*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
Review Requests: OFF
1,856 Public Reviews Given
1,856 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 5 6 7 8 -9- 10 11 12 13 14 ... Next
201
201
Review of THE DREAM  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a funny and cute poem. lol I'm cracking up. The only suggestion I might make is to take out the one word "I'll" from the "I'll hear the vacuum concerto" from the tenth line. If this follows some special form, then forget it. lol Just reading it, that line seemed like it had an extra word or beat.

I love the last two lines. That sounds so familiar. Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
202
202
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is very nicely done. Each verse taking a different place and a different part of nature and exploring the intricacies of each.

I like that you mention the places, Minnesota, Mississippi, the Pacific ocean and New England. I'm wondering if you actually went to these places.

Thanks for the lovely imagery.
love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
203
203
Review of Please stay  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I read this and had multiple mental images flash through my mind. At first I'm seeing two teenagers in the back of a truck watching the night sky, looking for falling stars.

Then I saw two kids strolling down a well lit street.

You did well to give me mental images, to pull me in.

You have 'see' and 'seen' at the end of two lines, right after each other. I would suggest possibly changing the seen. Just a thought.

The ridiculous shoes made me wonder if it was a male or female that had them, careful there. ha ha ha

Tomorrow didn't sound at all difficult.
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
204
204
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I have to admit I was so confused by this poem. I read the title again but it did not enlighten me as to what you were writing about.

I thought at first it was an invalid in a bed, stuck and wounded. Full of despair.

Then maybe it was a person in a mental facility.

Then I thought it was person in a prison cell. You left it wide open to anyone's interpretation so it could appeal to a wide audience.

Thanks for sharing this with us.
Love, LinnAnn

A signature gifted to me recently
205
205
Review of The Windmill  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
In your first verse, your last line is separate from the rest, but in the other verses it's included with the verse. I thought it was cool separated; it made it stand out and have more impact. Then you have some verses that don't have that last line. It threw me off, as a reader.

You have some verses longer than others, so I wasn't sure if they got accidently put together or what.

'tasting still the bitter swill' isn't divided by a comma like the others. Just an observation.

Well, that was an interesting read! You left me hanging a bit. Who rescued him, who cares for him in his broken state....don't mind me, I'm a mother/grandmother...we think like that! lol

Thanks for the time and effort you put into this and for sharing it with us.

A signature gifted to me recently

206
206
Review of freight train  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had a great review done and it disappeared. If you get two that don't match, you'll know why lol

I really liked your poem. It reminded me of our trip to California and Disneyland.

It also reminded me of stories my grandma would tell of hopping freight trains with my mom and uncle, they were kids. Migrant workers...how do you hop a moving train with two kids?

I loved your 3rd, 4th and 5th lines, great use of 'skittishseconds'. I didn't know what 'allatonce' meant and the dictionary didn't either. lol

Thanks for the trip down memory lane.
love, LinnAnn
A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
207
207
Review of Forget Me Not  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You are so right. This is a very sad poem.

You tied in the flower just fine. It was sad that you thought the person would forget you so easily, especially since you say you hadn't said anything about liking him/her. If this is based on a real person, good grief, go tell them. What have you got to lose?

Your last line of verse two, love it.

On the other hand, if he/she hasn't said 'I love you' then they haven't thought too much about it. Your last two lines of your poem tugged at my heart strings.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
208
208
Review of The Worst Godbye  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I watched The Prince and Me last night and their graduation scene wasn't tearful. Yours pulled me in and made me sad.

You made me want to know more. Where were they heading? What were the hopes?

I liked the 'laugh at how they've cried'. It lightened the mood and that is what made me think of the movie scene. Nicely done.

I love your last two lines.

I really enjoyed your poem. Thanks so much for sharing.
A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
209
209
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have to admit, all through the poem I'm thinking, 'Go buy one and wrap it from Santa.' Sam will probably grow up to be a rich, multimillionaire. He can start a Christmas sweater company and design them.


I liked your poem, love how you left out the swear word! Great rhyming throughout. Consistent story line. Pulled me in and broke my heart or poor Sam! lol
Thanks so much for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
210
210
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Introduction- Your little joke made me laugh, but I
already told you that. lol
I did like the 'enjoy the memories with me'.
Very nicely pulling the reader in.

Although not in the introduction, I did like the
'share the faith'.

Tree-usually the house is built before the fence.
Too hard to get in construction
and crew. The pouring of the concrete alone takes up a
lot of room with the cement mixer let alone the workers.

In one sentence you mention family, the squirrels. Then
family, human. You may want to differentiate at the very
beginning of the sentence. 'The house had different...'

--Families moved in and out of the little house.

A squirrel family lived in the tree and played in
the yard.---We already know there is a family in the
tree.


The squirrel watched the new family: an old lady, a
young woman and a little girl. Lots of other children
were there, too. They didn't live there but came and
stayed for hours and sometimes for days on end.---You
may want to make this a bit more detailed. I got a
bit lost. Is it a foster home? (lots of children were
there) all at the same time? That line was confusing.

Days on end, also confusing, family visiting, foster
kids??

he did was made a mad dash --make a mad dash-there are a few other typos. Might want to



Also, you have 'he and he and he' confusing dog and
squirrel.

Again, quizzically eyeing the new black and tan member
of the family. who eyed the dog? The squirrel?
----
I'm not sure if there was enough to really understand
the campfire when it's a single person.
But I think I got it. When you invited us to listen that
was cool, so it works.

---
I can't do more at this time. the sides keep chopping
off. So I don't know where the sentences begin and end. I'm
sorry.
If you want more, let me know where I left off and
I can continue. The spots to fix are little, but the
story is good

Love, LinnAnn
A signature gifted to me recently
now words and sentences are jumping around or disappearing.
Even down below in preview my post, the left side is totally
chopped off.
211
211
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
In the second verse, the first, fourth, and the fifth lines need more, the syllables don't fit the rhythm.

The third verse has some of the same problem. The first, second, third in fact each line were off.

The fourth verse, all but one line is off.

The fifth verse, second line, fourth line, and fifth lines, same thing.

The sixth verse, the first, second, the fourth line had the right amount of syllables, compaired to the first verse, but didn't come out sounding right. It just didn't fit the beat. I could be wrong. The last line also one off.

The seventh verse, line one, you could take out the word 'then'. The rest of the lines are right on!

The eighth verse, take one 'th' out. lol

If you want some suggestions on what to leave out or put in let me know. This was a very funny story and I love limericks. Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
212
212
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Things usually claw up not down. You might try sliding, rolling, slipping down for the tears.

When you say 'starved wolverine mangling a rabbit', it sounds more like the tears are acid and are disfiguring your face. You might want to rethink that.

I'm not sure a six year old would worry about the 'goodbye' but more of why and where thy left. (I've been abandoned and kidnapped so that is a valid point)

-It was the only reason I thought why they would leave me.- This is the conclusion. However you didn't tell us the event. You need to tell the reason or event, then put the conclusion.

If it was too dark in the room to see well, how could you see the map?

-She was perched on the edge of the couch with her back leaning forward - her back can't be leaning forward....did you mean- edge of the couch leaning forward, her back to me-

'as if he could see me' isn't the same as seeing you, so in the next paragraph when you say 'oops did I scare you'--you didn't say he got up and opened the door or anything.

Your whole next section has way too many sentences starting with 'I'. You have some mixed in the sentences and not all start at the beginning. In first person it's hard to not have a million 'I's isn't it? lol

--my parents took Joey, my little brother, and me to dinner--I can't tell if you are naming Joey, or if there is another little brother. What about 'My parents took my little brother joey, and me to dinner'? Does that work better?

The next part, about stacking skyscrapers, sounds a bit old for a seven year old. Just my opinion.

'cake cake cake--we went from dad to Joey, might want a dialogue tag there.

'holey grin' does she have teeth missing? I didn't know if that was it, or if it was a typo.

If your nickname sounds with a long 'i' then you might want to add an e 'spide' short for spider. spid has the I like in indian.

“She will be fun to devastate,” dad stared at him looking horrified.--this is actually two sentences. So instead of comma, put a period. and capitalize 'Dad'

That huge paragraph after 'contract' is too much telling. Make it more show like you did at the beginning. The whole first part is showing. good job on that. Put in the yells! Aren't the customers staring? No one comes to help the child?

imprisoning my hands, starting to laugh --I think 'started' would work better. Read it out loud and think about it.

he looked to me and offered --looked at me

I don't know any 6 year old that would say 'pissed me off' must have been raised very roughly, or is that your adult voice coming through?

--“I said, ‘ it is a pleasure to’- ah, you may not understand. To possess you means to own you,” His eyes flashed as he grinned his evil grin. I took that as a challenge. My leg flew out and a startled grunt was heard over the music. ‘Own me’ my ass.--It seems it switches from him to the last line to her voice. Again very adult voice. Might rethink that.

the distance would only get larger --only got larger, or farther

misjudge where the car was relative to me, --adult level language.

pain I had never had the opportunity --opportunities are good thing, getting run down by a car is not an opportunity. How about 'pain I had never felt before' or suffered before?

This needs a fairly major makeover, but you have some good stuff here. Your ending is definitely scary! Keep working on it. Like I said, good start, we all have to do edits.

Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

A signature gifted to me recently







213
213
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm afraid you totally confused me. You were supposed to describe a woman without using certain words. Instead you described the sea. You did that very well, I live near the ocean and rivers. However, describing the sea as you would a woman, doesn't quite match the title.

We use the word 'choppy'. I've never heard 'chippy' used this way.

You describe the sea and the weather near it very well. I really liked the singing whales and dancing dolphins. I loved that!

Thanks for sharing.
A signature gifted to me recently
214
214
Review of I Don't Do Poetry  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You cracked me up. I'm still chuckling and it's been about twenty four hours since I read it. lol

I love the creative 'to-ing and fro-ing', aimlessly, shamelessly and you even worked 'gist' in there. Very clever!

No weakness noticed by this avid reader. I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. I looked to see if you won any awards with this. Did you?

I don't often give 5's but this was fun and well done. Thanks so much for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn
A signature gifted to me recently



215
215
Review of Describing Women  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Definitely an 'ode' to women, or a woman. lol I had to get out the dictionary. You have no idea how heavy that is! lol You fancy words were not in it! Going by the root word, I think I got them right, but can't be sure.

My first thought about your first line was, 'So Adam wasn't a wonder as the first man?' Sorry, maybe lack of sleep but I cracked up.

I am wondering why so many big words? Be honest, did you have to look them up or is that your real vocabulary? I thought maybe a comma after 'Queen'. Just a thought.

Thanks for sharing with us.
love, LinnAnn

A signature gifted to me recently

216
216
Review of Knotted Wire  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very interesting poem. I have to say, it was so depressing. You drew me in, and you had a lot of great imagery, albeit very disturbing.

I'm totally wondering what in the world made you so deeply embedded in the death and/or dying mode.

I didn't get the 'fifteen knots tighten'. If you have the time, could you please explain that to me?

The 'Hindsight blindsided by euphoria' made me think of love gone bad. Am I right?

This is a very powerful poem. I do hope you didn't feel all of this. If you did, I hope it got out of your head and heart.
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

A signature gifted to me recently
217
217
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought at first you were talking about a dog waking up from his nap. Then I realized you were talking about a bear; the tree bark stripping clued me in. lol

I had to look up the word 'maunder'. So thanks for the extra education.

When I read the 'leaps and bounds' I thought of deer. But deer don't hibernate, so hmmm...

I wasn't sure where the poem ended. You had more stuff at the bottom that just didn't fit with the poem. I It's a list of other poems, you might want to put some dashes or something to separate the poem from the rest. If that is more poem, it just messed me up.

The part that I thought was poem, gave good mental imaging. Spring has sprung!

love, LinnAnn
A signature gifted to me recently
218
218
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I read your poem more than once, and tried to find the pattern. I can't find the rhyming pattern. Is it meant to vary each verse?

In your first verse, I think 'chance moment's gaze' needs the apostrophe s since the moment belongs to chance. Otherwise the moment is more than one, in plural.

What blog has two g s? Or is that a typo?

The last two lines of verse three made me smile; you really got it there.

Your last line reminded me of when I was a bit younger, working, healthy and nt realizing how quickly things could change.

Nicely done on the thought provoking aspect. Thanks so much for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn

A signature gifted to me recently
219
219
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly. I reread it several times. Is it about tools, physical tools, that he doesn't understand it's really in his heart that the talent, beauty and dream comes from?

Or is it figuratively like we do in writing? Searching through the tools of writing to find the right word, phrase or idea and then get the dream on paper for the reader?

You drew me in and got me to thinking, pondering. Thanks for sharing with us.

Love, LinnAnn

Simply Positive Review Image
220
220
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
There is something about poetry that inspires thought. What message is in your soul that can sometimes get scrambled when the reader reads it.

At first I thought of an elderly couple on a porch so when you said walking, I wasn't sure if you meant it factually or figuratively.

The wanting to 'closer inside me' made me think it was the woman speaking, but then you tell of the woman who buttons the coat.

I'm not sure if you are switching people POV or if I've missed it all together.

It almost reaches the hope stage, but not quite. I found it very sad. Which means you did well if it evokes feelings. Thank you for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn

Simply Positive Review Image
221
221
Review of Ten  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pardon typos, my hand had surgery and is still in a cast, sorry.

The tempo seemed off in spots, but the rhyming was done well.

I was totally off all the way through your poem. lol I was reading of the tens, nothing registered. The sweet girl, nothing there, no hints. lol I was in total la la land on this one.

Then you pop up with her being a witch in training! RFLOL I so missed this one. I never saw the witch.

Thanks for the good read!

Kove, LinnAnn
A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
222
222
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Again, pardon typing, but sometimes I'm up to three fingers now!

Why do you say you can't write a children's book when you have a complete book here? A picture of each time the king uses his whistle would make a great book!

I was mute for 8 months, so I did the same as your king. There are all kinds of kids and adults that could relate to the whistle, like coaches, cheerleaders, band members, especiallyl marching band. lol

Though for a kids book I'd change 'fondle' to 'jingle' or something.

the flute might be confusing, but it works well with the rhyme.

love the snoring nostrils. lol

thankds for the sneak peek at your future best seller kids book.

Love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
223
223
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please pardon any typos, my hand is still in a cast. Auto correct gets most of them. lol

This was/is a great story. Made me smile all the way through. I figured the wife would be reduced to sign languade and drive the king nuts, still.

Or hve her beheaded but still talk, lol Having the king sneak off was a chicken way out. roflol If the Queens couldn't stop talking, maybe they'd go after each other for interrupting. This is so outrageously funny. It sent my writers brain going into all sorts of possibilities.

You could make a great book out of the possibilities, have wizard try other things. lol I'm cracking up.


Thanks so much for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

Simply Positive Review Image
224
224
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pardon my typos, cast still on hand.

What a delightful, perky poem. I love daisies, they're my favorite flower. I love the way you show the relationship between father and daughter, the tenderness and dad watering the flower.

rhyme good throughout, meter too. I recognize it's a bit of whimsy, but would the flower survive in a crack? lol I loved it. Thanks for sharing it with us.
love, LinnAnn

Simply Positive Review Image
225
225
Review of To The Surface  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
typingu with a cast on, pardon errors. My hand hurts to much to go back and correcr.

You really hooked me right away, and then left me hanging on the last line! lol

It started out sort of like The Little Mermaid but then you had the robot. I like sci fi, so that hit a positive note.

I kept forgetting she wasn't the one doing all of the swimming but a robot. The only thing that jumped out at me was an error in typing o=r autocorrect gone nuts. lol -two men on a clearance' instead of 'in a clearance'

Rhy ming was consistent all the way through but there were a couple spots I had trouble with the beat. You have a good knack for having the rhyming word at the end of the line yet be in the middle of the sentence. I haven't learned to do that well.

If you do make a story or book, let me know.
thanks for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn
Simply Positive Review Image
833 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 34 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9