What an interesting story. I can just imagine riding in the rumble seat. I barely remember seeing a car with a rumble seat, and it seems like I may have ridden in it.
I would like to suggest that you double space between paragraphs. That makes it so much easier on the eyes.
Other than that, I think you did a good job; good detail and description.
I very seldom give a 5 rating because they say there's always room for improvement. However, I found no typos or misspelled words. This little poem reads easily. The words are so true, and I agree 100%, so what can I say? I don't know of anything you should do to make it better.
I gave this a 5 rating because I found no typos or misspelled words. Normally, I would mention that there are gaps, because of so many questions left in my mind at the end. However, I realize this is a prologue. Yes, you hooked me! I want to read more. Good job.
Gosh! I love this. You really have a way with words. So far, everything I've read has been interesting from beginning to end. Somehow, you have the knack to make the reader feel that he/she is right there in the story with you.
Keep up the good work and continue writing.
Grandma Penny
Her face lit up as she saw me and made me feel asomething seems to be missing heremore at ease
Not only is the written beautifully, but it is absolutely a beautiful story. I found no typos or misspelled words in it. You held my interest from the beginning to the end. You've used strong sentence structure with no sentence fragments or run-on sentences.
This is written beautifully. It sounds like a tribute to your mother. However, I read your description explaining that it is for your mother-in-law who is the mother you never had. That in itself is beautiful.
Keep up the good work and continue writing.
Grandma Penny
This is another interesting part of the series. I have enjoyed reading what I've read. I'll be glad when you can continue this. Please let me know when it's posted.
I'm taking it that this is a true story about your life. Am I correct?
as a lightening bolt stiking<--Did you mean striking?
Probably just an oversight, but you didn't capitalize the first word in this sentence"don't make a mess,"
While she tries<--Here you used present tense doing that, I went<--Here you used past tense; to be effective, you need to be consistent and use the same tense over to the soup bowl.
This is such an interesting and heart wrenching story. I can identify with a lot of it.
I would like to suggest that you go back and maybe read it out loud. That way the errors will show up more. It does need a little work to make the needed corrections. I didn't want to make it look like I was trying to rewrite it for you, so I just listed a few errors below.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
I spent the night trying to think of a way to stop Harriet from coming.
The last paragraph in part 4 has several boo boos.
I ran through the house to the kitchen and looked out that window to see oif I could get a better look at the person inside.
Oh my gosh! What an ending. I really enjoyed this little story. You surprised me at the end, though.
I liked the plot. There were no typos or misspelled words in this piece, with the exception of one punctuation error; listed below.
My first suggestion would be to double space between paragraphs. That will make it a lot easier on the eyes. A piece this large, written in single space, has a tendency to cause the eyes to cross and blur.
"It's a beautiful day<--Here, you forgot to use punctuation. The backyard really looks good.
I had to give this a 5 rating. I did, however see one error, but I'm not sure how it should be corrected. Where you spoke of "their single parent", you continued the sentence with "raising their family". You were still speaking of the single parent, which is singular. I might would have said it this way (but this may not be correct): "raising his/her family".
You have certainly written this well. It's a subject we don't hear enough about.
This is just as interesting as the first chapter. I'm looking forward to reading more.
I found a few errors, but decided to just list one or two.
Here are some publishing tips from Style Guide for Christian Writers, by Cornerstone Publishing, Inc.
Go through your manuscript at least three separate times after you think you are finished and examine the final copy for accuracy. first, check only for capitalization errors. second, check only for spelling errors. Third, proof only the punctuation.
I would also suggest checking out each sentence to be sure it isn't a run-on sentence; I saw quite a few of those.
In submitting different works for publication, it has been my experience that the publisher wants as few words as possible to get a point across. In the following sentence (which, by the way, might need to be broken down into two sentences), I think this might be the case.
They had been trading off carrying him between one and other in order to give each other intermissions,<--This should probably end the sentence. Tthe infant becomingame progressively more restless as they traveled.
This was truly shocking. I have never heard of anything quite like this. Don't feed the homeless in public? That is absurd. It looks like you have done your homework. I'll check out the foodnotbombs link in a bit.
Keep writing and informing us.
Grandma Penny
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