Shh...whisper, MHWAmember's (midnitewhisper) Reviews

Shh...whisper, MHWAmember

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1,134 Public Reviews Given

2,167 Total Reviews Given

51

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#3569286

Review of Imagine

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I had no idea this story was going to be about Frosty the snowman and until the girl said Frosty, I still had no idea! I guess I didn't pay as good attention to the description as I thought I had. Anyway, I saw this story about Christmas and loneliness and it sounded interesting, so I read and I'm glad I did. It so deserves the ribbon that adorns it! Your description and title fit your story very well without giving away too much information about what lies ahead in your story.

I imagine myself, fingers of flesh rather than discarded twigs, tightening my scarf against the wintry wind and reaching out my hand to that of a young girl. We dance into the distance and never look back. - My favorite line in the whole story! I love this image! Absolutely love it!

You didn't rush into the plot of your story, describing the character, their emotions, actions and surroundings first. Giving us important information needed to understand the message of the story.

Your story starts off very depressing, just as the character was, depressed and then turns to a joyous happy ending we all want for Christmas and any time of the year. You painted a good visual picture of someone so very sad and a reader can't help but to feel compassion for this character through out the story.

Suggestions: I have none for a story that is, in my eyes, already PERFECT.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed this story about Frosty. I've never thought how lonely he might have been or how depressing it probably was to be a figure of snow, something without a brain to think or feel. It's sad really. Makes me stop and think about all the times I felt sorry for myself when I was feeling lonely. I'll definitely think about Frosty next time I find myself in self pity! Thank you for this wonderful read and congrats on the ribbon it adorns. It really and truly deserves it! As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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52

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#3569281

Review of Confessions of a Jilted Bond Girl

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here, (told you I wasn't done )
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I found this interesting little piece as I searched your port for another story to read. The description is what drew me in, although the title is catchy as well. They both fit your story well without giving away too much information about what lies ahead in your story.

I found this story so very cute. I know, it's not supposed to be cute but in a way, it is. I actually saw this Pretty Girl On the Beach, literally. Even though you didn't describe her this way, I saw her standing there, hands on hips, hair blowing in her face and her wiping it away in frustration, even swearing at one point. Maybe it's because that's the way I picture myself in that situation, I don't know.

You didn't rush into the plot of your story, describing the characters, their surroundings, actions and emotions to lead into the plot. Even though this is a short piece you did a good job with timing, giving information needed to lead up to the plot.

I love the ending. Sort of 'well there goes another one' type of feel or maybe 'if you would have stayed here then you wouldn't be in the position you're in now' type. There are several more ways I can picture the ending thought as well. I like being kept thinking after the story is over.

Suggestions:
I do think this piece could use just a bit more showing v/s telling. I have no idea what this Pretty Girl actually looks like, except she's pretty, which of course, is a personal opinion, everyone has their own tastes. And even if you don't add any showing, as I stated before, I still had visuals of her, using my own imagination. So either way it is still a great read.

Overall Impression: Finally a story from the woman's point of view from a Bond film. We always focus on the dashing spy, but what about the pretty woman left dangling, mid-kiss sometimes, waiting? You've given a great example of just what they might be thinking. Well done and thank you for sharing! As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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53

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#3568603

Review of April's Story

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I saw this piece in the short stories newsletter and it said it was a must read so... I must read. Your description is short but right to the point, you want a reader to know that something happened to April, but must read the story to find out. It is simple yet can draw a reader in.

Although your story is short, you have given it emotion. The reader can feel for all characters in your story to a degree. (I'll explain this later).

You tell this story just as a young person more than likely would, using the right descriptions and emotions as well as thoughts a young person would think or feel.

Sadly this is a realistic story too often in the news and yet obviously not enough to get anything done about abuse. You have written about a matter than can and has touched the heart of even the meanest adults/teens there is. A lot of people sadly can relate to the subject matter as well as emotions in this story.

Suggestions: I really feel like this story could use more information. It is a sad story as it is and draws emotions from readers, but with more information, there could be a lot more.
What ever happened after she was told the girl was not coming back? Did they go after the family? Was any one arrested? Also what happened in those years between you befriending her and you finally asking about her long sleeves and such? Did you see her daily? Did you spend a lot of time with her? What was she like? Was she quiet, shy, or hyper? What are some of her characteristics?
"Why doesn’t he play with you?" I asked again, we were swinging on the swings and she pushed herself higher. - Here I think you should delete the word again, because you hadn't stated that you already asked that question of her. As far as the reader knows this is the first time the question was asked.
I, along with all the other kids was in shorts and a tanktop, but I didn’t question her. - Her you also need a comma after kids. As well tank top should be two words or hyphenated.
The days passed, and gradually you could see other parts of April's body becoming bruised. The next day, April wasn't at school. I told my dad, and he said he would go talk to a teacher the following morning. I agreed. - I think instead of using the next day, maybe using One day, suddenly, April wasn't at school or Suddenly, April wasn't at school. You've skipped a lot of time between the growing up of April and it's hard to determine what day your referring to as the next day.

Overall Impression: I'm truly sorry for your loss in your friend. She is in a better place where there is no such thing as abuse and she is pain free physically and emotionally. I think with a little more to the story you would have a wonderful addition to share with others who have experienced such abuse or know someone who has and they can relate to you or April. If you chose to work on the story more I'd love to come back for another read, just let me know. Please, I hope you don't feel like I was criticizing you in any way, it was not my intention at all. I'd like to know more about this story and how things went down afterward. Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story, I know from experience how hard it must have been to write. As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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#3568577

Review of Another Kind of Death

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I saw this piece as I navigated your port. The description is what caught my attention and I had to read your story to see what was with this character dying. I think your description is catching and draws a reader in well.

You didn't rush into the plot of your story, setting up the characters, emotions and surroundings with good descriptions.

This is definitely a romantic piece. You can feel the love Ivan has for the woman character through your descriptions.

Your piece is dramatic, as you express frustration in some parts, eagerness in some, and fear in others.

Suggestions: I do have just a few suggestions that might help take away from some of the confusion within it:
He’d been buried alive plenty of times. It was a fairly simple matter to break through the coffin and dig up to the surface, usually only suffocating two or three times along the way. Of course these days it was more difficult. His body took time to deal with the embalming fluid and the organs removed during any autopsy. Some times weeks passed before he woke up, and the soil was not so easy to dig through after it had settled. - This paragraph did confuse me some. In order to have an autopsy performed a person is pronounced clinically dead, therefor cannot be buried alive. I would suggest either removing the whole line or revising the buried alive part. Maybe taking out the part about autopsy and embalming fluid and just express how hard it was to dig through the soil, maybe even add that the body is stiff.
While his mind was with her, his hands grasped the diamond ring, and he began to scrape- You need a comma after her.
I think this story could use a little more information in order for a reader to feel any kind of emotion for this character. Was he someone who deserved sympathy or did he deserve this? What is his background like? Is he someone to fear or no? Why is he in this predicament to begin with? What lead up to him being buried? What happened moments before? Things like this could help a reader better understand the character and his predicament and motives of others.

Overall Impression: I think with just a little more information this would be a very good supernatural/sci-fi type story about what it's like to die and come back over and over and loose so much with each death. It is also quite romantic and shows exactly what romance means to a lot of people, whether they've died a million times or just once. I enjoyed the read and if you choose to work on this story any more I'd be happy to come back for another read, just let me know . Thanks for sharing this piece and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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55

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#3568554

Review of Good Samaritan Mother

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: The description and title of this story caught my eye while I was navigating through your port. I enjoy true stories above most so when I see one, I'm usually found reading it. I'm glad I read this piece. Your title and description fit your story well without giving away the plot of your story.

As with most true stories, we as readers learn a lot about the author just from a few lines in a story. You gave informative information about yourself that set up characters, settings and emotions.

They looked at me incredulously; the myriad questions in their minds came out all at once.- This line is one of my favorite descriptive lines in your story. I could just imagine in my mind the looks on these characters faces.

This is definitely a story about a dying breed of people. You hardly hear about good Samaritans any more. So this story reminds us that they live, maybe hidden, but they are still out there. It can also bring out personal experiences from others, memories put back in the far reaches of ones brain.

Suggestions:
I do feel this story could use a bit more showing v\s telling, especially in dialog scenes.
Other than that I think this is well written.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed being reminded that there are a few good Samaritans left, and I hope this story of yours brings out more stories as others read it. Maybe we can bring good deeds back to life or at least draw them out of hiding. I also enjoy the fact that because of one simple encounter, you have become less cynical. It amazes me how little it takes sometimes to change ones views about another. Thank you for sharing this piece with us all and as always, please do... Write On! I look forward to reading more from you!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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56

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#3564927

Review of Misfortune Cookies

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

How very entertaining and hilarious!

What a great idea to share with others on here! I thought I had a good one but my boyfriend kinda just gave me that look like , no uh-uh not funny at all... oh well at least I can read the others and laugh

!

57

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#3564917

Review of Some Change

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Let me start off by first giving you a big Welcome to WDC! I hope you have been having wonderful experiences since joining and if you ever have any questions please know there are a lot of people willing and able to help out! It's what we're all here for right?! I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: What a great example of "Don't judge a book by it's cover" as well as a few other important life lessons! I found this wonderful piece on the Noticing Newbies page and the title and description caught my attention.

You grabbed my attention from the very beginning and you kept it through yor whole story with your use of descriptive dialog. I, for one, have never written a dialog story, let alone a story with only 500 words allowed. Kudos to you for jumping right in and not only trying it but entering into contests as well!!!

I think your story is realistic and one many people can relate to. There are too many that, without even realizing it, judge others by their looks or actions, without giving the person a chance. We've all been guilty of it at least once in our lives. It also gives a message, if not more than one. Sort of like a fairy tale, ya know?

Your use of dialog was very well chosen. I knew who was speaking and what was going on in the story most times.

Suggestions: I would suggest one thing though that maybe just me, but I think this story would read better if with the curse words you actually spell them out, or find other words to describe what your thinking or feeling. Seeing symbols kind of makes a reader have to stop and figure out what word your trying to use. Not in all words but some anyway. Remember you can always rate your item as 18+ or so.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed the lesson/message you were giving in this story and it is refreshing to see others putting a twist to how lessons/messages are taught/expressed. Everyone could learn at least one thing by reading this story, and maybe someone will be kind and stop and give a homeless person some money next time they are confronted by one. Not all "bums" choose to live that way and most will give you the shirt off their back, we are just too picky to take it . Thank you for sharing this piece and good luck in the contest! Welcome again to WDC! May your time here be helpful and enjoyable! As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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#3564900

Review of Is Today The Day

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Please let me send to you a very big WELCOME TO WDC!I hope you have been able to find everything you need here and please let me know if you have any questions. I'd be happy to help in any way I can I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I saw this story on the Noticing Newbies page and your title and description caught my attention. After reading your story I think your title an description fit your story well without giving away too much information.

You did a wonderful job at leading into the plot of your story. You set up the characters, their surroundings and their actions/emotions well.

I enjoyed your use of descriptive words to "show" instead of "tell" your story. It is important in any write that you are able to describe actions, subjects, emotions.

Her eyes were so blue that it was like seeing through glass, and her blonde Shirley Temple curls bounded about her head as she stood on her tippy toes to try and see the cook in the truck. - could see this little girl standing there and the way you described her features let me get a very good visual of the child.

Your story is realistic in a lot of ways. Who doesn't get all of these emotions you described when expecting something wanted for a long time, even a short time for that matter? You bring out sympathy for the character as well as well as hope that they will get the job.

Suggestions:
Just a suggestion, not an error, but in most stories where you have dialog and the character is speaking to themselves, I've found using italics is a good way to show the thoughts without using quotations. If you aren't sure how to italic the words just go to the WritingML help under writing.com tools. Or you could ask someone to show you.

Overall Impression: The ending was by far the best part of the whole story. Who cares if you actually told us if they got the job or not? Just knowing that after the experiences this character went through on that day that made them simply glowing, gives a reader a sense of pride and happiness for the character. Who doesn't enjoy a day like that?! I thank you for this lovely read and thank you for sharing with us. I say again, welcome to WDC! I hope you find nothing but enjoyment and help here! As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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59

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#3564813

Review of Last Pictures

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I chose this piece because I noticed it was written a while back and it still has no ratings. I hate that, don't you? Anyway, I think your title fits your story well and it was enough to draw me in with curiosity. I think the description should read: What we will do for art or would do for art- instead though.

You didn't rush into the plot of yor story, describing the characters, their thoughts/emotions, and their surroundings.

I wasn't expecting the ending at all. I knew somehow it was a lesson but I had no idea it was going to end like this until she had said Sometimes, the picture is worth the risk." and yet I still didn't know for sure.

You did a wonderful job with showing instead of telling in this write. Several times I was able to see exactly what you were describing.

"Donna!," he shouted, but the wind shoved the words back down his throat. -This has got to be one of my favorite descriptions in your story. I've never seen any one use it before and I could just hear the words going back in him with this description. You used very good descriptive words to give a reader good visuals to place them in the story.

Suggestions: There were just a few technical errors I spotted, nothing that takes away from your story really.
Temps dropping big time, we need to get head back to camp- Here I think you just got ahead of yourself maybe typing too fast and accidentally put get in there.
Give me a horse any day over these spittin' beasts he thought. -It's always good to use italics when you have a thought that would otherwise go in quotations when writing a dialog piece. Give me a horse any day over these spitten' beasts, he thought.
Cuz you love her, you dolt. Just wish she was into taking pictures of palm trees instead of her 'Talking Mountains!'- Here's another area where the italics would work better in your story.
It was her last published work, after all." - You need your quotation mark at the beginning of this sentence.

Overall Impression: I like how you ended this piece although it was a surprise to me. It gives the reader your meaning and message of the write loud and clear. I felt for both characters in this piece at several different times. I understood the worry and frustration each showed as well as the excitement and passion Donna had. I thank you for sharing this message with us and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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60

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#3562895

Review of Why I Became Sister of Mercy

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I chose this piece because lately I had been curious as to the inspiration behind others user names. I even started a forum for people to let me know their story. Anyway, I'm glad I chose this piece to read and review. It's always nice to know how others view themselves or what they would like to accomplish (their goals) within themselves.

At first I didn't realize this was a song, sorry I've never listened to Leonard Cohen (at least not that I'm aware of, my dad and ex husband were religious country music lovers). This piece does make me want to check him out now though. Anyway, as I read the last of your piece it states that this is a song by someone not you, but it obviously means a lot to you and has special meaning in it/to it.

I like the fact you put this song in here so we can get an idea of what Sister of Mercy was/is without having to go dig for the CD somewhere (not that I'm lazy, okay well maybe I am a little ).

I also like the fact that you broke down each stanza and what that stanza means to you or how it reflects you or what you would like to accomplish.

Suggestions:
there was only one technical error I spotted which you repeated twice.
The second one saids that she will
The last one, to me, saids that she does - saids should be says.
Other than that minor error I have no suggestions on improving this piece. I find that pieces that are personal usually are best left to the words the author pens, for that is something personal and says exactly what the author wanted said.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed finding out the reason for the choice Sister of Mercy. Sounds like a very special person, one everyone would like to know better and become friends with. Thank you for sharing this piece and as always, please do... Write On!

p.s. I hope you will be a part of WDC and Sister of Mercy for a long time to come as well.
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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#3562307

Review of Nuclear Dupe

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I'm not a big fan of sci-fi, but this story wasn't what I expected anyway. That's a good thing by the way , I'll explain later. Your title and description fit your story well, giving just enough information to draw a reader in.

You kept my attention through this whole story with your use of descriptive words. I often saw exactly what you were describing in my mind.

You didn't rush into the plot of your story, setting up the characters, surroundings and obvious emotions.

You did a lot of showing instead of telling in this story, especially with describing the characters.

Suggestions:
I'm a little confused as to if the father was in on this or not. It's not important to the story really, I'm just curious. I didn't really find anything that needed improving on. I found no technical errors either.

Overall Impression: This story wasn't what I was expecting and it is always a good thing to be able to throw a reader off. Just when I thought I knew how the story was going to end, you changed it. Well done. Obviously a woman has the ability to accomplish more sinister tasks then men because they can use their bodies as distractions. Sadly, it's a reality that there are women who do such a thing. Thanks for sharing this story and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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#3562293

Review of Seasons Come and Seasons Go

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !

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Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: As I read this piece I found myself waiting for the next line, the next action, the next dramatic occurrence. I wasn't forced to be rushed by technical detail, rather the rush of adrenalin with each description.

Your story starts off at a slow, peaceful pace and picks up as you get to the plot of your story. You did a good job with leading into the plot of your story with descriptions of the character and their surroundings and emotions.

The tall grass stood like soldiers waiting.- This is one of my favorite lines in this story. The description is not one I've ever seen before and I could actually see the grass standing at attention.

No, not an illusion, it was the last hurrah of Father Winter as he headed off into the mountains, taking his breath of snow and bristling cold with him.- This is another one of my favorite lines in this story. The visuals I got from just this line made me shiver. I also realized that I had been holding my breath since the plot of the story and as I read this line was able to release it. I haven't read too many stories that I've held my breath in. Well Done!

Suggestions:
I'm not sure but shouldn't -sister sun- be capitalized since you are naming her?
Other than this suggestion, which I'm not 100% of, I found nothing else that needs improvement. There was no unnecessary information and I found no where that needed more description.

Overall Impression: For a spur of the moment write, I think it is a wonderfully written short piece that describes the coming and going of seasons. I enjoyed the change from a slow pace to a quick pace as I traveled with this character. I also enjoyed each visual I had as each description entered my mind and put me in the story, experiencing what the character experienced. Thank you for sharing this piece and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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#3562096

Review of A Thanksgiving Farewell

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Shh...whisper, MHWAmember

here again. I had to read the follow up of this to your poem not really to understand your poem, but to get all the information there was. I had already felt sympathy and compassion for your family after reading your poem, but obviously after reading this story, I have more. I also found strength in this story. The strength the family, your family, has/had in such a dark time. The poor child having to grow up without his mother. I'm glad you as a family remind him often of her and her love for him. At least he has that much.
I hope the husband/father who so viciously took his wife's life, has a very hard life in prison. I thank God he didn't harm the baby.
I'd like to know more about this story. You know a follow up as to how the boy is every once in awhile. How long of a sentence did Julio recieve? Did he have any remorse at all? Why did he do it? I know this had to have been one of the hardest pieces to write. I know it would have been for me. And I understand if you would want to leave it at this and nothing more. I'm definetly not saying this piece has to have more, it doesn't. It tells the story as it was, the emotional pain the family has been through and the strength that has come from this tragedy.
I thank you for adding this story to give background to your poem. I hope your family has been able to heal some of the pain felt from this tragedy.
Thank you for sharing and as always, please do... Write On!
Midnitewhisper
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#3562084

Review of A Father's Love

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I'mShh...whisper, MHWAmember

and I saw this piece on the reviewers item list and it caught my attention so thought I would read and give you my thoughts on it. I hope you don't mind a personal review from me.
This is truely a sad piece full of emotions. My favorite part is the first stanza, the thrill that a new baby brings to a parent when they first hold them. There's nothing like it in the world.
Every dad hates to have to let go of their little girl, simply because they know all the dangers that lurk out in the real world, without a fathers protective arm to sheild them. I feel for the dad in this piece, as anyone with a heart should. It's an emotional subject that rips at the heart of others who read it. It is also something that is real, sadly. Unfortunately, there are numerous fathers out there that have experienced this very thing.
I like the fact that you wrote this for your brother and you put another link in this to let others know why this was written and how they can find out the story behind the poem. I plan to read that next.
I think this poem deserves the ribbon it has attached, simply for the subject matter. For the emotions it brings out in not only the author but those who read it. Thank you for sharing this tribute. As always, please do... Write On!
Best wishes to you and your family, all of them.
Midnitewhisper
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#3558937

Review of Honest to Goodness

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I saw this piece on the reviewers items to the left and the title caught my eye. It sounded pretty interesting so figured I'd give it a read. I'm so glad I did. Your title and description fit your story well giving enough information to draw a reader in but not too much to give away your story. Well done !

Your story is realistic for any child wanting attention from their parents. Every child starts off wanting/needing to please their parents and show them how responsible they can be, no matter how many siblings they have to compete with, if any. They also mess, up just as your character did. That is how we grow and learn.

You didn't rush into the plot of the story, giving us background and important information to understand the characters and their points-of-view in order to set up the plot.

I found myself in this story often, especially when you so vividly described the childs emotions.(restlessness, excitement, giddiness, elated) I saw this girl sitting there in that Chevy, I saw me sitting there wanting to please my parents. And this is what makes a story worth reading. The flashbacks, memories, emotions one feels and will feel long after reading the story. VERY well Done!

Suggestions: There was just one little area I found in this otherwise perfect story:
e:note1} and my conscience would no longer allow me pursue that approach to life's inevitable mistakes and consequences.- Here I think this sentence would read better if you stated it- and my conscience would no longer allow me to pursue ...

Overall Impression: I enjoyed the flash back to my younger years and the aim to please my parents and the excitement I felt, as well as the disappointment I felt in myself when things didn't go just as planned. I saw myself in this child in so many ways. It makes the story realistic and makes a reader feel like they weren't the only ones (makes me sigh in relief I tell ya ). Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3558911

Review of A Final Meeting

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I went in search of articles/stories about Alzheimer's because at the moment I am writing a few stories/articles about my experiences with this disease and needed some inspiration. I found your piece and with the description thought it would help me. It did indeed. Your title and description both compliment your story well, giving a reader just enough information to draw them in without giving away the story.

You did not rush into the plot of your story. You set up the characters, their past, surroundings and emotions that give important information that leads to the plot of your story.

Your story is one many can relate to. Alzheimer's is taking away so many family and friends from us and the emotions one has when faced with this disease are very similar to what you have penned here. Your descriptions make a reader feel for both the grandmother and grandson. It brings on sympathy, compassion and caring. All emotions one feels towards a loved one suffering.

Suggestions: There were just a few grammatical issues here. Nothing a minute of your time won't fix and nothing that takes away from the message of your story.
Foosteps sounded from the other side and the door opened- You misspelled Footsteps here.
"Grandma." he repeated.- This should read "Grandma," he repeated,- Use commas instead of periods.

Overall Impression: Working around people who suffer from Alzheimer's I see first hand the struggles everyone goes through with this disease. It is not just the person with Alzheimer's that changes, everyone who is connected to that person in some way, does as well. You've given a lot of that in this story. You give heart to this subject when so many others have given facts. I enjoyed this piece although a heart tugging story it is. I thank you for the read and inspiration I needed for some of my writings. Thanks again for sharing and as always, please do... Write ON!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3558503

Review of A Nerdy Kind of Love

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I saw this piece on the reviewers items on the left of my screen and the title and description drew me into reading this story. I think your title and description fit well.

You used some pretty good descriptive words in this story which gave me very good visuals as I read this story. (Like the description of the girls shoes and nails.) I could picture her in my mind and see her dressed like a high school queen.

This is a story many people can relate to. Your emotions in the story are raw and realistic. Who, after being ridiculed over and over, doesn't want revenge? I know I did. I didn't get it, too chicken to follow through, but this character had had enough. Maybe he went too far but when pushed too far, most people can no longer think of whats right and wrong.

Suggestions: As good as the story is itself, there are several areas that need some grammatical work to make this piece all the more appealing to the reader. Here are a few things I noticed. Please don't think I'm being picky, it is not my intention.:
In your first few sentences you need to capitalize I.
always turning the dial right-left-right, 5-23-17.- You need to capitalize Alone since it's the start of a new sentence.
Suddenly a large pair of calloused hands hands grabed her hands and twisted her around toward no one other then me- then should be than. You need a comma after suddenly. You used the word hands twice. Grabbed instead of grabed.
her pink gloss spread evenly even like this.- In this sentence evenly even makes no sense to me. You could delete even to take away the confusion.
What she said after that, well lets just say you didnt have supper hearing to hear it.- lets should be let's (let us) and didnt should be didn't.
I would take me a few hours to get ready, but the science, chess, and math club would help me.- The beginning of this sentence confused me. I had to read it a few times to understand what you were trying to say. I think it was supposed to be It, not I? Also in the sentence before this one you need to capitalize I again.
I would be happywith her as my girl freind, she may not be, but that would not matter.- You need a space between happy and with.
It was a fantisy game now, a game of make believe, and i was good at those games. she would be a slave, a slave to my needs, a slave to my untouched love.- Fantasy, capitalize I, and capitalize She since it's the beginning of a sentence.
In most of your story you need to read back over and use an apostrophe when it deals with its, whats (his face), doesnt, any place you shorten a second word such as not or is basically, etc..
Also, instead of me pointing out all of the places you've forgotten to capitalize I or the beginning of a sentence, I think it would be a good idea if you went through your story yourself so it doesn't look like I'm picking at every thing, which is not my intention at all.

Overall Impression: With a little bit of going back through your piece and adjusting a few grammar errors I think this would be a very good piece for the youth. It would help them realize they are not alone or even help some of those who are the bullies themselves realize what could happen to them some day. If you choose to correct some of these errors I would be more than willing to come back and review this piece again. I hope you do not find my review hurtful, rather helpful. Thank you for sharing this story and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3555297

Review of The Maytag Man

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I saw this piece in the auto rewards list and the description sounded very interesting. You didn't disappoint me Your title and description fit your story well without giving away too much of your story.

You didn't rush into the plot of this story, giving information about the characters needed to understand the message of the story.

I see the knife stained with blood, know my tomorrows are yesterdays. This is my favorite line in the story. It has so much power in that line. It is a sad line that draws out sympathy for the character.

Although this piece is very short it has just enough to get the meaning across. You didn't add any unnecessary information. You were able to draw sympathy with your descriptions for the character and her daughter.

Suggestions: There was only one grammatical error I found.
I want to say, "You can have everyhing!" - You've misspelled everything.

Overall Impression: I thought for sure as I read this piece that something was going to happen with the daughter, so I was really shocked by your ending. No one ever thinks something like this could happen to them, but obviously it can. Thank you for sharing this story and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3555050

Review of Looking Back

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: First off, congrats on the win, publishing and accomplishing most of your goals you set. Your title and description describe exactly what your item is about without question.

I've never actually written a Dear Me letter yet and I've been here almost 4 yrs now. Not sure if it's nerves or knowing I'd expect way too much of myself. Anyway, it takes courage to write a Dear Me letter and even more to go back and see what of it you did and (the harder part) Did not do. Your article here expresses the strength you do hold.

You added a little humor to this story as well, making it that much more entertaining. All business/seriousness can get a little draining sometimes. If you can't laugh at yourself well then you know the rest right??

Suggestions: There's only one error I found in your write:
Writing Dot Com encourages us write them down and post them up for the world to see in - I think this sentence would read a little better if you added - encourages us to write it down...

Overall Impression: I enjoyed this little write about going back and seeing what you did accomplish from your Dear Me letter. It shows the rest of us that although we may not meet our own expectations in an allotted time we can/will do our best under any circumstance. Well done ! Congrats again! And as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3552577

Review of The Chase

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I have seriously enjoyed spending so much time in your port these last few days. Everything I have read, I have enjoyed. Each in a different way, each leaving their own impression on me and each leaving a piece of it inside my mind. This is by far one of the most inspiring of your writes that I've read. I like the simpleness of the title and the description fits your story well, not giving away too much information.

The plot of your story was set up very well with descriptions of the characters, their surroundings and information about who/what they are on the inside. You didn't rush into the plot either, giving information to the reader so that they may understand what is going on and what in the past has gone on.

You put me right in the story in a lot of your paragraphs with the descriptions and emotions used. I found myself looking forward to the next paragraph to see if this Chase finally ended in Chase getting what he was chasing. I like your ending a lot better.

Suggestions:
We've also learned that Chase for all his faults is a gentle and loving dog.- Here you need a comma after Chase and another after faults.
He doesn’t seems to care as he bounds off into - seems should be seem, I'm sure that was just the fingers working overtime.
Once I’d finally reached my goal and the chase was complete I was faced not with satisfaction at my accomplishment. Rather I was left with a feeling of emptiness. Here because of the use of 'faced not with' these two sentences should be combined into one. The way you have it you have an incomplete sentence with the first one.

Overall Impression: Even though I spotted a few errors I had to rate this item a 5 on the message alone. Too many times we all get wrapped up in the chase and sometimes we even forget what we are chasing and that, in my opinion, is what you said you had finally found- Happiness. I really enjoyed this story and it IS one that will stay with me and even gives me something to think about next time I'm out on a chase. Thank you for this wonderful message and thank you for sharing it with all of us. And, as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3551991

Review of Out on the Water

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I saw this piece in the short story newsletter and it grabbed my attention so figured I'd give it a read and review.The title is very fitting to your story but i find the description too much for the story. I'll explain this further in my suggestions.

Your story here reads like a poem, let me explain. It is like the character in your story, slow and peaceful and flows calmly like water in a river. I was not rushed into each paragraph. I was able to breath slowly as I read, just as I would row a boat if I was not in a hurry to be somewhere. I think the water is a perfect setting for the plot of your story. Your descriptions of the character and his surroundings give a reader good visuals as they read. I felt the emotion in this piece as well and actually felt myself feeling sympathy for this man, for what I'm not sure, which again I will explain in my suggestions.

Suggestions:
This is a great story of reflection but it really does need more in order for a reader to know and feel for the character. okay so this man goes on the water as a way to reflect on what he has become. Okay, what has he become? What are the choices he's made to lead him to the water? I'm not sure if I actually should be feeling sympathy for this character because for all I know he could have hurt children or something such as this that would lead me to believe he deserves no sympathy. you know what I mean? Anyway, I just think adding a little about the characters persona would help a reader find the feelings needed to feel for him or even to relate to him.

Overall Impression: If you choose to add a little to this story as I suggested I would definitely be willing to read this piece again as I feel it would only help to improve upon the emotions. It is a good story to tell and one some may be able to relate to. I enjoyed the peacefulness it holds and look forward to reading it if in fact you add more. Thank you for sharing this piece and I hope I did not offend you, that was not my intention at all. As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3551955

Review of Daddy, I'm Pregnant

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I found this story in the short stories newsletter and the description seemed very interesting. I remember having to tell my dad I was pregnant, so I figured it should be something I could relate to. I think your title and description fit well and give just enough information to draw a reader in.

Once again, this story is one many young teenage girls can relate to, sadly. Your emotions of all the characters were raw and realistic. You can tell the father still has a lot of hurt from the EX and now this from his daughter just seems to be too much. I think he held it together very well though, better than most fathers.

You didn't rush into the plot of your story, setting up descriptions of the dad and child and their past relationship. It seems there has always been issues with everyone in the family and this is just another one the father feels he must fix, so when the daughter tells him shes moving, it shocked him but at the same time hurt, because he had taken care of her and issues that came with her strictly because of love.

Suggestions: None I think it is perfect in every way. There are no grammer errors or misspellings, not too much information and it shows the emotions one would actually feel during a time like this. It's heart touching and emotional, two very good combinations in a great story no matter how sad the tale is.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed this story about how a child can so easily break a parents heart without meaning to. It took me back to the conversation I had with my father when I told him I was pregnant and yes, moving in with "the Boyfriend". I thank you for sharing this piece and I look forward to reading more from you in the future. As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3551933

Review of Angel on the Line

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: This item was listed in the short story newsletter and after reading the description, I was curious. I think your title and description fit your story well, giving just enough information to draw a reader in.

I'm glad you didn't rush into the plot of your story. You took your time setting up the scene before the plot, giving the reader information about the character to see why she was in need of an angel.

Your descriptive words used to express emotions and feelings were realistic and raw. Who hasn't been grateful to one person at least once in their lifetime? That is the strongest emotion I received in this story.

Suggestions:
there were more calls toNorma. Here you just need a space between to and Norma.
Other than that I didn't find anything that needs changing.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed this quick story about a person finding their angel just when they are needed the most. Thank you for sharing this piece with us and I'm glad to know you and the family have made your recoveries. One thought, you said your mother's name was Norma right? Just a thought. As always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3551512

Review of The Life of William Conrad Chesterton

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read and review this story. I think they both fit your tale here very well, giving enough information to grab a reader, but not too much information either.

You didn't rush into the plot of the story, taking your time with describing the characters, their emotions and surroundings. Your emotions in this piece are real and raw. There is no question as to how anyone feels in this piece. Sadly there are realistic parts to this story as well, many some can relate to whether hearing about it or living it themselves.

Your story is just as William is, full of hope and optimism. I felt my heart aching for this child but at the same time I also felt that this child was going to be okay. His strength is obvious, he has the strength most adults can not possess and that is wonderful.

Suggestions:
If he didn't work he didn't eat- I might be wrong but I think you need a comma after work.
Everyone who saw William including strangers would - Here again you need a comma, this time after William and strangers.
His parents knowing how special young William was did their best - You need commas after parents and was.
William for his part loved little Thomas. - Again you need commas here after William and part.

Overall Impression: Aside from the few missing commas, which do not deflect from the story or draw attention away, I think this is a wonderful beginning to a story that will be full of hope and optimism and I look forward to reading more of this story in the future if you choose to continue it, which I think would be wonderful. It is a heart breaking yet heart warming story that will touch any reader and leave them as full of emotion as this story holds. I hope you continue this piece and will continue the read if you do. Thank you for sharing this piece and please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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#3551489

Review of Cowpoke's Lament

Review by Shh...whisper, ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today!

midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended.

First Impression: I live in Texas so... you know we are cowboy/girl folk down here. so I had to check this poem out and give it a review. I think your title and description fit the poem well without giving away too much information.

your poem flows well even though it seems to be a free verse. Free verse is a favorite of mine because there is no chance of false rhymes. Only real emotions.

I love the accent of the words written. I actually found myself sounding out the words as I read them and trying to sound old school country at that. I've been told I have both a country accent and a Northern, talk too fast accent. Not good combos

Your stanzas are informative enough and there is plenty of emotion and description in each to express what you are writing this poem for.

Suggestions: NONE

Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this poem describing a cowboys last words and thoughts. I like the end the most, how the cowboy obviously has no regrets and is ready to ride to heaven and join the "old gang". in all I think it's a cute tribute to old country cowboys and the way they lived and died their life. Thank you for sharing this piece and as always, please do... Write On!

Best wishes,
midnitewhisper

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