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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated October 15 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning to this story where the players and the conflict are introduced.

Characters: You do a good job of defining your characters through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable within this chosen timeframe.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ but it was nearly always there that I didn’t take anything amiss. '
Suggest: but it was nearly always there so that I didn’t take anything amiss.

In this phrase, ‘ Margaret let the notes alone. '
Suggest: Margaret left the notes alone.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Orchid Resounding  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very sad and moving piece that makes perfect sense once one thinks about it. You did a very good job of describing the bodily and mental deterioration of age and disease.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ They speak of broken down cars, '
Suggest: They speak of broken-down cars,

In this phrase, ‘ Even that was better that than the decay '
Suggest: Even that was better than the decay



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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278
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very thought-provoking piece that makes one wonder just where our values are located today.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ “WAKE UP PEOPLE”. '
Suggest: “WAKE UP, PEOPLE”.

In this phrase, ‘ shadow less on a blank canvas. '
Suggest: shadowless on a blank canvas.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of printed mad  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting piece where you've certainly put the reader into the position of seeing through the eyes of a sufferer with this common problem. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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280
280
Review of Urban Vignette  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a lovely little piece where you've done a good job of getting across the strangeness of this encounter.

Characters: You did a good job of defining the young girl through her actions and attitudes.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and believable.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ you like to see next, mister traveller?” '
Suggest: you like to see next, Mister Taveller?”

In this sentence, ' "That’s Doctor Gregor from 147, Norrington Street. '
Suggest: “That’s Doctor Gregor from 147 Norrington Street.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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281
281
Review of Valentines Day  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in Romance/Love Newsletter dated October 7 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific story of a latent romance finally realized.

Favorite Part: I loved the ending.

Characters: You have done a very good job of portraying your main character through her words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.

Specific Suggestions:
In this sentence, ‘ I hated Valentines Day. '
Suggest: I hated Valentine's Day.

In this phrase, ‘ – I’ll be she had spoken with Kathy '
Suggest: Is a word missing here?

In this phrase, ‘ but lots of week old stuff still sitting there. '
Suggest: but lots of week-old stuff still sitting there.

In this phrase, ‘ Sittinb back in my seat, '
Suggest: Sitting back in my seat,

In this sentence, ‘ I finally had romance on this romantic of all days! '
Suggest: I finally had romance on this most romantic of all days!

In this phrase, ‘ going out for dinner on Valentines! '
Suggest: going out for dinner on Valentine's!



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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282
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful poem that paints a terrific picture of a happy and productive life in enjoying and appreciating the world around us. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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283
283
Review of Tulips  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little poem. I can just visualize the image accompanying it. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Artist pallette all a glow '
Suggest: Artist palette/pallet all aglow



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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284
284
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I'm reviewing this piece as part of the Rising Stars Member-to-Member Reviews.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning to what sounds as if it would make a great book.

Characters: Your main character is well-defined through her actions and thoughts.

Dialog: Little dialog is utilized here, but it isn't necessary under the circumstances.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ at this exact same time. Watching as the sun sank over the horizon. '
Suggest: at this exact same time, watching as the sun sink over the horizon.

In this phrase, ‘ I looked down at my dark haired angel; '
Suggest: I looked down at my dark-haired angel;

In this phrase, ‘ too close to Johnny Sander's three years ago; '
Suggest: too close to Johnny Sander three years ago;



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!



beautiful signatures crafted by dear terryjroo
285
285
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is certainly one heck of a nightmare. I'm sure it was very scary, hard to wake up from and unforgetable.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest watching capitalization of proper nouns.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The brown haired boy walked away '
Suggest: The brown-haired boy walked away

In this phrase, ‘ I could stop it, "how do we get out of here?" '
Suggest: I could stop it, "How do we get out of here?"

In this phrase, ‘ and walked away while I still plead for them to admit belief, '
Suggest: and walked away while I still pleaded for them to admit belief,

In this phrase, ‘ Why didn't they care? why didn't they understand? '
Suggest: Why didn't they care? Why didn't they understand?

In this phrase, ‘ and his red colored eyes. '
Suggest: and his red-colored eyes.

In this phrase, ‘ This was satan I was face to face with '
Suggest: This was Satan I was face to face with

In this phrase, ‘ The thought that I was in dead and in hell '
Suggest: The thought that I was dead and in hell



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Muse  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very good story where you have created some very complex characters. Good job.

Characters: You have done a good job of defining the main characters through their words, expressions and thoughts.

Dialog: Dialog is believable and seems natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ oodles of self help drivel, '
Suggest: oodles of self-help drivel,

In this phrase, ‘ dressed in the lowly guise of a modern day gypsy. '
Suggest: dressed in the lowly guise of a modern-day gypsy.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

287
287
Review of Waves  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece that does a nice job of describing the peacefulness of the uninterrupted rhythm of the waves. Well done.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Both the one who succeeds him'
Suggest: Both the one who proceeds him



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of You  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This poem is totally full of feelings. In the first stanza, however, it is unclear what the status of the person is or what the crying and praying were about. The last stanza makes one wonder.

Grammar & Punctuation: The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.

Periods and commas should directly after the word without the intervening space.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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289
Review of Unsure  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a really different type of piece although the description seems to tell the reader more than the body of the work does.

Grammar & Punctuation: In your description, the pronoun "I" should be capitalized.

Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ should I care? Unidentified '
Suggest: Should I care? Unidentified



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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290
290
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale, but it seems somehow incomplete. We get the hint that human beings are somehow being changed into monsters, but we don't know who is doing this or how they are acomplishing it.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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291
Review of Impossible Peace  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece that raises a really valid question. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Humans' difference of opinions '
Suggest: Humans' differences of opinion

In this line, ‘ Then maybe peace can be a reality. '
Suggest: Then maybe peace could be a reality.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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292
292
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good beginning that shows the sisters' relationship nicely.

Characters: You've done a good job of portraying the girls through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is believable.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ It was were she and her sister spent most of their time, '
Suggest: It was where she and her sister spent most of their time,

In this sentence, ‘ Soon she cam to the gate. '
Suggest: Soon she came to the gate.

In this sentence, ‘ Jenni scowled and her sister. '
Suggest: Jenni scowled at her sister.

In this phrase, ‘ That squirrel and hid it in a box '
Suggest: That squirrel I hid in a box

In this phrase, ‘ and I've go to take care of it." '
Suggest: and I've got to take care of it."



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of Falling  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting poem that makes a good analogy.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ When shall I be relieved of this never ending nightmare?
Suggest: When shall I be relieved of this never-ending nightmare?



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of You Were  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very descriptive piece of a relationship full of hope in the beginning, but tore apart in the end. It is very full of emotions.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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295
295
Review of Ties That Blind  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece that makes a strong point in a very subtle way. I admired your choice of words in clarifying this picture. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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296
296
Review of Waves  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very expressive piece that makes a good comparison between the two feelings.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

Image #1541185 over display limit. -?-

297
297
Review of Dark Lullaby  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a very expressive piece that seems to cry out in dispair and stab at the reader's heart.


Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Sooth its pain and repair its tears. '
Suggest: Soothe its pain and repair its tears.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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298
298
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a derlightful little poem that tells a story to which I'm sure most of us can relate. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ And now times getting on '
Suggest: And now time's getting on



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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299
299
Review of Campfire Creation  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good poem where you've painted some very vivid word pictures. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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300
300
Review of Forevermore  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting poem that draws some thoughtful conclusions.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest capitalizing the pronoun "I".

Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ But this billboard just told me that he is the one i need..?? '
Suggest: But this billboard just told me that He is the one i need..??

In this line, ‘ Now i have a secret to whom i tell to no one but the one i confine in, '
Suggest: Now I have a secret whom I tell to no one but the one I confide in,

In this line, ‘ Take no second looks onto the words you read for they will mean nothing. '
Suggest: Take no second look onto the words you read for they will mean nothing.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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