This review is part of "
Earn Your Badge! - Closed"
; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges!
Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!
Overall Impression: A very interesting plot with great characters.
Spelling/Grammar: I found only a couple of spelling/grammar errors for you to consider:
1. In this section -
to make sure there only son - you may want to change "there" to "their".
2. In this section -
give me you attention - you may want to change "you" to "your".
3. In this section -
into my thoughts and looks out the windows - you may want to change "looks" to "looked".
4. In this section -
and the existed the rooftop through a door - I think you wanted "they exited" instead of "the existed".
Readability: When Hiram is talking of a recent adventure the main character, Miram, states "This was always my favorite part". I think you meant talk of time jumps are always her favorite part, but it is not clear.
Suggestions: Adding commas in the correct places (especially the second half of the story) will make for an easier read and better understanding.
Write on!
Thanks much,
Lovina
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