very well written stroy. I was drawn in by the first few sentences and it held my interest throughout. Ther are a couple typos so you might want to proof again. Overall the story stood on it's own and spoke volumes to me. Good job Ski
Hi, Honestly, I struggled with this piece. There are a few typos and mistakes to fix. That is not my problem with this story though. I found it some what boring. I think maybe you too much time on one idea. The plot I think could work, but you need to show the story more than tell it. Then I think it would draw the reader in and hold interest. Overall, I think you could bring this around. Work on it a litle more. I would be happy to read the revision. Ski
Hi, This poem radiates a passionate hurt that is used as a crutch. Isn't it funny how the love causes the bottle as a remedy but the bottle interferes with the love, causing the need for the bottle? Overall, I think this poem has good flow and is written well Ski
Well written and flows well. I get the feeling that the character needs to stand back and evaluate their life and create goals to overcome the problem. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to. Overall the essense of the poem came through strong. good job Ski
This is excellent the twist got me and that is rare. I fully expected a continuence of the emotional see / saw. I like the protrayal of the accent it steps this piece up a bit. Very enjoyable piece. Ski
Very vivid poem. I think the hunter should read something like this before he raises his gun. Your poem flowed well and protrayed a stong message. well written and well thought out. I enjoyed it. Great job Ski
I really enjoyed this story. You expertly moved from past to present memory extremely well. I like the way you led the reader to the right conclusions and allowed the reader to fill in the gaps. This story is both heart wrenching and sweet at the same time. id notice a couple errors, so you may want to proof some more. The one thing that didn't seem to fit was the ending. The last sentence doesn't fit with Ryan's character and uncanny ability to say the right things. I just feel that something else might close the story better and leave the reader satisfied. Just a thought. Overall, one of the best pieces I have read recently as far as content and story line goes.
great job! Ski
I like this piece. It brings out a lot of emotion and keeps the reader moving forward. I was a tiny bit confused at the part about him leaving, almost like the mother and baby also trodder off, then I realized they stayed in the car. As horrible as some people might find this ending, I think it is a real look at a situation that requires drastic survival measures. Not much different than your every day organ donnor. If your death (or pending death in some cases) helps someone live, isn't that the ultimate imortality? good job Ski
This is an interesting view of deaths revenge. I liked it. The one thing that seemed missing to me though is a description of the Wrath as you did say it was physical. Some type of description of it's arrival or effect on John would add to the dark side of the story. Good job Ski
I liked this story, It was very descriptive and held my interest through out. I ended up a little confused at the end though. It feels like something is missing in the story to support John's actions and separate the halucinations. Might just be me though. Good job Ski
Great story. I really expected that Kerr was fooling john because he didn't have the strength to kill him and after John laid down, the cubs would take advantage and make the kill for kerr. Anyway, I guess I was wrong. Ski
I guess I have a hard time seeing your addiction problem. I do think you should admit that you have made a difference, If you hadn't, you would not have traveled so far up the ladder. I am sure that you took time for vacations and had a good life outside the office. Not that I don't think you cared and I am sure you labored over peoples problems even when you were not at work. My point is though, You still had a choice, that was not taken away from you. Overall written very well and a good read. Ski
very emotional piece. I think writing it and then reading it outloud would be helpful to someone feeling down. I like the fact that it leaves room for the emotion to change at the end. Like light at the end of the tunnel good job Ski
I enjoyed this story, it held my interest to the end and like a well written prologue, I would look to read on. The problem if viewing this as a prologue is that is quite long. I fear that some people might lose interest and not read far enough to spark their curiosity or possibly look at the length and the fact that there are no paragraph breaks and not even begin to read. I think if you split into smaller paragraphs, you will have a better chance of getting someone to start reading. Then I would look to shorten it a little if you can. Overall great content I would buy the book. Ski
Excellent! I enjoyed the read, it was surprisingly easy to follow and I didn't use a bowl that was mostly hollow. I understand the you that I can't see because I have that same you inside of me! Tell the you that I can see, that the other you, even though it say's leave me be, that that you will eventually want to be free. Once your you that I can't see becomes more like the you in me, you'll have two yous that don't agree, which one you, should call me. Ski
This is riviting story and quite full of emotion even though it is so short. It seems to protray an acurate view of what is was like back then and how cruel people could be. The moral of the story is protrayed very well and it flows well. Overal a very good read,
I enjoyed it. ski
Pretty good story, I liked the idea and twist. There were a couple perts that took away the believable facter though. When the surgeon turned and respondended to the already dead woman was one and the interaction with the nurse and staff. Besides that the story flowed well. Ski
This is a great story. The twist was a little different than I expected. This is written very well and it had a good flow. I did find one problem on page 21; "we see him twist open the cap and (drown, should be down) the bottle. I was a little confused as to how the mother got in the nursery without being seen by the father? Good job Ski
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/markinski/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 11:12pm on Jun 03, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
