I don't know what you could possible do to make this poem any better. I found absolutely no typos or misspelled words in it. You have brought about a very important lesson in just a few words. Judging on the lack of errors and on the spiritually educational content, I feel it deserves a 5 rating.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this. You've used good sentence structure. You've also brought about a point so many of us have experienced. My addiction, however is the computer more than the tv.
This has been quite an interesting story. I enjoyed very much. I would like to make a suggestion. It would be much easier to read, if you'd separate paragraphs with a double space. Also, when you change speakers, that should start another paragraph.
I notice quite a few sentences that you forgot to punctuate.
A warm smile passed over Roberts<--This needs an apostrophe in order to show ownership; Robert's distorted, yet handsome features.
“Deliver the paperwork to me when it arrives from Sekoto.<--This should be a comma rather than a period.” Robert threw over his shoulder to Will, as he took Kira by the hand and led her out the door.You might need to go through the story and look for much sentences like this.
Keep writing. I'm looking to reading chapter 2.
Grandma Penny
Wow! Such a comedian that Fred is. I know a cat is good company, but I don't know how you can get your work done. It sounds like having a child in his terrible twos.
I'm still enjoying the antics of Fred. Keep writing.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this. Of course, it being like a diary, I'm not even sure that's the kind of review you're looking for.
I've enjoyed reading about your cat's antics. Cats are really something else. I feel that I know him now, about as well as you. You've done a good job with this.
Mercy sakes! That Fred's a character. Cats can be so lovable and then they can be so full of mischief. I love to watch them play with a ball of yarn, or chase their own tail.
With Fred aroun, you should never feel lonely.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
This is such a sad piece, yet written so beautifully. I found no typos or misspelled words in it. I'm sure there are many children who have these same thoughts.
This is a beautiful tribute to your uncle. I've often wondered why those who are so humble and don't complain have to suffer so much. But it seems that's just a part of life. My mother always said she'd rather suffer in this world than in the world to come.
This is another cute poem. I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. I love the touch of humor. I've often wondered how many socks one little washer can eat. At least it seems like the washer eats them. I think the mystery of the missing sock is the greatest memory of all times.
This is just too cute. It amazes me how we can take a fairy tale and rewrite it in our own words. I know I'm going to look like a dummy, but what is DCF?
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. You certainly held my interest from line one to the last line.
This is just too cute. I really enjoyed this little poem. I found no typos or misspelled words. It's a story within itself (so unlike some poems) and very easily understood.
Keep up the good work and continue writing. I'll check more of your port.
This is very well written. I found no typos or misspelled words. You've used good, strong sentence structure; no run on sentences or sentence fragments.
You've give a good description of what synesthesia is. Actually, I don't think I had ever heard of that before. I guess, then, I could say this is also educational.
Well, this was another interesting write. Your writing style reminds me of my foster sister. As a teen ager, I loved reading anything she wrote. She had the humor and the imagination to go with it.
That's what I see in your writing. Humor, imagination(I don't mean you imagine what you write...but it takes just a tad of imagination to figure out how to write with such wit) and the ability to hold the reader's attention.
Once again, I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece. You've done a good job of proofing before submitting your work, apparently.
Life really sounds interesting around your house. I guess it's a good thing you were able to find a remote. Otherwise, that poor child might have been traumatized for life.
Keep up the good work both with the family and with your writing.
Grandma Penny
I found no errors in this piece. Your family sounds a lot like mine, only I think mine is less normal than anybody's. Every time I try to climb my family tree, I find myself on the wrong branch, and then I always come back to me. I think I'm my own grandma.
Gosh! I know what you mean about the shower or bath waking you up. That's something that has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. Just hang in there. One day you'll be "old" and retired and can take your bath in the middle of the day. I find that helps me skip the nap I hate to take in the middle of the day.
I found no errors in this piece. I've been reading Raven's blog and she had put in a plug for you, so I shot over to your port to check you out.
You've written this well. I found no typos or misspelled words and you have used good, strong sentence structure. Your detail and description is strong also.
You held my interest from the beginning to the end.
I gave this a 4.5 rating. I saw some errors, but thought this is probably written as Brianna wrote it. This is a very good story for an eight year old to write. Tell Brianna to keep up the good work with the story telling, and you can help her with the errors. There is nothing any more disheartening than for a stranger to start pointing out faults (errors) when a child first begins writing.
Again, a very good story.
Grandma Penny
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