This was a great poem and again one that is so elegantly written - its message is profound and it something that we should all believe. The rhythm and flow of the poem were perfect, as was the formatting. You paragraphed the poem appropriately and it had an almost mantra - refrain tone to it.
This is a great poem - it captures the feelings of a child whose father is leaving due to marital problems in a strong way - it is hard for children when the parent leaves and leaves them with the other parent whom they also love - you have expressed this in an eloquent, dignified way. From a poetic standpoint, it had great rhythm and flow and was a pleasure to read.
Firstly, let me start by saying that this piece deserves a much higher grading than a 5 - this is a genius piece of work - it is well written and engaging - you have incorporated your personal experiences with documented information - it has loads to teach and should definately be used as such -
I liked this poem very much - its imagery which is one of its central points is vivid and emotional. As somebody who often sees the world in terms of black and white and struggles with depression, I identified with this poem immensely. You could identify with the pain of the protagonist, as you expressed it so eloquently. Poetically, the rhythm and flow were perfect.
After you gave the preface, I did not expect to find such a beautifully written piece - which is what I found. Your thoughts are well thought out - which is more than I can say for a lot of people - I liked the way you 'tell it like it is' - this approach is very nice - you make people, through your reading, feel like there is hope for happiness, perhaps not the way our fantasies have always determined them, but in another vein. I like this piece tremendously.
What a wonderful story - and what a lucky man you are - this story was well written and easy to follow -it was emotionally charged and you felt for Michelle throughout. I commend you on what you did as a young man - many young men that age would neglect that responsibility as I fathom the father of your grandchildren did. My only comment was that there were a few typos - probably those silly ones that could be changed immediately - I think you meant role - not roll - also life style vs. live style.
I think this is an important story and I am glad that you wrote it.
Hi, I am Judy and I am a guest reviewer for Nancy's Poetry Forum. I liked this poem very much. You approached the religious topic very nicely, making this a very spiritual piece - and quite liturgical. Your specialized usage of upper case letters to accenuate the traits of Jesus was well done. It had a nice rhythm and flow, and the centering of the piece made it even more poignant. My only comment is that in some places, in between some of the traits, you could have included a comma.
The rhythm in this poem is perfect - it flows fabulously - I loved reading this poem - it exuded extreme emotion - and the hairs were raising from my hands - it is a poem that many could identify with - the imagery being so special - that you could see the protagonist telling the object of her affections, her feelings. My only question to you, and this is only personal, is why you did not use commas in the middle of the thoughts, and then begin the second part of the sentence with a lower case letter, ending the thought with a period.
As usual, this was a perfect piece - you put Dr. Spock to shame - your writings are inspirational and informative, helping parents who are overwhelmed deal with one of the biggest decisions of their life.
From a literary point of view, I think that this was written excellently - I like how you separated it into 'rules' - then explaining what you mean. Your writing is impeccable, easy to follow and understand.
This piece sent shivers through my body - as somebody who was adopted as a toddler, I had a lot of relationship problems with my mother - that probably did not make her a bad person or me a bad person - but I think parenthood does not come with a manual - and that makes it really hard - this piece was exquisitely written and was 'easy to read' = It should be a mantra for all parents.
Having read so much of your work, it is interesting to read more of your biography - your works reflect who you are - which I fathom are signs of a great writer. I look forward to reading more of the works in this folder to confirm my beliefs. These works should be mantras for all who are parents.
This is a really good poem - emotionally charged - and very inspirational - I feel your pain - and identify with you immensely - I have alot of issues based on childhood loss - but... The poem reads well and has a great rhythm and flow = the imagery is perfect and has a liturgical feel to it. My comment has to do with the format - I believe that the lines should be a bit shorter - where there are long sentences, they should be split on to 2 lines.
This story exuded true emotion and I could feel the electricity that this romance was evoking. Your imagery is great - I could picture the area where the two youngsters meet and talk - and I am glad that there will be more - my comment has to do with the sentence structure - there are a variety of sentences in this piece that are run on sentences - some of them repeat a thought that could be said simpler - the story line is so great that to hinder it with weak sentence structure is... I think this could be a great piece and I am dying to see what happens with the couple.
This was a wonderfully written piece and I commend you on your recovery from anorexia - I struggle with morbid obesity as a result of being a compulsive overeater - and while we are at opposite ends of the rainbow - the issues are very similar - I have been in rehab for depression a lot of times - so I could identify with you in this piece - as a literary piece it was beautifully written and easy to follow - your sense of dialogue is great - you captured the characters in a great way - that even somebody who is not familiar with this illness can appreciate.
I liked this poem a lot - it had great imagery both tangible and intangible - it exuded of emotion and I could identify with it immensely - The rhythm and flow of the poem are great and the fact that you have paragraphed it as such is perfect. I am curious why you colored it in green - green seems like a foliage color, not a wind color. But that might only be me.
The other comment I have is that there were a number of typographical errors - but...
This was a great poll - and it is interesting to see how we all think about these issues - my only comment is that you did not include enough choices - I realize that you have other - but given the choices that you did select - other is too broad. Nonetheless, I had fun doing it.
As a news junkie, I really appreciated this piece a lot. Ironically, it even had a sense of humor to it. It was well written and easy to follow. I pictured you speaking this speech on television and the whole world glued to their sets, much in the way the State of the Union address is done. You have a great idealism which makes the job of president sound exciting. Frankly, after seeing the mess of the presidential campaigning - I would not want to be part of this for a million dollars.
Just a few things - there were a series of typographical errors - but these can be easily corrected.
This is a cool idea - it is imaginative and innovative - and really tests the writers' mind - I have to think about what I want to use for the particular acronym that has been supplied - but I know something will come out = I am eager to see what others will do with the acronym
Despite the 2 errors I just had to award this piece a 5 (because to me this is worth a 10) - just to start - the 2 typos are it's when I think you meant its. Also there is an occurence of the word were - where you repeated it accidentally - being that I know these were just little booboos - I kind of 'overlooked them'
That being said, this piece was sensational - perfectly written - and the way that you separated the travails of each individual boy made it really great. People like you and your husband are a dime a dozen - I do not know how you do it. What was the actual time frame that the boys stayed with you?
You must put all of your 'foster care' stories together and publish them - I think that they are excellently written - and for those of us who do not have children or who have children of their own - it is a wonderful lesson to be learned.
This poem is very interesting - it has a nice rhythm and flow - and I kind of like the format - its imagery is great - I can see you as you are looking at all of the natural things that you are describing. My comment is that there are a lot of typographical errors - this detracts significantly from the greatness of the poem.
I loved this poem - and you're right - writing is much better than therapy - for the way I see it - writing is therapy (and you do not pay as much)- This poem has perfect rhythm and flow and the imagery is extraordinary - you can feel the darkness and picture it right in front of you. My only comment, and this is only personal - that the punctuation was inconsistent. I think that some of the mid-sentences should have had commas - and then start those parts with lower case letters.
I am glad your story has a nice ending - and I am sorry that you suffered a lot in high school - I am a believer that we have to be proactive in our lives otherwise history repeats itself - that being said - the story was nice, but it could have been better if the formatting could be tuned up. Double space between the paragraphs - and in the last paragraph that is so long- make it into multiple paragraphs - it will make it easier to read and enjoy.
This is a good poem - it has great rhythm and flow and it is easy and fun to read - it is a theme that many of us can identify with - and we feel like we are in your shoes. My comments have to do with the grammar - I think that putting 'u' as such - takes away from the poem - even though the poem has an easy-going humorous feel to it. Also, the possessive I should be capitalized.
I liked this piece very much. It exudes a great deal of emotion - and the reader can feel with you as you express these feelings to your boyfriend. The rhythm and flow are perfect as is the sentence structure - which makes it work in this format. Nonetheless, I think it would have worked even better if it was in a stanza format.
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