Hello and thank you for posting this and allowing me to review your work.
Overall I think that this was an interesting read. It was easy to read and contained only a couple of minor grammatical errors. Your choice of words and the imagery they conveyed impressed me as well.
It is never easy being a fan losing their idol, no matter what the circumstances the death comes by. I have endured that exact same feeling when someone that I deeply revered was taken all too early. The whole sense of being robbed, cheated, whatever is nothing to make light of. But you have to put things into perspective, especially when using terms like the 'greatest entertainer that ever lived'. In its own way that phrase is not what I'd call appropriate being that there have been so many gifted and talented entertainers to live and die tragically throughout the years. I realize that you are a deeply devoted fan and I feel your pain but to slight all the other people who have done far more for the entertainment world and for the world in general because of a bias isn't doing the man the tribute he deserved. Yes he was an entertainer. Yes he made millions of people happy and made lots of money doing so. Yes he influenced many in his style and skills as an entertainer. But what really makes him the greatest that ever lived?
How many tributes did he do for the military men and women? How many hospitals did he fund with his fortune? Did he devote his time to charities as much as he did to his ranch and his own personal eccentricities?
Making millions of dollars with our talents isn't enough. There are so many other entertainers out there that died before having the chance to do good things with the money they made using their talents. We will never know what or to what extent their charity could have done.
I saw a kid born into money turn into a person hoarding his riches and hide behind the walls of his own personal castle. Yes he was eccentric. Borderline weird. But never once did I hear of him doing anything for those who provided him the very freedom to earn his millions.
Think of Bob Hope. Glen Miller. People like that when you think of entertainers.
Not people paying off parents to avoid jail time for child molesting.
Again I am sorry for your loss. I am sure he will be missed.
Farah devoted the last few years of her tragic life doing something for her cause and making people aware of her particular malady.
He (Jackson) died comfortably surrounded by his personal physicians and members of his 'family'. He enjoyed his money while he had it.
You have experienced something that no amount of words, writing nor counseling can ever cure let alone alleviate. The pain is evident throughout this entire piece. Although there were some typos in your post here, I still found it worthy of a high rating. I would have given it a 5.0 if not for those errors.
I take my hat off to you and offer you congratulations for your work.
You are going to become well know throughout the literary community.
The passion alone in your words guarantees that.
Well done!
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Very interesting. I found this both interesting and thought provoking.
The absence of someone that influential and important in one's life must be devastating. I feel for your loss and for your feelings of loneliness and loss.
Those two areas in life I believe I should hold a master's degree in.
Keep up the wonderful writing.
Congrats on such a fine job.
Well written and composed, friend.
You definitely hit the proverbial nail on the head with this piece.
Why wisdom has to be gained for the most part through
suffering and loss remains a mystery well beyond my level of comprehension.
It does seem however that the lesson was well received on your part.
Take comfort in the fact that in the long run your turmoil has fashioned your
writing ability into one worthy of accolades from the unwashed masses.
I wanted to start off by saying that I enjoyed reading this. You certainly have a knack for writing. I found this both inspirational and interesting, and it kept my attention all the way to the end. Very good.
Errors I found/noticed
'a calling, socail justice and peace' in the description.....
I wanted to say that I liked this piece very much. You did a wonderful job in getting your overall point across. This situation would really be tremendously difficult for anyone to experience.
I did not see anything that needed correcting.
Good Job! Keep on writing!
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Hello. I wanted to start by saying that this was overall an interesting short story.
However I feel that you should be made aware of some things that I found
either in error or in need of possible revision.
These are suggestions only and meant to criticize constructively.
Please do not take any offense.
We went inside the house that seemed so cold, dark and lonely : The wording sounds a bit off...perhaps :
Upon entering, the house seemed so dark, cold and lonely.
There used to live a little girl in ithe house. spelling
Her ghost was said to have walked the upstairs You contradict yourself in the next paragraph
I didn't know about the ghost that haunted the place. do you see what I mean?
She was upstairs playing when we were there. who was playing, the dolly??
She was standing to the window in her room when my brother and I got
ready to leave.
to the window? I think perhaps you forgot the word 'next'
I told my brother to look up to the window where I saw her and he wasn't
able to see her.
I think you should have used the word BUT instead of AND.
Good start. Wonder where this one is going to go from here eh??
Perhaps you can elaborate further on this piece. You caught my attention I must admit. Very good !!
I did not see any mistakes in this one.
Keep up the good work and seriously think about expanding this ok??
My Favorite Line: thru' the tortuous pathway of confused reasoning,lit only by the dim light of disappointment.
Hello!
I liked what I read here. Quite a lot actually...
This subject matter is right up my alley. I think that you did a wonderful job in describing the feelings you have and conveying the imagery to the reader.
The uncertainty in feelings... trepidation in accepting what might be...
All around I'd say you did an awesome job. You have a talent to be sure!
Keep it going!!
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Interesting look at the dark turmoil within the author's person.
Here lies an individual who is intelligent and deeply insightful to their own inner workings. Troubling as life may be it is imperative that one realizes that the loneliness that is felt, albeit a powerful and encompassing emotion, is best dealt with through its own realization, and not through others' interpretations.
You demonstrate a knack for writing and I hope to see more of your work.
You have talent. That is abundantly shown throughout your entire portfolio.
Keep up the good work.
This is a sad and passionate piece of work.
The author's emotional misery comes across remarkably well.
Overall I think that you did a good job in composing this. The only thing that
I can see that needs corrected is the inconsistencies over the capitalization of the letter 'I". Apart from that I commend you!
Keep on writing!
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I liked this one very much!
You have a definite talent I must admit.
There aren't too many people that can write poetry that i honestly like.
You are among the few that can!
I cannot see any errors or anything that might need correcting in this one.
A very beautiful poem here. I am impressed to put it mildly!
You seem to have captured the very essence of what a mother's love means and what it can do. I take my hat off to you for this one!
I did not see any typos or other errors in this.
Congratulations!
Well done and keep on writing!
This really was a very good post. I was particularly fond of the imagery.
You painted the scene in such a manner that I felt for a moment I was seeing this rather than reading it. Very well done! Almost thought it was me in this story...
To point out something on a personal level real quick....
I would have to say that I agree with the things you said 100%. Your statements are profound in their truths, which is sad in its own right I must admit.
What do we have to really look forward to?
Scares me to think more than a moment on that one... Very good. Very very good.
BTW: I did not find any errors either.
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In answer to the derisive question asked by a white man, "Where are your lands now?"
With his left hand pointing Crazy Horse replied, "My lands are where my dead lie buried."
This is a very nice way to put this site into perspective.
Honest in your words and sincere in their meanings.
I didn't know what to think initially when I began reading this but by the time I
reached the end, well I must admit that I liked what you wrote.
An interesting point of view you have.... You seem to be one governed by
something 'Higher' than the average writer. This piece shows someone with
patience, intelligence, and wisdom to boot.
An author and an artist... well done.
I congratulate you on this and for your interpretation(s).
I look forward to reading more from you in the very near future.
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In answer to the derisive question asked by a white man, "Where are your lands now?"
With his left hand pointing Crazy Horse replied, "My lands are where my dead lie buried."
The fact that there are so many spelling errors in this is the main reason for the low rating. Even the title and its description have serious errors.
You have a creative mind and the desire to write, that is evident..
But if you want to be taken seriously in this writing community, I highly suggest hitting the spell check at least once before you post.
Do not let something as minor as taking a minute out of your time and reviewing your own work beforehand stop you from being taken seriously. Believe me it will. Granted I am by no means an expert or anything of the sort, but if you aren't serious about how your work comes across to others, then how can you expect anyone to want to read whatever it is that you write.
Good luck in the future.
Keep writing though. Just look before you leap next time...
My favorite line:
I have nothing left but to atone; wishing to be shadowed and alone.
That statement takes some serious reflection, and I fear that the immediate response by those untouched by this feeling might misinterpret it's meaning .
What I mean is that it could be construed as a 'cry for help' or something- but I know it isn't that at all.
I have an understanding of this emotion better than I'd like to be honest, but I must say from what I read here it appears that you do as well. For that I offer my sympathies to you.
You have passion and a sense of real commitment about you from what I read here in these few words, and that leads me to believe that whatever situation prompted the creation of this poem (the heartbreak I mean) will not be permanent. Anyone with the talent and intestinal fortitude shown here cannot be kept alone for long, let alone kept down. Hang in there.
I very much liked this piece and congratulate you on it in every sense of the word.
Very good.
I can appreciate your attempt and intent when you composed this piece.
Freedom is vanishing all around us on a wholesale basis with our leaders as auctioneers, that part is true. But the SENSE of freedom is individual. How we feel doesn't necessarily have to be influenced by our environment. But I'd be a fool to suggest rose-colored glasses or turning a deaf ear to reality also. That's not my point I am trying (poorly from how it sounds thus far) to get across.
I liked this overall but it came across a bit too negative about America if you ask me. The situation you describe in this poem can actually be the image of any country these days. I know that is not what you meant to do by writing this, but I am a die-hard American.
A corn-fed Heartlander (Ohioan) with a chip on my shoulder whenever America is mentioned, that is a given. Perhaps a bit too sensitive I am. But if you love this country as much as I do (which you obviously do for composing this poem in the first place)
then what I say really shouldn't offend you in any way. That wasn’t and isn’t my intention at all. We know what is wrong with people and their actions.
It isn't fair to tie human nature's shortcomings to one particular locale alone.
Humans have been acting like scum for thousands and thousands of years.
By defeating the idea that there can be no other way of life or the situation is untenable, then in that case the freedoms we are losing are the ones we chose to.
Again I see the creative ability in you. The images are depicted perfectly, and the sense of hope comes through easily with powerfully convincing reason.
I take my hat off to you and offer up congratulations.
Job well done.
Well done here.
I admire the sincerity in your words. They ring true and loud. For that however I am sorry to hear the song. For that surely means that someone with an artist's heart has been hurt. Everytime that happens I feel the world become darker and colder.
I sympathize completely with this and offer up my condolences and encouragement.
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