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Review of The Soul  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (2.0)
The soul is appalled at itself? If others were disgusted or repulsed by it it should be "appalling." I honestly am not sure if this piece is supposed to be about a woman cutting herself to committing suicide, or if it is about a miscarriage or an abortion I am not thrilled with the meter of the piece. I would like to see the thoughts conveyed in this clearer, and more work on the meter.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Dr Gupta.

I want to applaud you courage in posting this poem that many on this site would find so disturbing or offensive. What I found as disturbing was the responses that you posted by people who were supposed to review your piece on its literary merit and could manage to do that simple basic thing, and instead attacked one of your most basic rights as an American guaranteed by the First Amendment- the freedom of speech- which includes writing poems and publicly distributing them. A MODERATOR should KNOW better!

I normally do not review poetry unless I am greatly moved by it, so with that in mind I found the rhyme and meter well done and the concepts well conveyed.

Wars have been waged for thousands of years by most countries under the guise of religion. Most, if not all have had monetary and political motivations at their core.The wars that our country experienced- some befre we even became a country were motivated by greed- The French and Indian War was one such war and it in turn triggered the cause of the American Revolution. Would America have ever been born as a country if the colonies had felt they were being dealt with in a fair MONETARY way by England? You are correct in chastising reviewers in not knowing our own history. what disturbs me, is the history that is being made right now. We as a country in the past few years have been violationg the UN and Geneva Convention treaties on the treatment of prisoners of war. How can we expect foeign countries to treat our people when captured to be treated proplerly when we haven't been 'following the rules" ourselves? Another issue is the detention of citizens with out arrest, arraignment and a speedy trial when they are thought to be connected to terrorism. Since 9-11, Terrorism has become the all consuming boogey man, a free pass for the government to trample on the constitution.

I recently heard of a person being arrested for buying hyderogen peroxide, acetone (fingernail polish remover) and muratic acid (used in swiming pools to lower the pH). Will next summer a whole slew of housewives be arrested for buying these same products, because it can be used to make a bomb? The news inaccurately said the this was a weapon of "Mass Destruction." I thought that terminology was reserved for atomic, biological and exteremly potent gases like sarin. A bomb made of these chemicals isn't that much more that the silly toilet bowl cleaner and pop bottle ones kids mess about with. Dangerous yes, mass destruction- only if they had a tanker full.

Keep writing, so people will keep THINKING!
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28
Review of Eyeless  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a well constructed creepy tale. My only questions are about the ending- Sally is speared through the chest in a room and Timmy dies from an aneuysm while doctors, nurses and childern watch-- Were Sally and Timmy some sort of lab experiment? Or are they being persecuted because of their weirdness?
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Review of 2006 Drawing  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Zorse (a zebra is the father) or a Horbra (a Horse is the father)-- the stripes are not as bold and the animals are like mules- they are sterile.

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Review of The Truth is-  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I knew a Helen Hunnicut who lived in Michigan and also had horses, any relation?

Your piece is well written, with powerful emotions evoked. It just need to be broken up into paragraphs. I suggest the following edits:

The staccato beat of an ancient, primeval drum to whose pace our hearts race to meet. It is the thrumming of his four hooves against the unyielding earth. The rhythmic snort of air that synchronizes to the pace of the ground disappearing beneath us. It is the sound of his effort. The contraction and extension of muscles as they flawlessly work together to propel his thousand-pound body over the waving and seemingly insubstantial grass.

It is the feeling of power.

The gradual tangling of mane and softness of worn leather rubbing against my hands as his head extends forward, eager to see what lies ahead.

It is unity.

It is a moment of sensory overload that gives the surrounding world clarity so vivid no microscope can match its natural, unaffected power, but, it is fleeting, merely a transient second in the midst of an eternity. Knowing the moment is about to slip away, I revel for a moment in the feeling of knowing something that I never knew before. Then, the beat of his stride slows almost imperceptibly and the gossamer cloak of humanity falls quickly over my eyes once again.

The Truth which was evident to me during that brief moment of freedom is now gone, lost to the endless hunger of an ever present Time. I am left with a strange, mixed emotion of knowing that I was one heartbeat away from grasping this higher Truth that only my horse could reveal to me. The hole in my heart left by this knowledge throbs with longing for that unattainable Truth.

But, Sitting atop his back, the heaving of his sides brings reality back to the forefront of my thoughts. I shake my head to clear it of the remaining drops of that Truth and laugh softly at his exertion. He seems to snicker back at me as he clears the stale air from his lungs in one giant breath of air. I pat the side of his neck and sigh, happily lost in my thoughts.


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In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Title:The Accident Chapter 3
Author: Numb Hands
Plot: Saphire is picked up by Damien to be taken to his grandmother for witch’s training. On the way they are ambushed
Characters: Damien- A good looking male vampire that doesn’t eat people, and is cranky in the morning. Saphire- a woman with red hair that just learned she is a witch and has premonitions, Alex- Damiens Grandfather- also a vampire. Marcus- a tall evil vampire. Yori- a female werewolf that wants to be on the side of good
Setting/referencing: Modern times- use of modern vehicles and appliances. The scenes and world this story is taking place in needs more inclusion in the prose. An explanation as to why normal humans don’t know/see this magical world should also be gently worked in.
Grammar/voice: There are some problems with punctuation, using commas when periods, question marks or exclamation points are needed. There also places where you need to remove spaces around quotes.
Just my opinion:I know that this is a magical world filled with all sorts of creatures, but I feel that the book and the story would be better served if you limited the number of creatures and characters. Develop Saphire, Damien and Alex’s personalities, physical descriptions, and actions before adding any other characters to the mix. Secondary characters can be used to show the personalities of your main characters, but let them act as a springboard for the main characters actions.
Flesch reading ease: 87.3
Flesch-Kincaid grade level: 3.5
Sentence underlined are within 5% in length or meter of one another. Consider revising one.
Words in blue are the DREADED–ly ending words/ adverbs. Consider revising to use a stronger verb.



Damien showed up at Saphire’s door at exactly six am. He wasn’t trying to refuse her offer for coffee, he just wasn’t good at getting up early. Before he had the chance to knock the door flew open. this paragraph is very confusing you have him refusing coffee before he even knocks on the door or sees her. Rather than telling us that Damien isn’t good at getting up early show us; below is an example of how you can show some of this same information in a different variation.
As the sun rose in the east, a tired and cranky Damien reached for the brass horse head knocker on Saphire’s door. Before he could even bang it once, the door flew open revealing an upset, wild-eyed Saphire. He moved towards her, wanting to fold her in his arms and protect her from what ever had her so frightened. She took a step back and seemed to collapse against the heavy oak door.
“Saphire, what’s wrong?” Alarm tainted Damien’s silken voice.
Her eyes still focused on something unseen, she whispered, “It was the dream again.” She shook her already tousled fiery locks and fixed her gaze on his pale drawn face.
“Oh, Damien! I’m sorry. I’ve forgotten my manners. Please come in, and I will make some coffee. You look like you could use some.” Saphire’s eyes flew wide open, and her hand to her mouth, with a gasp she added, “Oh my! Do you even ahh… drink coffee?” A slow blush crept up her neck and face.

“Damien is that you?” Saphire looked very upset.

“Yes, what happened? Is everything okay?” He stepped inside.

“Everything’s fine. I had another dream that’s all.” She shook her head to clear her mind.

“Do you want to talk about it? We can have coffee, and leave in an hour if you want.” Damien tried to patted her silken clad arm in an effort to calm her. (This is an example of how you show Damien trying to calm her rather than telling. In fiction showing is always better than telling)

“Sure, the kitchen is this way.” The kitchen was decorated with the lake in mind reflected the natural setting of Witch Lake. The floors were a water deep water blue tile, and like the house there was a huge island in the middle. The cabinets were made of from the wood of the live oak trees surrounding the lake, and the appliances were stainless steel. A set of glass French doors opened up to the wrap-around porch. Saphire was a very clean person, absolutely nothing was out of place. Everything in the kitchen was hung on its hook or setting in its place on the counter; not even a dirty fork was to be found in the sink( This sentence shows us that she is a very neat and tidy person, someone who like and probably needs order in her life

“I don’t want to upset you, but what was your dream about?” Damien sat on the bar stool next to the island.

“We (Who is we? She and Damien, or was it Stacy or Doc with her—or someone else?)) were driving on a deserted road, suddenly there was a black mist in front of us. We were looking for a way around it when we were attacked you and I were driving along this long rough dirt road with forest on both sides, and then this fog, no more like sooty mist enveloped the Avalanche. We couldn’t see the road or anything, and had to stop. Sitting there in total blackness, the car began to bounce, shake and vibrate, as if something very large was smashing into it over and over again, trying to get at us. That’s where I woke up. by something. I’m not sure what attacked us, because I woke up as it came running towards us.” She took two cups out of the cabinet.

“Do you think maybe it was a premonition? I mean how many times have you had a dream that came true?” Damien looked at her, and lost his train of thought. Her hair was still a mess from her rough night of sleep. The robe she wore was a thick cotton material, a few rips on the seams. He couldn’t tell what she had on under the pink robe, but he found himself imagining. ‘Even rumpled and unprepared for the day she was a stunning woman,’ he thought. How old is Saphire supposed to be?, or any of the others? Is she an 18 year old very young woman, 25 year old, 35, 40?

“Before yesterday it had never happened. Why do you think this is all happening now? I know you said something about a prophecy, but why am I just now figuring out about who I really am.” Saphire placed smacked the coffee pot and cups on the island counter top a little harder than necessary .

“I really don’t know. My grandmother might be able to tell you why, I know witches are different from other magical creatures in a lot of ways.” Damien shrugged his shoulders. “For instance a witches blood is poison to a vampire. If one of my kind was to drink the blood of a witch we would burst into flames.”

“Oh that’s horrible. You’re telling me that my blood could kill you.” Seems like it would be more like relief that she wouldn’t have to worry about him taking a little snack on her Saphire trembled from the chill that went down her spine. The thought of being able to kill this man with nothing but her blood terrified her.

“ Unfortunately yes, however I am not a normal vampire remember. I eat regular food, I can go outside during the day. Yecomma your blood is very dangerous to me, nevertheless I do know how to restrain myself.” He sipped his coffee.

“How is it you can eat human food anyway any way?” Saphire asked.

“I have my grandmother to thank for that. My grandmother She is a very accomplished witch, as I have mentioned before. She loves to help others, and when she met my grandfather he was in a bad state of mind. At that time he still had to drink blood consistently , and he felt like a monster. Well, this part of the story is better told by him. Anyway she felt sorry for took pity on him, so she decided and was determined to see if there was anything she could do for him. She worked day and night for months, until one day she discovered a special root.” Damien started pacing the floor. (Finish with the root tale before switching topics—or give just a little more information that says it ‘changed’ him as a teaser to keep us reading to find out how the vamps were changed) “Are you feeling okay enough to leave? I have a feeling it is time to go.”

“All right, just let me shower and change. My bags are already packed. They are sitting by the door if you want to put them in the truck.” Saphire closed the bathroom door.

Damien grabbed the bags, and walked out the door. He decided to take a few minutes and walk around the property. The house was located about 100 feet off the beach. It looked like Saphire put a lot of thought into her property. Explain- how did it look like she put a lot of thought into the property? Show us with your words—the words paint the pictures in our minds- don’t tell us that it looked like a lot of thought went into the property- as your idea and hillbilly Bucks idea maybe radically different) It was a relaxing environment, the smell of the lake blending with the flowers and trees. A completely natural smell, no smog or days old trash disturbing the nostrils. He could get used to a place like this.

“Damien are you ready?” Saphire walked up behind him.

“Yeah, I just got distracted I guess. Have you ever thought about turning your home into a Inn bed and breakfast ? You have an absolutely perfect set up.” He smiled and walked back to the truck.

“I considered it for a little while, but I decided I liked my peace and quiet to much. However I was actually I am thinking about building a B&B on the other side of the Lake lake . See when When my Grandma Emma passed on she left me everything of hers . She owned everything on and around this lake, and now of course it is all it’s mine. I don’t need that much property, so I thought if I put a B&B over there,” Saphire pointed to the southern shore. “Then I could still have my privacy, but I could share the beauty at the same time.”

“Sounds like a good idea. Maybe May be someday you can still do that.” Damien gave a weak smile.

They headed out of town. Saphire kept quiet (here is a perfect place to describe some of her or Damien’s thoughts during the first half of the trip. She mostly just watched out the window occasionally stealing a glance at Damien whenever he wasn’t looking. She was nervous about this whole thing, taking a trip with someone she didn’t know, to a place she didn’t know, to learn about things she had always believed were just fiction. If she hadn’t dreamt about this she never would have agreed to this trip. Nevertheless, something inside told her it had to be done. She had to find out what was going on.

“Damien I don’t remember ever being on this road, yet it looks oddly familiar,” Saphire finally spoke up.

“Familiar how?” He glanced at her.

“I think it might be the road from my dream.” Saphire looked around frantically describe what a person looks like when they are looking around frantically—SHOW us rather than telling us. . “It is, see that field over there.” She pointed out her window, “In about 3 three (Always spell out words under one-hundred) more miles there will be another field, the road will be blocked by the black mist I spoke of. The field will be covered with logs, boulders, and old farming debris.” Saphire turned to see Damien watching her every move. “Is there any other road to take?”

“ Lets Let’s see if you are right first.” Damien wanted to trust her, but he also wanted to get her to his grandparents as fast as possible. This was the quickest way after all. shortest route.

“I know I am right. Damien, I don’t know what is going on, but I do know that if we are attacked I won’t have a clue how to get us out of it.” Saphire. was panicking Show us her panicking state- what is she doing- is her heart racing, is she breathing fast and shallow, sweating, trying to climb over the seat, out the door??? How does Damien know she is freaking—what is he seeing. Show don’t tell.

Damien pulled to the side of the road. “I am going to call Grandfather. I need to let him know where we are. Maybe one of them can help.” He dialed the number.

“Alex here,” his grandfather answered.

“It’s me,” Damien said. “ I have found Saphire, we are on County Road 12 about 6 miles from Elmgate.”

“That’s wonderful. How long before you get here?” You could hear the Excitement rang in Alex’s voice.

“I’m not sure, that is why I am calling. Saphire had a dream last night about our trip. In this dream we were ambushed by something hiding in a black mist that covered the road we are on now.” Damien tried to explain.

“Damien listen, if you see the mist do not go through it. Find another way around, but get here quickly ,” Alex demanded.

“Why are the others after her Grandfather? I thought they didn’t know of the prophecy.” Damien looked at Saphire.

“ Unfortunately we have discovered that not all of the watchers are truly on our side. Damien we have a spy in our ranks.” His brow furrowed as he spoke of the treachery. in third person you need to stay with one setting—you can hear Alex, but unless you are using a videophone you wouldn’t see his brow furrow, because the narrator is with Damien and Saphire

“All right, keep an eye out. We will be there soon.” Damien hung up. “We need to get out of here now. It looks like you were right, but we have to go this way. It is the fastest way to Elmgate, and we do not have time to turn around. Just hold on tight, and make sure you’re buckled up.” Damien got back on the road.

“How are we going to get by the mist though,” Saphire asked.

“If you are correct about the field next to the road, then I suppose we will have to go off road. This truck is made to do more than look good.” Damien gave her a wicked grin.

“Oh no, that field is covered with debris. There is no way we can make it through safely .” She pulled her seat belt tighter.

“Try to give me a few minutes warning before we get to the spot please.” Damien concentrated on the road.

“Here is your warning then. The spot is around the next curve.” Saphire’s entire being had begun to glow. “What ever is out there must be strong. I have never felt this sensation of evil so strongly Isn’t this only the second time she has felt evil? She doesn’t have a good reference basis for this sentence. Possibly re-write as: What ever is out there must be very powerful. I thought the goblin yesterday made me feel ill, but what ever is up ahead makes him seem mild. I think I am going to be sick.” .”

“I thought.. Never mind we will discuss this later.” Damien saw the enormous black mist covering the road. He stopped 100 feet from the mist. “Hold on tight. I am switching to four wheel drive.” He pushed the 4x4 button on the dash of his truck, and floored the gas.

The field was exactly as Saphire had described. Huge boulders, rotten logs, and old farm equipment littered the entire area. It resembled a long uncared for corn field. Someone must have decided it was no longer worth farming. Damien kept glancing out the rearview mirror to make sure they were not being followed.

“Damien look out, !” Saphire braced for impact.

Looking out the windshield Damien saw what Saphire was talking about. A massive werewolf stood directly in their path. There was no way to avoid hitting the creature, they were going to too fast and it was to too big. He decided to run right into it, hoping to injure it bad badly enough to give them time to get away.

“Saphire as soon as I tell you, I want you to jump out of the truck and run. Do you understand?” Damien unbuckled himself. It seems pretty dumb to leave the safety of the vehicle, what is Damien’s motivation for doing this? It needs to make sense to the reader that they have a better chance of getting away on foot that in a sturdy truck.

“What, ! ” Saphire screamed.

“Now!” Damien jumped out of the truck.

Saphire ripped her seatbelt off and jumped. They both rolled away from the truck. Damien was the first to get up, he ran to Saphire’s side. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” They turned to watch as the truck slammed into the werewolf. A loud howl was heard as the truck struck him it in the right hip.

“Follow me.” Damien started to run for the forest.

“Right behind you.” Saphire ran as fast as she could, but something grabbed her from behind. “Damien help.” Saphire turned to see the werewolf still howling and limping away. Whatever had her was invisible. “How can I fight something I can not see, ?” she She thought to herself. “Damien I can’t see what ever has a hold on me.”

Damien turned around to see Saphire struggling with an unknown source. “Let your subconscious take over, maybe that will help.”What is he doing? What does he see? How is she struggling? He says this too calmly.

Saphire closed her eyes, suddenly she felt a strong electric jolt course through her body. The pressure around her waist disappeared; she turned around to see a tall man standing six and a half feet tall behind her.

“You are a strong witch, but I am stronger.” The man tried to grab her again.

“Don’t touch her again !” Damien was at her side. “Marcus how could you do this to us. We trusted you.” Marcus had been a Watcher with Alex Damien glared daggers at the white haired burly Watcher. “At least we know who our traitor is.”

“Damien, I am sorry. You see Andreas promised me more than I could have imagined, and all I have to do is bring this lovely witch to him. Maybe I will take her to him unharmed or maybe not.” Marcus began to laugh.

“You are not taking her any where anywhere . Saphire run for the woods !” Damien took up a defensive stance What does his stance look like, what is his expression, what does marcus do in reaction to Damien? Does Saphire run? . “I will protect her with my life. You will not touch her again.”

“My dear friend, you do not want to fight me. I can get you in the good graces of Andreas. He will make all your wishes come true.”

“I stopped being your friend when you started your treacherous acts Also I will never bow to Andreas. He is an evil warlord who cares nothing for the innocent. Actually He will probably destroy you when he realizes you have failed.” Damien leaped at him.

“I am too strong for you Damien, give up while you still have the chance.” Marcus laughed again.

“He might not be strong enough to defeat you, but I am,” a strong male voice that only Damien recognized.

“Grandfather, what are you doing here?” Damien watched as Alex stepped between them.

“Damien just take Saphire to your Grandmother, I will take care of Marcus.” Alex glared at Marcus. “Saphire is waiting for you in the forest, find her and go.”

“I can’t leave you,” Damien said pleaded.

“ I will I’ll be fine, Saphire does not need to see this. Take her where she will be safe, I will be there shortly . Go now!”

“Alex don’t you want your grandson to see your demise?” Marcus was no longer laughing. He knew his fight would be a lot more challenging now.


“It would not be my demise he would witness.” Alex prepared himself for the battle.

Damien could hear the battle commencing as he went in search of Saphire. He reached the tree line and saw her watching the two vampires in the field.

“Your Grandfather is a sweet man. He told me to stay here and wait for you.” Saphire wiped her face as a single tear ran down her cheek. “Will he be okay?”

“He is a strong man, he will be fine. Come we must get you to Elmgate, Only there will you be safe.” Damien took her hand, and started the long walk to town.

Behind them the fight continued Alex side stepped a kick from Marcus, and came back with a punch to the face. They moved so fast it looked as if a tornado was in the field. He tried to kick Marcus in the face only to send an antique tractor hurtling threw through the sky. His head turned to the left as a fist missed him by mere inches. Finally Alex landed a kick square in Marcus’s ribs. You could hear the bones cracking inside.

“You have not won, you’ve only started the war sooner. Be sure and to keep your new pet protected at all times.” Marcus’s voice was rough with pain. “We will return with a stronger force, we will not be defeated. This witch can not undo what Andreas has worked so hard to achieve.” He grabbed his chest as he collapsed.

“You my friend shall not return to anyone.” Alex drove a stake into the once true heart of Marcus. He stood to walk away only then realizing they had an audience. “You shall not succeed in taking me down,” he said to the werewolf.”

“I do not wish to harm you. I would like to join your side. I have never liked my life style, I do not like being a monster.” This werewolf sounded feminine. “I tried to stop those two earlier to warn them, but they thought I was evil. my intentions were to harm them. I cannot don’t blame them, my kind has always been bad. I do not think any in history have turned to tried to be the good. Please can you help me?”

“What is your name young one,” Alex asked.

“I am known as Yori San Tiano, and you are?” She held out a paw as if to shake his hand.

“Alex Duates, now how do I know you are not lying to me? If I take you home to my family how do I know you will not hurt them?” Alex watched her very carefully for any sign that she lied. what does she actually look like? Size color, on 2 legs or 4? Describe how Alex is studying her—how would he know if she is lying?

“Andreas has never been nice to me. He has beaten me numerous times, forced himself upon me if this is for the YA audience remove “forced himself upon me—that is a RED FLAG in the YA genre.) , and degraded me in front of every creature in our army. I do not deserve such treatment, when I demanded better of him he tried to kill me. I will not return to him under any circumstance.” She sniffed as if she were crying.

“I will trust you, however be forewarned if you try to harm anyone in my town you will be destroyed immediately .” She should have to earn his trust, not just get it on her word—remember kids usually have heard the “Little Red Riding Hood” tale, so trusting a wolf on it’s word would have most kids a bit skeptical.

“I swear I will do no harm to anyone, but the evil. Thank you greatly for aiding me. I will someday return the favor.” They walked towards the town discussing the events that had unfolded.
Word and Sentence Analysis
Document: tha accident.doc
Directory: F:\personal\my writing\reviews to do
Document Date: 9/19/2009 9:45:38 PM
Date of Analysis: 9/19/2009


WORD USAGE - TOP 25

Words Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
Damien 31 12 3 1 47
Saphire 20 11 5 1 37
will 17 5 3 3 28
have 9 5 6 4 24
Marcus 9 0 2 1 12
know 7 0 3 4 14
road 6 4 1 2 13
that 6 4 5 5 20
Alex 6 5 1 2 14
were 6 0 1 5 12
this 5 6 5 5 21
about 5 3 4 3 15
truck 4 0 3 2 9
field 4 1 1 3 9
right 4 1 0 4 9
blood 4 1 0 1 6
turned 3 0 1 3 7
door 3 0 0 2 5
your 3 5 2 5 15
strong 3 0 2 2 7
there 2 2 3 5 12
like 2 0 2 3 7
mist 2 0 3 2 7
take 2 0 2 4 8
everything 2 0 0 2 4


PHRASE USAGES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I do not 2 1 0 1 4
I know you 1 0 0 2 3
could hear the 0 0 1 2 3
out of the 1 0 0 2 3
a lot of 0 0 0 2 2
but I am 0 0 1 1 2
as fast as 0 0 0 2 2
do you think 0 1 0 1 2
Damien tried to 0 0 0 2 2
Damien looked at 0 0 0 2 2
a black mist 0 0 0 2 2
I'm not sure 0 0 0 2 2
in the field 0 1 0 1 2
a few minutes 0 0 0 2 2
have to go 0 1 0 1 2
next to the 0 0 0 2 2
he tried to 0 0 0 2 2
Hold on tight 0 0 1 1 2
I do know 0 0 0 2 2
I have never 0 0 0 2 2


PHRASE USAGES - 4-WORD PHRASES - ALL

4-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
do I know you 1 0 0 1 2
turned around to see 1 0 0 1 2
out of the truck 1 0 0 1 2
how do I know 1 0 0 1 2
Saphire turned to see 0 0 0 2 2
You could hear the 0 0 0 2 2


PHRASE USAGES - 5-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

5-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
how do I know you 1 0 0 1 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 1-WORD - TOP 20

1-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
Damien 24 11 4 1 40
I 20 9 4 3 36
He 9 3 6 5 23
Saphire 3 7 7 2 19
She 1 5 1 5 12
The 3 1 2 5 11
You 5 1 0 4 10
We 2 1 0 4 7
It 2 0 0 5 7
Alex 3 0 1 3 7
They 1 0 0 5 6
Marcus 2 0 2 1 5
My 0 0 2 2 4
How 0 0 1 3 4
If 0 0 0 4 4
A 0 0 1 3 4
This 0 1 0 3 4
Do 0 0 1 2 3
I'm 0 0 0 3 3
Maybe 0 0 0 3 3


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 2-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

2-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I will 2 0 1 2 5
I am 0 0 0 4 4
I have 0 0 0 4 4
I do 1 1 0 1 3
Do you 0 0 1 2 3
Damien I 0 0 0 2 2
Damien started 0 0 0 2 2
Damien looked 0 0 0 2 2
Are you 0 0 0 2 2
Damien gave 0 0 0 2 2
You could 0 0 0 2 2
Damien tried 0 0 0 2 2
Damien was 0 0 1 1 2
I don't 0 0 0 2 2
He is 0 0 0 2 2
Damien took 0 0 0 2 2
I know 0 0 0 2 2
The field 0 0 0 2 2
All right 0 0 0 2 2
My grandmother 0 0 1 1 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I do not 1 1 0 1 3
I'm not sure 0 0 0 2 2
I have never 0 0 0 2 2
Damien looked at 0 0 0 2 2
He decided to 0 0 0 2 2
Damien tried to 0 0 0 2 2
Saphire turned to 0 0 0 2 2
You could hear 0 0 0 2 2

SENTENCE STATISTICS

Number of sentences: 253
Average Sentence Length: 9.6 words
Longest Sentence: 32 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 5.1 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 75 %


I would be glad to re-rate after any revisions-- just send me a "please read" request.

Lyn
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Review of Pan Ghillie  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is an incredibly creepy, chilling story. I understand the need for the Ghillie suit when out in the park (make those ants- fire ants and he won't stand for their bites for very long!), but would think the use of the super tiny 2.4 ghz wireless cameras would be more suited to observing the girl while in her apartment. Using the 'laundry ghillie' and mastrubating shows that the researcher isn't doing this for pure research reasons, but has voyeristic issues of his own, and should be subjected to study himself. *Smile* Good job!
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In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Title: Chapter 2 Saphire’s Discovery
Author Numb Hands
Plot: Girl learns she is a witch in confrontation with a goblin
Characters: Saphire- the girl sought out by the young good looking vampire Damien to be trained in witchcraft, Stacy- Saphire’s fried who can read aura’s and Doc- Saphire’s surrogate grandfather, Atrune- the goblin
Setting & referencing: Confusing- modern times—use of SUV Avalance, but the city has more of the feel of the Wizard of Oz Emerald City to it.
Grammar: missing question marks, commas and quotes not next to the words.
Just my opinion: Do a very detailed character study history, characteristics, mannerisms, ways of speaking of your main characters. WDC has some classes on character development that will help your characters feel three dimensional. As written they are more one and two dimensional. Without the characters feeling like real people to you, they can not come alive for us the reader.

Flesch reading Ease: 87.6
Flesch-Kinccaid Grade level: 3.6
Sentences that are within 5% of length or meter of one another. Consider a revision for variation.
The dreaded ly ending words/ adverbs consider revising to a stronger verb



The fire ball in the sky shined brighter than ever. The temperature was warm with the fiery rays. Small clouds provided just the right amount of shade. A gentle breeze cooled off the hot spots. Tulips reached up to grab the light. People sat in the grass enjoying the warmth. Everyone smiled, laughed, had fun being together. Parents watched as their children ran. Birds chirped their songs, everybody in love, no one left out. ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if the whole world could be so happy? ’ Saphire thought to herself as she relaxed in the park. In this paragraph you use a lot of very short sentences. Try combining some of them into longer compound more descriptive prose.

‘What could go wrong on such a beautiful day?’ Saphire lay down on the grass, and shut her eyes. Little did she know ruby eyes watched her from the bushes. (Warts oozing yellow puss--warts are usually dry, scaly, not pustules) covered his face. Pure evil spied on the happy people, and waited. for the right time to destroy all that was good.

“Saphire, what’s wrong?” Stacy sat down next to her.

“Nothing why?” She sat up.

“Honey look at your hands. They are glowing,” Stacy said.

Saphire gasped as she looked at her hands. They were glowing a bright violet. “O h my, what is this?” As she looked down, she realized her entire body glowed the same violet color. Is she naked? Or does the light show through her clothing? Why isn’t she freaking out? If she thinks she is a normal girl and this happens she’d most likely freak.

“Saphire. I think there is something evil around here,” Stacy said hesitantly. Who is Stacy? How old is she? What are her mannerisms? Why would she say this to Saphire—same questions for Saphire…

“Hey now just because I am I’m doing something weird doesn’t mean I am I’m evil.” Saphire was offended.

“Sweetie there is a lot of things about this world you do not seem to be aren’t aware of yet. Please let us go somewhere else to discuss this. I have a really bad feeling.” Stacy was pacing on the soft green grass.

“Can you explain what is going on? Why I am glowing like this.” Saphire stood perplexed by what was going on. Don’t other people notice this glowing person?

“I may not be able to explain everything, but I know someone who can.” Stacy was surveying the entire park as she began to head towards Crystal’s Bakery. We need a hint of back story here—are these girls, women, does Stacy have special abilities or knowledge?

“Wait.” Saphire stopped in mid stride. “Something is here I can feel it. I may not know what is going on, but I do know I can’t leave just yet.” Saphire was confused. She knew she needed to leave, however something was lurking somewhere waiting. This scene feels awkward—it hasn’t been set up in the story line enough yet. She couldn’t leave all these happy people without knowing what was going on. “Over here Stacy. The feeling gets stronger when I walk towards the trees over here.”

Saphire was walking straight towards the creature hiding in the bushes. The closer she got the brighter she glowed. When she got about 5 five (spell out all words less than one-hundred) feet from the disgusting thing it jumped out at her. You need to show the 2 women’s reactions to the sudden appearance of the goblin.

“I have been watching you,” the creature said with a voice that sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

“Stacy, what is this thing.”

Its eyes bulged out of it‘s head. what else does it look like other than bug eyed and puss oozing? Hair, color, one or six arms, fingers? Legs? Teeth? Does it stink? etc. paint us a picture with words, always show, not tell. It was wheezing with every breath, while puss oozed out of the boils on its body. “My master would like a word with you. He says you are the key to our victory. Come with me, and you shall have all the answers you need,” the creature said.

“Saphire, this thing is called a goblin. Do not Don’t trust him. Goblins, in all my life, I have never come across a good goblin. Please, we must get out of here. I have no idea how to defeat it.”

“Saphire is it, beautiful name. I shall return the favor and tell you my name, I am Atrune. I am the prince of the goblins. I wish you no harm, I am just here to ask you to come with me to speak to my master,” He wheezed out. example: add- of his fat, snot-encrusted, pig snout.

“I am sorry Atrune. I cannot can’t go with you. Please tell your master that I do apologize, but I do not believe it is the best thing for me.” Saphire turned to walk away. If this thing is as gross and evil as I suppose it should be, I would think Stacy would be trying to drag her away and she’d be spinning on her heels ready to run. She is being way too polite!

“You will be sorry witch.” Atrune raised his arms to strike out at Saphire. Why doesn’t she react to being called a witch?

“Saphire! Watch out,” Stacy yelled. What is Stacy doing during this conversation and at the time she yells? Add Stacey yelled as she pulled on Saphire’s sleeve so hard it tore at the shoulder.

Saphire turned in time to avoid the black ball of mist coming at her. “What the…” As she looked at Atrune, she knew she would not be able to leave without a fight. How was she supposed to fight this thing though. ? She had no idea what to do. “Listen. I do not wish to fight.” Standing there telling a goblin she didn’t want to fight after he’d just attacked her makes her sound a bit dense. She needs to react.

“So sorry. A goblin apologizing? After attacking? I was told that if you refuse to come with me I am to destroy you. Please enjoy your last moments. Also for your peace of mind, when I am finished with you I will destroy the so called beautiful town of Serenity.” Either remove these sentences or make this goblin much more scary, menacing, terrifying, and have the women behave accordingly. Atrune positioned himself for another attack.

“Not this time.” Saphire wasn’t sure what to do, but she braced herself. She noticed the violet light surrounding her was even brighter. “I may not know what I am doing, however I do know you will not but I won’t let you hurt my friends.” The angrier she got the stronger she felt. “You will fall now,” Seeing she hasn’t a clue as to what she is doing these words are out of place here. as she said this a gigantic ball of light flew from her hands and hit Atrune directly in the chest. What happens to Atrune when the ball hits him? Does it hurt, does he get burned, frozwn, get the wind knocked out of him, grunt, howl, go up in flames, melt, shrivel, his boils explode?

“You are stronger than we thought. This is not over. We shall return.” Atrune disappeared in a gust of black powder. Does he do something in order to turn into this puff of powder? Waggle his donkey ears, pop a nose zit, blink, swat his stingray-like tail?

“Saphire are you okay?” Stacy ran to Saphire’s side just in time to catch her. “Saphire oh God please wake up.” How big is each woman? Are they in pants, short dresses or long gowns?

Stacy picked Saphire (is Saphire a small child? Or Stacy a big strong woman?) up and started heading for the Wagon Wheel Diner. ‘Doc will know what to do,” she thought to herself. Stacy turned onto Honey Street, and noticed the newer Avalanche parked in front of the diner. ‘Should I still take her there? What if the stranger (You refer to stranger, and it leaves a big question in my mind—is Doc the stranger or someone else?) is not a good one? Forget it I have to get her help now. I will have to take my chances.’

“Doc!” Stacy busted into the diner. “Doc I need your help now,” She she yelled.

“Stacy what is going,” Doc paused as he noticed Saphire unconscious in her arms. “What happened?”

“We were in the park, Atrune a goblin prince was there. He said something about his master wanting her, and when she refused he attacked. He didn’t touch her though, somehow she managed to run him off. After he disappeared she passed out,” she rushed out in one breath.

“It sounds like she used her power, and since she is untrained it drained her. Bring her back into my office, She needs to rest.” Doc held the door to his office. Doc seems to take this all too calmly. Is this a fantasy world hidden from normal mortal eyes? Or an alternate reality?

“Is she okay?” Came a new voice.

Stacy turned to see a man with long black hair pulled back, ice blue eyes, and a gorgeous body behind Doc. “Who are you?”

“I am Damien Duates. I am here at the request of my Grandfather Alex Duates. Please is she okay?” He sat next to Saphire’s limp body on the couch. ‘Hair the color of flames, so far she matches, but grandfather never once said she would be so beautiful,’ he thought to himself. put internal thoughts in italics

“I believe she will be fine. Nevertheless, if she doesn’t get some training soon I can’t make any promises.” Doc turned to Stacy. “You said the goblins name was Atrune. Did he say who his master was, or why he wanted to speak to Saphire.” He looked at her with impatience in his eyes. What does the surroundings, look, and smell like? What does Doc look like. You can use movements, gestures etc as dialogue tags to show surroundings and mannerisms.

“He never said who his master was, he just said that his master told him Saphire was the key to their victory,” she paused. “Doc what is going on?”

“Stacy it is time for us to talk, Damien please join us. You have some insight as to what is going on.” Doc proceeded to a booth.

The ceilings were low, candles floating through the room. Are they floating in thin air? Ala harry Potter-ish magical ways? People were quietly talking about their own busy days as the three sat down. The walls were decorated with pictures of the old west. Miniature covered wagons were placed through out the diner. Old wooden wagon wheels hung on the walls. The smell of hamburger grease and frying oil mingled together in the air.

“Damien why don’t you tell Stacy why you are here. It might help to explain some of what is going on.” Doc looked meaningfully at him.

“All right. My grandfather sent me on a quest. A, a quest to find a woman. This woman is a very important part of the war between good and evil. I am not to too sure of all the details; I do know however that Saphire seems to be the woman that the prophecy and my grandfather are looking for.” Damien took a sip of his water. “Doc please, tell me she is going to be okay.”

“She will be fine.” He turned towards the pretty blonde woman. “Now Stacy, I will tell you what I know. About 75 years ago a prophecy was told, who told this prophecy? they spoke of a witch that was to be powerful enough to take down the Army of Destruction. It was said if the dark side got a hold of her all the good in the world would suffer. At the same time it was said, if the good got her then all the evil would be put in its place. That is all I know of the prophecy.”

“I understand Doc, but how do we know who is on the good side and the bad.” Stacy looked at Damien.

“Do not fret. Damien has all ready passed the test. He is on the good side, he means us no harm. I am hoping I can convince Saphire to go with him. Damien’s grandmother is a wonderful witch and would be able to help her immensely.” It seems like Stacy would want some sort of proof. Also where is Saphire at this point? Laying on the floor, slumped in a chair?

They sat in silence for a moment while everyone considered what had been said. The door to the office came open in a hurry.

“I will not let you hurt the innocent people of this town Atrune,” Saphire yelled. Is she now standing yelling this?

“Saphire its okay.” Damien was the first at her side. “Atrune is gone. You scared him off. Come sit with us and relax. You must be hungry.”

“Who are you?” Saphire looked at the man helping her to the booth. When he smiled, she noticed he had cute little dimples, “How did I get here? Stacy what happened?”

“Saphire this is Damien, he is here to help. Everything will be okay. I’m not positive about what happened, but whatever you did it took a lot out of you. You passed out, and I brought you to Doc at the Wagon Wheel Diner here ,” Stacy said.

Saphire took a look around her , and realized she was definitely in the diner. She noticed Doc looked at her with concern filling his bright blue eyes. He was an old man, he didn’t need all this stress. “I’m sorry.” She looked at the floor embarrassed.

“There is no need to apologize, you have had a traumatic event. Damien has been looking for you, and I believe you should talk to him. He can help you in ways that no one else can.” Doc reached across the table to give Saphire’s hand a gentle squeeze. This man only stood 4 four foot tall, and yet he could calm anyone down with just a touch.

“Thank you Doc.” Saphire gave a small smile. “Damien is it?” She looked at the man sitting next to Doc, his icy blue eyes stared right back at her. “What can you tell me about that thing in the park.”

“I really don’t know anything about Atrune. However,” Damien could see that she wanted to argue about his statement. “My grandfather might be able to tell us about it.”

“All right then tell me about you, how is it you show up in town at the same time this Atrune does?” She smiled mockingly.

“Well that is a long story, I can tell you that I was sent here by my grandfather to find you. The thing is you seem to have a major role in this prophecy that was made a long time ago. I know that you are not aware of the fact that you are a witch, and I am sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this.” Damien gave her an apologetic look. The flip flopping of perspective and Saphire’s attitude just doesn’t ring true. Most people, learning something this momentous about themselves go through various periods of adjustment from denial, anger, rage, resignation, acceptance to embracing the changes

“There is nothing for you to be sorry about. I figured out that there was something different about me, when Atrune called me a witch. My next question is how do I get trained. I am not sure if I believe all of this, but I do know that if it is true I am going to the good side. I also know that Atrune said he was going to destroy this town and I can not let that happen.” Saphire took a bite of her cheeseburger that the waitress had brought while they talked.

“Saphire please do not worry about our town. We are well protected. No one has told you this because you were not ready, but now we have no choice. The town of Serenity is also known to others as the Magical City. This town is filled with all kinds of creatures. We have many witches, elves, dwarves, and fairies. We also have a few good vampires that come visiting every now and again.” Doc gave Damien a wink. So, has Saphire been blind this whole time to all the weird creatures living in this town?

“Did I just see that? Doc are you saying that Damien is a vampire?” Saphire looked between the two men astonished. She’d had dreams about everything that happened so far, this however was new to her.

“That would explain a lot,” Stacy said from beside Saphire.

“Stacy what do you mean it explains a lot,” Saphire looked at her best friend. They had been close since she started coming out to visit her grandmother many years ago. They looked to be the same age, but Stacy always seemed to know more about the world.

“I mean I can’t see his aura. That rarely happens, yours has always been violet, Doc’s baby blue, but Damien’s I could not see. The only time I can’t see is when I come across a creature that is not what they are supposed to be. Vampires are supposed to be evil, but Damien is a good vampire, therefore I see nothing.” Stacy smiled happily.

“Okay. What does that make you then?”

“I am a seeker, I use my powers to sort out the evil from the good. See if anyone has done black magic then their aura will be covered in a black film.” Stacy got up from the booth. “Now if you will excuse me. I must go and check on the Inn. I have a few visitors coming this afternoon. Saphire I hope to see you later.” Stacy seemed a little nervous talking about herself.

“Bye Stacy. It was nice meeting you.” Damien waved as she walked away.

“If the town is safe then what about the training that I need. How do I get that?” Saphire yawned, she was getting tired again. “In my dreams, which until today I believed were just dreams, I have done magic with an old woman. She was a sweet woman with unbelievable strength.”

“It sounds as if you are speaking of Damien’s grandmother. She is the best witch I have ever met, and can train you better than anyone else I know,” Doc replied.

“So, I must trust Damien to take me to her right,” Saphire glared at Damien. “I will do as you say Doc. Only because you knew Grandma Emma so well. I know you would never do anything to put me in danger.” Saphire smiled at the man she had always thought of as her grandpa.


“I’m sorry Saphire, but if you are coming with me we will need to leave first thing in the morning. I will take you home so you can pack a few things.” Damien slid out of the booth.

“Good bye Doc. I do not know when I will see you again, but please know I always thought of you as my granddad.” Saphire leaned over the table to hug Doc.

“Good bye Saphire. We will meet again, I will always cherish you.” Doc released her first, and walked away without another word.

Saphire followed Damien out of the diner, outside she saw the bright blood red Avalanche. ‘Such a classic color for a vampire to pick, Always black or red,’ she really didn’t want to go with him, but she did want to know what was going on.

“Listen, I live on Witch Lake. Do you know how to get there?” She stopped in front of the truck.

“I think so. Doc was giving me directions just before your friend came running in carrying you.” Damien unlocked the doors. “I will take you home for the night. I am staying at The Fairy Inn room 21. Call if you need anything, otherwise I will be there at six in the morning.”

Saphire sat quietly as Damien made his way to her house. She had a lot of things to think about for the next few hours, this stuff about witches, goblins, seekers, and most of all vampires. ‘What is going to pop up on me next,” she asked herself.

“My house is at the end of Wolf Lane.” She pointed to the road sign.

“Saphire, I just wanted to say that you have taken everything exceptionally well today.” Damien turned onto the dirt road. “I know you have a lot on your plate, and finding everything out at once has to be pretty confusing. Is there anything you would like to know?”

“Not right now. I am still trying to figure out if I am dreaming or not.” Saphire watched out the window. Her house should be coming up any minute.

“What do you mean? Why would you think you were dreaming?” Damien looked at her curiously.

“I have these dreams, and they are very vivid. I’ve been having them since I was 5 years old. Sometimes there are goblins, once there were these black mist creatures, and one time I was surrounded by werewolves among everything else. It’s always very realistic, therefore today just seemed like another dream to me. Except for the fact that I still feel really tired. That’s what makes me believe it is real. Does that make any sense,” she asked him. This information about her dreams- especially if she’d had one about Atrune before seeing him would make this feel more believeable.

“ Actually yes it does. You see my grandfather had a dream about you, that is why I have come to find you. My grandfather is one of the elders for the Watchers, a group of vampires that are determined to keep evil at bay.” Damien stopped in front of Saphire’s house. “How did you defeat that goblin in the park?”

“I don’t know, I got really upset when he said he would destroy the entire town. That is when I closed my eyes, and just let my subconscious take over. I mean what have those happy people ever done to that evil little creature? The next thing I remember after that is waking up in the diner.” She looked out the window at her beautiful home.

The remodeling was finally complete, what had once looked like an old run down shack, now resembled a five star bed and breakfast. Three stories tall, with white siding and a soft blue trim. Big picture windows, with no curtains positioned two on every side of the house. A porch surrounded the entire building, the back of the house looked out over the lake. A beautiful view of the sun set sunset could be seen at dusk. A small portion of the property was dedicated to her love of flowers, tulips, roses, daffodils, and bleeding hearts all mingling together, the way she wished the world could get along. (actually a mixture of plants do not get along as people idealize them in their minds- they each compete for water, sunlight, space, and soil nutrients. Some plants even put out poisons through their roots to kill of the competition (Black walnut tree is a prime example of this adaptation) The rest of the property was surrounded by forest.

“Well, whatever you did it was quick thinking on your part. I am sorry that all of this has been thrown at you.” Damien watched as she got out of the truck. ‘This woman is even more beautiful than I originally thought. I am going to have to be careful around her, she is destined for far greater things than me,’ he thought.

“Thank you for the ride, I will see you in the morning. If you like you can come by early for coffee.” She waved as she walked to the door.

Damien headed back to the Fairy Inn, the whole way thinking about this gorgeous woman he was now responsible for. “Please, take good care of her while she is with you,” the old dwarf Is Doc the ‘old dwarf’? had said right before Stacy had come running in with Saphire. ‘How could I let any harm come to he? She does play a very important role in the war that is to come,’ he thought. However, he could not shake the feeling that there was more to his wanting to protect her.

Word and Sentence Analysis
Document: saphire.docx
Directory: C:\Users\Lyn\Documents
Document Date: 9/18/2009 8:54:18 PM
Date of Analysis: 9/18/2009


WORD USAGE - TOP 25

Words Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
Saphire 30 12 8 3 53
that 30 6 6 5 47
what 13 11 4 4 32
Damien 8 16 4 2 30
Stacy 14 9 3 3 29
this 10 9 3 5 27
with 8 7 3 7 25
know 10 6 4 5 25
have 8 5 4 6 23
about 7 4 4 7 22
will 11 4 3 4 22
said 5 2 4 7 18
looked 6 2 4 5 17
good 5 2 1 7 15
Atrune 7 3 2 3 15
Just 0 2 4 8 14
going 5 3 0 6 14
there 4 3 1 5 13
Come 5 0 2 5 12
would 2 1 2 6 11
here 4 0 2 5 11
Please 0 1 4 6 11
time 1 2 0 7 10
when 2 0 0 8 10
tell 6 1 0 3 10


PHRASE USAGES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
what is going 1 2 0 4 7
is going on 1 2 0 2 5
looked at her 0 0 0 5 5
in the park 0 0 0 4 4
I do know 0 0 0 4 4
be able to 0 0 0 4 4
out of the 0 1 0 3 4
she looked at 0 1 0 3 4
what to do 0 1 1 1 3
in the morning 0 0 1 2 3
but I do 0 0 0 3 3
was going on 0 1 0 2 3
to be the 0 0 0 3 3
the good side 1 0 0 2 3
As she looked 1 0 0 2 3
I do not 0 1 0 2 3
in front of 0 0 0 3 3
what was going 0 1 0 2 3
at the man 0 0 1 2 3
come with me 0 1 1 1 3


PHRASE USAGES - 4-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

4-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
what is going on 1 2 0 2 5
what was going on 0 1 0 2 3
As she looked at 0 0 0 2 2
at the same time 0 0 0 2 2
but I do know 0 0 0 2 2
looked at the man 0 0 1 1 2
may not know what 0 0 0 2 2
How do I get 0 0 0 2 2
of the property was 1 0 0 1 2
I am going to 0 0 0 2 2
I may not know 0 0 0 2 2
I will see you 0 0 0 2 2
I am sorry that 0 0 0 2 2
in front of the 0 0 0 2 2
looked at her with 0 0 0 2 2
not be able to 0 0 0 2 2
a lot of things 0 0 0 2 2
waved as she walked 0 0 0 2 2
I will take you 0 0 1 1 2
are supposed to be 1 0 0 1 2


PHRASE USAGES - 5-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

5-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
it was said if the 1 0 0 1 2
is on the good side 1 0 0 1 2
I will take you home 0 0 1 1 2
I may not know what 0 0 0 2 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 1-WORD - TOP 20

1-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I 26 8 8 3 45
Saphire 18 9 4 3 34
Stacy 7 2 4 4 17
She 4 4 3 6 17
Damien 0 6 6 3 15
The 5 0 3 7 15
Doc 4 6 0 4 14
He 3 3 2 2 10
You 2 2 1 4 9
What 1 1 0 6 8
Please 0 1 1 4 6
We 2 0 1 3 6
It 0 1 1 4 6
My 0 0 2 4 6
This 0 0 0 5 5
A 2 0 0 3 5
They 2 0 0 3 5
Atrune 0 2 0 2 4
That 0 1 0 3 4
How 0 0 0 4 4


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 2-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

2-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I am 3 0 2 7 12
I will 0 1 1 3 5
I have 0 1 1 3 5
I know 0 0 0 3 3
It was 0 0 0 3 3
My grandfather 0 0 0 3 3
She looked 0 1 0 2 3
Stacy what 0 0 0 3 3
I may 1 0 0 2 3
Saphire was 1 0 1 1 3
She had 0 0 0 2 2
I mean 0 0 0 2 2
Damien has 0 0 0 2 2
I think 0 0 0 2 2
Saphire looked 0 0 0 2 2
Good bye 1 0 0 1 2
Saphire turned 1 0 0 1 2
It sounds 0 0 0 2 2
Do not 0 0 0 2 2
I do 0 0 0 2 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 20

3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I may not 1 0 0 2 3
I will take 0 0 1 1 2
Saphire took a 0 0 0 2 2
She looked at 0 1 0 1 2
This woman is 0 0 0 2 2
I am not 0 0 0 2 2
I have a 0 0 0 2 2
I know you 0 0 0 2 2
I am sorry 0 0 0 2 2
I do not 0 0 0 2 2
Who are you 0 0 0 2 2

SENTENCE STATISTICS

Number of sentences: 289
Average Sentence Length: 10.4 words
Longest Sentence: 31 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 6 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 84 %

I would be happy to re-review and rate after you have made edits-- just send me a request.

Lyn
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Review of Last Chance  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written, suspensefull up to the very last paragraph. Only question I have is what did she do with her bloddy clothing? I would think she'd have put them into a plastic bag and either burned, buried, or tossed them (weighted) into a body of water seeing she seems to have thought out the culmination of this action quite thoroughly. A good psychological thriller.
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In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very interesting concept. The idea that zombies are infected by a sporulating type of 'fungi' and given a lowered mental awareness is a good one. It would be interesting to include some hint as to where or how the initial infection started. I personally hate the ideas of zombies in film and writing, as they have never made any sense to me-- If they are dead, why do they seem to have this "instinct" to go after living beings? Your lower mental awareness and biorythms make much more sense that them being truly 'dead."
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Review of Indigestion  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
The thought are very disjointed, anddo not flow with any consistency. Is this supposed to bea human watching channel 327 on TV and someone is breaking into the room. or is it a dog left in a room witha TV on that has to get up and bark in defense of the room being broken into? Or is it something all together different?
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In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Living in Hicksville, Georgia as I do now where EVERYone has a pitbull or bulldog your number 10 cracked me up. The people around here would actually AGREE with me if I tried to use THAT one. Number 7 seems to happent to me every time I walk out of a grocery store-- well it may not be a $100 bucks, but hey- a guy was just MURDERED her in my little Hicksville yestereday and it was over ONE dollar, then we have the beating to deat a week ago of eight people-- possibly linked to the familys father winning a lawsuit against his slum lord landlord for $25K. I've found the best way in the SOUTh is to tell people that I am a Christian Jewish Buddhist. It really confuses them, but the Chistian tag at least keeps them from wanting to trying to save me and the othesr off puts them enough to get them to walk away. Staring at their belly works better than forehead too! LOL Good work! Loved it!
38
38
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very humorous tle. I was surprise your gold didn't get discovered coming across the US Canadian boarder. As a horseman- rather than having the horse pitch you off, just have it lie down. Believe it or not, many of them will do just that when they get really tired-- they will stumble, fall and just flat out refuse to get up until they have had a good rest-- first time comeptitive trail or endurance riders learn this the hard way. I love the vampire leprechaun-- maybe she can come visit the lawn gnomes my vampire Gator vampre goes bowling with. *Smile*
39
39
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Ok, I thought I had short term memory issues! (head injury), but forgetting the popcorn? LOL Cute.
40
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Review of How To Teach  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
An absolutely perfect recipe for being the worst, most boring, awful teachers (and some of my former collegues) ever. A definite what not to do. LOL. Good job!
41
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Review of Disposal  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well done. A quick look into the mind of madness without revealing the insanity until the very end. Masterfully done. Have you taken you hand to a longer suspenseful piece? I would be interested in reading it if you have. Keep writing!
42
42
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well written. You may want to take a look at the formatting that is the accepted srandard here on WDC. there shoulf be one blank line between paragraphs or switching of speakers voices in dialogue. It's a simple fix, I am sure you can easily master. A very nice story! Write on!
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Title: Legacies of Mount Pinatubo
Author: Maria Panlilio
Plot: Mary is returning to her land of her childhood
Characters: Mary- the view point this story is told from in first person. She is easy to visualize as a person, and parts of her character have already come out- very likeable
Scene/Setting: Airplane trip to the Philippines
Referencing: Excellent- time and place are easily set with references to Mt Pinatubo’s eruption in 1991
Grammar: Very well structured.
My opinion: I Am intrigued to find out more of what happened to her mother and why all of a sudden she has forgiven all these wrongs to her. You write in a way that it is easy to read and visualize what Mary sees or is remembering. Very well done!
Flesch Reading Ease 62.5
Flesch-Kincade Grade Level 8.3
Sentences that are underlined are within 5% of length or meter of each other. Possibly consider varying one to alter the rhythm.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SOAR
ENIGMA


. She seems vacant as she gazes out the window, her hands folded in her lap. I gaze furtively at her, studying the symmetrical face that I feel I should recognize. I’m really jealous of her beautiful nose. I wonder if it’s natural or rhinoplastic.
. It was amazing how she could admonish her children effectively with merely a long and meaningful stare, followed by a softly delivered sermon. But honestly, there were times when I wished she had literally spanked me instead because her saintly method was much more difficult to take.

I see visions of Mount Pinatubo with all its monstrous glory, wispy steam still breathing gently from its throat, and black smoke spewing into the sky. In the foreground, horrible images of ash-buried homes and what used to be lush meadows and woodlands now totally obliterated and transformed into a lunar landscape.

Word and Sentence Analysis
Document: legacies ch 1.doc
Directory: C:\Users\Lynn\Documents
Document Date: 7/12/2009 6:52:37 AM
Date of Analysis: 7/12/2009


WORD USAGE - TOP 25

Words Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
that 10 6 3 2 21
with 7 2 4 2 15
hair 4 0 0 1 5
beauty 3 0 1 1 5
nose 3 3 0 2 8
What 2 0 0 3 5
from 2 2 0 3 7
into 2 0 1 2 5
like 2 0 0 2 4
when 2 1 1 2 6
home 2 0 0 1 3
Papa 2 0 0 1 3
looks 2 0 0 2 4
Philippines 1 0 1 5 7
then 1 0 0 2 3
could 1 1 0 1 3
beautiful 1 0 0 2 3
very 1 1 0 2 4
back 1 0 1 4 6
Pinatubo 1 2 0 2 5
been 1 0 1 2 4
stare 1 0 0 2 3
girls 1 0 0 1 2
something 1 0 0 4 5
suspension 1 0 0 1 2


PHRASE USAGES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 10

3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
to the Philippines 0 0 1 2 3
of Mount Pinatubo 0 1 0 2 3
feel I should 0 0 0 2 2
times when I 0 1 0 1 2
there were times 0 1 0 1 2
She must have 0 0 1 1 2
out the window 0 0 0 2 2
were times when 0 1 0 1 2
I feel I 0 0 0 2 2
in the Philippines 0 0 0 2 2


PHRASE USAGES - 4-WORD PHRASES - ALL

4-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I feel I should 0 0 0 2 2
there were times when 0 1 0 1 2
were times when I 0 1 0 1 2


PHRASE USAGES - 5-WORD PHRASES - TOP 5

5-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
there were times when I 0 1 0 1 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 1-WORD - TOP 10

1-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I 9 1 3 2 15
She 4 0 2 3 9
u 0 0 1 3 4
My 0 0 2 2 4
the 0 2 1 1 4
But 1 0 0 2 3
Her 0 0 0 2 2
And 0 1 0 1 2
It 1 0 0 1 2
No 0 0 1 1 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 2-WORD PHRASES - ALL

2-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
I wonder 0 0 0 2 2
She must 0 0 1 1 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 5

3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
She must have 0 0 1 1 2

SENTENCE STATISTICS

Number of sentences: 89
Average Sentence Length: 14 words
Longest Sentence: 49 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 6.8 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 57 %
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44
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I want to congratulate you for having the courage to walk away from a bad marriage with your daughter and start over again. Kudos for going back to college, and also for trusting your own instincts in regards to your childs behavior, and going about behavior modification in a good systematic way. From one who has walked this same road, I know the courage, and the pitfalls tou have had to negotiate.

in regards to the writing issues, spell out words under one-hundred, and one phrase I caught was "and her babysitter and very" should read "and her babysitter and me very"
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Title: Winter: Michigan style
Author: tink_mom42
Plot: How to survive a Michigan winter snow storm
Characters: Author and her 7 year old and a briefly mentioned boss
Scene/Setting: Southwestern lower Michigan in the throes of winter
Referencing: Excellent referencing!
Grammar: minor errors- spell out words less than one-hundred, remove parentheses and other marks like “~”. See corrections. Rather than capitalizing words you want to emphasize try using bold or italics
My opinion: Very good and accurate having been a Michigander for way too may years myself!
Flesch Reading Ease 72.5
Flesch-Kincade Grade Level 7.5

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** SOAR
I know that Michigan is not the only place that gets massive amounts of snow, but this is the first time in years that I have been unable to get to work in 3 three days, BEFORE Christmas!! At the time of this writing, it is 2 two below zero with a wind chill of negative 25twenty-five . We pulled off 10ten inches of snow overnight and it is still coming down. The snow is taller than the puppy, which made for an interesting morning walk, and I am trapped with my 7 seven years old and unlimited cartoons for the 4th fourth day straight.

I suspect I will lose my mind soon... three dots only

Thursday night we had a freezing rain storm. I couldn't get to work because I could n’t not manage to chip the solid inch of ice off my car doors. Someone owes me a new ice brush. Yesterday we were under a blizzard warning, and this morning I woke to about 10ten inches of snow. Again - no work.

For anyone who has ever lived in the mid - west ~ aka "The Snowbelt" ~ the most ironic part of our winters is the fact that whatever weather you have, the next town over doesn't. For example, my hometown is 45 forty-five miles away and they got ice this weekend. A friend lives 20 twenty miles north and got a foot and a half of snow last night. I work 12 twelve miles south of my home and they got.... nothing. Imagine my boss who lives about 10 trn minutes from work. Sure its bitter cold, but barely any snow and no drifting to speak of, obviously there is no reason I couldn't make it in today. Obviously I am a slacker that is blatantly avoiding work despite the fact that being the end of the year I am out of days off and will be docked on my next check. I should be ashamed of myself!

I did manage to get to the gas station 2 two blocks away this morning - thanks to the Maintenance man of my complex snow - blowing my car out,and the snow was up past the back bumper. The only other traffic out, during the morning rush , were was the snowplows fueling up and snagging coffee.

The roads are horrible - even where there is no snow. Black ice is common around here and since it is dark for the morning drive and dusk for the evening drive - it is sometimes hard to spot. Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_ice) defines: "Black ice is ice frozen without many air bubbles trapped inside, making it transparent. This type of ice takes the color of the material it lies on top of, often wet asphalt or a darkened pond. Its difficult-to-detect nature makes it a significant hazard to drivers, pedestrians, and sailors." Hidden under a thin layer of snow, it makes traction for your car an iffy proposition. When in doubt - Drive SLOW, brake gently and often, avoid high traffic areas and any roadway with off and on ramps.

Michigan (in it's typical wisdom), has decided that due to the economy this year they need to cut the budgets for plowing and chemically treating the roads. This is the first year I can recall with significant snowfall before Halloween must much less outright blizzard warnings before Christmas. Smart move fellas!

Even the most seasoned winter drivers encounter spins, slide-offs and tip-overs. When in doubt - STAY HOME! No Midwestern driver would dare hit the winter roads without the following items in their car. Blankets, Kitty Litter, in case you get stuck, It wont freeze like salt or sand and can be donated to the local shelter in the spring. A shovel, a cell phone, a flashlight, extra socks, sweaters and a good pair of boots and an orange emergency flag for your antenna. are all necessities. Try to stick to mid traffic roads - this way if you do have a slide off, you are closer to people. Stay with your car and call for help on your cell. Remember, bad people are out in bad weather too, so please don’t take chances with strangers. If you have a slide off , stay with your car and run it for at least 10 ten minutes per hour with a window cracked for fresh air. You did remember the cell phone....right?

If you are lucky enough to be able to stay in, you still have to be prepared. Have a source of back -up heating, keep your water running so the pipes don't freeze, ample food and amusements for the kits and extra blankets are a must! Imagine being trapped in 2 two below with the -25 negative twenty-five wind chill and your heat goes out or the water pipes burst. It's a horrible and scary experience, and I have been there more than once. Winterize the house early in the season. Cover with plastic unneeded windows, stock up on batteries, get fuel for your backup heater, turn on your heat tape to keep your pipes warm. Get a few extra board games and tuck them away for a snowbound day so your kids don't get bored and damage each other. When you know a storm is coming in stock up on a few gallons of bottled water, milk, bread, easy foods and get your blankets where you can find them. Candles, a battery radio and flashlights are necessary as well.

The scary part is I still have 3 three more months of this to endure. Maybe I should consider moving south one of these days. Then you would have hurricanes to deal with!
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46
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I hope that you've never hit anyone, but being that face (albeit a woman) in the windshield, I pray that every night the person who hit me has your nightmare each and every night. Just as I dream of him running me down in my "Night-Mares"
 Night-Mares   (13+)
Sirona goes out horseback riding and never returns to life as it was
#1540649 by Georgianna Lyn d'Juracetys
every night.

Well written!
47
47
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A well written, eerie story!
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Review of Dentistry  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Title: Dentistry
Author: natb aka two of four
Plot: A long lived vampire gets a broken tooth while his dinner fights back and he is astounded to find it doesn’t self-heal, so has to seek help getting his fang repaired
Characters: Simeon- Turned a vampire a couple of hundred years ago- seems a bit curmudgeonly, Collin- vampire with a well described as having a doctorly manner, Cynthia- an abrupt no-nonsense female vampire, and Dr Reynolds- the dentist very professional
Scene/Setting: city, country or exact decade isn’t named
Referencing: Assumed to be modern
Grammar: Well done
My opinion: I like the story very much- I would like to see a little more of what Simeon looks like. A pet peeve of mine- get rid of the “black horse” reference! Black horses make up less than 1% of the horse population and it is a cliché in the horse world. Make it a bay, grey, roan, or some other color, Please!

Flesch Reading Ease 77.5
Flesch-Kincade Grade Level 5.5

Underlined sentences are within 5% of length or meter of one another. Possibly consider rvising to improve readability and flow.

Somehow, his last meal had managed to wiggle away from him and bash his teeth in with a baseball bat. It hadn’t concerned him at the time, because he’d always healed immediately before. In fact, his skin, those tender lips of his and his gums were back to their usual condition before he’d tracked the little witch down. Unfortunately, he discovered, just as he was about to enjoy dinner, one of his fangs remained jagged and painful to the touch. He made a horrible mess of the meal because of it. The worst part was the ensuing obsession and worry. He couldn’t keep his fingers or his tongue off of it and he began to question his own immortality. None of the others had ever related such an experience. Not surprising, he decided, they never really told him much. Maybe, he thought, it meant he was growing old and feeble. He tried to remember how old he was, but contemplating it made his tooth ache even more. The oldest memory he had was watching a man in a powdered wig ride away on a black horse. Whatever that meant. In any case, after several days he couldn’t stand it anymore and sought out the others for their advice.

They had a support group of sorts in the basement of an abandoned building on Ninth Street. The structure housed a bakery once and a hint of cinnamon and sugar still hung in the air. They had chosen to hold their meetings in it for that reason, claiming the scent reminded them of their humanity. He went around to the back and let himself in. There were two large rooms, the second being darker and somewhat larger making it the preferred meeting place. He drew in a deep breath, enjoying the aroma and admitting there was something faintly comforting about it. Collin was whining in the next room about his most recent dining experience and the others were making soft sympathetic sounds. For a moment, he considered leaving them to it, but he took another deep breath and forced his feet forward. They’d invited him to join the group some time ago, but he’d passed on the invitation. All they did was moan and groan about the horror of it all, and how tragic their lives were. They were also given to frequent ravings over not being given a choice, but being forced into this life. He found them tiresome. After all, he really liked the horror in his life.

As soon as he poked his head around the corner, Collin broke off his nauseating recital while the others stared at him in surprise. Collin was the first to recover. “Hey old man,” he greeted him jovially. “Decided to take us up on our invitation and join us?”

“Hardly,” he muttered.

“What brings you here then, Simeon?” Collin asked, his round face covered in smiles. A tender-hearted pediatrician before the change, Collin was always ready with a concerned manner.

“Well,” Simeon started, suddenly feeling somewhat embarrassed. “A funny thing happened the other night and I was hoping…”

“He’s talking funny,” Cynthia interrupted. She glared at him suspiciously.

Nothing new there, miss former CIA agent was always looking for a plot of some kind. Too bad too, if she wasn't so prickly she'd be quite attractive, he decided. “I was coming to that,” he explained, only to be cut off again.

“There, did you hear it,” she demanded. “What’s wrong with you?”

Instead of trying to answer he bared his teeth, pulling up his lip slightly so they could all see. They fell back with a collective gasp. There was a long silent minute and then they burst into excited and confused chatter.

“How can that be?”

“It’s horrible, can it happen to us?”

“What does it mean?”

“Things can break?”

“Well sure, things break,” Collin finally commented, “but they never stayed broken before.”

“How about some constructive advice?” Simeon said, letting go of his lip and temporarily covering the evidence. Everyone fell silent, thinking.

“Well,” Cynthia murmured. “I know this dentist, maybe he can do something. I understand they can fix just about anything these days.”

“You never told us you knew a dentist,” Collin said. The others nodded their heads emphatically.

Cynthia went over to her chair and retrieved a small black handbag. “I handled a marital problem for him,” she told them as she rummaged through the bag. Pulling out a card, she crossed back over to him and slid it onto his palm. “Here’s his name and address, but don’t go over there tonight. He’s rather timid and I doubt he’d be much help if you just showed up at the door. I’ll call him and explain the problem for you.”

“Thank you, Cynthia,” he smiled, taking the card. He was just about to tell her how much he appreciated her help, when she gave him a saucy wink and blew him a kiss. It was so uncharacteristic, he had to laugh and he went home in better spirits.

***********************************************

The next night, he made his way to the address on the card. There was a solid wood door with brass fixtures and a nameplate that read:


M. Reynolds D.D.S D.M.T


The door opened before he could knock and a little fat man stuck his head out. “Are you Simeon Greuder?” he asked, his voice squeaking slightly.

“That’s right,” he responded and was quickly ushered in. He followed Reynolds down a hall into a room with a dental chair and lots of fascinating equipment. When had he last been to the dentist, he mused. Well, they weren’t called dentists then so it must have been awhile. He allowed Reynolds to examine his tooth, listening to the ‘hmmms’ and ‘ohhhs’ with trepidation.

After some time, Reynolds sat back with a sigh. “I don’t think this will be too hard to fix. I’m going to give your teeth a thorough cleaning too. They look like you haven't brushed in a hundred years.” Reynolds got busy and fussed around, taking impressions and measuring. There was a lot of talk about casting his own dentures and making his own molds and such. Simeon understood very little of it. The cleaning was positively annoying, but his teeth did feel marvelous afterwards. Just when he was getting antsy and thinking he might be spending the day holed up in the closet, Reynolds stood up and gave him a satisfied smile. “My best job yet,” he announced. “Now, I think your teeth are probably naturally prone to break. Not enough calcium in your diet. I suppose it could be considered a disability of sorts, for your kind anyway. You need to brush regularly and floss. Take some calcium tablets, that should keep the other one in tip top shape.”

Simeon ran his tongue tentatively over the tooth. It was smooth, sharp and felt just like his real tooth. Better than that, the pain was gone. “I appreciate this so much,” he said holding out his hand. “What do I owe you?”

“Nothing,” Reynolds assured him, shaking his hand with a surprisingly firm grip. “I owed Cynthia a big favor and it was a pleasure to even the score.” He shoved a bag at Simeon and hustled him out the front door.

Dawn was coming, but Simeon took a moment to look in the bag. There was a paper instructing him on the care of his new tooth along with a free toothbrush, a tiny tube of toothpaste and a package of dental floss, mint flavored. He was so elated he almost skipped home, and when he saw the cute blonde on the corner he couldn’t resist trying his new tooth out. It performed perfectly, and he arrived home in the best mood he’d been in for years. He should do something for the others, he decided. They’d really come through for him, even after he’d been rather antisocial. He went into the bathroom and put away his freebies, keeping out the floss. Tearing off some, he tried it a couple of times. Not bad, he thought, the mint seemed to help remove the aftertaste of blonde bombshell. By the time the sun was fully up, he was in bed with a clean mouth, dreaming of the party he intended to throw and that little tease Cynthia.

Statistics
START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 1-WORD - TOP 10

1-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
He 8 1 2 3 14
I 3 1 2 2 8
The 1 2 2 2 7
There 1 0 2 3 6
They 1 0 1 3 5
Well 1 0 1 2 4
It 0 0 1 3 4
Simeon 0 1 0 2 3
Not 0 0 0 3 3
What 0 0 1 2 3


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 2-WORD PHRASES - ALL

2-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
They had 1 0 0 1 2
It was 0 0 0 2 2
He went 0 0 0 2 2
He was 0 0 0 2 2
There was 0 0 2 2 4
Collin was 0 0 1 1 2


START OF SENTENCE PHRASES - 3-WORD PHRASES - TOP 5

3-word Phrases Within 50 words Within 50-100 words Within 100-200 words More than 200 words apart Total Count
There was a 0 0 2 2 4

SENTENCE STATISTICS

Number of sentences: 106
Average Sentence Length: 12.6 words
Longest Sentence: 31 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 6.4 words
Average Difference in Length from Last Sentence: 71 %
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Review of Just So You Know  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'd venture to guess that this hatred is for your mother. It sure sounds a lot like my mother! I know it is hard but one of the best ways that you can get away from this anger and the pain that this causes you is to move, end move a great distance away- far enought that it is more than a days drive, change you phone number and do not give it to this person, only give it to someone you trust, and make a new life away from this pain. You may some time down the road be able to confront this person with the injustices done to you. You may want to seek professional help in healing. I know it was a life saver for me. If you haven't joined or checked out this group
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#632338 by Not Available.
I highly suggest it. You will find others who can help and support you.

Lyn
50
50
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
As a former teacher, I understand your frustration at being given what you called "lame assed" assisgnments. Many times teacher do give lame assignments, because they lack real imagination to challenge you with something more interesting. Another reason-- they need to waste some of your time until the bell rings, or they just simply want you to practice writing skills and rather than telling you to write about something/ anything that interests YOU they give crap assignment. I tried my hardest to AVOID this as much as possible!
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