This is not my favorite form of poem as it does not rhyme, however, the meter is good and the imagery paints the picture in your head.
I have to give it a definite thumbs up. I hope we see a good deal more of your writing!
If this is fiction you have discribed it exceedingly well. I just hope that this is not the end of the story, but only the beginning.
If this is not fiction, again, I hope it is only the beginning. These things that happen in life are always one of two things for those who live through them. They are either a stumbling block, or a stepping stone.
Excellent for Halloween. Very scary dreams and the waking nightmare format is cool.
The formatting on the paragraphs is a bit off. It's easiest to double space here to straighten those out.
The characters could use a little more discription. You can't tell if Anomoisity is a blonde or brunett, or what color her eyes are when they aren't flames.
There is no discription of the favorite aunt either.
Otherwise the action is all very well discribed. Very well done.
How you wrote this in the middle of a migrane I will never know! This is very discriptive of the migrane itself. I've never had one. I get headaches rarely and count that a blessing. Most of the headaches I have gotten have either been sinus or stress related.
How you managed to acheive this in the middle of all of that pain, how you managed to maintain a thought process at all.. You are a wonder!
Oh my! I love this. Thank you for sharing it! You should really send this one in to Reader's Digest. I'm sure that they would love to have this. It would be worth a few bucks, you would be a published author, and at least it would buy you a cup of coffee.
Bless you for wanting to help and bless her for being honest enough to know that you meant well!
This story needs some work. You have it all written in the first person and yet the main character doesn't manage to escape. It leaves the reader wondering how he is telling the story or that the story isn't finished. There isn't much discription of anything, so you will want to write in some descriptions of he main character, the graveyard, the park and the old woman at the very least. It will make the reader identify more with the main character and make your story scarier.
Take some time and re-write this one. It has a lot of good action and will really be worth the effort.
After you have gone over this again, please let me know. I would be happy to give it a second read.
All of spend some time alone in the dark. This captures that feeling very well. It could use a little work on the meter here and there perhaps, but stands well on it's own just as it is.
May we all find our days in the sunshine as well.
Write On!
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This is a very interesting piece. I would add to this. This forest seems an interesting place.
One blooper:With a great bellowing roar of joy, he dropped to all fours and sped off crashing through trees and plowing through dense thickets. He was heading back to his cave and safety at full speed.
He inadvertently woke up Little Chimu, the long-tailed tree monkey, in his noisesome passing. Little Chimu laughed and threw big greasy walnuts at him from his safe treetop where all intelligent monkeys should be at this time of night.
This section didn't format well. Otherwise it's fine as it is written.
This poem tells the tale well and that is difficult to do in verse. I don't necessarily like the story, because of what it is about, but this stuff really does happen. It can't be helped that the story be told by someone sometime.
The story is told very well, even expertly although there are a couple of rough spots. The man seems almost unrelated to the story, although, I imagine that he is supposed to be the perpetrator. So it's just a little disjointed there.
There are lines that should be capitalized.
The story is otherwise excellently told in verse. A story that would be difficult to tell even in short story form because of the content.
Well done, my friend. Do Write On!
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Excellent writing and you KNOW that I love the subject.
I have an oldy but a goody for you to add to your chocolate list. Check out Ghiradelli chocolate.
Here in Ohio too there is Godiva Chocolate.
Ghiradelli, once an italian chocolate that moved it's shops and factory to San Francisco forever ago has the tendency to remind me of German chocolate.
Godiva you will find to be on the same order of Lindt.
They have many fine chocolates and (God help me) they have an excellent line of truffles. Godiva also makes a chocolate liquor that is alcohol. Probably the finest that I have had though admittedly I am not a big drinker.
Just more food for thought and for your excellent piece!
This is hot! All of the action is very nicely discribed.
It's missing a discription of the vampire. If he is tall, is his hair dark or blonde, etc.. None of that appears to be here. There is a nice discription of Patricia's body, but not much of her facial features.
A side from all of that, this is well written, the actions and the feelings very well discribed.
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