Pretty intense piece of poetry you have written here.
I liked it I must say quite a bit.
Although I am unfamiliar with the overall subject matter personally, the meaning of this work is not lost. I congratulate your effort, and also your ability to get your meanings across fluently.
My Favorite Line: Spiritualism and knowledge of universe and nature should be universal and freed from narrow sectarian clutches of religious communities.
Lines That May Need Attention To:
1)There are grammatical errors (spacing, period placement, etc.).
2)The intellectuals in all religious communities should make serious attempts to shed their narrow closed boundaries and join broader stream of all scholars in topic of spirituality..
The last part does not seem to make sense as written...
Other than these instances, I found this piece interesting and intelligently written. You are no doubt a learned individual with a broad sense of understanding.
This is a nice story.
It is visually appealing and poignant in meaning.
The dialog was easy to follow and understand.
The overal story is intelligently written and personally I cannot find
any issue that merits attention.
It is a shame that incidents like this one are so uncommon.
This tale reminded me of something right out of a Norman Rockwell painting.
I take my hat off and congratulate you on a job done well.
My Favorite Line: '...If she could ask for anything, she knows what it would be -
Sisters Brothers 2+2, Please just acknowledge me!!'
I am number 8 in my 'family' so I think I can say confidently that I know what this line means, with the closest one to my age being almost 9 years older.
Keep up the fine job.
Look forward to great reviews on this site!
Wow! Pretty powerful imagery there! I like your way of writing. You use the emotional aspect of this story/experience in a very intense manner. I can say that these feelings aren't entirely foreign to me. I have endured similar thoughts at times, but however bad they are now, if you hang in there thinking it's only on you to make things work....they won't .
Chances are though, this was merely a story and you know this 'advice' of mine already, but just in case...
Well well a beautifully written little pick-me-up!
I loved it!
Thanks for posting such positive and uplifting poetry. I am certain you
are talented in your writing endeavors judging by this example.
(By the way I was referred to this piece. Further proof that you are gifted and well received here at WDC!
What I liked the most about this particular piece is the fact that (unfortunately) it really hits close to 'home'.
Interestingly though the way you wrote it-
simple in its form and length, displays proof of not only your talent, but that oftentimes the simplest of things can impact the most upon a person.
(Does that make any sense??)
In my opinion, your abilities are going to really shake this site up.
Interesting scene you set up. Nicely done I must admit.
Overall I liked this piece.
Made me wonder at first glance, but after reaching the end I found it
enjoyable after all.
Favorite/Best Line: 'I've an uttermost respect for you & a connection so strong.
So I denote it's with you I unfeignedly wish to belong. '
Lines Possibly Needing Attention To: 'Your eyes are shinier than a sun.
My heart you've captured & unequivocally won.'
Shinier? perhaps ...shine brighter than the sun.
and ...unequivocally is rare and fits ok but I thought threw the 'flow' off a bit..
Just my opinion only though...
Nice poem here. Your sincerety and depth of admiration comes across easily and in droves. Romance is still alive in this day and age it seems.... Good Job
My Favorite Line: 'So forget the public opinion poll. So remember we do have control..'{.i}
I liked this one.
It is positive in its message.
Rather a nice way to reinforce the 'choice' options we all have in life.
:The way it is written is sort of like one of mine as well, but not nearly as fine as this one though.
Very good job.
Looking forward to seeing more of your work in the future.
Powerful piece written here.
You are skilled that is obvious to see.
I am happy to see something of this sort written these days, when
it seems so often that people don't reflect enough about our soldiers.
Very Respectfully done.
I am curious as to the 'type' or 'style' of mucic this goes to. Very Good!
'Moonlight danced with waves crashing to shore
Then roll back again to dance some more.'
Nice poem you have here.
Very descriptive. Visuals come across nicely.
Keep On with this sort of work and I know you will be going far! Welcome to WDC!
Favorite Line:The love faded quickly, condensed to only care because your thoughtful
How depressingly sad this post is. Additionally, how true it often is as well.
Life seems so beautifully tragic when situations such as this come about.
Being somewhere you do not want to be for the sake of keeping a promise...
I understand that one all too well I am afraid.
Overall I liked this. Very well written and conveyed.
Kudos!
Thank you for posting such a beautiful and poignant piece.
There are so many times in life we get to know certain individuals that affect us in such deep ways. Yet when we lose them for whatever reason, the periods of time in between can seem like an eternity. Hang in there.
Overall I liked it. My only suggestion (and it is only that... a suggestion) is that
perhaps you might want to think about breaking it up a bit more into paragraphs.
I think that way it might be a little easier on the eyes
(what I mean is easier to read and follow).
Thank you for posting this and look forward to reading more of your work.
Keep on writing!!
To say that your pain isn't palpable would be a lie.
I understand so much of this piece it scares me.
I hate to admit that I found myself thinking back to my own experience-
and that, friend, is an accomplishment in of itself. For you see I pride myself
on certain things (one of which is being neutral and unaffected by what I read)
and you've shattered that with ease!
I congratulate you on your fine work.
My only suggestion: (and it is just that... a suggestion)
The structure of the sentences, most notably the use of commas, makes it a little confusing to read (at least I found it to be).
Nevertheless keep up the fine writing!!!!
center} ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
'My burden my cross, my troubles with no one to share (&)
Fighting against a being both me and not'
I found the rhyming done very well.
Kind of the same manner in which I too write, I must say!
I liked this piece overall and cannot see anything that needs addressing.
Keep up the good work and thanks for posting.
I liked this one very much and I will tell you why- It is honest.
Not only that it is from the heart, I completely understand and can
sympathize with what you are talking about. I
t is difficult to get what I want to say to Him as well.
I find my 'perfectionist' nature (more accurately described as 'anal')
prevents me from formulating my words as well.
To me they have to be just right.
They wind up not 'being' any at all I am ashamed to admit.
Keep up the great work.
I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed reading this.
It is insightful into your character as a person.
It shows that you are an interesting writer and that you are going to go
places in the literary world.
I take my hat off to you.
My favorite part of this piece:
In some ways we are similar,
Like the blood that flows through our veins.
We know the music of laughter
And also the feeling of pain.'
I can be honest and say this next word with 100% sincerety- "WOW"
You completely blew me away with this piece.
It is intelligent. It is serious. It is dramatic. It hits home.
It has everything and it only could have come from a true 'author' in my book.
Thank you for this piece.
I now see the next level I must strive for.
Cute and creative this is. It is as witty as some of the best out there.
I did like the ' ...A bit of info supply' part especially. Rather enjoyable the manner in which you write is. Keep it going and I think you'll turn some heads here.
No doubt we are dealing with a person gifted with not only talent to create but a very powerful imagination as well. You are going to go very far not only on this site, but in the literary world as well.
One suggestion though: keep an eye on the tense you are writing in (past and/or present). It was a little jumpy between the two (at least to my eyes it was).
You do not want to have your story come across chaotic. Good job and keep on writing!!
What a wonderful and poignant way to describe the wonders of life and tragedy of aging. I particularly like the point you made regarding choice(s)
in:
'No thought to who I've hurt or what I've done'
It is true that youthful vigor oftentimes supercedes proper decision making, causing us to do things that later on in life we regret. It is the agressive nature of trying too hard to grow up to fast. Learning through experience is the only way to truly gain wisdom in life (in my opinion). Otherwise we just become older children having no idea what life is really about.
It seems you've got the wisdom of which I speak. Good for you.
Kudos for this piece & Keep writing!!
Hi there. I really enjoyed this work of prose.
It is easy to follow, and interesting to boot. There have been
similar works like this, but for some reason I cannot pinpoint right now this one grabbed my attention and held it.
I liked it and congratulations on such a fine job.
My particular favorite:
'Even today I am unclear as to what made me speak to you that day.
Maybe the brightness of your path or the turmoil on my own.
I felt the need to talk to you.'
Please keep it coming!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lostaschmoo/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 6:30am on May 20, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
