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Review of Season Opener  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a truly funny piece that does a good job of describing that "let down" feeling when the home team loses and all enthusiam is suddenly drained.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Adriana's Tale  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Mystery Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a delightfully chilling story that grabs reader attention and drags it onward to the very end.

Characters: You have done a good job of personfying Adriana through her thoughts and physical reactions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ her hands held out in front of her to prevent from running into low hanging branches. '
Suggest: her hands held out in front of her to prevent running into low-hanging branches.

In this phrase, ‘ it was hard to tell exactly where the creature was at. '
Suggest: it was hard to tell exactly where the creature was.

In this sentence, ‘ What is it child? '
Suggest: What is it, child?



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Auto-Bio Poem  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is an interesting series of poems on a variety of subjects. They do, however, need a considerable amount of additional editorial work.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ intelligent, and somewhat organzed '
Suggest: intelligent, and somewhat organized

In this line, ‘ Lover of music animals and drawing '
Suggest: Lover of music, animals and drawing

In this line, ‘ Who fins happiness in swimming '
Suggest: Who finds happiness in swimming

In this line, ‘ The African-Violets tat bloom all over '
Suggest: The African-Violets that bloom all over

In this line, ‘ I'm from NE and mountais '
Suggest: I'm from Northeast and mountains


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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304
Review of Witch Trials  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting story of a horrifying period in our history. You have done a good job of showing how the accusations spread. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Some of the townspeople had opposed to the trials, '
Suggest: Some of the townspeople had opposed the trials,



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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305
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This sounds like one of those experiences that one never really forgets and that brings on a fit of giggles everytime you think about it. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ beautiful day to my sister and I '
Suggest: beautiful day to my sister and me

In this sentence, ‘ We hurried home to use the bathroom only to our disamy to find our home locked.'
Suggest: We hurried home to use the bathroom only to our dismay to find the house locked.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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306
Review of The Game  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a fascinating story that bears out the saying "and a little child shall lead them". I found the subject very intriguing.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying all of your main characters through their words, actions and facial expressions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ Her son Peter had been cooped up indoors '
Suggest: Her son, Peter, had been cooped up indoors

In this phrase, ‘ because her husband Bill had been working long hours '
Suggest: because her husband, Bill, had been working long hours

In this phrase, ‘ She sat and stared at her four year old child, '
Suggest: She sat and stared at her four-year-old child,

In this phrase, ‘ the three sat down and enjoyed their home cooked meal. '
Suggest: the three sat down and enjoyed their home-cooked meal.

In this phrase, ‘ “It’s not but honey, '
Suggest: “It’s not, but honey,

In this phrase, ‘ Sitting in the nursery, in it’s quiet, '
Suggest: Sitting in the nursery, in its quiet,



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of The Escape Plan  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning and buildup for this story. However, the conclusion isn't there which leaves the reader hanging.

Characters: You have done a nice job of depicting Dave although we still don't know what his relationship is with Maureen or his motivation for the fire. Maureen we learn very little about.

Dialog: No dialog is employed.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ he really didnt know what the signal would be. '
Suggest: he really didn't know what the signal would be.

In this phrase, ‘ generals, adulterers and thieves had been been taught over and over again '
Suggest: generals, adulterers and thieves had been taught over and over again

In this phrase, ‘ people planned enterprises against others will. '
Suggest: people planned enterprises against others' will.

In this phrase, ‘ he wouold open the bedroom window '
Suggest: he would open the bedroom window

In this sentence, ‘ What if she would notice the fire until it was too late. '
Suggest: What if she wouldn't notice the fire until it was too late.

In this phrase, ‘ It was all Maureens fault '
Suggest: It was all Maureen's fault



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of My eagle  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting story of a very unusual "pet". You've done a good job of describing his reactions to the human contact.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ When I was around 6 years old, '
Suggest: When I was around six years old,

In this phrase, ‘ while I was pottering around in drying flower beds '
Suggest: while I was puttering around in drying flower beds

In this phrase, ‘ spite of it being the size of a medium sized crow. '
Suggest: spite of it being the size of a medium-sized crow.

In this phrase, ‘ small well boiled pieces of meat bit by bit, '
Suggest: small well-boiled pieces of meat bit by bit,

In this sentence, ‘ I guess its better that way. '
Suggest: I guess it's better that way.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of I Am A Cornfield  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a really cute poem to which kids should be able to relate.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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310
Review of Suede Patches  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good character sketch though it needs some expansion to become a complete short story. A SS should have a beginning, with the introduction of the protagonist and the problem with which he/she is to deal; a middle where the problem is addressed; and, an ending where some conclusion is reached.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of My World  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece of the transition from distant past into the future. It does, however, need a bit of editorial work.

Format: In the punctuation, a comma should have one space after it before the next word and a period should be followed by two spaces before the beginning of the next sentence.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ forth generation of my fathers family to be on this land. '
Suggest: fourth generation of my father's family to be on this land.

In this phrase, ‘ house,heated from the winter's cold by a wood-burning stove is called home. '
Suggest: house, heated from the winter's cold by a wood-burning stove, is called home.

In this phrase, ‘ many of the miles that a horses feet would have trod '
Suggest: many of the miles that a horse's feet would have trod

In this phrase, ‘ recently after a long,fought battle the computer made it's way into the family.
Suggest: recently, after a long-fought battle, the computer made its way into the family.

In this phrase, ‘ the future developement righs of their land
Suggest: the future development rights of their land



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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312
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting, yet heart-wrenching, story of a friend's unwise decisions.

Characters: Characterization would be improved by showing the individual scenes instead of just relating them.

Dialog: The dialog used seems realistic and believable.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

When writing dialog the actual words spoken should be enclosed in quotation marks.

Watch for confusion between "then" and "than".

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ hanging out with my best friend JC. '
Suggest: hanging out with my best friend, JC.

In this phrase, ‘ JC met this guy Josh and he became her boyfriend. '
Suggest: ,JC met this guy, Josh, and he became her boyfriend.

In this phrase, ‘ Right after labor day, '
Suggest: Right after Labor Day,

In this phrase, ‘ About three weeks into the school year on a saturday, '
Suggest: About three weeks into the school year, on a Saturday,

In this phrase, ‘ wanted to know since JC was out of town if I would be willing to meet him '
Suggest: wanted to know, since JC was out of town, if I would be willing to meet him

In this sentence, ‘ Mom was at work today but Dad was home. '
Suggest: Mom was at work that day, but Dad was home.

In this phrase, ‘ My parents were pretty strick '
Suggest: My parents were pretty strict

In this sentence, ‘ So I headed for the livingroom where he was to talk with him. '
Suggest: So I headed for the living room to talk with him.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Mangled  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very descriptive piece where the reader can visualize the fierce beauty of the storm. However, I didn't feel particularly involved with the narrator.

Characters: Suggest showing scenes as the powerless narrator deals with the bone-chilling cold and the prospect of being confined to the house for days on end.

Dialog: No dialog is utilized.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Suggest eliminating the repetitious words in either the same sentence or those next to each other.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ rolled down the near barren mountains '
Suggest: rolled down the near-barren mountains

In this phrase, ‘ cirrus clouds arrived on wisps of high level winds '
Suggest: cirrus clouds arrived on wisps of high-level winds

In this phrase, ‘ dangerous the ice was becoming, the ice hung majestically '
Suggest: dangerous the ice was becoming, it hung majestically



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful poem that speaks eloquently of a deep, true and lasting love. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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315
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in For Authors Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful poem that paints a very serene picture of this scene.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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316
Review of BLUE PORK CHOPS  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in For Authors Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute story of a very creative tall tale. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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317
317
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really neat beginning to what appears to be a longer work.

Characters: You did a good job conjuring up the AI that ran the ship and the program that had been set in place.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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318
Review of The Phenomenon  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story of a secret admirer and a budding romance. Well done.

Characters: You have brought the characters to life through their thoughts and actions.

Dialog: Dialog seems natural.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ to the six month ride to the next solar system. '
Suggest: to the six-month ride to the next solar system.

In this phrase, ‘ hand in an old fashioned gesture. '
Suggest: hand in an old-fashioned gesture.

In this phrase, ‘ needed a custom, hand painted mural for their new store. '
Suggest: needed a custom, hand-painted mural for their new store.

In this phrase, ‘ on the same transport as you are Ahna.” '
Suggest: on the same transport as you are, Ahna.”



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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319
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a delightful little story, though I was curious about what these beings normally looked like.

Characters: You did a good job showing your narrator's surprise by the common things through her words.

Dialog: No dialog per se is utilized, but it isn't needed in this case.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ You should have seen our antics Carla! '
Suggest: You should have seen our antics, Carla!



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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320
Review of 'Droid Void  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good characterization where you have nicely captured the viewpoint of the robot in his last few seconds of life and all the regrets involved. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ humanity’s ingratitude to machine kind foretell my immediate future. '
Suggest: humanity’s ingratitude to machine kind of foretell my immediate future.

In this phrase, ‘ "Good-bye Cruel Reader!”
Suggest: "Good-bye, Cruel Reader!”



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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321
321
Review of Grandfather  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful and gripping story illustrating many of the best of human qualities.

Characters: You have done a fantastic job of creating very believable characters even with Grandfather.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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322
322
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Drama Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very good story with a very clever ending.

Characters: You did a good job of showing all of your characters and their individual personalities.

Dialog: Dialog sounded realistic and felt natural.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ When we got back to he farm '
Suggest: When we got back to the farm

In this phrase, ‘ The transport crawlers we're really regular Lunar 'cats,'
Suggest: The transport crawlers were really regular Lunar 'cats,

In this phrase, ‘ A large, hand-shapped red mark '
Suggest: A large, hand-shaped red mark

In these sentences, ‘ "Yah." "Wei." '
Suggest: "Yah." (New paragraph.) "Oui."



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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323
323
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute story where it certainly seems as if Rasputin did indeed have nine lives.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ his mother’s forehead softened as she regarded her him. '
Suggest: his mother’s forehead softened as she regarded him.

In this phrase, ‘ in his seat to wave at him mom '
Suggest: in his seat to wave at his mom



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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324
324
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Short Stories Newsletter dated October 1 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really cute story of one of those unforgettable childhood memories.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying Grandpop through his words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and seems realistic.

Format: You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ " Hurry Grandpop we have lots of worms". '
Suggest: " Hurry, Grandpop, we have lots of worms".

In this phrase, ‘ "The fish aren't going anywhere are they?". '
Suggest: "The fish aren't going anywhere, are they?"

In this phrase, ‘ Later on It was getting quiet. '
Suggest: Later on it was getting quiet.

In this sentence, ‘ He just said "shhhhhhhhh" " It's probably a rabbit".
Suggest: He just said "Shhhhhhhhh. It's probably a rabbit".

In this phrase, ‘ and I "m not sure who's eyes were the biggest. '
Suggest: and I'm not sure whose eyes were the biggest.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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325
325
Review of I've Been  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a neat little poem that is just brimming with encouragement for those who may need a "little boost". Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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