Though neither were bitterBy saying neither, you separate them making it singular rather than plural. Therefore you should say Though neither was bitter
I found no typos or misspelled words in this story. Of course, I didn't expect to find any, considering who the author is.
This was quite interesting. You wrote it in such a way, that it held my interest from beginning to end. Actually, had you written more, I don't think I could have gotten bored.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this story. I did see what some would call sentence fragments, where you asked questionss: the reason you hate me because I am white? Or black, red or yellow. Or because of any of those combinations?
You held my interest because I wanted to see where this was leading. The ending was a total surprise for me.
Was this written for one of those most embarassing moments contests?
I can imagine how humiliating that was. It actually sounded like something I would do. I've always said I'm the only person in the world who can stand still and stagger to the point of nearly falling on my face.
This was interesting. Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
This is a very cute little poem. I think we've all at one time or another been abandoned by our muse.
Then, there have been times, I almost wished my inspiration would take a break; when my mind would be flying and the ideas flowing faster than I could put them on paper.
This is yet another good story. I enjoyed reading this. There was a little humor in it, and yes, it almost turned into a tear jerker for me.
I saw several errors just like those in the other stories I reviewed. I'll just suggest you read it aloud or which ever proofing method is best for you.
This is well written. I found only one thing I thought might be an error. If I'm right, you'll need to fix it to make the poem more effective. If I'm wrong, you might want to add something to keep down confusion.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
And I'll go on living for Her,<--Is this what you meant to say?
This is an absolutely beautiful piece, written beautifully. I found no typos or misspelled words in it. The words and the verses flow smoothly making it easy to read.
I'd like to hear this put to music. You said this was your first attempt at song writing. You did a great job with the lyrics.
This is one of the best items I've read in a long time. I found a few errors that won't take you be a few seconds to go in and correct.
I can't think of a thing I'd suggest you change. However, I'd like to add something. I don't know how old your child/children might be. Before children even start to school, they like to draw, color, pretend to read and write. I didn't do a lot of writing when my children were small, but I worked on other crafts and let them help me in small ways, or gave them a craft they could do.
When my grandchildren came along, I encouraged them to write. Before they could even read, they could make up stories and I'd write them as they told them.
When they got a little older, I had them join writing.com. I've made a book of the stories they wrote called Stories Written by the Bible Club Members (which are my grandchildren and extended family of grandchildren).
They've all gone in other directions now, and don't still have their memberships on here, but they are still better people because of their writing (or at least I think so).
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
When it comes to being a mother there is more involved thean making sure the children don't drown in the bathtub or burn themselves on a hot stove.
Second paragraph, second sentence: you left off the punctuation at end of sentence.
#4 Keep List: You forgot punctuation at end of first sentence.
This was rather interesting. I found quite a few typos and mark only a few. I'd like to suggest that you read each sentence aloud. This way, you will be able to spot errors easily.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
His older sister, Lynda,
Mom wouldn’t let Lydia or his younger sister, Becky,
He couldn’t do anything right now, but just thinking about how he would get even one day make<--made him feel a little bit better.
This is a beautiful poem (song?). In it is a wonderful testimony.
I found one thing you might want to change. The last line in the first verse has jumped to past tense. The rest of it is present tense. This distracts the reader.
Other than that, you've done a great job.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
I found no typos or misspelled words in this little poem. You've given great details of a hungry, homeless person. I can tell you've done your homework by the links you've given.
You've given good argument in your notation at the end of this.
This is a very truthful poem. Hugs are supposed to be good for everything. Hugs and laughter are like medicine. I give you a for the contents. But, you have quite a few errors you need to correct in order for the poem to be more effective.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
We are never to young nore to old
presious (I think this should be precious)
A hug Shouldn't be capitalized-->For all of life's beauty
A hug comes for free!
A hugs cost nothing to share
I do hope you have another chapter to this story. It's very interesting; but to have such an abrupt ending, is a nightmare.
I only found one error, which I've listed below. Gosh! Please tell me you have another part to this in your port somewhere. I looked but didn't see anything about part 2.
First suggestion: Center your title. That will be more appealing to the eye. You'll be surprised what a difference it makes.
Second suggestion: I notice that in the beginning, you started double spacing between paragraphs, but all of a sudden, you're single spacing. That's really cruel to the eyes. (Not just for us seniors)
It might help if you would go back and read this aloud. Somehow, errors are easier to catch that way; I don't know why, but it works with me.
You need to examine each sentence for run-on sentences (run-on sentence: a sentence containing two or more clauses not connected by the correct conjunction or punctuation)Example: Jenny knew they didn't approve of her friendship,<--This should be the end of the sentence. -->(Who is streetwise? Jenny or Caroline?)If you mean Caroline, it should read like this: Caroline was streetwise She was streetwise,<--This is the end of another sentence She could hear her parents,Here, you don't need a separation; no comma needed. constantly nagging her, but they had arranged a weekend break.
You should also check for sentence fragments.
Always be sure that it is clear to the reader who is speaking. Example:"Jenny hurry up, get dressed." Caroline snapped startling her.
"I'm not sure about this, why can't we just stay here, and have a drink?" Caroline sighed.
"Your eighteen, and we are going to celebrate." She glanced through her wardrobe has she spoke, throwing a short black skirt and top on the bed.
"I can't wear those!" Caroline held them against her slender figure.
"Why?"
"My parents wouldn't like this." She brushed Jenny's long auburn hair.
I read to the part where you quit single spacing. Somehow, I just can't make heads nor tails from this. I'm sorry. It would probably be a great story, but it sure needs a lot of work. Again, I'm sorry. I don't want to discourage you. The whole purpose of reviewing is to encourage. So let me encourage you to edit this and then let us review it.
If we gave ratings of 10, that's what I'd have to give this piece.
Having already read your story, I knew where you were coming from.
This reminds me so much of myself. When I was 14, my mother died and my daddy gave me to a nice family from our church. Mr. Kirkland was always there to rescue me, just like your father was.
Just like you, I just wanted to make him proud of me. He's been gone since the late '60s, but I still miss him and try to do things that I think would make him proud of me.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
PS I noticed your handle is "beth". When I wrote my life's story, I changed the names and in it my name was beth. (Of course, I've put the real names back since then)
I feel that when a story is written so near grammatical perfection, and reads smoothly, easily understood, holds the attention of the reader from beginning to end, and the message is clear and uplifting, it deserves a 5 rating.
I did have a question about one thing: when speaking about your church jumping in to help, you said "sprang to live". I wonder did you mean "sprang to life".
Another thing I noticed. I just read another story where your sister who was in the wreck had a different name. Did you realize this? I know you changed the names in the other for a reason.
Grandma Penny
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himself,
I'm looking forward to reading more. Let me know when chapter 4 is posted.
is a nightmare.
It would probably be a great story, but it sure needs a lot of work. Again, I'm sorry. I don't want to discourage you. The whole purpose of reviewing is to encourage. So let me encourage you to edit this and then let us review it.