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392 Public Reviews Given
393 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow, this is some story. You had me reading like a maniac to find out what happened. The sense of tension is very real and the consequences very high for this character. I think your description is good, your characters are all very believable and your plot is superior.

I just have a couple of suggestions, that may or may not help. The plot line is so strong I felt a little bogged down by a bit of the description. I think you might be able to quicken the pace with a little editing in the section below. Just leaving the important parts so the reader doesn't feel they're being sidetracked from the action.


The faux marble floor, white square tiles corrupted by the faintest of grey streaked lines, lay framed in by genuine oak baseboards. The same dark oak created a door frame and uniform trim throughout the classroom, and a matching wall long rectangle frame holding in the huge black slate, which demanded every innocent child’s unwilling attention. The blackness had been cut by the white scrapings of chalk from Mrs. Graves’s dusty hand, and the darkness of the blackboard showed the light of knowledge.
The sounds of the small town surrounding us eked through the windows of the third floor: a car horn, a dog barking in the distance, and the sob and moan of a train as it slouched off and away from society. The sounds and smells of a dying summer, and a long school year ahead would never leave me

My second suggestion is to may be take another look at the ending. (I copied below) I think, as a reader, I have already come to some of these conclusions because of the strong story line. I felt a little disconcerted that the character was trying to tell me what conclusions to draw. For me, and this is just my opinion, I would have liked to have found out how the events affected his life when he was grown up. Or if he got over his problems. It just kind of felt like I was watching a movie and one of the actors turned around and addressed me. Not sure if I'm saying this right.

Anyway, this is a great story. Thanks for the good read.~kim

The truth is…we are all being stalked by Death. Death waits for us to fall. It doesn’t matter if it’s our fault or someone else’s, or an accident or our genetic makeup. All he has to do is bide his time, and then, engulfing us in his cloak, he takes us.
Knowledge is power, and knowing the truth…this epiphany…I formulated a plan.
How fascinating the truth really is, and how powerful it can be. This is something most people don’t really think about it, because the truth really does hurt. The masses would rather live in fantasy as an escape from the truth of their lives. But occasionally, very rarely, there are times when you delve into the truth, and find yourself buried in the fantastic. As Mark Twain once said, “Truth is stranger than fiction...”
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Review of DEAR ME  
Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review fromStarsong and is being deliver from the good folks at the "Invalid Item"  where hot and tasty reviews are delivered right to your door.

I'm not exactly sure why I chose this item in your port, I was drawn to it for some reason, and I'm so glad I was. I think you make some excellent points about taking care of yourself and remaining true to your values. I came up with a quote today, if no one claims it I'll attribute it to myself "The greatest courage that you can have is the courage to be yourself." I try to do this everyday.

Also, I lost my mother this past fall, so I totally identify with your thoughts and feeling for your mom. It just has to get better with time.

I wish you the best in your quest. A really nice to note to self.

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kim
78
78
Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

It's me again, with another review from a secret fan, delivered by the Elven Tea Garden, you're first stop shop for tasty reviews.

This is a terrific poem. I can't imagine how it must be to lose a parent to alzheimers. But I think you painted a picture a of a real woman, living a real life who is now drifting away to a place no one can follow.

I love you're imagery in the first part of the poem about the stained glass window with the crayon colors. It really evokes a young child. Then you slip through the shades of red and link them so well with the different stages of a woman's life. And then the line about varnish, stain and seal puts a closure, a finish to that part of a life.

In the next section you show where things fall apart, no longer make sense and the anger. Her inhibitions are gone, she's no longer she and talks like a sailor and will strike out, then she retreats.

I know that this must have been written from experience. It rings so so true. It's wonderful poem about a very difficult subject.

kim
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79
Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

This review is from a secret fan, and is from the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item" 

My name is kim and I'll be your reviewer today.

First of all let me say this is really a wonderful story! I was glued to the screen all the way through. The story had tensions that was relieved by quiet, gentle moments. I just had to keep reading and find out what happened to this wonderful Annie. I love your metaphor about the ugliest kitten! She had one of the worst childhoods you can imagine.

I especially loved the part about the bottle with all the jewels and mirrors glued to it and the fairy named Starlight! Doesn't every little girl have fantasy like that, about magic and fairies?

The adults were mostly atrocious, each in their own dispicable way. I was so glad to find out that she finally got a good home and parent who appreciated her. I thought the story would end there, but then when her sister is taken , it's like you remind us that evil is out there all the time and nothing is ever done and safe.

Thanks for this story. There was just one typo that I noticed.

plummeted - I think means falling. It would be okay in dialog but since you're describing what the step father is doing I think you mean pummeling.

Thanks again,

kim

plummeted
80
80
Review by kim
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

This review is from a secret friend through the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item"  I'm Kim and I'll be your reviewer today.

I read several items in your port, and you have a lovely way with words. I decided to do a review of this for a selfish reason, I haven't read the Twilight books and have only seen the movies.

I think you did and excellent job of reviewing the books. I feel like I really got a good sampling of what, happened, what the characters were like and all the high spots of the stories.

I'm sure that you captured a lot of the themes in the books, since I feel like I know Bella much better now, than I did after the second movie.

It truly is an epic romance. Much like Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde. Beautiful stories about people so in love the are willing to rish their lives for each other.

More than anything else, your review made me want to go out and get the books. I'm sure they are much better than the movies.

Thanks again for a great read and synopsis.

kim
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81
Review by kim
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi,

This review is from the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item"  Tea Parties for all occasions, and has been sent to you by starpmm13


This is a wonderful story, well worked out and well planned with a great and satisfying ending. Collier is such in interesting and thought-provoking character! I really like that the teachers finally got together and figured out just how smart she was. The part about her figuring out the mean average for the grade curve and testing according was a very compelling indication of just how smart she was.

I enjoyed this story.

Just as a side note, I picked your story to review based on your profile name Ironworker. My husband is a retired boilermaker, so I've met lots of ironworkers.

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Winnie!

This review has been ordered up from the Elven Tea Garden "Invalid Item"  a wholly owned subsidiary of the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society. and was purchased for you by Riot Hope you enjoy!

This was a delightful story and so appropriate for the younger set. I can actually picture this in print with some great illustrations. I love stories that have a moral, how else can we teach kids wrong from right? I think that your moral for this story is not to believe idle, unfounded gossip, and the mother does a good job of setting an excellent example for her daughter. Another message I read was to face up to your fears and meet them head on, another great lesson.

While I was reading through the story I noted how appropriate the names of the characters seemed. I can picture Gladys quite well. It's not a name that you hear much these days. But it was my grandmother's next-door neighbors name as well.

Your description was terrific, from the skeleton like fingers of the maple tree, which helped to instill some tension and foreboding, to Molly's button eyes (it let me know that Molly was a rag doll).

The story flowed very well and delivered a very satisfactory ending. I only had one stutter while reading. " Well, Dear Gussie, I don‘t know what to say." Now that I read this over I think it must be a colloquialism (?). I just hadn't heard it before.

But anyway, this is a great children's story. Thanks for the great read.

kim
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Review of Byte Flight  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this! This was such a complete story and such a lovely twist at the end. And not just the end but the very last line. It was deftly rendered and felt longer than it's 300 words. I really don't see a hair out of place on this one. Just perfect the way it is. Great job.

I'm writing this review on behalf of the brand new Elven Tea Room. Sig coming soon.

kim
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Review of Caffeine  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this. I don't know anything about poetry forms but I really loved your poem. I'm a caffeine drinker and while I can't drink it at night I can't live without it in the morning. I drink tea after noon, but it doesn't compare to coffee. Good job.

Kim
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The sun stood high in the sky, but under the thick canopy of leaves the daylight only managed to brighten the forest to a permanent twilight.

Wonderful way to set the stage.

The trees loomed over them, seeming to shift closer. The branches reached toward them, grabbing for their faces. But they trudged onward. A cold wind raced through the branches, surrounding the boys with groans and creaks that stalled them in their tracks.

Very effective. And I like the ending and the shift in POV. I think it's genius to finish it this way. The eerie and scary foreshadowing in the first part of the story prepares you for the creature at the end. Great read. I'm all about the short story.

There's only one word that caused me to pause. Peripheral, I think is an adjective and needs to modify something. Like peripheral vision. But I think that periphery sounds a little stilted for a young character. Just out of sight, maybe?
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Review of So Little Time  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congrats Finn! Your story was included in the Noticing Newbies newsletter!
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Review of Imagine  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is really wonderful on so many levels, mature and sophisticated, sad and hopeful. I really love the theme and the vehicle that you used to deliver it. Your descriptive narrative is first rate. There is only one small thing that I would change. I think that a fir tree has needles instead of leaves. But that is absolutely the only thing that I noticed. Thanks for the great read.
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow! Really impressive to do a whole story in just dialog. I'm lucking if I can make it to 500 words. I was really impressed with all the characters, I didn't get lost at all and always knew who was talking. It was really good complete with twists and really believable dialog. Good luck!
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Review of The Scary Truth  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Perfect. The description is lively and the dialog is quite interesting and really speeds the story along. I know two little girls who still believe. And I'm glad that Carl was graceful enough to continue the tradition. I thought it was well crafted and was really fun to read.

Thanks

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
At first I thought that you were writing this story about me. I'm not always late, everyone else is early. I think you kept the story strong and it unfolded nicely. I liked the twist about Hal being early one day and causing his boss to have a heart attack. I was wondering if there was going to be a twist and there was! The old adage about being late to your own funeral.
Good story, told in few words with a good ending.

Review for the Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society.

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I know that this isn't a whole story, but it is such a beautiful heartfelt scene I'm really moved. The first half of the story could be describing a child, small and darting, balancing cups and plates. But the last few lines show so much dignity. And the final line is so true it stabs you in the heart. Really a wonderful read.

kim

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Review by kim
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really like this story and am so impressed that you used so many quotes. It feels so fresh and quirky, but real life, in a very playful way. I love doing any kind of contest with a prompt. But ten? I think I would have a very hard time with that! Really fun. Thanks for such a great read.
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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story. I just don't know how I'll ever figure out how to write a fifty-five word story. But yours is good. It gives a good indication of the character and what his life has been like up to this point. And everyone loves Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Good luck.

You've been read by and Elf!

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Now that is what I call eroticism! I felt like a voyeur right along side you. The poem is extremely sensuous and more than a little naughty. I think that you said before that you didn't write very good poetry. I think you are wrong! I also liked the way you led into the fantasy realm with an incubus. That just makes everything okay!

You've been read by and Elf! (but you knew that already)

kim

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Review of Swimming  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great job! This was very visual for me, right up to the end. You made me think of one of those old-fashioned claw-footed tubs. And then I picture a little kid, swimming and swimming. The 55 word challenge has to be one of the hardest contests, atleast for me.
Good job.

You've been read by an Elf!

kim

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good story. I have an 11 year-old friend, and this is his favorite saying. He's always bored. It's hard to tell a story in 300 words, but you did a good job. It makes you think about how many jobs are boing, the same old thing over and over, even at the North Pole.

You've been read by an Elf!

kim

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Review of Georgie Flies  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Man, where do I start? Wonderful tale. You had me totally with the kid's view of life. So real, like time stretching out infinitely when you're little. Then the sad life that happens to all of us in one way or another. Then it gets worse. But I'm there all the way. And even though I know it's coming the ending wraps it up in a lovely little package. This is a great story. The nikes at the ending really were a superb touch. And I loved the way you changed tone from section to section., I could really feel the story change. This was fantastic!

Thanks,

kim

You've been read by an Elf!

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Review of Wall Gnomes  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
At first I thought this might be about Hobbits. Then I thought it might be about mice. Then I thought it might be about gnomes. Even though you never said, I think it's about gnomes. Oh, and did I mention that I love this story. An argyle! Quite and accomplishment. This is very fun. It makes me think that there's a whole novel here. Great Job. Five Stars!

Kim

Of course I love all of your stuff.

You've been read by an Elf!

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Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Quirky and fun. This is the second story of yours that I've read today. You have very good command of English. This story reminded me of something that might appear on the Twilight Zone. There's plenty of suspense and the scene itlself adds a lot to the tension in the story. I loved the laugh at the end. Good job and good luck!

You've been read by an Elf!

kim

(cool sig huh?)

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Review of Black Friday  
Review by kim
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good job. A little profanity goes a long way in lowering one's blood pressure. A good take on the prompt. I have a lot of respect for those of you who do it in rhyme! I hope that your Christmas will be a little less hectic than the scene at the store. Happy Holidays.

Elf Raid!

kim

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