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Review of The Grim  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: You have certainly succeeded in painting a very dark and chilling picture here that raised the hair on the back on my neck.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ And shall strive on the weakness that your minds left behind '
Suggest: And shall thrive on the weakness that your minds left behind



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Her Gilded Prison  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very gripping, and moving, story that makes the reader really feel for Alessa.

Characters: You've done a good job of developing Alessa and showing her through her thoughts and her actions.

Dialog: Dialog is very believable and feels natural.

Format: You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended, or indentations may be missing.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ "Your daughter is fine Mrs. Fellicci. '
Suggest: "Your daughter is fine, Mrs. Fellicci.

In this phrase, ‘ no middle age spread on him, '
Suggest: no middle-age spread on him,

In this phrase, ‘ It made for hassle free mornings '
Suggest: It made for hassle-free mornings


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of One of Those Days  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting story where you've done a good job showing the relationship between father and daughter.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Two beetle black almond shaped eyes '
Suggest: Two beetle-black almond-shaped eyes

In this phrase, ‘ a well known acquaintance of hers. '
Suggest: a well-known acquaintance of hers.

In this phrase, ‘ Rajat say “I’m telling you professor. '
Suggest: Rajat say, “I’m telling you, professor.

In this sentence, ‘ “Come in.” said a squeaky but firm voice. '
Suggest: “Come in,” said a squeaky, but firm, voice.

In this phrase, ‘ and carrying clipboard in his hand. '
Suggest: and carrying a clipboard in his hand.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Left Hand  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very gripping little story where you have done a terrific job of building the suspense of the "battle". Well done.,

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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230
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a rather straight forward article that I feel "calls it like it is". Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ yet miraculously manage to snooze button. '
Suggest: yet miraculously manage to hit the snooze button.

In this phrase, ‘ within the walls of my self imposed exile '
Suggest: within the walls of my self-imposed exile

In this phrase, ‘ I had totally forgotten its’ existence, '
Suggest: I had totally forgotten its existence,

In this phrase, ‘ management of our God given rights '
Suggest: management of our God-given rights

In this phrase, ‘ we give them the reigns and bit '
Suggest: we give them the reins and bit


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of death  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This poem asks questions that many people have at the base of their minds, even though no conclusions are drawn.

Grammar & Punctuation: The piece would be greatly improved by utilizing capitalization and punctuation such as questions marks and apostrophes.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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232
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a thought-provoking piece that seems to be the result of some deep soul searching. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In the description, ‘ and life becomes more tradgic '
Suggest: and life becomes more tragic

In this phrase, ‘ Slander throw around '
Suggest: Slander thrown around



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Zombie Story  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting story that demostrates a very creative imagination.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ Yeah, your crazy! '
Suggest: Yeah, you're crazy!

In this phrase, ‘ Damn straight I am agreed '
Suggest: Damn straight I am, agreed

In this phrase, ‘ The zombie plague of course, had spread like wild-fire '
Suggest: The zombie plague, of course, had spread like wild-fire

In this sentence, ‘ “Hey Gutty?” I inquired. '
Suggest: “Hey, Gutty?” I inquired.

In this phrase, ‘ pissed off Bambi. '
Suggest: pissed-off Bambi.

In this phrase, ‘ I leaned back in my chair '
Suggest: I leaned back in my seat

In this phrase, ‘ I don’t wanna piss of Sexy again '
Suggest: I don’t wanna piss off Sexy again,

In this sentence, ‘ What’s up? I replied out loud. '
Suggest: "What’s up?" I replied out loud.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting poem where you've painted some pictures as creepy as the original films.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Living again I no not, '
Suggest: Living again I know not,

In this line, ‘ Fire hits me free. '
Suggest: Fire sets me free.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece of a hard lesson, but one that was learned well. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good piece where you've incorporated the feelings of exhiliration after the completed climb and the view spread out far below.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The line of ten year old girls stretches out ahead of me '
Suggest: The line of ten-year-old girls stretches out ahead of me

In this phrase, ‘ but I had a three hour break '
Suggest: but I had a three-hour break

In this phrase, ‘ then stay till it exhausts itself. '
Suggest: then stay until it exhausts itself.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Flashpoint  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a piece that I found to be very sad - to be haunted by a happier past time.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ In the long stillness that followed their abscence, '
Suggest: In the long stillness that followed their absence,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

** Image ID #1541185 Unavailable **

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238
Review of The Crayon Box  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a delightful essay to which I could really relate. I still sometimes get the yen to color, even at my ancient age.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.

Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ Et tu Sparky?
Suggest: Et tu, Sparky?


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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239
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting beginning to this story. The detailed descriptions of even the minor characters does seem a bit overdone though.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ what little sun was left in to the room. '
Suggest: what little sun was left into the room.

In this phrase, ‘ her tall brown eyed, brown haired roommate, Kelsey, '
Suggest: her tall brown-eyed, brown-haired roommate, Kelsey,

In this phrase, ‘ only done 5 minutes of this, '
Suggest: only done five minutes of this,

In this phrase, ‘ They teased eachother and looked out '
Suggest: They teased each other and looked out

In this phrase, ‘ she felt something cold and metally touch her temple. '
Suggest: she felt something cold and metallic touch her temple.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Golden  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very moving piece that really grips the reader regardless on his views of the rightness or wrongness.

Characters: The characters both come across plainly through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog feels natural under the circumstances.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

241
241
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific story that again brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.

Characters: Excellent job of showing your characters through their words and expressions.

Dialog: Dialog seemed totally natural.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

242
242
Review of Left Behind  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 11 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very poignant story where you've done a good job of getting the feelings of loss across to the reader. Good job.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying both Ray and Magen through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and seems natural.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ She had put on some of her mothers perfume, '
Suggest: She had put on some of her mother's perfume,

In this phrase, ‘ “No honey,” he said squatting down, '
Suggest: “No, honey,” he said squatting down,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

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243
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated November 4 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific little story that brought tears to my eyes. Well done.

Characters: You did a good job personalizing Joyce through her "visions" and Wilma through her words.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and feels natural under the circumstances.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ the eighty-four year old mother of six '
Suggest: the eighty-four-year-old mother of six


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

244
244
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated November 4 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story though it does need some additional editorial work.

Characters: You have done a good job of portraying Petro through his thoughts and feelings.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ get the layers of dust off that had gathered on his tips. '
Suggest: get the layers of dust off that had gathered on the tips.

In this phrase, ‘ and that's all Petro knew him as was the sweating, balding man struggling to breath '
Suggest: and that's all Petro knew as the sweating, balding man was struggling to breathe

In this phrase, ‘ His eyes traveled up the little girls body '
Suggest: His eyes traveled up the little girl's body

In this phrase, ‘ May 2nd of 1986, his brothers birthday, '
Suggest: May 2nd of 1986, his brother's birthday,

In this phrase, ‘ that had the same handwriting of the woman's he believed to be his Mother's. '
Suggest: that had the same handwriting of the woman he believed to be his Mother.

In this phrase, ‘ his eyes shin with pride '
Suggest: his eyes shine with pride


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

245
245
Review of Last Moments  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated November 4 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little story where you've managed to bring the scene to life for the reader.

Characters: You've done a good job of portraying both sisters through Julia's thoughts and their words to each other.

Dialog: Dialog was realistic and felt natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ That night, I wept in my bed sorrowfully, '
Suggest: That night in my bed, I wept sorrowfully

In this phrase, ‘ Everywhere was blossoming like summer; '
Suggest: Everything was blossoming like summer;


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

246
246
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a really nostalgic piece that brings to mind those days with my grandma. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ When i was a kid
Suggest: When I was a kid


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

247
247
Review of Mon Mari  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very nice poem that demonstrates that there's nothing like love to make one feel alive again. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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248
248
Review of Who Me???  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a really cute poem that is quite a tribute. A really nice gift.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

249
249
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 4 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good ending although it seemed as if it should be continued. Do you plan to do that?

Characters: You have done a good job of personalizing Joshua throughout this story. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

250
250
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 4 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a excellent first part of this story where you've really pulled the reader into the story and dragged him/her right along to the end.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying Joshua through his thoughts and actions.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ begin a three year commitment as a mining specialist '
Suggest: begin a three-year commitment as a mining specialist

In this phrase, ‘ 2-mile wide rock could strike Io, '
Suggest: two-mile wide rock could strike Io,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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