It's my understanding from reading your introduction, that this story is actually about you and not of a friend.
I feel that this piece deserves a 5 rating. You might could do something to improve it, but I certainly don't know what it would be. To me, it's as near perfect as it can be.
I found absolutely no typos or misspelled words in it. You've used good sentence structure. I saw no run-on sentences or sentence fragments.
Your story flows smoothly, holding the interest of the reader from beginning to end.
Also, the story itself deserves some praise; or should I say the author deserves lots of praise.
You have a good positive attitude and that's what makes life bearable, both for you and for those you care for.
Keep up the good work with your writing, and also in your life.
Gosh, this brings back memories of my first husband. I won't go into it, but he talked in his sleep and was impossible to wake up. Probably most of the laughing I did while he was alive, was at night, propped on my elbow talking to him to see what kind a goofy reply he would come up with.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this. You've done a great job and made me laugh.
As I read this, I could imagine you standing in front of a large audience. At the end of each paragraph, I found myself waiting for the laughter to die down so I could go to the next paragraph. Now, I'm wondering. Does that mean I have a great imagination, or does it mean you're that good? Maybe a little bit of both?
I enjoyed reading this. But, my grandson says I'm a cool Grandma. He doesn't care about the trifocals, gray, thinning hair, wrinkled face and crows feet. He thinks I'm a cool Grandma because I use the computer.
This has been a very interesting essay. I'm sure your teacher enjoyed reading and grading it for you.
You hard work showed, and paid off. Anything doing is worth doing right. You pretty much did everything right in this piece. Of course, as you mentioned in the introduction, you do have some might long sentences.
This chapter seemed much shorter than some of the others, yet you've given a lot of important information.
Wow! A 300 year celebration. It amazes me that people actually keep up with this type information. Of course, I suppose that's one of the reasons for taking minutes at important meetings.
OK. When I first started reading this, I kept remembering your story is religous, fantasy and inspiration. I could see the fantasy. I wondered how in the world you could have called it religous and inspirational. As I read, I began to see it clearly. This is a very good example of...I won't go into the details, because I don't want to ruin it for the person who may read this review.
This is a good introduction to the essay about West Brookfield, MA. I've read all but the last three chapters. You did a good job with this essay. I can understand why you got an A on it.
You gave good detailed description; the pictures added much to it.
I'll try to read the last three chapters tomorrow if I don't finish it tonight.
I don't know what to say, except "ditto" to all I've said about the other chapters.
I've found this to be quite interesting. I can tell it took a lot of hard work to do this. And the thought of using a manuel typewriter. Those were murder, (but I did love typing on them).
You sure seem to have done your homework. I don't know if you put your information into your own words or not, but it sounds like you lived through all this and are telling about it.
I didn't even notice any errors (of course I was pretty engrossed in what I was reading).
This is very interesting. As I read this it reminded me of the lesson I had with the Bible Club kids. They discussed what it takes to build a city. I'm sure they would have found this piece to be interesting and educational.
Again, I'm under the impression that I'm not to point out errors.
This is a very interesting and informative (educational) piece. I know I'm not supposed to be looking for errors in this piece, but out of habit I looked anyway. I found none.
What you say in this really makes a lot of sense. I agree with you about the bullies and the wrong programs being cut, etc.
I don't know a lot about the different forms of poetry, but this strikes me more as a story or informative article.
Would you consider going back and trying it in story form, or commentary? It seems such a shame to let such good information go to waste because it's presented in the wrong way.
Just a suggestion. Don't get discouraged and write on!
This is written well. I found no typos or misspelled words in it. It reads smoothly making for an easy read. There's so much sadness in this piece.
Especially the last verse. I don't quite understand verse 3. But then I'm not the best at poetry.
Keep up the good work and continue writing.
Grandma Penny
This has been most interesting. I almost feel like I've been to the Phillipines. Well, maybe not now, but as I was reading, I felt as though I were right there with you and your family.
I especially like the chapter about the photo, and the secret photo. That was neat. This all seemed so real, I wanted to see the photo for myself.
Well, it gets better and better as I read this interesting novel. I may change my mind before the book ends, but for now, I have to say that this is my favorite chapter. I don't want to talk a lot about it, because I don't want to give it away for whoever may read this review.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
clamp the top and bottom edges with my hands, inhales deep
I feel better. Mystery solved; maybe. You've done a good job with this chapter. If there were any typos or misspelled words this time, I missed them because I was lost in the story.
I'm really enjoying reading this. Your description is very good. It's easy to picture myself where the characters are.
Again, may I suggest that you double space between paragraph. It really hurts the reader's eyes to read something this long that is single spaced all the way through.
Don’t you remember the time when the girl’s mother came to your school and grabsbed the girl from your room, and you never saw her again after that?”
Gosh, this was so interesting. I was disappointed with the ending of this chapter. I can't stand unsolved mysteries.
You're still doing a great job.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
I'm still enjoying this novel. You're doing a good job with your descriptions; this helps keep it interesting.
With a piece this large, you really need to double space between paragraphs. When you single space between paragraphs, it tends to make the eyes cross and it becomes hard to concentrate on what you're reading.
Sto. Rosario Church.Do mean Sto. Rosario or St. Rosario?
Why ask me for water sir, are so blind?Did you mean to say are you so blind? or are you blind?
This is a beautiful poem. I am familiar with the story of Jesus and the woman at the well. It's a beautiful story and has such a great lesson for all of us.
This is a most interesting chapter. I only found one error. I listed two passages below that seemed to be contradictory. Maybe an oversight, or maybe I misunderstood or just missed something.
I'm still enjoying your novel.. Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
but I guess his money as a physician makes up for the stark contrast in their appearance."
"Isn’t he an engineer?"
"He was an engineering student when we were going out. I don’t know what he’s been doing since we broke up."Aren't we speaking of the same person as the one in the above sentence? The first sentence makes it sound like he became a physician. Or did I completely misunderstand?
First of all, let me say that you are definitely a good writer. There was only one error that I saw in this piece. That makes it so much easier to read.
Keep up the good work.
Grandma Penny
Six hours What I normally consider an endless flight time now seems fleeting with William to talk to. I think this is a run on sentence. I'm not quite sure how it should be fixed. Maybe separate Six ours and the rest of the sentence with a comma or semicolon. This is one of those things where I know it's wrong, but don't know how to make it right.
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