This may sound stupid = but who is this poem talking to - in the beginning, it seems like a prayer to God asking for his help - maybe I am off target. There is a nice rhythm and flow to the piece and it reeks of sheer emotion. The reader can feel your pain and empathize. One thing I would change though is that in the refrain, as such, put a comma between I and only.
The theme of this poem is very good - it has an existential feeling to it which is very interesting. It is something that I have pondered often, and I assume others have too. My comments on this piece though are that it needs to be split into paragraphs -reading it that way will make it easier to understand and follow.
For a teenager I give you a lot of credit for your strong emotions and your devotion to your boyfriend. That is a very mature thing - as a literary piece, this is very nice. It reeks of raw emotion and we can feel with you and your boyfriend. It has a nice rhythm and flow and is 'easy to read' despite its sad subject. I am so sorry for your loss.
What a great poem - the rhythm and flow of it are excellent - and you could feel the emotions through and through - as somebody who has been in a rehab hospital for almost 4 months - I identified with this poem in so many ways as I watch nurses work their butts off - and you wonder why they do it - I was intrigued by your style of capitalizing all the words - but for this poem it worked - there are a couple of typos in it - but those are probably just quickie mistakes - all in all I really loved the poem.
As a poem, I loved this - it had perfect rhythm and imagery - I could feel Lisa speaking to the man of her dreams - wondering what would have happened had her life not taken this turn - I was just confused, because there was no mention, or did I miss it, of a man in Lisa's life that would have this effect on her. All of the men who were not her brothers, seemed to be dangerous to Lisa.
I like this poem too = you have a great flair for rhythm and imagery - I could feel the imagery between the two lovers - I hate to sound stupid - but it sounds based on how the speaker is speaking that it is a love between 2 women - do I have that wrong? If so, sorry - this poem also reeks of raw emotion - I felt for the protagonist and her pain - just a couple of comments - there are a few typos - also - the possessive I is capitalized.
I really liked this poem too - there is great rhythm and imagery - you feel the pain of the author as you read the poem - I like how you punctuated the poem and how you separated the two paragraphs. Just 2 comments - I think you meant barren - and in the first paragraph - there is one line with 2 sentences - I think it would be better if they were split onto 2 lines.
I liked this poem very much - it had a good rhythm and great imagery - I could feel the pain of the protagonist as well as see it in front of my eyes. My comment has to do with the punctuation - I think that the thoughts need to better punctuated - you have commas and periods in some places and not in another so it is a bit confusing to the reader.
I liked this poem - it had an interesting premise - there was a great imagery in this - I could feel the demons as they were 'consuming you' - I felt that the rhythm and flow need to be tightened up - I think there are far too many commas when in effect there should be sentence endings.
This poem was very good - it had a good rhythm and flow and a very good premise - the imagery was very good as well - I could picture all that you describe in the poem - my comments though are that perhaps that the paragraphs be split a little bit more, to allow for easier reading - also, perhaps to include some punctuation at the end of the lines. Also, double check your typing - I saw a few typographical errors -
This is an interesting piece with an important moral. My concern with the piece is in its formatting - You write it in a paragraph which puts it into a prose setting. This is fine - but if you are going to do that, then the sentence structure needs to follow approriately - Upper case letters beginning sentences, that should be complete sentences. If it is meant as a poem, which I believe is what you had in mind, then the structure should have been in stanzas.
This piece reeked of raw emotion - which you expressed so eloquently. Assuming you are the protagonist, I feel for you - this piece was very well written and I believe is a subject that many women, and maybe even men, will identify with. My only comment is that there are some minor grammatical errors, but those can easily be corrected.
The contents of this poem are very nice - and it is something that many women can identify with - there is a rhythm in it that is great as is a potential flow to the words. The 'problem' that I see with this piece is the formatting. In paragraph form, to me, it does not work as well - it detracts from the flow - Each sentence should be a different line - and each thought process should be a different paragraph (combining sentences) - There are a series of typgraphical errors - and the possessive I should be capitalized. With a little tweaking, this could be a great piece of work.
I like this poem very much - it has an interesting premise to it - which I think many people can identify with - It has a good rhythm and flow and is easy to follow - I apprciated the metaphors that you had in it - I particularly liked your use of immovable mass of hollow sounds - in describing the thoughts - and then the completion of the process in the paragraph - you make something tangible from something that is abstract and I appreciate that - what I thought though was that some of the punctuation should be corrected - beginning the lines that are mid-sentence should have been done with a lower case letter.
I liked this poem very much - it had a good rhythm and flow and was easy to follow - the imagery was great - you bring to life things that are necessarily tangible - and then allow us to feel it with you - your format was good in that you paragraphed thoughts appropriately.
This poem is great - its rhythm and flow are excellent and it is 'easy to follow and read' - it does explain some of the whereabouts of Lisa - or at least it gives some more light to the mystery - while you say that the Lisa story is fictional based on truth - it really sounds 100% truthful - this poem sounds so real it is creepy -- even read as an independent poem - it is great
The theme of this poem is very good - and it is something that a lot of women can identify with - Incest is a terrible thing to happen to somebody and you have written about this in an eloquent and dignified way. My comments though are that it should have been split into paragraphs to make the lines easier to follow and to understand. Also, it seems that you change the speaker in the poem = first you speak in the third person - then you speak in the first person - maybe if you had separated those paragraphs it would resonate better.
Also - did you mean women - or woman - because you use her - and women - so..
What an exciting story - and excellently written - it sounded like fun being in the military - you made it humorous in a sense - almost like an episode from "MASH' - but it must have been hard to - which you described very eloquently as well - perhaps this is where you learned the discipline to be such a great parent.
The piece was beautifully written and easy to follow - I was begging for more.
I loved this story = and the fact that it is true made it even more fantastic - people like you are a dime a dozen - I did not know a whole lot about foster parenting before I read your works - and you show your side of the story with such compassion - I cried throughout the story because I got so involved with it.
From a writing standpoint, this was excellently written and easy to follow. The character development was great and you almost wanted to 'fight City Hall' to prevent the family from getting the baby back - but...
What a great piece - and how inspiring - I am curious what made you choose the acronym that you did - it is certainly a very effective one - CHEAR - each of the actions that you suggest are necessary to make for a successful parenting experience - you are right - no parenting experience goes flaw free - but with these tools that you suggest - it makes it a whole lot easier.
From a writing standpoint, this was superb ! I felt educated and entertained simultaneously - your expression was clear and fluid - and easy to follow - this piece should almost be a mantra for every parenting magazine or show. I have images of this piece on the Dr. Phil show. It comes from the heart and you can tell that you put a lot of your soul into it.
I loved this story - and again it deserves higher than a '5' - your descriptions are perfect - making the plot easy to follow - knowing that this is a true story made it even more exciting - and my heart beat with you during every move you made during that frightful night - you are a very dedicated woman - a phenomenal mother = and from the other works of yours that I have read, a great humanitarian - your belief in God is inspirational.
This article deserves a rating of much higher than a 5 - it is written perfectly - the flow of it is great, with perfect paragraphing and an easy to follow 'plot'. Your character development is great, and your description of the scenario is right on target - what ever happened to Lizzy - that is why I hate these 'short stories' - I am always begging for more.
I definately identify with this poem - as do I would suppose, a lot of the readers on this site - it had an interesting rhythm and flow and was easy to follow - given the universality of the poem - my comments have to do with the formatting of the poem - you use semi-colons - and I am curious why? Also, the second line seems to be a part sentence - but punctuated as a whole sentence - in the later paragraphs, you capitalize words that start lines which are mid-sentence; I think that they should be lower case. Of course that is only my opinion.
These are sensational - how talented you are to be able to create such community notes - they are vivid and show the beauty of the world in such spectacular form - they put Hallmark to shame - I am grateful that I was able to send one of these to my angel - and hope to come back to send more soon.
My name is Judy and I am a guest reviewer for Nancy's Poetry forum - given your preface about the punctuation being a personal choice on your part I read this poem in a different light. Poetry is of course a personal thing when you think about it. I liked the rhythm and flow of the poem. You had great imagery and you could really picture the scenario that you are describing. What I particularly liked was the way that you capitalized certain key words to accenuate them.
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