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Review of A Possum's Story  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: Wow! This is an experience, and a house guest, that I just can't imagine. You have done a good job of relating this story and bringing the reader into the action.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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327
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very cute poem that seems to me to be very creative. I especially liked the last line. Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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328
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful and moving story that captures reader interest right away and carries it through to the end.

Characters: You have done a terrific job portraying Annin through his thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ he half opened his eyes. '
Suggest: he half-opened his eyes.

In this phrase, ‘ world looked as a fog devoured shapes and colors, '
Suggest: world looked as a fog-devoured shapes and colors,



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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329
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good beginning to what seems to be a much longer work. You have generated reader interest here and left them wondering when or if Tory will ever feel comfortable enough to confide in these "guardians".

Characters: You have done a good job of portraying Tory and showing her emotions through her actions as well as her words.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ trying to follow the sound of the blood curdling scream. '
Suggest: trying to follow the sound of the blood curdling sound. (Since "scream" is used in the previous sentence.)

In this phrase, ‘ finally come upon a jet black colored door. '
Suggest: finally come upon a jet black-colored door.

In this phrase, ‘ no noise from her parents room. '
Suggest: no noise from her parents' room.

In this phrase, ‘ "It'll be alright dear, '
Suggest: "It'll be alright, dear,

In this phrase, ‘ "Actually, Mrs. Wilton her guardians are here to take her," '
Suggest: "Actually, Mrs. Wilton, her guardians are here to take her,"

In this phrase, ‘ the one called Mr. Moor explained, '
Suggest: the one called Mr. Moore explained,

In this phrase, ‘ “No, thank-you,” '
Suggest: “No, thank you,”



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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330
Review of Not Alone  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale of one struggling to understand whether or not he had committed a crime. Terrific concept.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ what did I do? '
Suggest: What did I do?

In this phrase, ‘ uncle Joe was in my childhood. '
Suggest: Uncle Joe was in my childhood.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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331
331
Review of Segment 1  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning to this story that sets up an interesting mystery.

Characters: You do a good job of showing your main character through her thoughts and actions.

Dialog: No dialog is utilized but none is needed here.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ when she was 8 years old. '
Suggest: when she was eight years old.

In this phrase, ‘ least she wake him. '
Suggest: lest she wake him.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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332
332
Review of The Fixer-Upper  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Horror/Scary Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really intriguing story of a devious mind and another that appears even more devious.

Characters: You did a good job of personfying Joe through his thoughts and plans.

Dialog: No dialog is utilized but none seem needed here.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Forty Lashes  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Horror/Scary Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting story though I would expect Aimee to have more of a reaction to the prof's final comment than to let it slide off. Perhaps at least a silent "Thank you" to the Powers That Be.

Characters: You did a good job of depicting Aimee as a good, serious student and revealed her sort of crush on the professor through her actions and thoughts.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and believable.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the student whipped in an upright position, '
Suggest: the student whipped into an upright position,

In this phrase, ‘ He’s what, twenty seven, '
Suggest: He’s what, twenty-seven,

In this phrase, ‘ They’re making out rods and cones '
Suggest: They’re making our rods and cones

In this phrase, ‘ Its students like you '
Suggest: It's students like you



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of The Trailer  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Horror/Scary Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: Wow! This is a truly chilling story that gave me goose bumps.

Characters: You have done a good job of showing Tom through his actions and thoughts.

Dialog: Little dialog is used, but what is feels natural to the situation.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The reflection of a gray haired old man, '
Suggest: The reflection of a gray-haired old man,



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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335
335
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story that starts off with a bang and really keep the reader hanging on throughout the emergency. However, the pace slows considerably in the later part and you might want to consider tightening it up a bit.

Characters: You have done a great job of portraying Paul through his words, thoughts and actions. I did, however, wonder how Monica fit into the picture as there is very little real information about her.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Roger on all of that Cassie. '
Suggest: “Roger on all of that, Cassie.

In this phrase, ‘ smug grin on his supervisors face. '
Suggest: smug grin on his supervisor's face.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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336
336
Review of Memories  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated September 24 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very sweet story of a nearly lifelong romance.

Characters: You've done nicely at portraying both main characters through their words though you might want to add in some actions to further show their feelings.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ “Do you remember this spot Rose?” '
Suggest: “Do you remember this spot, Rose?”

In this sentence, ‘ “How about this spot Emmett? '
Suggest: “How about this spot, Emmett?

In this sentence, ‘ “I kept my word didn’t I? '
Suggest: “I kept my word, didn’t I?

In this sentence, ‘ “Awe!” '
Suggest: “Ahh!”



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Uncut Diamond  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated September 24 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good romantic tale although the ending is rather "given away" in the description.

Characters: I didn't feel as if I could really relate to Saima. Perhaps because we see little of her emotions. You might be able to bring her more "into it" by putting the story into her viewpoint.

Dialog: Little dialog, per se, is utilized though what is seems believable though a bit formal.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ appealing smell of tea waved from the kitchen. '
Suggest: appealing smell of tea wafted from the kitchen.

In this phrase, ‘ figure could be seen climbing down the stairs. '
Suggest: figure could be seen coming down the stairs.

In this phrase, ‘ a twenty-five-year-old daughter in law. '
Suggest: a twenty-five-year-old daughter-in-law.

In this phrase, ‘ The so called educated, mother’s pets, '
Suggest: The so-called educated, mother’s pets,

In this phrase, ‘ bring life to the non living walls with her realistic paintings. '
Suggest: bring life to the non-living walls with her realistic paintings.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting and thought-provoking piece. Sort of like the perception of the black "nothingness" of space, I guess.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very encouraging little self pep talk. I hope it is working for you. Good luck.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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340
Review of Come With Me  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful poem that paints a fantastic picture of a soaring love.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ A zephyr soft thrum against your skin '
Suggest: A zephyr-soft thrum against your skin



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Prologue  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good introduction to this tale. It arouses reader interest and makes him/her wonder about the battle to come.

Characters: You have done a good job of personifying Elizabeth; though Catharine, if she is to be a main player, is so far somewhat lacking.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The sun set was a beautiful thing to watch, '
Suggest: The sunset was a beautiful thing to watch,

In this sentence, ‘ Catharine’s Castle sat on the horizon surrounded by thousands of trees.'
Suggest: This sentence seems somehow wrong. How could she be 'on the horizon', yet 'surrounded by trees'?

In this phrase, ‘ needed to be discussed before it was to late. '
Suggest: needed to be discussed before it was too late.

In this phrase, ‘ a beautiful bode haired woman '
Suggest: Is "bode" the word you intended here?

In this phrase, ‘ an exquisite baby blue silk dress '
Suggest: an exquisite baby-blue silk dress

In this phrase, ‘ at the mention of this mans name. '
Suggest: at the mention of this man's name.

In this sentence, ‘ “What is the witches name? '
Suggest: “What is the witch's name?



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

Welcome back! I'm sure you'll slip right back into place in no time. So glad your health has improved.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little piece that comes across as very heart felt and sincere.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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343
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in For Authors Newsletter dated September 24 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific little story that demonstrates some great creativity. Well done. You did a fine job with the prompt.

Characters: You did a really nice job of showing the baby's attempts of communication and how frustrating it can be. Something I'm sure we have all experienced at one time or another.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and seems natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Stand back sir, we still have '
Suggest: “Stand back, sir, we still have

In this phrase, ‘ she has your eyes darling.'
Suggest: she has your eyes, darling.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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344
Review of Slushies  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance Newsletter dated September 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful and very moving story that brought tears to my eyes. Great write!

Characters: You did a very good job of portraying both the main characters through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Nouns such as high school and college are common nouns and shouldn't be capitalized when used alone.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ I was still the plain seventeen year old girl '
Suggest: I was still the plain seventeen-year-old girl

In this sentence, ‘ I was much less inexperienced than the rest of my kind.'
Suggest: I was much less experienced than the rest of my kind.

In this phrase, ‘ before the Prom getting reading with a few of my female friends. '
Suggest: before the Prom getting ready with a few of my female friends.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of It Lies Within  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance Newsletter dated September 17 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful story where I loved how you worked in the aura colors.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying all of the characters through their words, thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog seems natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ “Hey wake up Sarah Alice, '
Suggest: “Hey wake up, Sarah Alice,

In this phrase, ‘ “I know Mort, '
Suggest: “I know, Mort,

In this phrase, ‘ one arm around his waist, “let’s go and see '
Suggest: one arm around his waist, “Let’s go and see

In this phrase, ‘ looking at the slight from under the sheets. '
Suggest: looking at the slight form under the sheets.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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346
Review of The Teddy Bear  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is an interesting little piece where I'm sure you had a word limit. You might want to consider going back and expanding it into a longer story giving more background and detail of her present life.

Characters: You have done a good job of setting up the basics of your main character, showing a bit about her through her thoughts and actions. She could, however, use more "fleshing out".

Dialog: Little dialog, per se, is utilized.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ her lonely apartment her only companion a stuffed teddy bear, which she '
Suggest: her lonely apartment, her only companion a stuffed teddy bear which she

In this phrase, ‘ Singing happy birthday to herself in a chocked voice, '
Suggest: Singing happy birthday to herself in a choked voice,

In this phrase, ‘ knowing it would help ease her mothers pain. '
Suggest: knowing it would help ease her mother's pain.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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347
Review of Ariadne  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful, and very moving, poem. I felt a touch of sadness at the possibility of a repeat of the prior experience. I loved it.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

348
348
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful piece that does a terrific job of painting the meaning behind that mournful cry of the wolf. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ His heart ache is his music. '
Suggest: His heartache is his music.

In this line, ‘ His music plays the heart break of '
Suggest: His music plays the heartbreak of


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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349
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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good prologue that certainly grabs reader interest and plants the desire to find out what the background to this scene really is.

Characters: You have done a good job of showing your hit man through his thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ trash overflowing in trash cans, '
Suggest: trash overflowing the cans,

In this phrase, ‘ her blonde hair let loose and flowing '
Suggest: her blonde hair loose and flowing

In this phrase, ‘ and into the rain soaked streets. '
Suggest: and into the rain-soaked streets.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a neat idea for a story through it does need considerably more detail. Individual scenes should be shown instead of telling the reader what is happening.

Characters: Characters need a great deal of fleshing out to be realistic and believable.

Grammar & Punctuation: The first word of each sentence should be capitalized.

The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.

Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas. Each speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Specific Suggestions:
In the title, ‘ death at a writers tip '
Suggest: Death at a Writer's Tip

In the description, ‘ it is a sad story about betrail '
Suggest: It is a sad story about betrayal.

In this phrase, ‘ "Josie its OK i am driving to the police '
Suggest: "Josie it's OK I am driving to the police



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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