement: Have been noted above.

General comment:I love the imagination you have placed into the item. It was noticeable from the beginning, bravo! I enjoyed the finale. It was a great ending for the poem and it left me with a feeling of satisfaction. The item was very closely related to the image prompt you chose. All rules were sufficently followed in your entry to the contest. *Thumbsup*

Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

"Invalid Item" 
139
139
Review of The Refuge  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen
I'm here to give you the first of five reviews you will receive as part of your package from "Invalid Item" , gifted to you by Shannon . *Smile*

I offer you the following review for: "The Refuge" 

This was such a sad story. The main character experiences such a horrid childhood and the one kindred spirit she can rely upon is taken from her. Her fate at the end seemed only natural after reading the rest of the story. Once Ricky was gone she was truly on her own and had no interest in attempting to carve out a new life and who could blame her?

Her parents were not humans but disgusting and vile creatures who should have equally been ashamed of themselves for her treatment. I was truly amazed by just how much you were able to stir such hate and anger within me just from reading about them. It was not until I realized this, that I knew you had hit perfection. You made me feel as though I was an active participant within the story. *Thumbsup*

It occured to me after I had read the story that you refrained from naming the main character. I was so taken with her that I did not realize for the longest time because I felt I already knew her. *Smile*

I enjoyed the way you chose to deliver the story. Going back and forth from the past tense to the present is usually distracting and the author is playing with fire in regards to keeping the viewers attention riveted to the item but this did not happen for even a moment. There was no complication because all transitions were smooth as glass.

There are no visible errors and suggestions for improvement are not required.
It was a sad story but beautifully written.

Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
140
140
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON
I am stopping by to give you a review on behalf of the "Invalid Item"  group. *Smile*

I am kept busy with many other different things but when I do get the time and the urge to write, this is the contest I apply myself to. I love your contest!

I enjoy the many different prompts you give all of us writers to work with and on more than one occasion your prompts have inspired something from me which never would have come to fruition without your prompt.

The prizes are very reasonable and I feel your solid reputation for judging fairly helps to encourage a large amount of participants. Your forum looks great and the rules are set out in a clear and decisive manner. I was thrilled to see the image I made for you displayed in the contest forum. *Bigsmile*

There are no visible errors and I have no suggestions for alteration as I feel this cannot be improved upon. Thank you for offering us all a great contest to participate in. *Heart*
Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
141
141
Review of Caribbean Silk  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn
I am stopping by to give you a review on behalf of the "Invalid Item"  group.

The imagery presented in this item is nothing short of outstanding and the highest level of quality.
I literally felt like I was swimming along beside this character and seeing everything they were through my own eyes. I was a participant. *Thumbsup*

As always, your wordplay is magnificent and through your items you encourage others to tap into their potential and reach this same standard of perfection.

I loved that this was written in a free verse style. The length combined with the theme would not have allowed rhyme to pull this over the finish line. You made a great choice opting for free style. *Thumbsup*

I honestly am in a state of awe at this moment and do not know what to say other than: This is an item to be proud of. I feel elated just by reading it. *Smile*
I would love to award this but as it is for a contest I would hate to deprive those judges of the opportunity. If for some insane reason this does not receive a place please let me know because I would hate to see this go undecorated.

Thank you for an amazing reading experience.
Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
142
142
Review of Missing in Action  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn
Congratulations on your nomination into:
Ink Blot Hall of Fame  (E)
Recognizing talent all across WDC!
#1522315 by Riot

You were nominated by Wyn - missing III for the Emily Dickinson package. I am here to give you a FAN-ATIC review. *Smile*

Your Poem: "Missing in Action"  is small yet potent. You have captured an extreme amount of emotional thought in this item and that is fantastic. Your careful word choices manipulate the reader into feeling the sadness being felt by this character at the disappearance of her friend. *Thumbsup*

The item is highly poetic due to elegant wordplay and there is an essence of silence, despair and finality weaved through the words in the content. I enjoyed that this Poem was direct and to the point. Crucial aspects needed to forge a connection with the item and its characters were incorporated but nothing more. The item ends as but a memory and the reader is spiraled into a sea of the unknown much the same as the character who is yearning for her friend.

I have only one suggestion for improvement in regards to your presentation and this is to apply a regular elipses to your final line. *Smile*

Please know: All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping to improve your writing by mentioning things which you may have overlooked. By no means must you agree with me nor should you apply any suggestions which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item.

Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
"Ink Blot Hall of Fame" 

Please stop by and check out this new dark contest: "Invalid Item" 
143
143
Review of 1st Date, Take 2  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello fyn
Congratulations on your recent nomination into:
Ink Blot Hall of Fame  (E)
Recognizing talent all across WDC!
#1522315 by Riot

You were nominated by Wyn - missing III to receive the Emily Dickinson package. I am here to give you a FAN-ATIC review. *Smile*

This Story/Poem is so romantic. I was completely encapsulated by this item and could not tear my eyes away from the screen. I loved how you began telling this from your point of view and then shifted this perspective once the Poem began to gain some momentum. You took us into the past tense and instead of telling us what happened and how you were feeling you 'showed' us and the scenes were very powerful.

The swiniging back and forth was a little hard to grasp at the beginning but it all came together nicely in the end. I feel this minor complication was needed to keep the reader intrigued and I do not suggest altering it in any way.

In verse three the repetition of 'talked' and 'yet' were a little distracting as they were used in close proximity of each other. It became a 'she said, He said' and I would encourage you to remove it to keep this particular verse high in quality as the others.

I enjoyed the thought process depicted in your item. As this has been classified as biograpical I will refer to the main character as you. *Smile* You are scared yet excited. Hopeful yet hesitant. All of your emotions are raging and going from one extreme to the other until you have pretty much covered every emotion of elation and terror. It was a whirlwind and I was swept up by it with ease.

The general punctuation is somewhat lacking and can be improved upon. Elipses, as a rule require only three (...) in succesion and I noticed you have used four in certain areas. This can be cut down to keep to tradition if you choose.

Please know: All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping to improve your writing by mentioning things you may have overlooked. By no means must you agree with me nor should you apply any changes which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item.

Great read!
Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
"Ink Blot Hall of Fame" 

Please stop by and check out this new dark contest: "Invalid Item" 
144
144
Review of Eternal Darkness  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn
Congratulations on your recent nomination into:
Ink Blot Hall of Fame  (E)
Recognizing talent all across WDC!
#1522315 by Riot

You were nominated by Wyn - missing III to receive the Emily Dickinson package. I am here to give you a FAN-ATIC review. *Smile*

What a sensational Poem! From the onset you drew me into the depths of this dark and chilling write and I was not about to complain. *Smile*

The imagery depicted in your Poem is of the upmost quality. I have never been to Rome (I would love to though) and after reading this I feel as though I now have. Fantastic! I was able to conjure a visual effortlessly thanks to the care you took in painting a very vivid canvas for us all to admire.

The tone of the Poem was very ominous and this style of writing is right up my alley. As such, I was entranced from the very beginning and this grip only continued to tighten as I progressed through your Poem. *Thumbsup*

The Poem itself is large and I feel this gives the item more volume as you have not restricted yourself to writing something compact. I enjoyed the free verse style because I feel it allowed you more room to move and boost your expression without being hindered by sticking to a rhyming pattern.

There are no visible errors and I cannot find any fault in your item whatsoever.
I loved it!

Thank you for sharing your outstanding writing talent with us. Reading your writing truly results in an adventure.
Well done and write on.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
"Ink Blot Hall of Fame" 

Please stop by and check out this new dark contest.: "Invalid Item" 
145
145
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Maryann
I am stopping by to give you a "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

This story was absolutely fascinating. I enjoyed the similarity to Hansel and Gretel with both traditional and modern twists fused into the content. The whole alien facet was off the chart. I never would have thought in a million years that alien phenomena would have made it into a story like this. I was pleasantly surprised and even more so that it actually worked. *Thumbsup*

I admire the imagery you have incorporated into your item. I was able to visualize the forrest very easily and all other surroundings as the story progressed and led us into different areas.

Your presentation is tidy and the correct divisioning in the story made it easy to read. I could detect no errors with your spelling or grammar either. *Thumbsup*

My only suggestion for improvement is to look back over your item and try to weed out the numerous references to 'she'. Midway through the item I became very aware of their repetition and I feel your story would read much smoother if they were erradicated.

Thanks for taking me on such a strange journey.
I loved it! *Thumbsup*

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
146
146
Review of Carnal Fantasy  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Taiko
I am stopping by to give you a review on behalf of the "Invalid Item"  group. *Smile*

I enjoyed reading this item. The wordplay you have chosen to use is above average and drew me in with ease.

The item is tasteful and you paint a very vivid picture for the reader in a graceful manner. There is a very feminine tone weaved through your item in terms of narration and this relaxed the content and gave it a soft, romantic edge.

I liked the pattern within the rhyme. I think opting for partial rhyme as opposed to consistent rhyme worked a treat in this Poem and gave it more substance. *Thumbsup*

There are no visible errors in your item but I do suggest you take another look over the format you have chosen to use. It does not enhance your item and I feel it is working against you because of the lack of division. The verses are very long winded and extra division would help to smooth them out. *Smile*

Please know: All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you apply any suggestions which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item.

Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out:
"Invalid Item" 
"Invalid Item" 
147
147
Review of Above All Others  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ~WhoMe???~
I am here to give you the last review of your "Invalid Item"  package, gifted to you by Sara - will be back soon *Smile*

I admire the emotion created and sustained in this Poem. Your description for this item is: My first love Poem. If this is your first love Poem then you obviously have an amazing talent for this particular genre.

Your Poem is miniscule and deceiving. I glanced at it briefly when the page first came up and immedately thought your item would lack substance because of its short length. After reading it I was very happy to stand corrected. Your Poem does not lack anything and therefore does not require anything to be added or altered.

I was drawn into the item with ease because I was curious for the name of the person to be revealed. Once I reached the end I discovered the true direction of the item and I thought it rocked!

There are no visible errors in the item and my only suggestion would be to change the text color to something more rich and romantic. However, this bears no significance on the quality of the item itself. It is a stunning read and I enjoyed viewing it. *Smile*

Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
148
148
Review of Painted Pink  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello ~WhoMe???~
I am stopping by to give you review 2 of 3 as part of your package from "Invalid Item" , gifted to you by Sara - will be back soon . *Smile*

I love this Poem! I like that it is very misleading and manipulates the reader into thinking this is an erotic piece of writing when you are in fact referring to sunburn. It was very creative and clever to do. *Thumbsup*

You have used an abundance of descriptive words to enable the viewer to conjure a visual. I was delivered a sensation of heat as you continually pointed out descriptions which refer to this temperature. I also liked the color you fused into the item. Reds and pinks enhanced the warm/hot expressions you were portraying.

My only suggestion for improvement is to punctuate the item. Without the punctuation the item takes on an appearance of being unfinished.

Please know all suggestions and comments are offered in the spirit of helping to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take onboard any suggestions which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item. *Thumbsup*

Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
149
149
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ~WhoMe???~
I am stopping by to give you the first of three reviews as part of your package from "Invalid Item" , gifted to you by Sara - will be back soon . *Smile*

I found myself flushing for you when I reached the end. I can just imagine how this must have made you feel but in all honesty it was a very simple mistake to make. The woman's comment was very odd and would have put anyone of the spot in their response. I think you mimiced exactly what many others would have said in response when put in this situation. *Bigsmile*

What I enjoyed the most about this story was the fact that you openly shared your experience. Many others would not have dared even though we have all found ourselves in a situation much like this. It would have been chalked up to one of those 'sweep it under the mat' experiences. LOL

Your story is direct and gets straight to the point. I liked that I was not made to wait a monumental amount of time to reach the conclusion. The story is paced as rapidly as the situation was experienced. *Thumbsup*

There are no visible errors in this item and even if it were a fictional piece I would still have no suggestions. I feel it was delivered splendidly to the reader.

Thank you for sharing this.
Well done and write on.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out this new contest: "Invalid Item" 
150
150
Review of Sweet Revenge  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jini
I am stopping by to review you on behalf of "Invalid Item"  *Smile*.

I found your Poem to be very intriguing to read. You make it very clear from the beginning that the main character is being held captive by this person but it seems the character almost enjoys their entrapment. As the Poem progresses we come to realize the slave in fact is not content with their situation and wishes above all else to break free and be an independent person. This was a nice twist in perspective.

The hatred and malice being felt by both the slave and the master is potent and interesting to watch unfold. The pair of them seem to be locked in a game of cat and mouse where they are both playing for power and authority.

There are a few small bumps in the road in your item which I feel interfere with the overall quality of the Poem. Through out the content of the Poem you have used both direct and indirect rhyme whilst sporadically shifting to no rhyme at all. There is no consistent pattern or timing with their use and I feel if you were to choose just one pattern and see it through to the end your item would greatly benefit.

I also suggest you consider trimming down some of the larger lines within the Poem. This would establish a consistent flow and also tidy up the overall presentation.

All comments and suggestions are offered in the spirit of helping to improve your writing. By no means must you agree with me nor should you take onboard any suggestions which you feel are not a perfect fit for you and the item.

Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Please stop by and check out: "Invalid Item" 
637 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 26 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gothic_angel/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6