I think this is a very well written piece straight from the heart as all poetry should be, especially when it's as personal as this one. Very touching emotions are portrayed throughout this piece which make it easy for a reader to feel compassion for the character this refers to.
I love the style of this piece. I especially like the one line between each stanza and how not only do the last words of each rhyme with the others but they also fit well together to put emphasis on your story.
The flow is well and I didn't see any false rhymes, hard to do with longer pieces like this.
Overall I liked this poem. It speaks loudly and clearly the message you are sending.
Thanks for a wonderful read and as always.... Write On!
Tanya
This is a review for ~Just Gaz~! Thank you for your submission! I wish you the best of luck!
midnitewhisper here and I will be reviewing this piece for ~Just Gaz~. Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Now for your review !
First Impression: What a beautiful poem to describe precious time spent with someone close to you! You used great descriptive words to describe the character as well as her surroundings making it easy to get a good picture of what was taking place.
Technical: This poem flowed very nicely with the simple style and it had a very nice rhythm to it as well. The meter of each stanza stayed well within each other making it a great read! I found no spelling nor grammer errors either!
Suggestions: None well done!
Overall Impression: A very romantic poem describing a beautiful moment shared between lovers on a beautiful day. Nice imagry to put the reader right there with the couple, seeing it played out. I really liked this poem, it sung of beauty!
Thank you for your submission! I hope you have found this review helpful and please do Write On!
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here and I will be reviewing this piece for ~Just Gaz~. Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only. Now for your review !
First Impression: This is a piece so many people can relate to which makes it easy to understand the emotions within. You used real emotions here which makes a reader feel for the writer and their pain.
Technical: I really like the style here. I like the way it flows as well with the style. Your meter stayed in range with each stanza as well.
Suggestions: None at this time
Overall Impression: A heart wrenching piece to a once lover to tell them your feelings of them at present and also what you missed or wanted yet couldn't have in the past. You let them know that the only regret was the messenger. That you meant every word you had said still. Nicely done there. A very touching piece with a wonderful style and rhythm. I enjoyed the read even though I know it was for someone you were letting go of from the past.
Thank you for your submission! I hope you have found this review helpful and please do Write On!
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression: Your title and description is what caught my eye as I was looking through your port, returning the favor of a review. Th edescription puzzled me so I just had to know what kind of career you meant. I think both title and description fit well without giving away the story.
There is definitely heart breaking momnets to this story. Pieces that melt your heart in sad ways, then other parts that melt it in a warmth. It's a very well written emotional piece.
You used examples and real characters to express the importance of the Home. Instead of saying this one child, that one child, you gave them names and characteristics which makes it easier for the reader to feel for the children.
I like that you jumped from the Home where children were having to live without family and certain things that go along with having a family into to another home that had these things, these people and you described the differences in between them both.
My favorite line I must admit is when you said if you could make it through one Sunday sermon and not be emotional you should have someone drive you to the mortuary. It shows just how emotional a sermon gets.
Suggestions: Just one little spelling error I spotted May requests were for "unspoken" or un-named things. I think you may have meant many
Other than that I found this piece excellent.
Overall Impression: I enjoy knowing you go back to the Home every year. It seems like a place were you feel welcomed and as well holds much memories for you and I'm sure your visit is welcomed by many of the workers, staff, volunters and mostly the children. I enjoyed the emotional write and I thank you so much for sharing this piece. I look forward to reading more from you. As always, please do... Write On!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First off: Welcome to WDC! So glad to have you! If you have any questions or run into trouble there is always someone near to lend you a hand, just ask .
First Impression: It's a sad little poem you've written. Obviously you used to have a better relationship with your sister and mother and state clearly that, that has changed.
This piece has a nice rythme and it flows well with your style and meter. I don't think I found anything that seemed forced.
This is a poem many can relate to, not knowing your situation I can't really say the cause of the trouble, but we all have fallouts with someone we used to be close to, even if it's temporary.
Suggestions: Couldnt needs an appostophy: couldn't The line just the people theyre pretending to betheyre needs and appostrophy. or you could even shorten it by saying just the people they pretend to be. One thing that might help, I'm a bit confused about which part is for your sister. You might want to clarify that in the part meant for her.
Overall Impression: A pretty well written piece that with a little touchup would be great. Flows well, and your message is very clear. Well done. I hope this review has helped in some way. Thank you for sharing. Again, welcome to WDC and please do...Write On!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression: Your title is what drew me into reading this piee. I knew from seeing the title there would be a strong emotional message waiting inside to be read. I think it fits your poem well.
Almost everyone grows up being picked on in some manner, sadly the ones who suffer diseases and scars on their outside, are what others pick on leaving scars inside another. I grew up with that. This poem is one that emotionally I can relate to as well as so many others.
Its heartbreaking to know you have to live daily with the pain your disease causes and on top of that having to deal with negative remarks from outsiders looking at our skin rather than within your heart. I'm happy to know you found others who suffer some of the same emotions and pains as you, it is sad to know others suffer but at the same time comforting to know you are not alone.
I think this poem flows well with its style and meter. Your use of rhymes were well used and paced so that nothing seemed as a forced rhyme.
I like that in the end you added the little passage about children suffering this disease from such an early age and that you know if they can get through life, so shall you. Well done there.
Suggestions: Only one line seemed confussing and forced to me. Popcorn and I tumble to greet fans.Maybe you can find a better way to express this line.
Overall Impression: A story and message so many people can relate to, not just people with Dystonia. You painted an emotional picture that shows readers there is more to people than what they see on the outside. Well written and I thank you for sharing this piece. Please do... Write On!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression: This is a catchy title and description you have for this story. I can see how it would draw in a reader. I think they both fit well.
This story is very descriptive which paints vivid pictures in the readers mind about the actions and surroundings of the character.
I like your use of metaphores as well. a bit funny in areas but sticks to the point of the message given. The end is what made it seem funny. All that to park it in a garage when it could have been in the garage the whole time.
Some of the emotions such as the feelings felt towards the weatherman are relatable. almost always weathermen are wrong, by some degrees, or even not predicitng rain and snow. It makes this story believable.
Suggestions: There are just a few run on sentences I'm sure you could pick up on if you did a read through. Other than that, I see no other need for suggestions.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed this story about a winter drive and the issues (actions) you had to go through first before taking that drive. A bt funny in areas and a story many can relate feelings to. Well done write and I thank you for sharing. Please do... Write On!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression: For a first poem I'd say not too bad. Your title and description say it all. we all feel this way at times when we write. Very realistic feelings indeed.
Very short yet straight to the point. There is no need to go into great detail to express frustration and then satisfaction. well done here.
I think it flows very well for a free verse, which personally is my favorite. The style is simple, yet you also followed a pattern. Again well done.
Almost every person who writes experiences frustration, or failure but it is a writer who keeps going, never giving up on expressing their meaning to a piece in their own way. then that is when the success part comes in and we are happy with our writing therefor happy with ourselves.
Suggestions: The only thing I could think for a suggestion is maybe between your failure and success stanzas is explaining the frustration or the process of restarting (if that is something you do). I found no spelling or grammer errors in this piece.
Overall Impression:Short and straight to the point. Realistic and something a lot of people, not ust writers can relate to. Well done in my opinion and I thank you for sharing this piece and admitting something we've all felt. Please do... Write on! I wish you luck with your future poetry!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression: Hmm I gotta say I read this piece twice over. Not sure what happened the first time, but think it was all on me because once I went back and read it again, it all, well mostly, made sense. I see the point was to express how bad your handwriting is. I didn't get that the first time, again i think that was me not focusing.
I really like how you described your handwriting and how you believe to see it and think you drew a perfect picture to show us (the reader) what those images would be like.
I wouldn't really concider this a rambling. Rambling usually deals with babble that has no point, you are making a point in this piece, but none the less the title and description are enough to draw in a reader.
You used well a organized choice of words, never repeating common words to describe something, which is hard to do. Well done there.
I found the part about big bird beating someone up over unpaid coke money prety funny and really like how you worked that into how bad your handwriting is. Never would have thought of something like that.
Suggestions:There are a few grammatical errors in this piece. I know you stated grammer is a weak point but with time and help you will get better, we all have at least one area that needs improvement so no worries. There might be a weird by-law only allowing passage from one dimension to another dimension prior to the completion of specific reasoning for dimension jumping and payment fee but of course only after the mandatory two-decade wait. Huh? This is a run on sentence that,to be honest,really has me confused. If anything you need to break this piece up into two sentences or delete a few words. As well you need a comma here: payment fee, but of course, only... Failure to comply, as well as...pogo stick zone, would entitle the belief... You need those commas placed in there. but really, in all seriousness, I can't.. again you need your commas placed in here.
Other than these few (even though it may look major) minor details I found no other areas that need inprovement.
Overall Impression:Although a few areas tended to be a bit strange it helped the reader to understand your feelings on your handwriting. I really think you are telling people to avoid reading your handwriting and you've made strong points to encourage one doesn't. All in all i think you did a good job withh descriptions in this piece to get your point across. I get it, your handwriting is bad. Well done. thanks for the read and please do... Write On! I enjoy your work!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression:I love most of these 55 word stories. Alot of them end with a laugh and I'm always looking for laughs. I think your title and description fit well with this story without giving away any of the plot. Well done!
We all have heard a few fraternity stories throughout the years and nothing surprises me anymore about the hazards involved. iI think in all actuality, this story could quiet be very realistic.
I think it flows well. No spots that leave a person confused as some of these 55 worders may do because of the limit on word count. Well done!
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for this piece. Very well done in every aspect.
Overall Impression:I think this is funny yet realistic and you gave your message loud and clear in it. I enjoyed the read and look forward to reading more from you. Thanks for sharing and please do... Write On!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression:The title and description of this piece is what caught my attention. I think you couldn't have chosen a better title, it fits perfectly.
I enjoyed this story of yours. I felt sadness and yet joy in this story and I think you did a wonderful job expressing all the emotions felt.
I think you also did a great job with describing the characters and their surroundings. You captured my attention from the beginning and kept it till the very end.
Suggestions:I found no misspellings or grammer errors and have no suggestions for improvement elsewhere.
Overall Impression:I enjoyed the message you were giving in this piece. Loosing a loved one is something we all must face at some time in our life. Knowing that they will always be there helps deal with their physical absence. I thank you for sharing this wonderful, meaningful story. As always, please do.. Write On!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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midnitewhisper here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First Impression: I stumbled upon your story while looking through emotional items to read and thought yours grabed my attention. The title fits well because this piece was written about an event that took place many years ago.
I felt a lot of sadness reading this piece as you described your actions though the time period. I feel it is all very well described.
I think you did a good job in describing the characters actions and their surroundings, especially at the graveyard scene. I could picture people standing there tossing dirt into the grave site.
Suggestions: There was only one place I felt actually needed a spelling correction: In your first paragragh you use all ready. This should be one word...already. With this story came a lot of sad emotion and you have made me feel for the family. I wanted to know about this person, why there were so many at the viewing and funeral. What type of mark did he leave on the world at such a young age. I think several things could be added, even maybe just one, about the type of person he was.
Overall Impression:I really feel this piece is touching in so many ways and I know you put your whole heart into writing it, which makes it such a good read. The ending was powerful, he will always be rememered by those who knew and loved him. I thank you for sharing this piece with us and I look forward to reading more from you. As always.. please do ...Write On!
Best wishes,
midnitewhisper
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Wow this piece took a turn I wasn't expecting at all! not saying it's a bad thing at all either.
You did the same with this piece that you did with the first part as far as keeping my attention. But in this one you definitely turned things around. I had no idea it would turn to something medical. Nice twist indeed. I also like how you ended this, you left me hanging. I WANT more! I gotta know more about what happens with these two as well as Evangelica. I so hope there will be more!
Suggestions: This time I feel it is still missing some of the showing details in the conversations between everyone. What are their body movements, facial expressions and so on.
Other than that I found no spelling or grammer errors in this one.
I really enjoyed this story and I thank you for the great read! I hope to see more of this couple in the future! Thanks for sharing and please do.. Write On!
Best Wishes in 2009,
Tanya
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What an amazing story and I'd love to know where your inspiration came from!
This piece grabbed my attention right from the title and description alone. I am definitely a ghost fan. but as I began to read the story you did such a wonderful job with descriptions and details that it kept my attention throughout. Your descriptions of the characters, the settings, and emotions were all well put together and gave me great imagry to go by.
Suggestions:
There are a few areas I did feel could use a bit more showing instead of telling though. Such as many of the conversations between Kerk and Marli. How are their bodies possitioned, their facial expressions, when angry do they cross their arms anything such as this.
As well I found only a few minor grammer/spelling errors here. Evangelica held our arms toward Marli should it instead be her arms? all those people have affected a even greater number.... affected an even greater.
With a little more detail here and there i think this would be one of the best ghost stories I have read in a long time ad I do plan to read the next part right away! Thanks so much for the awesome read and please do.... Write On!
Best wishes in 2009!
Tanya
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Short, sweet and straight to the point. I'm scared to death of snakes so this story kept me on my toes. You grabbed my attention and kept it once again. Always enjoyable.
I found myself speeding up at moments when the action picked up. At the beginning it was slow and think you progressed to the ending with a good pace as well as a good ending.
Once again, your story has a very possitive message. Most sibblings don't get along but when faced with danger, they will stand up for eachother, no matter what the danger is.
Very descriptive even in it's shortness which makes it enjoyable and believable.
Suggestions:
I found no spelling or grammer errors and I have no suggestions for this write at this time.
Overall Impression: I like the message you are giving off in this descriptive story and enjoyed the change in pace. Very well written story and I thank you for sharing it with us. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
I absolutely loved this children's story and I wouldn't change a thing. See how this review will go?!
YOu caught my attention from the very first paragraph and held it all the way through till the end. I really hope this grandfather and grandson will have many more adventures together!
I think you used wonderful detailed descriptions of the 2 main characters, their feelings and surroundings, which made this story all the more enjoyable. I really liked the detail you put into describing the spaceship! I could see it in my mind and I love when i can do that!
This is definetely a story to return to and I amso sure children of many ages would love to eread this story.
I also enjoy the messages you have set out to give in this story. I think at least ant children's book should have a specific reason/meaning to it. Maybe even a lesson. You've definetely given it one here.
Suggestions:
I found no spelling nor grammer errors and have no suggestions on improving an already wonderful story!
Overall Impression: I enjoyed every descriptive line of this story and plan to read it to my youngest children. I think it is well worth a 5 star rating and I thank you for sharing this wonderful piece! Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this story of yours. I think with this beginning it fits well.
Your first paragraph really caught my attention because of so much detail. I think you used very good descriptive words to catch a readers attention in the beginning.
I like how you jumped from one time frame to another, and used different characters in each time frame but they all seemed to focus on the main character.
I think you did a good job at describing each character, their surroundings and actions.
I sort-of have a guess at what happened to the main character, but I feel that I must read on to see if my guess is correct. That is what a story should do, leave a reader needing more to fill in the blanks. Very well done!
Suggestions: The word Unh is confussing to me. Is this a Canadian word?
I would suggest using uh-huh or such, something that everyone would know. I had to read over the unh several times, taking my attention away from the story. I would also like to see you jump back to the main character once more before ending this part of the story. You described his situation first and by the time I finished reading about everyone else, I kind of lost tract of what happened to him.
Overall Impression: This is a very descriptive detailed story thus far. I can't wait to read more and I wish you luck with it! Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they are very catchy.
What a cute little story you have here. You caught my attention right in the begining with the descriptions of this child and her wants.
This is definitely a realistic story. I have kids who have always done things like this to sneak things they want from the kitchen. I think you described the actions quite well.
The ending was so funny! Of course she's going to blame the doll, that was expected but to put the cookie in the dolls lap was a good addition.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in this write.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions!
Overall Impression: This is a cute little story about a little girl going after what she wants by any means neccessary. In the end she was caught and decided to frame her doll. I really enjoyed this piece and i thank you for sharing! Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I had to see what just another snapshot meant. I think they grab a readers attention. Definitely did mine!
I like how you started this piece off. You caught my attention and kept it through the whole piece.
I really think this story is realistic. A lot of girls stand around talking about boys and about how teachers are.
You used very good descriptive words, I especially like tomato face. Never heard of blushing refered to that way.
Suggestions: In your line with:but I honestly don't think the test that hard, you are missing "was". In your line with: "Hmm, psst, Kara, what was out decision again, you need your first quotation as well as you misspelled our.
Overall Impression: This is definitely a story most teens can relate to. Even with it being dialogue you were able to give emotions in this piece. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
First off I must say I am sorry for your loss.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. I think they both grab the attention of readers and bring them into reading.
You have expressed a lot of pain, sorrow and loss in this write. I can imagine this was not something easy to accept, Watching your loved one leave this life.
I think you used very descriptive words to express your emotions in this piece. I felt a need to cry while reading this, knowing someone was going through this.
The last stanza was kind of inspirational. The thought that you know he is in a good place and You hoping to meet with your loved one again one day is something almost everyone can relate to.
I like the style and think this poem flowed naturally even with it being free verse, which is one of my favorite forms.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this write.
Overall Impression: Again I am sorry for your loss and I hope you know he is in a better place where there are no need for tubes and hospitals. Rest assured you will one day meet again. Thank you for sharing this piece. I'm sure it wasn't an easy to write, but I'm glad you found the strength to. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. I think they give a good hint as to what your story is about.
You caught my attention right in the beginning with the descriptions of these animals.
You kept my attention with the details that lead to the end of the poolar bears search for a new home and new beginnings.
I like how you introduced other animals but didn't focus a lot on them as that would take away from the main characters of this story.
You used wonderful metaphors and descriptive words to describe the animals and their surroundings at each stage.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this write.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed reading this piece. The attention to details painted vivid pictures for the reader to enjoy while reading this piece. The ending was wonderful, how they finally found a place they could belong. This story holds a wonderful meaning within it and I thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think they fit your story well without giving away too many details.
I like how you started this story off with a soldier laying in the hospital, in pain both physically and mentally. You caught my attention as I had to know why this character didn't want anything to do with the president.
Your attention to all the details in this story is what kept my attention through this whole story. I felt compassion, sadness and confussion all at once.
This soldier definitely had a hard life lived and I like how it all tied into the present situation and this characters emotions and actions.
The ending was inspirational. Just knowing someone was there to see him, gave him a new sense of the future and he realized he still had time.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this already perfect write.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the meaning of this story. It started out about a soldier who felt pity for himself and questioned every part of his life, in the end realizing life wasn't over and he still had chances to do things right. Thank you for sharing this piece and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece of yours. I thinkthey both give a good hint as to what lies ahead in your story without giving away too much detail.
Now this is a story with a wicked twist that even continues at the end. You caught my attention in the very beginnig and kept it through the whole write with your attention to details.
I was not expecting the plot of this story! You definitely did a great job leading up to the plot with the descriptions of the characters, theirs emotions and surroundings.
Your descriptions of the main character of this story lead me to feel compassion for her, even after realizing she was actually, to put it plainly, a nutcase.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in this piece either. I was able to focus on the story itself and the actions leading up to the end, without any distractions.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this already perfect write!
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the drama in this story. Your descriptions painted vivid pictures a reader can enjoy while following along with the story. What a tragic ending for everyone involved. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this story of yours. I think they give a good hint as to what lies ahead in your story without giving away too much detail.
You caught my attention in the very beginning and held it all the way through this piece. Your attention to even the smallest of details gave me vivid mental pictures as I read.
I like how you started off with the main character going into visit his dying father, then jumped back and forth between the present and past to help a reader understand why this was such a hard thing for the character to be doing.
I think this story is realistic. I have heard of so many a story that ends up this way and I really like how in the end, John chose to stay, only for his dead mothers sake.
You have written this piece with many emotions that leave a reader feeling compassion for the characters in this story. Even in the end you couldn't help but feel sorry for the dying father.
Suggestions: I only found one tiny error, but refuse to mark this piece anything but perfect because of the storty itself.
In your line with: We've got see about getting this a better fit, I think you need "to" after got and before see.
Overall Impression: This is such a sad, emotional piece that will stay with me long after reading it and think you did a fine job with the details of emotions and reasons that things played out the way they did. There is a strong message and meaning to this write which makes it all the better a piece to read. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!{?c}
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece of yours. I like the flash fiction stories and the title is catchy.
You caught my attention right in the begining and held it through this write with your descriptions. Very well done!
The main reason I always enjoy these flash fiction stories is because there is usually always a twist to them. I thinkyours had a very good twist in that the main character was actually a robot himself and was trying to be convinced to replace humans with robots.
I like how you ended this piece as well. The very last line leaves a reader thinking about how long it might be before something like this is possible.
I found no spelling or grammer errors here either.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions for this write.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this flash fiction piece about a worker trying to convince his boss who was a robot to hire robots because the work was becoming too dangerous for humans. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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May requests were for "unspoken" or un-named things. I think you may have meant many 
The line just the people theyre pretending to be theyre needs and appostrophy. or you could even shorten it by saying just the people they pretend to be.
One thing that might help, I'm a bit confused about which part is for your sister. You might want to clarify that in the part meant for her. 
