*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
1,856 Public Reviews Given
1,856 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Okay, face palm and groan over that one. You did keep the rhythm and rhyming with this poem. It definitely had good imagery. On the other hand I didn't need the imagery of a short, possibly stout man whizzing in an old, grayish, unwashed toilet bowl.

I would take out the word 'that' on the second verse, second line. It had a better 'sing song' effect with out the extra word. "and hoped a restroom was near," just seemed to come off the tongue better. It is after all just my opinion, take it or leave it. It does have eight syllables like the second line in the first verse, so either fits okay.
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
102
102
Review of Our Escape  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again. I have absolutely nothing to suggest for this poem!!!

I love it. You have such a way of pulling great mental images from my head! You epitomize 'cozy' with the 'little' house.
'Charging' is a great word for getting the meaning of the outside world. 'Asylum and hectic' fit beautifully. You did great to leave out the 'rat' from the race.

Your third verse is wonderful in again showing the real self home can bring out. Who wants 'sterner stuff' in your cozy world. Nicely done.

You really do show the difference in the 'outer' world and the 'inner' sanctum. I really like your work.
Thanks for sharing this as well.
love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
103
103
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
wow. Not sure if I understood it as you wrote it. Sometimes that happens when the reader gets a different message than the writer intended, but this was so sad. It seriously is breaking my heart.

I like the way you use the armor to show the virginal side of someone who falls in love, and then also at the end showing the armor dented, and dull.

I did not quite get the last two lines. 'his duties being done, still unsung.' What were his duties that didn't get done and what did you mean about the hero 'still unsung'?

Thanks so much for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.

104
104
Review of Shooting Stars  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
In line one do you mean 'I was startled'?
You do well in keeping the rhyming pattern all the way through.
I do have one question. Did you work on the meter, they flow of your piece? Is there a pattern that I don't know about?
I want to encourage you and have you keep writing. Are you open to suggestions?

If you count all of the syllables in the first lines and see how they don't match up, then maybe you can understand what I'm meaning. Count the syllables in the first line of the first verse-sixteen, and then count them in the first line of the last verse-six.

It could be good practice to try to make the lines match up so it flows better.

I do like the story within the poem. Thanks for sharing it with us.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
105
105
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Being former Nat'l Guard, I was interested in your poem. At first I thought it would be at the grave of the unknown soldier, but I never considered that a valley and I don't remember lily's. Then I thought maybe it was at a former war or battle place. So where is this poem setting at?

You mention the memories he still has of the battles, and then say the bridge of time is mended. sigh. Are they ever totally mended? So many vets out in the cold and homeless because the haunting still goes on for so many. You say we must never forget. That is so true and some cannot forget. I say,let the ones that declare war be on the front lines.

Well done! Thanks for sharing.If you've ever been in war, then prayers for your safe return mentally and emotionally too.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
106
106
Review of The Qwirn  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had a bit of a problem with the rhythm. I'm reading through it again. Counting syllables and all. Just trying to figure it out. Is the 2nd verse supposed to be the same flow as the first?

The third line in both the first and second verses do not have the same amount of syllables. Same with the 4th lines.
I'm not trying to be picky but it does throw me out of the poem when it doesn't flow quite right.

You do rhyme well and consistently. You use descriptive words well and I got a great mental image, if a Qwirn is a dragon. lol

Okay, it was lovely, but I guess I was too dense to figure out what a Qwirn is. lol Are they dragons as you name them at the bottom?

Thanks so much for sharing and I love dragons.

Love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.

107
107
for entry "Plantation Florida" 
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I know it was a terrible trip. I know you were frustrated. I'm sorry you missed your connecting flight. HOWEVER, you told that story so well I couldn't help cracking up out loud, at the library. I even told one of the mail librarians, Chris about your piece/trip. He was laughing too.

I like how you explain where Plantation is- helped to set the stage. The telling about what you taught and the bit about finding cables and adapters built the tension for the big explosion of the mess in flying.

I'm still chuckling. Great detail, you let the frustration show perfectly, and you didn't even swear. *Rolling* I miss having internet and I miss reading your pieces often.

Thanks for sharing this. I loved it. Glad you got home safely.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.

108
108
Rated: E | (4.0)
Having served, I found this poem thought provoking and intense.

I was wondering why you had so many words in 'ALL CAPS' ? I have to be honest, it really threw me out of the poem. Did you have to capitalize them so they would show for a contest? If so, and the contest is over, can you put them in regular size font now? I wouldn't want you to lose a contest. lol

I love your second line in the first verse. That says a lot right there.

Your forth verse is also very good for imaging. My son in law is Airforce, but he is at a desk so no one is shooting at him.

I didn't get verse six, unless you are talking about a child stepping on a mine.

Your second to last verse has that one really long line with fourteen syllables. Is there another word you could use to hint at the many places war has taken place? It's just a thought.

This was very thought provoking. I hope you get a lot of revues.
Love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
109
109
Review of The Bird  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had no clue about the third line -'place he in gilden cirrus cell.' I asked a couple of librarians about the word 'gilden'. I had never heard of it, so one librarian was trying to find it's meaning on line. I didn't know if you did a typo and meant 'gilded' or 'golden'. We couldn't find the word when searching the internet either. I do hope you can clarify this little mystery.

I know cirrus is a wispy type of cloud. I did not get it's meaning in this sentence. If you would take the time to explain it I would appreciate it.

I love the way you did the rhyme with the wrap around sentence, good going!

I had to look up sedge. Now I know it's swamp grass. lol
Thanks for the new knowledge and sharing your poem.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
110
110
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Okay, I read it. I even agree with it. However, lol, I did not get some of it.

'On top of that mont.' -What do you mean 'mont'? Is that short for mountain?

The rhythm is a bit off, last line of the first verse could be shortened a bit. What if you changed it to first person? 'But am I really free if the FBI is watching me?' It's just a suggestion, but it does take a few syllables out, and ye just doesn't seem to fit.

In the second verse, I would take out the 'always' so it is a bit shorter.

What do you mean pullout out those hairs? As in finding a hair in your food? or pulling out hair in frustration? I'm just not getting the last line.

It is a thought provoking poem, I'll give you that.
Thanks so much for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
111
111
Review of Candle  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I have seen many of these, but I have to admit I like this one the best so far. I noticed there were no words forming the melting wax down the sides. lol

There were a couple of spots that the flow was just a bit off.

What did you mean you'd make us yearn? Was that a romantic type of yearning? Were you hinting at candle lit dinners?

Found where there is mold? To what were you referring? Wine cellars of dirt?

There was a space between 'I recover fast' so I had to read it twice and then got it.

I loved how you rhymed mantle and candle. Good shot!

Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
112
112
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was such a delightful little story in a poem. I've written two books about dragons and love to read about them from others. Thank you so much for sharing your talent here for us to read.

I giggled when I read the part of 'she's never stepped on me.' That was so cute.

I did have some concern about the rhythm and meter. Some of the sentences just didn't flow well. I even counted the syllables to make sure I wasn't messing up somehow. Maybe if you counted them you could see what I mean. The second line in some of them is what threw me off.

I like the part about the between place too. Again. Thanks so much.
love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
113
113
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I loved your first verse. I really did. When I read the 'banana in my brain', it reminded me of me, I have tennis balls bouncing around in my brain.

I didn't understand 'liege dumbbell'. I think of
'knights in shining armor' when I read the word 'liege.'

"I know I have a pinhead" in the third verse made me pause. If you are stressing the banana, you may want to do a tiny change in the "I have" because it takes away from the 'I have a banana'. Maybe instead of 'I have' what if you used 'I seem a pinhead'?

but come share in the pain-not sure anyone would want to share in the pain, but what about learn about? Just a thought.

We have Aspergers in our family. I understand.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I did enjoy it.

Love,LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
114
114
Review of Two Stars  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was a very interesting poem. It had emotional impact.

In your third line you put dash after 'the' and it confused me. I figure you meant it to be a pause, but the next line starting with a capital letter made me wonder. Maybe less capitals and more punctuation will make it easier on the reader to get the right hints as to pauses, thus increasing understanding. Maybe put a comma after the word twinkling.

Sadness, it made my heart heavy. I got pulled in and you held my attention. I may have heard of stars being tears before, but this was very poignant.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
115
115
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I know she is gone; I wish I'd seen this before she passed. This cracked me up and I hope she hears me when I say how fun it was. Still love you Sherri.

love, LinnAnn

Simply Positive Review Image
116
116
Review of Perfect Dogs  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I busted up laughing as well. I do recall a talk on Joseph Smith saying animals will be resurrected as well as humans. Which I am happy about. I fully expect all of my dogs to find me when I cross over. lol

His views and beliefs should have been in line with yours, unless that is part of the joke of the story.

Must have been serious if he put his food down to talk. After all, he is a man. (giggle)

I like how you set the stage, setting and telling us it's lunch without being overt about it. Good job.

You might want to let non members know who Joseph Smith is: An historical leader in example.
That would give a bit of understanding as to the power of his statement.

Great Anecdote. Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
117
117
Review of Ode to my love  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
My first suggestion is to edit, recopy this from it's original and when posting it, click on where to 'keep format' and then save edit. At least that is what I think is the way.

Some of the punctuation confuses me. What is in your head is what counts. I pause at the commas and it doesn't quite flow for me that way. But again, I am only one part of this equation.

defiant awe rises-why would one want to defy their awe?

Sun beams bright, walk along the wall--I really liked this part.

young love lust -I think a comma between love an lust is needed.

the non-sense-no dash, nonsense is one word.

Sun and stars shone, you radiant most immense-I'd put a period after 'shone'/. and a comma after 'you' Sun and stars shone. You, radiant most immense.

I'm not familiar with Athene, but I am familiar with Athena. Is that who you meant?

under spell? What about under a spell, you your spell?

Your first and second verses are abab
your third verse is abbb.
your fourth is aba and only three lines, not four.
These are some things you may want to think about.
Thanks for sharing with us.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.



118
118
Review of A Shattered Mask  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This would be easier to read if there were breaks now and then...stanzas

You have 'at first' twice in the first three lines. You might want to consider changing one of them to a similar word.

In a sea of endless hollow screams- I'm not sure if this is screaming in your dreams, or screaming when you are along, maybe out of frustration.

Either way I understand the thoughts and feelings. It's hard when you try to fit in but are never your 'true' self.

But still, I run.-I didn't understand this line. If you have the time I'd appreciate you telling me what it means. Why the mirror to find yourself.

since don my old self --should this be donned? past tense?

There it was, don upon my face--was this a typo. I don't understand it.

Cracked beyond repair-I'm not sure about that. There are a lot of broken people in this life, but many are at least partially repaired. Hang in there.

This was a very moving and troubling poem. Thank you for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.



119
119
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
response to what sound -to what sounds.doubt who that 'others' was--I would put either 'that person, or those others'

There were very few suggestions to be made. This was very well written. I have a feeling you must be a mystery writer. lol You left me hanging with the intro to another character, a potentially violent one at that.

I was not paying attention to the boundaries of the rules of the contest. My review was based solely on the merits of your writing.

It started off well, grabbed my attention right away, and held it. This was very realistic and believable. Good job. You might want to think about turning this into novel. I think it would be great.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.


120
120
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I was down to the last couple of sentences in the review and the whole thing disappeared.

I felt this would have been better in first person. None of my births happened like this so it didn't pull me in or grab me as I would like.
Then I got to the ending. I have to admit, you judged me and every other reader very harshly. How do you know I would not thank her? How do you know I would not thank God for her kindness and compassion? If you are going to write to 'me' as in 'you' 'you' 'you', then be careful of laying judgment on your readers.

Contractions are mostly in the abdomen, and maybe lower back. Babies are not in stomachs. The fetal monitor is not over the stomach either, it's up on the swollen belly where the baby is.

This had some good reading to it. I was put off with the judgment call. There are a lot of loving, caring people out there that would be offended.

The toddler mostly likely would not have lain there. Most of that age would be wandering around, crying or worse.

There are meds that would not make her pass out. I've asked in Newsfeed before for help on something where I needed medical info. We do have medical people here. lol

I hope some of my suggestions will be of help. There is good stuff there. What if you started with something from the husbands viewpoint? 'My wife came home and told me...' Just something to think about.
Thanks for the read.
Love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
121
121
Review of Life's Lemons  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a delightful poem. I love how you got the southern/oaky accent down so well. I could hear the poem in my head, with a voice like an ex relative in Oklahoma. Without even a dropped 'g' I figured it out fast with the lemon cut out of ade. lol

- if I'm ain't getting paid?- I'd not heard 'I'm' an 'aint' put together before. It was interesting.

who's gonna buy it from me.-since this is a question, I think a question mark is called for here.

I love the twist on the last line in the second verse.

I love the last verse. A very suck it up and deal with it attitude.

I keep falling asleep as I type. Please forgive the typos.

Your poem read well, flowed well, and rhymed.
Very good!
Love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
122
122
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This was a very interesting poem. I was drawn in and tried to imagine myself in your world. I did not get/understand why you don't 'have to look'. I wasn't sure if you mean as in no one can make you,...I thought maybe you know the forest so well and so deeply that it isn't necessary to look. But wouldn't you want to? You did mention the red tail, I presume you meant the Red Tailed Hawk. I glance up, or if I'm not the driver in the car, I gaze up into our skies and watch the mating dance, and enjoy them riding the thermals. Just a thought. I loved that part.

I like your first verse, Family is so important and respect is getting lost in todays world. Thanks for adding that. Thanks for writing such a though provoking poem.
love, LinnAnn
A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
123
123
Review of Earthquake  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
squealing, and then ____You might want a dash between squealing and 'and' squealing-and then. The dash will add a pause, for the drama. It's only a suggestion.

something eat!- something to eat

would he really sleep outside in the open for days? would other scavengers try to eat him?'

If it's raining, would the dusty leaves be muddy leaves?

long he's been there-you switched from past tense to present.

CASA- I think the 'O' should be 'Oh'

took him a several minutes--a is singular, several minutes is plural.
I've never seen Grrr's end in 'l's

The cave cascaded with strewn--This was confusing. It makes it sound like the cave is caving in again.

bear-sized hobbit hole --we know it's bear sized, hobbit hole doesn't fit, different genre?

A bear isn't going to know amusement parks, so this doesn't fit.

There is a lot of human, and bears reading? The titles of other books? They pulled me out of the story. Is this just a spoof on sci fi and fantasy?

Mist-
"Reverse ground! Let's it to the left!" --Let's is 'let us' but it's only the cub. take out 'it' and put in. 'I will go to the left' or 'let me go to the left.'

'With one doubt'? Did you mean without a doubt?
Aslan, Who -no capital W since it's in the same sentence and the comma after Aslan should be semi colon.

I take it this is not for publication with all the copyright laws? lol

It was really good except the references to other books pulled me out of YOUR story.
I hope this was of some help.
love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.














124
124
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I do enjoy reading your travelogues. I would like to read a little about the actual classes. What kinds of things do you cover? Do you tell anecdotes from experiences?

How deep was the snow? Did you have to take a taxi from the airport to your hotel?

I am also so sorry you didn't get to go on the river boat. Is that one word or two? lol Not to be mean, but I'm glad you had the one digit weather and not us. It got down to 33F in my house and I had to turn on the heater. 44 I can live with but not 33. I understand if it was too cold to go sight seeing. Are there any sites to see?

You are always so informative and I missed that in this one. You stay warm and dry and rest up.
Love, LinnAnn
This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
125
125
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I have to hand it to you, you made me smile again. I know some of this poem was of The Princess and the Pea. I didn't catch on to that until you mentioned the pea. However, was a good portion of this poem about you and getting old age and all the creakage we have a tendency to suffer through? lol

You also have a huge selection of words that are said almost like old English. Have you and Shakespeare been comparing notes on interesting wordage? lol I have not yet heard anyones bone go 'urk urk'. giggle

Sploshy bed? Did your waterbed spring a leak, or did you have an accident trying to get out of bed at night?

I wasn't sure if your 'retching' was wretched, or retching as in throwing up. I'm not sure how throwing up comes into play.

onomatopoeia! -I have heard this word, but can't remember what it means.

I'm sitting here shaking my head and grinning my ears off. You are so funny. Say hi to Shakespeare for me. *Rolling*
Love, LinnAnn

This signature accompanies my review of your writing.
833 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 34 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5