Hi, What a great story. Very well written and the emotion of each moment flows very well. I mainly picked this one because my birthday is Jan 9th. I am sorry you lost such a great friend and she lost you.
The poem is a great median to feel close to her. She is now imortalized forever. Ski
I liked this piece. I was surprised as to the length of this poem but at the same time it says so much. Maybe I view it wrong, but to me it seems to mean that you are standing beside yourself and watching your life go by as a spectator. Not really participating. I think that would be a good way to gain perspective but not living your life that way. Did I get it wrong? good job ski
Xavior, I enjoyed this piece. the story line is different and I like that. When I got to the part about deer getting hit by cars , it set me back a bit as I thought, this is a conversation between two wolves. They surely would not have knowledge of cars and such. Of course as I read on I realized that they were human too and would know those things. I like the way this story unfolded. You left plenty of places for shoots off this story, which I also like. As I was reading the first paraghrph, I thought the description was a little over done and it pulled my attention away from the story. Once I got past that, every thing fell into place and my interest was peaking. Good Job. Ski
Hi Judity, I enjoyed your autobio piece. I think it is good to have peek at someone's pure essense when reading their work. I am ancious to take a look at some of your stuff now. I too am a CSI fan, but of couse even though I think Grissom is a strong force on the show, I do not put him on the pedastal that you do. I agree however that this is one of the better shows on. It is going to be hard with Grissom gone after last night. What do you think is up here?
I have one minor problem with this show though and I know it is all about ratings, but when the girls go to a messy crime scene, they rarely wear protective clothing. This is great for the eyes but brings the believable aspect of the show down a bit. Anyway, send me your thoughts about it. Ski
This was a very enjoyable read. I could relate because I have been there too! I have never had the pleasure of a personal shopper though, that must be nice. Instead, I just don't buy clothes for anyone. I give Gift Certs!!! Great answer for the guy that doesnt want to step foot in a womans store!! good job Ski
Exellent story! I enjoyed this read as I do any with a happy ending and a good moral to boot. In the second sentence the word and was used twice and for some reason this always bugs me. (and six brothers and sisters)It doesn't change the meaning and flow of the piece though. I other thing I like to see for a piece to be a smooth and easy read is shorter paragrphs, this allows for and easier stop and start and also keeps the reader from losing their place.
Overall very enjoyable. Thanks Ski
I think you did a good job on your peom though I don't really agree with your thoughts. That is OK though becasue a writer's job is to create emotion in their readers. Sometimes that may not be happy or good emotion, but you have still done your job. This piece brings conversation which is good. I have 5 children and I brought them up to counteract the phrases in your piece. If you want to change the world, you have to take some action. Mine was to create people that would think and act differently than the ones in your piece. One small sugjestion though, if you spit into a few paragraphs, it would read easier. Thanks Ski
I enjoyed this story, The plot is very original. There are some typos, spelling and grammer problems. You should proof it again. Here are a couple examples: I would change the sentence in the second paragraph to read: "I had been informed, do to a wrenching depression ...." Also I think you meant "self sufficient?" This paragraph needs one more space to be double spaced. In the third paragraph the term "old house" was used in two consecutive sentences
It would flow better if the second one was changed. I think I would look into breaking the paraphs down some more. This will also help with typos and grammer.
Overall I think it is a great piece, with a good story line. It might be a little too modified by description, to a laymen reader that can create some confusion and interupt the flow a bit. I'm not saying you should change it but maybe take a look at that and see if there are things that are not needed to speak this story. The only other thing is the ending, I felt rushed and it seemed that Dr. Owler went out of character a bit at the end. Being a Dr. maybe I would believe a chuckle more than an outright laugh and with his ethics, would he leave this guy to die? Just a thought, maybe your character would? Thanks for a great read. good job. Ski
i really enjoyed this piece. I do a lot of running in the woods and this reminded me of I the world greets me when I am running. I wish I was there right now! I always have felt like psrt of mother nature in the woods. Maybe some day our spirits will cross there.
great job Ski
loved this poem. absolutely no comments, what would you change? That perfect girl on the beach, every one wants one. I know what you mean about the views. I have 1 with 85 views and onl 2 reviews. How does that help? Overall, I wish I had written it! good job Ski
I enjoyed this. there are a few mistakes, so you should proof read again. I think we should at least be aware of our dreams because if nothing else, they help define our desires. I think the feeling you describe is out there waiting for you. Just don't get caught up on the outer beauty of it. look for the inner beauty which is what the dream was actually saying. That is why it was farmiliar but not known, I think. good job. Ski
Well written and flows well, not sure I feel good about how the writter feels, but the message to the rest of us is profound. overall, I liked it. Some people have to be careful they don't rate on personal preference rather the quality of the writting. good work Ski
I enjoyed reading this poem. With out knowing what your assignment was (spicifically) It is hard to rate. From the point of veiw of a reader, It was consistant, fluent and breathed a story line through out. One line I am not sure of; "I have fallen from you -- and you have fallen from me" good work! Ski
I enjoyed this piece and was suprised at how similar it was to my experiences. My first child by anouther marriage, was also born with out me. That is the way they did it back then.
But my second child I wrote a piece about that birth, if you are interested
It took me a bit to realize that you were in a second union, but once I realized that, I was less confused.
I remember that line, "go home, you can visit in the morning and we will call you when she is ready" They just didn't care about the Father!
I would like to have seen a blurb of explination at the right time, like: Heather, my first born, and also when phyllis came into the conversation. But that would have been for my benifit, probably other readers would not have been confused here. Overall a great story about, not only birth, but the bond difference when the Father is allowed to be involved. Great Job SKI
I enjoyed your piece. From the male perspective, it feels good to hear a female admit to this wonderful pasttime. As I am sure you know, men have done this very thing since the beginning of time. It is completely natural as our physical makeup is geared towards attraction and we all want to be noticed. I am closer to your age and wish you had written about you observation of men closer to your age too. Otherwise, I have visions of only being noticed by women 20 years older than me! That is not a good thought, I would hope that you middle aged women still appreciate the middle aged guy that is not quite perfect in a bathing suit? I can personnally attest the I have experienced "internal drool" over many "not quite perfect" woman my age. I guess, in my fantasy I figure I have a better chance with them, even if I am day dreaming. SKI
I liked this poem. Seems like you could have added a bit. I particularly liked: Our breaths of pleasure when we pillow. Not sure about the last sentence
I didn't feel like in connected with the verse before, almost like a verse was missing or something that leads in was left out. Overall: very good read
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