*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/midnitewhisper
Review Requests: OFF
1,134 Public Reviews Given
2,167 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, a Sunflower in Texas !
I'm here on behalf of the group "Invalid Item"  to give you a review on a piece that has to do with mental health for our "Invalid Item"  .
As I began reading your article here, I started to notice a lot of the things you talk about have been discussed in the group by other members who also suffer from bipolar disorder. As well I think you give great examples of what you go through on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. You seem to know a lot about your disorder(s) and you seem to know how to cope with them as well. There are so many of us that suffer from some kind of mental illness that don't even know where to start (myself included). I like that along with your opinions and experiences you also reference sources for others.
I'm sorry that you go through so much with your disorders, but I'm glad that you have found useful ways to cope with them.
If you are at all interested in helping others or would like to join a group of people that either support mental illness or are members because they too suffer, please consider checking out the group.
Thank you for sharing a little about yourself with the rest of us through this write and as always, please do, Write On!

Midnite
2
2
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, River !
I'm here to give you a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  . As I did with my previous reviews of other members, I went looking for more personal things in their ports to read and review so that I get to know some more about my fellow group members. I saw this under your personal folder and thought I might get to see a little of you in this piece, and I was right.
Though the first two lines had me already wanting to cry a little, the rest of the story was uplifting and encouraging. I look in the mirror several times a day, surprisingly, but I quickly turn away. I don't know why I bother to look, every time I do, I regret it and my anxiety kicks in even for just a little bit and I think to myself, how could my boyfriend even be attracted to this?! But anyway, enough about me.
I like how you convince yourself to see yourself in a better way than you have been. You tell yourself you are more than just wrinkles and skin and disabilities. You were positive and strong in the way you encouraged yourself. (I should try it myself, but not sure it would work with my anxiety) I hope that in writing this you were able to look at yourself every day from then on and be positive about yourself when you did look in the mirror.

One little technical error I saw here, which didn't take anything away from the emotions of the story which is why I still chose to give it 5 stars is in the line- Now you’re old,wrinkled and deformed, and you look like a skeleton. You need a space between 'old,' and 'wrinkled'.

Thank you for sharing this side of you with the rest of us, it is more common than most people think. We generally are harder on ourselves more than other people are. Thank you again and as always, please do, Write On!

Midnite
3
3
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Prosperous Snow celebrating !
I'm here to do a review for "Invalid Item"  ! I browsed through your port looking for something more on a personal level of you to review and thought that this letter was a good choice. You chose to write a positive letter to a much younger you. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that as well as you have here. I'd be inclined to warn myself of a lot of the negative that happens in the future. I think it's great that you didn't go into a great deal of detail for either the good or the bad times ahead. I also like how you focused on the positive of your childhood wish to have a nickname. This was the only time you went into detail, but you still didn't offer up too much. You remained positive throughout the letter, even in times where I know you probably didn't want to be, but you also stuck to being hopeful, reminding yourself that no matter what you go through always hold on to hope because that is how you survived.
I enjoyed reading this little piece about you, from you. I thank you for letting us see such a personal side of you as well. Thank you again and as always, please do, Write On!

Midnite
4
4
Review of Speak Up!  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there, Weirdone-Back in the games ! I was checking out the contest you entered this item into and I wanted to read some of the entries for the contest, so here I am! Anyway, I thought you did a good job of describing what might be considered sexual harassment. As well, I like how you didn't just outright accuse the characters in your story of it, rather you explained how it should first be let known that the person's actions were not wanted and made the character feel uneasy. You set a good scenario for this piece and the characters, their surroundings, and emotions are described well. I hate the fact that there are people who would blame the person wearing less clothing for the way they are treated by others, sadly though it is all too real.

The only technical error I noticed in this piece was in this line-
Your mother would blameyou for that?"
Where you need a space between 'blame' and 'you'. Other than that I think this is a pretty good writer and I wish you luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing this piece on sexual harassment with the rest of us and as always, please do, Write On!

Midnite


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I saw this story as I was reading through the newsletter for horror. I'm not a fan of horror, but because of the subject matter for this newsletter, I was curious about what kind of stories would be featured in the newsletter. I have to say, I am very glad I did decide to read this piece.
So many people suffer from a mental illness and their ways of coping with their illness all differ from one another. This story, this character's, coping skills were downright scary and a bit creepy.
You grabbed my attention from the first line and kept it until the very end. Th ending, not what I foresaw happening in my mind beforehand. I half expected him to lay on the bed, in an extasy state, laughing at himself and his love of the thrill he received from this ritual he had with his gun. Your attention to detail had me right there, experiencing this story in front of my eyes as if I had been a fly on the wall in the room.

The only suggestion I would have for this story is that in this line, "and perhaps this was all just a bad dream he’d wakeup from with his old habit coming to his rescue" you need a space between 'wake' and 'up'. Other than that minor technical error, I found nothing else that could make this piece better, in my opinion.
I enjoyed the read and I thank you for sharing this piece with us. As always, please do, Write On!

Midnite
6
6
Review of Pull the Trigger  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
For some reason as I read this piece, I figured the gun wasn't loaded... You made it obvious that this was a total stranger to the character so what would have been the motive for wanting the character to actually kill himself (other than just getting some sort of enjoyment out of seeing the character suffer)? While there are people like this in the world, more so now than ever, usually with something like this there is more of a motive.
Anyway, I think you did an excellent job of relaying the characters strong emotions in this piece, and to a point, it is believable. If I was put in the same situation, best believe I'd have put the gun to my own head and pulled the trigger.
The ending was so very sad and I wished it had a better outcome, but once again, though sad, it is believable. You kept my attention though out the entire story with the descriptions you gave of the characters, their surroundings and their emotions. The title matches the story well without giving away too much information about what the story is about.
I would only suggest maybe changing the description to something that relates to the story instead of the explanation of why it is short. Also if you plan to keep the description you may want to change the "an" to "a". Otherwise, though it is a heartbreaking story, I did enjoy the action, drama with in it. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future and I hope you continue to share with us here. Thank you for sharing and as always, please do Write On!

All the best to you,
Midnite
7
7
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Shannon ,
I haven't actually read one of the newsletters in some time, but while I was going through my emails, I decided to keep this one because it related to me, somewhat. I'm always looking for inspiration and I saw your post at the bottom of the newsletter linking to this story and it definitely sounded interesting as I'm sort of into legends and such, so I figured I'd give it a read and review.

I think the picture really made this piece even better than it could have been, though it is a perfect write without, but for some reason, especially with the green eyes standing out, it actually paints a picture of Uriah for the reader. The first line was an attention grabber and you were able to keep it through out the story. I loved the accent you wrote the story in too. It put me right into the heart of a small town in the country. I could picture in my mind Junior and his surroundings, as well as Uriah at times where his character was the center of attention. You gave plenty of descriptions to keep the writer in the story, visualizing everything going on. I absolutely just loved reading this piece. My favorite part I'd have to say is the accent. It's not something you see a lot of writers do too much any more out of fear of not using proper grammar, spelling, punctuation and all, but I just *Heart* it! I'm so glad I read this piece and I'm thankful to you for sharing such a wonderful write with the rest of us. I enjoyed the time I took to read and review this piece and I say thank you again for sharing.
Best wishes and please do, write on!!
Midnite


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review of A Christmas Fable  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again,
I went straight to your port after you gave me a kind review of one of my poems so that I could return the favor of a review. I much prefer short stories as of late, but I do review poetry from time to time but thought my services would be best with your short story here.
I enjoyed the message you gave in this piece, actually I think there might have been more than one, honestly. But the ending gave the best message of all. Forgiveness. And children are the best at it, but anyone can take this message and learn from it. It was a short piece that did not lack in any detail so there was no confusion as to what was going on it the story. Your use of descriptive words put a reader standing next to Billy, seeing his emotions, actions and all the characters reactions. You were able to keep my attention through the entire piece with the descriptions and emotions portrayed.
I think this was one of the better Christmas stories I've read in quite a while. And I do hope to see more short stories from you in the future. You have a good way of writing them. Thank you for sharing this piece with us here and I do hope that you are enjoying your time spent here on this site. As always, please do, Write ON!
Midnite


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of Everything To Me.  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh but there is always so much to see in nature. As well, in nature you can use every single sense you do have! I also find that it's one of the best places to reflect on life, not just mine, but life in general.
I have to say the second stanza is my favorite though. I often write to let things go. Just sit down and write everything I'm feeling and then most times I can let it go. It's how I've always expressed my feelings as well. Speaking to others through vocalizing fails me, miserably, but being able to sit and write what I feel, I can do without a second thought, without doubts, anxiety, or fear of anything.
I step outside a lot during both the day and night and here lately, the sky is the first thing I look to. I look at how clear the sky is or the shapes of the clouds, even the grey ones ready to bring down the rain. I spend more time outside at night looking at the stars, that unlike clouds, usually don't change except for their location. But the night sky is still so beautiful to see. I love the thought of darkness except for the light from the moon and stars. Anyway, I'm rambling again, which is good for me haha, bringing out a lot of emotions for me here, but sadly you are the one who has to read it *Laugh* Sorry...
But then that's what poetry and writing is for, making others feel something. If a reader doesn't come away from a writing, then the author didn't do what they intended to.
So you know now you obviously you have done a good job with this piece, as I've taken some emotions from it. thank you for another wonderful contribution to this site! I've enjoyed reading your work thus far.
10
10
Review of The Gift.  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
So very true "my life is just a gift." We all tend to forget this as we are so busy dreading or hating things about our life. I tend to do this from time to time and then I come here to WDC and read about others problems they are struggling with and it sort of slaps me into realizing others have it so much worse and I shouldn't be complaining. While I'm busy whining about something, someone else is suffering or someone is dying. Its a hard pill to swallow sometimes but it helps. I like the flow of this one. As with the other that I read, it flows slowly as it should with this subject. As well, I've always been told you first have to love yourself before you can know how to love yourself. This I can debate either way. It's true but then again it's not. It's kind of like when you can give someone else advice yet when it comes to problems you face yourself, you have difficulty finding the answer or following your own advice. Anyway just a ramble there, sorry.
Mother's are so smart aren't they? When we were kids we rolled our eyes at our mom, then as we got older we paid attention more to what they had to say and took it all to heart! I hope my kids will eventually reach that stage.
Anyway, I enjoyed this poem. It was another one of those writes I read to make myself realize life isn't so bad sometimes, could always be worse and that I need to remember, at least I have this gift of life because there are so many others right now as I write that won't see tomorrow.
Thanks for sharing this one. It makes a reader think.
Midnite/Tanya
11
11
Review of Ocean's Waves.  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, Spiritual Dawning ,
Thought I'd return the favor with at least one review for now. I don't usually review poetry much any more, it seemed to get redundant (not the poetry, but the reviews). I do however find this piece very romantic. I could picture the two on the beach, lovers together, paying attention to each other, not caring about anything else. The rhythm flowed well and I felt no forced rhymes. It reads slow, as I feel most romantic writes should. There was definitely passion in this piece and I enjoyed it.
thanks for the read.
Midnite


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of You.  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
How wonderful a letter this is. I'm sure this person knew how much they meant to you. You've shown us just how much she meant to you and what she had done for you and the words you used to describe your emotions allowed us to feel them with you. It's a sad little letter, one that will never be received in person, but as you described it, I'm sure this person has seen it and watches over you still. It's hard when we can't find the words to tell someone how much they mean to us or how grateful we are to have them when they are around, but sometimes we should do our best to let loved ones know before it is too late. some times, as well, it might even save a life. (Sorry rambling here) Any way, I like this little letter you've written and the way you wrote it. It flows smooth and free, expressing your emotions and thoughts. Thank you for sharing this piece with us I enjoyed the read.(Of course it's a sad subject, but the way it's written is beautiful.)

Midnite
13
13
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
How beautiful and touching this story is. I've always felt with such personal writes a hard core review is never necessary. How could a person tell another, writing such emotional stories, how to do it or offer suggestions for changes? I think you've done a great job at relaying your emotions in this piece. I know it has to be hard telling your story and with the emotions you give us in this write, you tell us exactly how much love you have for your daughter as well as how much she is missed. I'm sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing a little piece of her with all of us.

Midnite
14
14
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended. *Smile*

*Star*First Impression: I thought once opening and seeing how short this piece was that it would take less than a minute to figure out what was inside the box. I couldn't until the end. Good job there.


*Star* Your descriptions were well on with giving the step by step of the character trying to figure out what might be in the box without opening it. Who doesn't do this?!


*Star* Once the box was opened I was waiting for the end right then and there, but you kept it going giving brief descriptions of what was in the box. I had to read all the way to the end to find out what it was. You grabbed my attention and kept it!




*Star*Suggestions: none




*Star*Overall Impression: Haha, how very cute! I was expecting the character to run screaming, throwing the box in the air. Well done on the fool! I think you did a good job with the shortness in this piece, showing the emotions this chracter had through out the story and in the end I could tell the character was not frightened but excited. Thank you for sharing this piece with us and as always, please do... Write On!


Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Know someone who needs a smile or some encouragement? Send them a shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
15
15
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended. *Smile*

*Star*First Impression: I wasn't expecting such a personal look at an autistic child when I first read the title and description, but once I began reading the story, I couldn't stop. I used to work with autistic children years ago in the school system so this story hit some emotional areas for me.


*Star* Being a family member of an autistic child is by far more difficult than it is for a teacher or teachers aide which is what I did. I only had the privilege of working with these children a few hours a day, family is an all day, every day thing. I know the frustrations, the joys, excitements you pictured in your story first hand. Imagine how if it's frustrating for us not to understand what an autistic child needs or wants, it's ten times as frustrating for them not being able to communicate them. You gave us a lot of great examples of how your grandson deals with his disorder, as well as yourself.


*Star* I smiled at the ending because I know exactly how you feel when he tells you he wuvs you. It is so hard to get any clear emotion from an autistic child on a regular basis, but darned if when it happens it isn't the best feeling in the world! It means every little thing we do for them has been worth every frustrating, emotionally battling moment! I also like how you didn't portray him as this child who is always emotionally wrought, because as you pointed out, they have good days as well!


*Star*Suggestions:
*Note0* He knows, make no mistake there, exactly what it is that he is wants, thinks or feels.
This was the only grammatical error I noticed, which in no way took away from your wonderful story here.




*Star*Overall Impression: I enjoyed reading about your love for your grandson. I could see how much this child means to you and how far you are willing to go and how much you are willing to do for him to meet his wants and needs. Autistic children need more family members such as yourself. Thank you for sharing with us this piece about your love for your grandson and what he goes through and how you all deal with having autism. As always, please do... Write On!


Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Know someone who needs a smile or some encouragement? Send them a shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
16
16
Review of Why I Write  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended. *Smile*

*Star*First Impression: First off, I hope you have enjoyed your shower today. I hope that I have helped encourage you in some way to KEEP WRITING! I have enjoyed raiding your port and reviewing your works. I'm always curious to know how and why others decided to begin writing so thought I'd give this piece a read.


*Star* My parents weren't teachers like yours, but my mom was a writer, though never tried to publish anything and I rarely saw her write. She did read all the time though. I did get to read things she had written before she stopped writing once me and my sister came along. Anyway, she did make me read to her all the time and any time I asked a question relating to spelling or the meaning of something, she would point to "THE BOOK". Our over sized dictionary. So I know a little of what you were describing.


*Star* You gave us just enough information to explain why you became a writer. Not giving unneeded information unrelated to the subject at hand.



*Star*Suggestions: None, perfect as it is. Only you can explain why you are a writer and there's nothing I could suggest to improve YOUR opinion.




*Star*Overall Impression: I enjoyed reading how you became a writer or why you are a writer. Many parents are guilty of instilling this in their children and I find nothing whatsoever wrong with that. Thank you for sharing this little piece about you with us. I have enjoyed exploring your port today and look forward to reading more from you in the future. Again, thanks for sharing and as always, please do... Write On!


Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Know someone who needs a smile or some encouragement? Send them a shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
17
17
Review of Let Me Go  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a sad story that all too many people have had to deal with for centuries. I think it is one that needs to be written so others know the pain EVERYONE feels when dealing with the loss of a colleague, friend, family member. Unlike most fictional stories, pieces such as this are never exactly repeats. There are so many different ways to write about loss (of a military personnel, especially). In saying that, this was a short little read, enough to get your point across to the reader. You weren't missing any importance to the story such as characters, settings, plot.
With that being said I do have one thing I think you could improve on in the story.

*Note5* I do feel the story could have used more showing instead of telling. I couldn't find myself in the story anywhere. I couldn't feel the emotions that Gunny obviously had while speaking to the group of young cadets. I'm not sure if it was for a contest, if you had limits to word count or anything, but once the contest is over, I think you could add to it, because it is definitely a piece to be shared.

Great story that with just a little work could be one of the best I've read so far here. Thank you for sharing this piece and as always...Please do... Write On!
Midnite


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of Temptation  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I just have to say this is too weird! Sorry, let me explain...
My real name is Tanya.... That's not all though...
I wrote a poem about chocolate as well and didn't give away what I was describing until the end, just like you did, except the fact that you added a few hints that lead to the end result of chocolate.
Anyway, I hate to say it, but I like yours better than my own. Oooo I really hate to say that, lol.
You did a great job in describing the sensations you feel about chocolate. You caught my attention and kept it through out the poem as well. The rhythm flowed well through the whole piece.
You gave both sides, the good and evil, if you will, of the pleasures of chocolate.
I really do enjoy this piece, though I'm jealous of it being better than my own... lol. I'll eventually get over it *Smile*.
Thanks for the wonderful read! And I'm glad to know someone else can't resist... CHOCOLATE!!
midnitewhisper (Tanya)
by the way, if you would like to read my poem about chocolate here is a link to it. It is rated XGC though, although it's not actually anything sexual...
"Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor
Thanks again for the great read!
19
19
Review of My Wife's Escape  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Laugh**Laugh**Laugh* The ending just killed me! HAHA!
Well Hi there again, Simple Dykie ! *Smile*
When I first came across this piece my first impression was, "Uh oh, what happened? I just read the last one on how great your relationship with your wife was!" Glad I read on further. *Smile* Wow, to compete with a vehicle???! I never would have guessed nor imagined. You did a great job of capturing my attention from the very beginning and keeping it throughout this story. You gave great examples to express your worry, frustration and even how you understood or didn't understand why you needed to compete with a vehicle. I found this piece funny and witty and in the end, you sure showed her didn't you?!
I would have loved it if you would have added more information on the vehicle you purchased in the end. Either a picture or a description. It's also kinda cool you didn't too, leaves people guessing as to what you could have bought to make your wife jealous. Me not knowing much about vehicles, I'm clueless *Blush**Laugh*!
I enjoyed this story very much and I thank you for sharing another piece with us. I look forward to more! As always, please do... Write On!
midnitewhisper
20
20
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awwww!!
Hi again there, Simple Dykie !
Yep, I'm back again *Smile*. Hope you don't mind another review. *Bigsmile*
Of course, as you noticed already, after reading this short piece on your opinion of what love is, all I could first say was, "awwww."
You did a wonderful job in giving examples of how you show your loved one that you indeed do love them. You described yourself well and I could just see you sitting there covered in dirt and stains reading. I almost pictured you smoking a pipe! *Laugh*
I could also picture you under the cold water of the shower and trying to keep from screaming. Been there a dozen times myself with a house FULL of boys. Believe me, girls DO NOT take longer than boys in the shower. Bathroom time altogether yes, but actually showering, no. Or maybe it's just my kids?! *Confused* Anyway, you described all of the feelings well. It is great to be able to picture exactly what a character is going through, and you were able to do just that in your piece here. I found no need for corrections to this piece whatsoever.
Thank you for sharing yet another wonderful, witty story with us and as always, please do... Write On! I look forward to reading more soon!
midnitewhisper
21
21
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there again, Simple Dykie !
Hope you don't mind another review from me. I find your stories quit witty and informative. *Wink*
I LOVE the Samoas! I agree with you 100%! I admit I was one of those girls as a child who went door to door asking for donations, selling cookies and various other non-essential artifacts. I can't tell you how many times I was greeted with sour faces, half-dressed men and women, and a roll or two of the eyes as they shut the door in my face with a, "no thank you!"
I think you did another good job of giving good examples to express your emotions and opinions on this piece. Oh... I could almost taste the cookies....
You did a great job in describing what it was like to be the one who's door was rapped on in the most inappropriate times. I especially like how you described your dream and how it changed to a nightmare when the knocking started.
There was only one thing I noticed as far as a grammar issue and I'm not completely sure if I'm right about it either but,

and my dog Chase still sleeping and snoring gently as he lay in his favorite spot.- I think there is supposed to be a comma after dog and one after Chase.
Besides this little unimportant to the story issue, I found no other need for corrections or changes to this enjoyable little read of yours and I thank you for sharing it with us. I look forward to reading more from you soon. Please keep up the wonderful, witty style of writing you share with us! As always, please do... Write On!
midnitewhisper
22
22
Review of Bernie  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there dogwood212 ,

Hope you don't mind me stopping by and giving this story I found in the short story newsletter a read and review. *Smile* Please know that my review is my personal opinion only, and that I hope you take any suggestions I may have that interest you and throw away the rest, without fear of hurting or upsetting me. I'm only here to help in whatever way I can. *Smile*
First off, congrats on being featured in the short stories newsletter! *Thumbsup* It is something to be proud of and an honor , I know I was elated when I was told I was being put, or rather one of my items was being put, in a newsletter.
Now on to my review:
I found this is a subject matter too many can relate to, making it just that more enjoyable. It's always interesting to read how others take this kind of cruelty and what they do with it and how they learn from it as well as how they teach others to deal with it. Your plot gives a very unmasked description of your subject and the emotions your main character deals with seemingly on a daily basis. I love how Bernie is the "teacher" in your story and the admiration your character has for him is not hidden or confusing but rather very poignant. It seems as though Bernie, although just a simple white barber, has so much to "teach" others without stepping inside a classroom. I'm grateful there are and have been people like Bernie around to help others in need.
Your story flows very well, giving just enough information needed to understand the message of the story. You flowed into the plot of the story well, giving details of characters, their emotions, and the settings.
Suggestions/Errors
*Note1* This one is just me maybe a little confused, You meantion some people can't take a joke and I'm a little lost at that one. Where is the joke? Is it the haircut? Please elaborate on that part for me?
*Note2* It was true then and it was true now. Here it just deals with past/present tense. It is okay as is but for it to read just a tad better I would recommend changing was to is to keep with the present tense.

I enjoyed reading this story and find comfort in knowing there are and have been people like Bernie in the world to help deal with racist issues and to help young kids in danger of going down the wrong paths in life. I hope this review has been helpful in someway and I thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with us.
As always, please do... Write On!
Midnitewhisper
23
23
Review of Busted  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended. *Smile*

*Star*First Impression: Humorous is the word that grabbed my attention and had me read this piece! Rarely am I never in the mood for a good laugh or at least a chuckle. After reading this piece I admit your title and description fit your story well without giving away what lies ahead.


*Star* You did a great job with descriptive words to express feelings and emotions as well as actions and surroundings. You make a reader feel as if they are involved right there with the characters. Several times I was able to picture this couple.


*Star* This is a story MANY women can relate to therefor it makes it easy to feel compassion for the characters. You did a wonderful job in bringing forth emotions in both characters.



*Star* You led into the plot of your story in good timing, giving needed information to understand the message/meaning of the write.


*Star*Suggestions:
*Note1* We crawled into bed around 2:00 with Mitch still grumbling about how he had never been so humiliated, but he was staring to slow.- Here did you possibly mean starting?
*Note2* It is not necessary, but I've always thought it better when you have dialog as well as thoughts, to italicize the thoughts so a reader doesn't think those words were spoken aloud to someone.




*Star*Overall Impression: I did find this piece pretty humorous and I did feel compassion for both characters. i chuckled several times and had a good laugh at the ending. I enjoyed this piece and I thank you for sharing! As always, please do... Write On!


Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Know someone who needs a smile or some encouragement? Send them a shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
24
24
Review of The Ring  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended. *Smile*

*Star*First Impression: Your story is short and right to the point. There were no unnecessary descriptions or unneeded information. The title fits the story, giving you just enough information to let the reader know this story is about a ring, but raises the question, 'What about The Ring?' The reader must venture into the story to find out what it involved.


*Star* You led into the plot of your story well, for the most part, giving needed information to understand the emotions expected in this piece.


*Star* You can feel the characters frustration, fear, excitement, and relief in your piece as well, making it an enjoyable read.




*Star*Suggestions: I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors *Thumbsup*, but I do feel the ending of this piece was rather rushed. I understand you only have a certain amount of words to use, as well, the character had a limited amount of time before her fiancee arrived, but I think with just a little more to this it wouldn't feel rushed. I would actually suggest a whole different ending. Maybe having the cat bring her the ring once she fed it or, or maybe the ring was around the cat's tail the whole time and she failed to see it until Craig showed up, pet the cat and she snuck it off his tail while Craig wasn't looking. These, of course, are just suggestions. It's up to you what you chose to do with them, just know I won't be upset if you chose not to.




*Star*Overall Impression: With just a little bit of work to this story, I think this would be a great little read for someone who wants a good short story but has little time to delve into a long book. It is enjoyable even as it is and holds emotions many have felt in their own past. I do hope my review has helped in some way and I thank you for sharing this piece with all of us. as always, please do... Write On!


Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Know someone who needs a smile or some encouragement? Send them a shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
25
25
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I Will Be Reviewing This Piece today on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Please take what you wish from this review and disregard anything else knowing I will not be offended. *Smile*

Since you enjoyed my two other reviews *Smile* I'm here to give you your final review for "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! ! I hope you have found some encouragement and helpful advice from our reviews and I truly hope you've enjoyed your shower!

*Star*First Impression: I decided to see how you do with fiction, as the last two I reviewed were non-fiction. *Wink* I saw this piece and decided it would be a good start. Your title and description fit your story well without giving away what lies in the story.


*Star* I honestly had thought that Kitty's fear would be the snow, I love being proved wrong *Bigsmile*! You started this off, giving us Kitty's fear right away, nothing wrong with that, as long as you expand on it as you did. You described to us what happened and how it effected her, to what degree and for how long.


*Star* You were descriptive when expressing Kitty's emotions as well as the other characters in the story, but, of course, the main focus is on Kitty herself.


*Star* You led into the plot of your story in good timing, setting the characters, their actions and emotions that led up to the change or plot.




*Star*Suggestions:
*Note1* Everything is so beautiful she thought.- Here you just need a comma separating beautiful and she. This was the only error I found in this write.




*Star*Overall Impression: Many children experience something that scares them as children and some, like your story can last a long time. Some times it takes a stranger to pull them from their fear, sometimes it's something they have to do on their own. I, myself, have been afraid of snakes since I was a child and to this day I still am, though my mother tried everything she could to help me get over it. To be fair though, she's the one who first made me afraid of snakes, but that's a whole other story. *Wink* I enjoyed this piece here and whether you think so or not I think you DO have potential in writing short stories!*Wink* Thank you for sharing another great write with us and as always, please do... Write On!
Thank you for allowing me into your port these last few days and giving me the opportunity to read your writings and leave my opinions with you. It's been great! I hope you've enjoyed your shower!


Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Know someone who needs a smile or some encouragement? Send them a shower from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   by Pat ~ Rejoice always! !
373 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 15 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/midnitewhisper