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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece of yours and I think it fits perfectly.
Man I really enjoy these short shorts! You did a great job catching my attention right from the beginning and keeping it all the way through.
Your descriptions of the characters and details of their surroundings gave me great imageries to enjoy while reading!
Haha I do have to admit I knew when you described the masks what the characters were up to but it was so enjoyable I still felt the need to continue to find out exactly what would happen.
The ending was fabulous! The woman's words capitolized was a great idea to reach out and grab the reader.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for your write!
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this piece. You definitely grabbed me with this one and it's definitely one I will come back to reading especially when I need a good laugh ! Great job! I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece and to be honest I love these 55 word stories! Jealous because I really can't write 'em but I do love to read them!
I found myself reading this piece faster as the pace and anticipation built up. I was surprised by the ending and got a good laugh!
Shoert, sweet, straight to the point with a bit of humor and great imageries for the reader! Amazing job!
I found no spelling errors!
Suggestions: I only found one minnor error which i really couldn't rate this piece less than perfect because of. You need a comma after Pardon me,
Overall Impression: Absolutley loved the surprising and funny ending! I was on the edge of my sit and nearly feel off laughing!
Thank you for the great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece and I think it fits your story here perfectly without giving away too much.
Haha you really had me fooled in this story. Thought for sure it was about a man and woman. I like how you made it surprising in the end!
This is short, sweet and straight to the honest point story. Very cute indeed.
I found no spelling errors either.
Suggestions: In the ending line I would suggest: a quick burp, (instead of burping) then off to a nap.
Overall Impression: A short story with a funny surprising ending is always very enjoyable. You wrote this piece detailing exactly what it's like for a baby! Thank you for the read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they give a good hint as to what your story is about.
This is definitely a heart breaking story. You did a good job with making the reader want to feel compassion for the main character. Such a sad story, that a lot of kids face in their lives, and I think you did a good job of telling it like it really is.
You were very descriptive with your characters and their surrounds and emotions, painting good mental pictures in the minds of the reader.
Suggestions: Misspelled words: balloons, puffy, crying, okay, and though As a child whose parents going through a tough... I would suggest: As aa child whose parents were going through... In your line with: All those yells and fights, I suggest using: Even with all the yelling and fighting In your line with: we'll be really really best friends, I would think it would read better as: we'll really be best friends... In your line with: just because he was a bit geek, I think it should read: just because he was a bit of a geek, didn't... In your line about the mailman I would suggest: he never had any granddaughters of his own. In your line with: my mother had call my aunts, You need to use called instead of call. In your line: He had loved John, you are refering to your mother I presume therefore you should have said She had loved John. In your line with: I finally (misspelled finally) gave up and acted... I think it would read better as: I fianally gave up and pretended to be okay (misspelled okay). In your line with: slice of Nora it should read: slice for Nora. Nora, whom
Overall Impression: I think this is a story many pre-teens can relate to and with a bit of work I think it could be a very powerful story.If you decide to edit this piece i would be more than happy to come back and offer another read and review. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they give a good insight as to what your story is about.
You caught my attention from the beginning and held it through to the end with this piece. Especially with the attitude the old man definitely possessed.
This was a read I felt I had to read swiftly through to keep with the emotions both characters were obviously feeling. Anger in the old man and confussion in the driver.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in this write.
Suggestions: I eould like to see at the end at least one sentence saying how the old man left the driver. What I mean is, did the driver feel confussed, did he finally understand what point the old man was making? Something along these lines.
Overall Impression: I really got a good feel on both characters emotions in this piece and felt compassion for both the old man and the driver. I enjoyed this read and I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what caught my attention and drew me into reading this piece. I think they give a good insight as to what your story will be about.
You caught my attention and kept it all the way to the end. Your descriptions of the characters and the surrounds gave me a good mental picture of what was going on.
I think you used great descriptive words to express the message in your story as well as the emotions this character is thinking, feeling.
You stuck with your message through out, leading up to the reasons of this characters constant wonderings. You make the reader feel for this character, both because of the constant questioning, as well as the attitudes the character recieves from co-workers. Making the reader sympathise with the main character.{?c}
I found no spelling or grammer errors in your piece.
Suggestions: I really feel like this piece is unfinished. You start to explain that this character has to tell people that he can not go to the party, but you droped the story never going into when they did tell the others and what reactions they actually recieved. I think this part could really be a powerful aspect of your story here.
Overall Impression: I felt for the character in this piece and know what it's like to constantly question what others reactions might be and the reasons why. I felt a lot of emation in this piece making it easy to understand the character. I thank you for sharing and please do write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
YOur title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this story of yours and I think they both give a good hint as to what lies ahead in your story without giving away any details.
YOu captured my attention straight from the beginning and held it all the way through. I think you did a good job of not rushing into the plot.
I like the descriptions you used to describe the characters and their surroundings as well.
YOu packed quite a story into this short piece and gave enough details so the reader didn't get lost in the action.
I enjoyed the comedic type setting in this piece as well. Couldn't help but chuckle when Jessie ended up knowing karate and then knowing who both these masked characters were.
Suggestions: In your line with: and chum wasn't going..., I'm a bit confused as to what chum is. Maybe you could use charm? But I didn't have a lot of choice, choice should be choices.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this piece. You packed action and comedy into a short piece which made it enjoyable. Your details and descriptions leave a reader being able to picture what was going on in the story and I really like how you ended this with the main character getting the girl, not getting his much needed cash to pay loan sharks, but the attitude that tomorrow was another day and another try. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
I really like the style of this piece. I like how it starts and ends the same way.
As well I like the simple meaning of this piece. I like the descriptive words you used to describe your meaning as well.
I like the flow in this write. Short and to the point.
I found no spelling or grammer errors here.
Suggestions:
Are you looking for suggestions for a title? I would suggest using maybe either smiling eyes or beguiling eyes.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this simple poem you had written a while back. I like the flow and definitely like the style. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
*luagh* You really got me with the ending! Big shock there! Thank you! Anyway...
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece and I think it's a perfect fit without giving the plot/ending away.
I really like the meaning/message in your story here. Even though you've made it a bit funny, the meaning still holds so very true.
I think you used great descriptive words giving the reader great visuals into the story, the character and their surrounding.
You caught my attention and kept it through this whole piece. You managed to pack a great meaning/message into a short story and be able to get your message clearly across.
I found no spelling errors in your write either.
Suggestions: I noticed you like to put an extra space between your period and beginning of next sentence, which isn't a bad idea, but in your line This would mean... You have one more extra space. As well it is a good idea to put spaces between paragraphs as well. Gives the reader a chance to take a breath and it's much easier to read.
Overall Impression: I really liked this story. Funny yet has a powerful, true message in it. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. The description lets the reader know it is for someone specific.
I think you described a baby quite well in your write. You gave good exapmples of what a baby mostly does with their time away at an early age.
I think you used nice descriptive words to dicribe the baby and their surrounds as well.
This piece has a very nice flow to it as well. I like the style, very simple and easy to follow. And even though your last stanza is a bit off the rhythm I think you ended it quite well with using WDC.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I really would suggest maybe thinking of a better title or at least switching your title and description around. Titles are very important in capturing a readers attention.
Overall Impression: In all I think this is a cute little poem about a baby and the activities they do throughout the day. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your description is what drew me into reading this poem of yours. I am an avid reader of ghosts and such so it caught my attention immediately!
I really think this is such a sorrowful poem you have penned here. My favorite part would have to be the second stanza. It holds so much sorrow in it.
You painted a picture that the reader could easily see and feel in this piece. You used very nice descriptive words to express the meaning in this poem as well.
I like the flow of this piece and the style as well. I found no forced rhymes to throw off the purpose of this write either.
I found no spelling errors either.
Suggestions: I would suggest maybe some punctuation in your stanzas to give a reader the oportunity to take a breath before moving into the next lines.{?c}
Overall Impression:
I really enjoyed this piece. I feel the emotional sorrows through out it but enjoyed the slow natural rhythm to it and the meaning of it. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this write of yours. I think they give a good hint as to what the meaning of your poem is about.
I really like all the metaphores in this piece to describe your emotions, actions and surroundings. I enjoy a metaphoric poem to express ones POV on a subject it makes the reader have to think.
I think you used wonderful descriptive words to describe your meaning in this piece.
I like the style of your write and think it flows very well even with it being free verse. It is a poem to be read slowly to enjoy and catch the meaning although it is a sad meaning.
I found no spelling errors in your write.
Suggestions: I would suggest using some punctuation at the ends of some of the lines. It gives the reader a chance to take a breath before having to move right into the next description.
Overall Impression: I really like the metaphoric way you wrote this piece. I would have to say that the last line is the most powerful in my opinion. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your description is what first caught my attention. I always find a question in the description or title catches my attention and makes me curious.
I like a good nature poem to be used as a metaphore. I find in life there are a lot of similarities between human emotions and nature. I think you did a wonderful job with this piece so far.
I like the style of your poem and I enjoy the rhythm as well. I think it's well put together to make it flow very naturally.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either. Nor did i find any false rhymes.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions at this time.
Overall Impression: I look forward to reading more once you know. I really enjoyed the nature aspect of this poem. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
I really enjoy reading your stories of taking in foster children as I think people who do this are doing so because they care so much for the health and well being of children who most usually have unhappy homes.This story was just as remarkable as your other I read.
I think you did a wonderful job in expaining everything that took place even before the 3 boys arrived in your home and everyone's willingness to help out.
I also thin you did a great job in describing each child, even the two you already had, and their roles in the house as well as their characteristics.
I do have to say on a personal note the quietness of Peter probably would have woried me as well. As well it is a good thing you had the warning of Chad, manipulation in kids is very scary, iI go through that on a daily basis myself with my bipolar child. I am glad to know it didn't turn out worse.
The ending to this story is yet again a sad one. It is a shame that you can't do anything about not letting these kids go back to a place you in your heart know is not a good place for them. I do hope that social services stepped in after the last occurance with gary.
Suggestions: I only found one little spot of confussion. In your line with: Chad, who, were were warned, I think there is a mix up of the words were were maybe you meant we were?
Overall Impression: Again I really enjoy you sharing your stories about the foster kids you and your family so willingly take in and it is also nice to know that most of them end up being taken from you shortly after their arrival, that you haven't given up and that you show you still care about these kids even once they leave. Thank you again for another great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. It definitely grabs a readers attention to find out what or how you forgot your grief.
I like the nature aspect in this piece to show how grief is forgot at certain times. You begin it with a description of your grief, go into explaining what takes it away and then the ending you say what may bring it back.
The ending is quite sad in the fact that through the peace of the season previous you forget about your grief but once winter comes back so does your grief. It gives the reader the sense that this season is when your grief may have begun.
I like the simple style of this poem as well.
I found no spelling errors in this write.
Suggestions: Although you have used good punctuation in the beginning of this piece towards the end i felt rushed in reading this poem. I didn't see breaks in most of the lines where there should be. Maybe you could go back through and add a bit of punctuation here and there to give the reader a chance to slow the pace in this write.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed the bnature aspect of this poem. I think you did a good job with descriptions as well. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think it gives a good hint as to what your poems meaning is.
I love the soft, slow flow of this piece as I read it. It gives a sense of calmness.
I also enjoy the meaning you are trying to relay in this piece as well. I enjoy metaphoric poetry and think you did a great job with this piece. I like the choice of descriptive words you used in this write as well
I like the style of this piece and I think it has a wonderful rhythmic flow to it.
I found no spelling errors and no forced rhymes either. I think you put it all together quite well.
Suggestions: In your line with: forsake or fear, should this be our instead of or? In your line with: endless gather here, i think it would read better as endlessly here. a long should be along. No space needed between the two.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the calm feeling I got while reading this piece and I really enjoyed the meaning behind it. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think it gives the reader an attention grabber as to find out what your place is.
This is such a peaceful slow read. I like the descriptions you give in this piece to describe your haven.
I think everyone has or needs a place to escape their days or at least once a week. You make me want to share this one with you. It seems like such a wonderful place to take away the thoughts that hound us daily.
Very short yeet straight to the point with enough descriptions to intise a person into wanting to find such a place of their own such as this.
I found no spelling or grammer errors and think this is a nice flowing write that is easy to take your time to read and enjoy.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this write.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the peacefulness I got while reading this piece. As well I could picture the surroundings in your haven and the calm feeling one would get just being there. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think they give a good detail as to what your write is about.
Such a sad write you have written here, but it is an all too common thing. I think writing this for the abuser as well is a great way to show your strength. It really takes a strong person to admit these things are happening and then that they are willing to talk about it.
You show a side of hurt and yet still show this person that you care enough not to walk away from them but ask them to help themselves.
I like the style of this write and think it has a wonderful flow to it as well.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for your write.
Overall Impression: What a powerful message your write here holds from the POV of an abused woman. Too much of this happens and you are so right when you say the abuser needs to love themselves before they can truely love someone else. Thank you for the read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
*shakes head* I will never look at frog legs the same.
You're title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this story of yours and I think they give a good hint as to what lies ahead in your story.
You had my attention right from the description and you held it throughout this whole story. You gave great visual aides so that I could see this story as I read it.
I like how this story is also a very important message. As well I think you did a great job in describing the characters, their surroundings and the real meaning in this story.
I didn't feel rushed into the plot of this story either and I like how you ended this piece with Vanessa not wanting to be a part of the characters life even after he had learned a lesson.
I found no spelling errors in this write and think it is a story to enjoy slowly, not with a rushed feeling to the ending.
Suggestions: In your line with: firm and you need a spacing between these 2 words. In your line with: live my life as an disgusting, I think it would read better with a instead of an disgusting.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this story and the meaning it has within it about true beauty. I think you did a great job with the descriptions and telling the lesson to be learned. Thank you for the read and please do Write On!{?c}
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Hello again SWPoet,
I saw the title and description of this piece and it caught my attention immediately so of course i had to read! I think you did a great job at describing what your write here is about.
What a wonderful dedication to a woman who seems to have deserved such a tribute. I think you did a wonderful job in describing how and why she was celebrated by her children.
You used wonderful descriptive words that captured my heart in this piece and made her passing sound like one that deserved to be celebrated with song.
I really like the style of your pievce here as well. The way it goes from a few words down to one or two until the end. It makes it a very nice flow as well.
I found no spelling errors in your write.
Suggestions: In your ending when you talk of who this poem is for I really think you should capitolize Earth if you are using it as a proper noun. Other than that I see no need for any other suggestions.
Overall Impression: I think this is a wonderful dedication to a woman who showed how much she loved life and her Lord throughout it. And as well I enjoy the way you make the celbration of her passing a peaceful one with her children singing her home. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Hello SWPoet,
I remember you telling me you wrote this piece and so I wanted to check it out after the other sad poem I read of yours. This one is very heart touching. The title and description alone should draw a lot of attention. Especially to those who have been in a similar situation.
Your poem brings comfort in so many ways when you read what the meaning is in it. I think your meaning is very well descripted and has a wonderful meaning indeed.
It is nice to see that even after so many tries to have a child and then to fail, you had the strength to continue to try and maybe the visit from your angel was what gave you that strength.
I enjoyed the flow and style of this poem of yours as well. I also like the fact that you give a bit of information at the end for people who might have had something similar happen to them.
I found no spelling or grammer errors nor did I find any false rhymes. I think you put this write together wonderfully.
Suggestions:
My only suggestion would be to bold your text with this certain color. I had to sit up close to my computer to be able to read this piece because the text is so light. Other than that I have no other suggestions.
Overall Impression: I think this is a very wobnderful inspirational and heart felt poem. I really like the ending stanza although i can't really say i can pick one out of all of them that is my favorite. A beautifully written poem for your son and a bit of medical information in the end make this a very wonderful write to enjoy.. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into this piece. I think they give a good insight as to what your poem holds.
I find this piece so very sad indeed. I too had a miscarriage and my child would actually be 2 years old this month if it wouldn't have happened. Anyway, I think you did a great job with giving a sense of peace in this piece. You have this child with someone else that was very close to you that you lost.
I think this is definitely a heart wrenching poem that also touches the heart with comfort as well. Although you lost this child you know that she/he is with a loved one and is being taken care of the same way you would have.
I like the style of your poem and think it flows very well.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time.
Overall Impression: This is such a sad yet touching and peaceful poem you have written. I am sorry that this comes from a personal experience. I think you did a wonderful job in describing your visions vividly. Thank you for the read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what brought me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think they both give a good hint as to what lies ahead in your story.
You caught my attention immediately with this piece. It started out slow but quickened it's pace as the action picked up.
I think you gave a vivid picture of all the characters in this piece. As well as thier surroundings. And activities going on all around them.
What a very sad ending. I think this piece was very well done. It gives great mental pictures of everything that has happened in your story. It is so sad to know what happened in the end and that it is also very sad to know only the birds and river know what happened.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions to offer you at this time.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the imagery of this story. Although it ended so sadly it was a beautifully written piece and surprising as well. Thank you for sharing this piece and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here and I will be reviewing this piece for stacylynn71. Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Now for your review !
First Impression: This is a wonderfully done poem about your opinions on writing. You have given great examples for your meaning in this write as well. Although i may not agree with your last line, I think it is great that you enjoy having readers judge for themselves what kind of writer you possibly are.
Technical: I like the stlye of your poema nd I think it flows very well with your rhythm. I found no forced rhymes in your write either.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this write of yours!
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this write of yours on the way you view others opinions of a persons writings. While showing that you appriciate what others think of your work, you also give off the impression that every one has a defferent opinion.
Thank you for your entry! Once again good luck and please do Write On!
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this story of yours. I could tell just from the description this was going to be a heart wrenching story.
You caught my attention at the very beginning and held it all the way through. You gave great details into the reasons for having this baby placed in your care.
I like the fact that you agreed keeping the baby's mother in her life was a good idea and that you thought it was a great idea to have her in your home with her for a visit. It is so sad that the visit turned out the way it did and then to find that right after it seems the grandmother decided to have her come back home. You were a witness to the tension the mother had with her child, I can just imagine what was going to happen with her going back home.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in this piece.
Suggestions: In the begining you mention that you and your husband agree to have a child placed at any time, but throughout the rest of the story, there is no mention of him at all. Where was he? What was his opinions on the whole matter? You describe what the babies reactions are a few times. Mostly you focused on the first night and then when the mother was over, but little about the time you spent alone with her except the one feeding. I think you could give a bit more details as to what her time was like with you.
Overall Impression: It is sad that you never knew what became of the baby, but you put a possitive on this when it could just as well ended up very ngative as well. Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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! Great job! I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
I only found one minnor error which i really couldn't rate this piece less than perfect because of. You need a comma after Pardon me,
As a child whose parents going through a tough... I would suggest: As aa child whose parents were going through...
In your line with: All those yells and fights, I suggest using: Even with all the yelling and fighting
In your line with: we'll be really really best friends, I would think it would read better as: we'll really be best friends...
In your line with: just because he was a bit geek, I think it should read: just because he was a bit of a geek, didn't...
!