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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this story of yours. I think it gives a good insight as to what lies ahead in your story.
You caught my attention in the beginning and held it all the way through. You gave good descriptions and details of how the character and his kind live in their life. As well giving the diferences between their world and Earths.
You were very detailed with the appearance of the main character. I could get a vivid mental picture of him as well as his actions in this story.
I get the sense that he felt like an outcast. That he didn't conform to the norm in his world and it is obvious he is determined to escape.
I like how you have given these responsibilities to a 14 year old instead of the norm for Earth(18). It shows that their kind seem to be more developed in life all the way around.
Suggestions: Always capitolize Earht when you are discussing it as the planet Earth. Your very first sentence threw me off a bit. I had to read it a few times to realize there were additional words in there not needed. I would suggest deleting only to. When did the character go into the water? you lost me at this point a bit. I had to read back through the story a few times to see if I missed something. Was it when he was bouncing like the helium balloon? I'm also a little lost as to if this is the end of your story. Will there be more to this? The ending sort of, not completely, left me hanging a bit. Did he get to where he was headed?
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed the descriptions in this piece and enjoyed the visual aides i was able to imagine while reading this story. I think with the details in this write you have done a very good job. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this story of yours. I think it is a good description of what lies in your story.
You caught my attention with the very few first lines. How the boy has seemingly beeged his mother not to tell his father but she seems to totaly ignore him to wrapped up in her own world.
I think you gave a great description of the boys actions and emotions and as well his fathers demeanor. Very canstant in his actions as well. I got a picture of a cold man with no emotions for his son.
The ending was unexpected but realistic as well. A child who had been abandonded and then asked for on the fathers dying bed. What is it the father expected from his child he abandoned? Surely not "I wish you weren't dying either?" A very straight to the point ending, giving the reader in the begining of the hospital scene that the character was going to show compassion and caring. Very well done.
I didn't feel rushed into the plot of this story. You did a good job of giving good examples of why this boy now a man would react to his dying father the way he did in the end. I found no spelling errors in this piece either.
Suggestions: In your line with: tapping the ash off his cigarette and onto the floor, I think you should delete the and in there. In your line with: so he would be sure hear me and I tell him, I think it should read; so he would be sure to hear me. What happened to the mother in the last years? I think there could be a line in here saying something about her and what became of her. Was she gone, was she in the hospital waiting room, had she died years before? Just something simple to let the reader see that she was there. You dropped her out completely and she was a big part of the story as well with her ignorance of the characters feelings. I think the description could use a little something. The title could mean a lot of things. It could be the required pain of being in love(which actually was my first reaction to what the story would be about)
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this story. It gave the reader a reason to feel why this character was a bit uncaring in the end and the understanding of his actions in the end. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece of yours. Especially the capitolization! It screams at the reader that you have something important to say.
You gave very real and emotional opinions in this piece of yours. I could see the frustration you have about this subject.
You have given a strong statement about your opinion and I would definitely have to say the last stanza is my favorite part. It's amazing how The Emperors New Clothes is a childs story in some ways isn't it? But it teaches an important lesson.
I like the style of your piece here and like the free verse flow of it. I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions at this time for your write here!
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed reading this poem about your opinion of understanding art. Your emotions stand out very clear and you deliver your message with pure truth in your opinion. Thanks for the great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this poem of yours. I think it gives a good insight as to what your poems meaning is.
A very sad ending to this poem of yours. You describe well your emotions felt through life spent with this man and your children. You gave detailed examples of changing voices of all the characters as well.
I like how you don't focus souly on the negative in this piece either. Like how you explain that the I hate you mom was just a phase you knew they would out grow.
This is a heartbreaking story of how alone you feel. It makes the reader feel compassion for the author and want to offer comfort.
I found no spelling or grammer errors. I think this poem has a very nice flow to it as well. I found no forced rhymes, only raw emotions to describe your feelings and meaning of this story.
Suggestions:
I have NO suggestions at this time for this write.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed the way you described memories in this piece. Although it is a sad story in the end, you gave great examples of a happy life spent with ones you love. And then to end up feeling so alone is what makes the reader feel compassion for the author. I thank you for sharing this piece and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Welcome to WDC! I hope you have enjoyed your time spent here so far! It's a pleasure to have read this piece of yours and enjoy it!
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. I think you give a good hint as to what your poem holds.
I really like the simplicity of your poem about clouds. I think even in it's shortness it has good detail as to what you see when you look at the sky.
I like your sytle here as well. I was a bit thrown off by the placement of the second line, but think it draws attention to your write like this. I also think there is a very nice flow to your write here as well!
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time for your lovely write.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed reading this poem on clouds. It's very simple and has a peaceful feeling to it. No dark depressions or worries, just the thought of a pretty day as the clouds drift by. Thanks for the read and please do Write On! Welcome to WDC once again!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this story of yours. I think they give a good hint as to what lays ahead in your story.
Wow oh wow was my first reaction to this story! I really hope this is fiction! If not I'm sorry for all that happened but respect you in a whole new light! If it's fiction, I still respect you because it is something that could be so very real indeed.
I liked the step by step approach you took in this story, detailing the events of each day spent on that floor. I could see the character there in that possition and it truely touched me deeply.
I also enjoyed the ending and the look back on how whenever the character feels that scar they are reminded of what horror they had to go to and refused to do it again, whether because of physical ailments or just plain life in general. This is such an uplifting, inspirational sad story with a great ending!
Suggestions: In your first paragraph, last line it reads: To start of the day in the normal way, I think you should have used off instead of of. I'm not sure if there is a word count limit to this story, if so then no worries on this next part but if not I really think your line: The milk might have been miles away, I think would read better as: The milk might just as well have been miles away
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this inspirational heart tugging story you have written here and I think you followed the prompt very well. Again I do so hope this mightmare is fiction but either way, I have respect for your ability to share such a story. Thanks for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this write of yours. I think you did a good job giving a slight hint as to what story you are going to tell in your poem.
Personally free verse is my favorite type of poetry. You never find false rhymes, only raw, true emotions. I think you did a wonderful job with descriptions in this piece to show the reader what activities were happening during this time.
You were very detailed as well with your poem here. I was able to get a vivid mental picture of the surroundings and activities going on. I also enjoyed the ending and how you stated that you felt like a child again.
I like the style of your poem as well. Again free verse is my favorite and when reading free verse you still find a very nice flow within it even without rhymes. You have a good flow with this piece as well. It is something to read slowly and enjoy every line of.
I found no grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
In your description you mispelled free but didn't think that really called for marking this write anything other than perfect.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed the mental pictures i got as I read this poem about a spring day. I like the detailed descriptions of the grass and the surroundings and activities going on. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your capitolized title screamed out at me to read this piece! As well I think your title was also a good way to bring in attention even though it says nothing about the poem itself.
Very short poem you have written here, but it really describes a prune quite well! Very descriptive words to describe this yummy piece of fruit!
I like that you used the color plum as well, it gives the reader a rememberance as to what a prune looks like.
I like the style of your write and I think even in its shortness it has a catchy flow to it!
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this cute little write!
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this poem about a prune. It is short yet detailed into what you concider dessertedly fruity. It makes me want some and it has actually been ages since I've eaten prunes! Thanks for the great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece of yours. I think it gives a good detail of what your poem is about.
What a wonderful story your poem here tells! You did a great job of capturing a childs innosense in this piece.
You were very descriptive in your write. I could picture everything going on in this poem. I especially like how you brought in ladybugs to the write. You were very detailed in the reasons they where there and what they were doing as well as what the children enjoyed about them.
I like the style of your poem as well. I think it has a wonderful flow to it even with it being free verse which is perosnally one of my favorites. As well the meter stays within the style.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time for your wonderful poem.
Overall Impression: What a beautiful relaxing poem you have written about a nice way for children to enjoy a beautiful day chasing lady bugs that are hiding on sunflowers. I really enjoyed the read and as well the vivid mental pictures i got will reading this piece. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this poem of yours. I think you gave the reader a good hint as to what your poem relays.
This is a sweet poem you have written to tell us what about this girl you like and your emotions towards her.
You gave very nice descriptions of this girl as well. Letting the reader be able to get a clear picture into what she looks like and does and what you think of her.
I like the style of your poem and think for the most part it flows very well.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in your write either.
Suggestions: Your I in your description should be capitolized. In your lines: because whenever I talk to you I can hardly speak, and When I stare into your beautiful eyes in the end, you are telling the reader about this girl rather than writing the poem to her so these lines should read as follows: Because whenever I talk to her I can harldly speak
When I stare into her beautiful eyes... You were repetative with the line about staring into her eyes. You used it in the middle of your poem and as well at the end. I think maybe using another description of her to replace one of these lines would be better.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this poem of yours you have written to tell the reader what is so special about this girl that makes you feel the way you do and react the way you do. I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this story of yours. I think they both give a great hint as to what your story is about!
I like the way you gave an explanation in the beginning to set the mood before introducing Dave. It gives a good insight as to how confident you were trying to become.
You were very descriptive in the emotions and expressions in your write here. I could relate to a lot of what you said in here. It was good to se that you were mostly open minded and willing to at least put forth the effort.
You didn't rush into the plot of the story at all. You lead up to the eyebrow thing very well filling in a lot of detail first to set the stage for this part.
I found no spelling errors either.
Suggestions: I'm not sure but I really think you need a comma in your sentence:
I was a confident woman, ready to accept.... again I'm not sure but I had to read this line a few times in order to get past it. I also feel that the ending kind of left me hanging. Yes you said you cancelled the date, but did you give up on trying to find another one? I think one or two more lines to detail this part would be a great addition to this piece so that the reader doesn't see you as a complete quiter and it would give the author strength to support the line I am a confident woman, ready to accept....
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this piece. You have given this character strength and determination to press on. With a bit more detail in the ending this will be a great story for women to read and know that there is life after 50! Thank you for the great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. Especially the description. I am so jealous!! I am female and have tried s very hard to write a poem on the POV of a male and for some reason I just can not. You on the other hand have done a great job!
You used wonderful descriptive words to express the feelings from a male point of view to a womans love snd what she does to his emotions!
This is a very touching poem you have written and written well you have! Great emotions and details!
I like the style and even though it is free verse it sstill has a very nice flow to it!
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions for this write!
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this poem written from a males point of view about emotions he feels towards a loving woman! Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece. It gives a good hint as to what your poem here is about.
I really enjoy the meaning to your poem here. You have been hurt and this is obvious in your emotions. You used very real descriptive words to express your feelings as well.
This has a nice style and a pretty good flow for the most part. See suggestions for a bit of improvement in this area.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: In your description, I think you should delete this is what happens when I try to rhyme. You are giving the reader a reason to already judge this piece as aweful when it isn't. You won't get the attention you are looking for. In your first stanza last line I really feel that this rhyme word is a bit forced. I would suggest finding a bit of a stronger statement for this whole line. In your 5th stanza you have one extra line which takes away from the style and meter in your poem. I really think this stanza could do without the line; sometimes you surprise me-, as it really doesn't fit in with the strong statement in this stanza. In your 4th stanza you went off your rhythm. There are no rhymes in this piece. If you have a hard time finding words with power for rhymes I would suggest using rhymezone.com It gives rhymes, definitions, and related words as well as a few other things. I use it quite often{e{smile}
Overall Impression: I really think that you have a great piece here and with a little bit of work it could be a very strong statement about being hurt. Thanks for the good read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. I really like the title and the description gives a clue as to what your poem is about.
I like how you start the first line then use that in each stanza down a line till you reach the end and use it for the last line. I think you did a good job at fitting it in.
This is such a lovely write. I took my time in reading it as should be. I didn't feel rushed to get through it. You used very nice descriptive words to capture the surroundings.
I like this style you have here. I also like the flow of this write as well. Free verse form is my favorite form of poetry to write as well as read. You never find false rhymes and it holds only raw feelings.
I found no spelling or grammer errors here either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time for your write.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this write of yours. It gave me a pieceful look into a fall evening not filled with chaos. Wonderful descriptions in this piece made me feel the evening as if I was experiencing it. Thank you for such a great read and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this write of yours. I think it gives a great hint as to what your poems meaning is.
I love waking up to a soft rain. I think you portrayed the images and emotions beautifully in your few words here. I could feel the emotions of what is happening here.
I like your style in this piece. I also feel it has a good flow to it as well. You managed to have only two rhymes in this piece that made it flow so well.
I found no spelling errors either.
Suggestions: I think this piece could actually use a bit of punctuation. You have a period on the very last line, last stanza but I think even just adding maybe one to the end of the first stanza eould help. Without punctuation it doesn't give a reader a chance to take a breath while reading, especially going from one stanza to the next.
Overall Impression: Other than the one little grammer issue I really loved this poem about the emotions and feelings you get when you wake up to rain falling, especially out tin the country where it is quiet enough to enjoy. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece of yours. I think it gives a good hint as to what your poem is about.
This is such a very short piece on noticing things. You did a good job expressing the fact that people do not see what is there because of their own blindness.
I like the style of your piece and think that even with it being free-vrse and short it has a nice flow to it.
You got straight to your point in this piece without overembellishing on the subject.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions at this time for this wonderful read!
Overall Impression: I have really enjoyed this piece you have written to tell people they should open their eyes and see what is actually there. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description of war is what drew me into reading this piece from you. I think with a few sggestions I will give you below the title will fit perfectly.
Very short piece about the emotions of those that are fighting a battle.
I like the style you have chosen to write your feelings here.
I found no spelling or grammer errors in this short piece either.
Suggestions: You were very repetative with the word faces. I would suggest at least using another expression to describe a face in at least two of these lines. Your title is Jennings Homestead, but I haven't seen anything in this write to give a hint as to who or what Jennings Homestead is. Maybe with at least one more line to describe the homestead (even without mentioning the actual name) would help a reader better understand the reason you chose this title.
Overall Impression:
I think with a little more detail and description this piece would make a very strong statement about your feelings on war. I enjoyed what is here and think that for your first try at poetry it is a good start. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece from you. I think your title gives a good hint as to what your poem is about.
This is a very short poem but holds a lot of beautiful descriptive words to describe the time with this person.
I like the style of your poem and think it has a natural flow to it. Very nice rhythm to it as well.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: I like how much you have so far in this piece but think there could be a bit more to it. In your description you say with honor comes love but in your write I find little to support the honor part. I think with a bit more explanation this piece could be quite meaningful and very lovely.
Overall Impression: I really like the descriptive words you used in this write and think you could have a very lovely poem with more detail. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title is what drew me into reading this piece. I think it gives a good hint as to what your haiku is about with out giving it all away.
Very short and right to the point. I really like the description in the second line. Crimson is a lot better word choice than just red.
This is a very hoorific type haiku. You did a good job as well in the second line with shivers. I actually wanted to shiver myself.
I found no spelling or grammer errors and I really like the centered style.
Suggestions: I would suggest to make this piece stand out a bit more to use red coloring and bold the text. I would also suggest adding a bit of detail ibn your description to give a better hint as to what this haiku is about. Maybe, a little piece of your second line would be good?
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed this little piece that made me look at red a different way and as well I enjoyed the little shiver I got from reading this piece. Thanks for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what caught my attention and drew me into reading this piece. It gives a hint that this is a dedication to someone.
Haiku's are in my opinion, one of the hardest forms to use in writing. I think you did a pretty good job with descriptions in such a short piece.
It is obvious theat the second line is describing the third line. No congfussion there. I like the color you used to describe her eyes as well. Aquamarine is a beautiful color.
This write has a pretty nice flow to it. Again very short so not a lot of room to work on it or make it worse with false words and such.
I found no mispellings or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: I really think you could work on the description a bit. It is hard without giving away the haiku itself, but maybe saying something like what I see in her eyes, would help draw in more attention to this piece. Your first line sort-of confusses me as to what it relates to in your other 2 lines but that may just be me.
Overall Impression: A very lovely short piece to describe what you see in Judy'sw eyes. I enjoyed this description and I thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
I like your title to this piece. I think it gives a good hint as to your hiaku.
Personally I find haiku's one of the hardest forms to write. You have made this piece very simple and straight to the point.
I like the ending rhyme. easily/me.
I found no spelling or grammer errors either.
Suggestions: I would consider changing your description in this pece. Giving a bit more detail on your haiku would bring a bit more attention to it and have people want to read it.
Overall Impression: In all I think this is short and sweet and right to the point. You answer a question either you ask of yourself or others ask of you with little words but good emotions. I enjoyed your haiku and I thank you for sharing. Please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your description is what drew me into reading this piece. I am a fan of horse riding as well although it has been a long time. Your description gives a good hint into your write.
I think you gave a good reason for the reason you ride horses as well. Especially your first line. You give a good example of how different humans and animals can be.
You have a detaild write here even though it is short. It gets straight to the point of your reasons.
I found no spelling errors either.
Suggestions: The only thing I could find was that you missed capitalizing 2 I's in this write.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed reading this write about
the reasons you would rather ride horses. I also enjoy the fact that you suggest that it is not for anything but pure enjoyment. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading your write here. I think you gave a good description of what your poem is about.
You used very short descriptive words to express your emotions in this write. It is simple to read and a quick read on your emotions.
This is a subject a lot of people can relate to. Almost everyone has felt something like this towards someone else and never told them for fear of rejection or whatever the reason.
I like the style of this piece. I think it has a nice flow to it as well.
I found no spelling errors either.
Suggestions: Through clenched fists of sand falls, or water or flesh, this part throws me off just a bit. Maybe using through clenched fists falls sand, water or flesh would make it run a little smoother.
Overall Impression:I really enjoyed this poem about you having feelings for someone secretly and your descriptions of the way you feel. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into reading this piece. I think you gave a good hint as to what your poem is about. I wanted to cry just from the description.
This is a sad little story you have told in your poem here. It is obvious you miss your children and you fear for their health and future.
You used very good descriptive words to express your concerns, sadness and frustration.
I like the style you have here. For the most part i think this has a nice rhythm.
I found no spelling errors either.
Suggestions: In your line: Your tainted with lies and hate it should be you're. angel and danger doesn't rhyme but it still holds a powerful meaning in this line. If you are really wanting it to rhyme everywhere I would work on these two words. Personally I like it as it is.
Overall Impression: I really feel for a mother who is having such a hard time with being away from her children especially when you fear for them and can do nothing about it. A very emotional write you have here and I thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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mmbabyfac here,
Please know that my reviews are my personal opinions only.
Your title and description is what drew me into wanting to read this piece. I think you gave a pretty good hint as to what your poem is about.
You used very real emotions in this write to express your feelings about this person and what they do for you.
I like the style you have used here. It has a nice flow to it as well. The meter stays well within the style too.
I found no forced rhymes either.
I found no grammer errors either.
Suggestions: In your last line of stanza 2 you repeated the word me. spend should be spent. Your last line leaves me a little confussed. Should it be how much he or exactly what is it? I think you should elaborate on that line a bit more.
Overall Impression: I really enjoyed reading this piece and I think with just a tad bit more description this poem could be an excellent read to show your feelings towards this specific person. Thank you for sharing and please do Write On!
Best wishes,
mmbabyfac
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Always capitolize Earht when you are discussing it as the planet Earth.
Your very first sentence threw me off a bit. I had to read it a few times to realize there were additional words in there not needed. I would suggest deleting only to.
When did the character go into the water? you lost me at this point a bit. I had to read back through the story a few times to see if I missed something. Was it when he was bouncing like the helium balloon? 
I'm also a little lost as to if this is the end of your story. Will there be more to this? The ending sort of, not completely, left me hanging a bit. Did he get to where he was headed?