These are some * AMAZING * prizes, and I was just wondering, when is the drawing? I also love the images that you used. They are truly such awesome looking raffle tickets. Do you have any other seasonal raffles, for the spring or summer?
In your description, "By what's in the shadow" is a sentence fragment. You should rearrange it to say, "You are never alone. You are always being watched by what's in the shadows."
Keep up the good work, Dino! BTW, my brother said to tell you he said "Hi!"
This poem is most definitely free verse. It has this very "staccato" feel to it. If you know anything about music, or if you speak Italian, you'll know that means broken up, as in it's choppy, the syllables keep you on your toes. I think it would be better if this poem were more "legato," or smooth, and you might be able to accomplish that by rearranging line ending points.
This is an awesome piece, but I think that it could use some spacing out, in between verses/paragraphs... or perhaps, you should fix the text wrap of the piece, because it is aesthetically displeasing. Is this a true story? I, personally, don't know much about tires, but I think I remember a recall of firestone tires a few years back.
I think that you should name Wiccans as the followers of the neo-pagan peaceful religion you reference in the third possible answer to this question.
I think that Wiccans who call themselves witches are witches. I think that only people who define themselves as witches are witches. Also, "witch" is a term loosely used to denote female characters in stories who harbor magical powers.
You misspelt "Friends" in this item's title. Also, if the item is "not done"... it might be best to put the item as "PRIVATE" so that no one else can read what you've written so far.
Another note: you might want to add some writingML tags, such as {indent} at the beginning of new s.
WritingML Suggestions
Add a couple of stars and hearts
Overall Impression
This poem is beautiful, and it actually brought a tear to my eye. Great job!
Why did you put the title in the beginning, and leave two spaces after that? It's just aesthetically displeasing, and your title is already in the title block, so it's not necessary to put the title in the body of the item, because it's just redundant then... right?
I like how you provided an explanation of the fact that you mostly write poetry in free verse, and that your poetry is dark... because then people at least know what to expect when they read the items within this folder!
You had a typo in the word "interests" in this item's title.
You could have avoided this error through proof reading. It's important to catch errors in titles and descriptions as soon as possible and to correct them, because when people are browsing, that's the only thing they see of the item in the search, besides the type of item, when it was created, and the item's length. You want to make a good impression. If someone is looking for something to read, they might not want to take the time to read something by someone who makes errors in their title and/or description, and might just pass over the item completely. Then, you lose traffic, and you could be missing out on some really great readers and reviewers.
As for the item, in dialogue, every time the person talking changes, rules of grammar dictate that you need to start a new paragraph or line.
My, you certainly do let other literary works inspire your own. (I saw you also wrote one about Middle Earth, no doubt inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series.)
I really do like this piece, and I couldn't find any grammar or spelling errors. WRITE ON!
This is such a touching piece, and I must express my condolences, and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Your description of your sister with green eyes and auburn hair makes me think that she must have been beautiful.
I am the "older sister" in my family, and I hope it will give you some peace of mind to know that my sister delighted in annoying me when she was younger, but now, I have come to think of her as my best friend, as I'm sure that your sister thought of you.
Grammar Advice
It should be "one's heart" because the heart belongs to the one, so you must use the apostrophe.
In the first, third, and fifth stanzas, first line, I would change it to "She sits, staring out at nothing before her;"
In the second and fourth stanza, first line, it should either be "Listening, a voice is heard" or "Listening... a voice is heard"
Overall Impression
This poem is very repetitious, and it begins to sound redundant towards the end. Maybe you could consult a thesaurus and use some more colorful words?
You misspelt the following words:
Halloween, scattered, cream, forty-five, screaming
Grammar advice:
You confuse the homophones "there", "their", and "they're"
Yes, I think everyone in Lindenhurst has heard this scary story. Is this about the creek near Alleghany Avenue in Lindenhurst? I used to play there as a kid too.
I would take out the animals in the last line, because they don't seem to fit in with everything else in the poem. It would then just read Atrocities abound within Africa. I would also suggest you do something to make the letters of the word Africa stand out as the first letter in every line... perhaps bolding or making them a different color?
This is a beautiful haiku, but you mention the beautiful colors of Autumn in it, so why not use some WritingML to make the words of the poem the colors of fall? You could use Red, Brown, and Orange.
WritingML Suggestions
Perhaps you might consider adding a few writingML snowflakes?
Overall Impression
This is a beautiful poem, although I'm not really all that familiar with the Senryu format. Can you tell me a little about it? For example, where did it originate? What are the rules regarding this poetic format? What makes something a Senryu? How did you come across this format, and do you use it often?
Grammar Advice
Commas Please? You don't use commas to offset things where you should, and you have run-on sentences.
Overall Impression
This piece is hilarious, but why are you using your gift points for autorewards when you could be saving them up for an upgraded membership, which would be totally awesome for you, because then you could post more funny anecdotes, such as this one.
WRITE ON!
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