** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
I do believe this was the perfect example of falling for reverse psychology, not the mention the problems with being too proud of yourself. Had that ever happened in reality, it would have gone down at easiest siege in history. I loved that you didn't give any real hint about Wizen's plan or what he had done until very last line, which was hilarious. After all that information about how impenetrable the castle was and it was that easy? I loved it! Awesome job!
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
I was really hoping for a happy ending. I was really hoping it wouldn't make me cry, but it did. To me, the sign of a really talented writer is when they can make their reader cry for the characters. By the end of this poem, I couldn't imagine anyone who could read this and not feel sorrow for the woman and gratitude for the men and women who go out and die for us.
For the technical stuff: Flow was easily followed, rhyming consistent. I really enjoyed this. Awesome job! I really hope you get that inspiration back so there's new stuff for me to read!!
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
Honestly, my problems with this have absolutely nothing to do with the actual content, which is heartfelt and saddening and beautiful, but the format and colors. Since the website changed the background to white, colors such as grey and yellow seem much harder on the eyes that you would think which distracts the reader from this very lovely poem. I would also suggest putting a few spaces between the last line and the place where copyright disclaimer is, so that the poem isn't quite so scrunched up between the picture and the disclaimer. But as I said, this was a lovely poem and I'm glad I read it.
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
This really brought to my mind the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez. One the last scenes is her character sitting outside after killing her abusive husband. She, on the other hand, got away with it after doing a lot of things to show it was self-defense which, in the long run, it was. Judging by the description of your character, I'd say this was also a case of self-defense. I like that you leave it open for the reader to judge what her ultimate sentence might be. The fact that you could do this in 100 words without repeating a single one is amazing to me. This was a great story.
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
Ah, I said I'd be back and here I am! Once again, this is an awesome poem. The flow was a little awkward, but free-verse usually is. So I've got no real problem with that. Poetry is about telling a story in a new way, and you certainly fulfilled that purpose. A story about lying, not only to others but to themselves, the consequences, and the redemption of the liar. The descriptions such as the sour taste and the numb tongue were great. The bell tower that never rang was, I think, my favorite line. I hope you continue to write, and I can't wait to see more of your work!
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
Ok, I'll warn you: I'm about to gush with praise here.
This was an awesomely dark poem. (Is awesomely a word?) Anyway, I absolutely loved this. Flow was perfect, the acrostic(term?) prompt was followed as I remember that contest. Descriptions were...wow. Describing emotions into actual images for your reader in poetry is hard (at least for me it is) so this impressed me a lot! Awesome job, Dawny. This is definitely going down in my "Absolute Favorites" folder!
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
Grieving a lost love is not a new topic of a poem, to be sure. I don't pretend to know much about poetry and these are only my opinions: Flow/ease of reading was awkward because of the inconsistent length of sentences. In the third stanza, I would have used something other than "her" in the last line to avoid repetition of rhymes. You've got good descriptions of the emotions. I also have a question about the first stanza:
"I’m falling into a pit of despair,
From the ground and into the air."
If the second line is a continuation of the first, how can you fall from the ground to the air? Wouldn't you fall from the air to the ground? It's a confusing line that tripped me up immediately.
You've got the bones for a good poem. Keep it up!
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
This is such a sad poem about a horrifying experience that, unfortunately, happens to far too many women. I'm so glad that the narrator of the poem found something that helped heal her wounds. Or if not heal, then at least cope with them; she'll never forget but perhaps it made her a stronger person. Thank you for sharing.
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: Wow, Audra, this was one intense story. The steady progression of Delia's belief that everyone is lying to her was well-done and realistic. It kind of drives home the idea that just because you're beautiful on the outside, that doesn't mean that you feel beautiful. I liked that you managed to leave the ending as a cliffhanger but still sort of "guiding" the reader to the conclusion that Delia killed herself. (At least that's the impression that I arrived at.)
Suggestions/Grammar: I didn't notice a thing.
Things I liked: Your dialogue was well-done, believeable of a teenager. Delia's narration displays her mental downfall perfectly. Awesome job on that. I know it's hard to get a good solid description of a character when you're writing in 1st person POV, so the fact that you managed to do so without any seeming effort earns you an extra cookie!
Overall: This was a great story, Audra. I am very impressed with this! Be warned: I'm lurking through your port for more things to read!
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: I enjoyed this poem, although I'm unsure that I completely understand the exact content of the dream. But I imagine that some of it is meant to be somewhat abstract.
Suggestions/Grammar: In the second stanza,
"I hate you,
You love me,
I love you,
We’ll let that be."
It seems like you had abruptly decided to try and rhyme, but it doesn't really work. The last line is kind of awkward, interrupting the otherwise good flow that you'd had.
The lack of consistency in the number of lines for each stanza does kind of detract from the ease of reading this, as well.
Things I liked: I really liked the beginning of this. "You breathe me in, I bleed you out" It was a really strong image that hit hard. Awesome beginning.
Overall: This could use a little bit of polishing, but overall you've got the bones for a great poem!
From the 11th to the 17th I review for: "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a Rebel Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: When I started reading this, I expected it to be a sweet story, not a bitter-sweet one that would make me cry. And it wasn't because Jazz died, but her letter that I cried. For a small child to be strong enough, wise enough, to know that it's their time and to let their mother know that it's okay, that they aren't afraid, is amazing.
Suggestions/Grammar: The only thing I can suggest is formatting it so that the actual lyrics that the mom sings are formatted to the center instead of the right. But that's just a suggestion.
Thing I liked: I liked that her mother was strong enough to let her daughter go, to let her know it would be okay, even though it was a lie. It probably comforted her daughter, even if only a little.
Overall: A heartbreaking story that makes the reader wonder if they'd be that strong. Awesome job, Rogue!
This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: Generally speaking, when someone posts the beginning of an unfinished story it will at least hint at a plot, but I didn't get that feel from this at all.
Suggestions/Grammar:
been tree years I think you meant "three" years. This occurs again in the next paragraph.
my self "myself" is one word.
I whispered to my self, gazing at what used to be the city centre, it was once a beautiful open area with an enormous monument to one of our ancestors Naoko Michida, she was the first of our kind a sort of mage would be the best way to describe her that’s were my people descended from, the monument lay in ruin and mother nature seemed to be reclaiming her rightful place, vines entangled the remains of the monument and sat on top of was the most beautiful flower it was like nothing I’ve seen before with a crimson glow the flower itself was a deep blue, the surrounding buildings even though the still stood you could clearly see something terrible happened here
I'm not sure if this was meant to be so long, but it's too long. This appears to be one, very long sentence. Much too long to be comfortably read. The descriptions are well done, but the grammar needs some work. I would definitely split this into several sentences.
Also, I didn't understand this part at all: “NUmnunUNUNmisandunnm……….”GULP” so I don't really have anything to say about it, other than that I wonder what exactly it's supposed to be. Following that part are some grammar errors that I would suggest you correct.
Thing I liked: Some of your descriptions were pretty good, could use a little more depth, but still good.
Overall: I would definitely add to it, give it more of a short story feel, or at least hint at a plot, give some background for the characters, etc etc. Create a story for your reader. Don't hang the rest of this story on whether or not people like it. Write first and foremost for yourself. You have an idea, expand upon it.
This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: I really think you made a mistake when making this a poll. I believe this should have been a static item under the genre of Prose or made into a survey with actual questions. A poll is to gain feedback about a certain subject, an opinion, and for this to work, you must give people choices. Perhaps making it an open campfire, so that others may come in and share their own opinions or experiences with loneliness.
Suggestions/Grammar:As I said, I believe this is the wrong item type for what you were attempting.
Thing I liked: Your description did have a point, and it was, for all intents and purposes, well-written, and thought-provoking.
Overall: As I said, I believe this is the wrong item type, very much prose. But if you are determined for this to be a poll, I would suggest actually posting choices for your readers so that you can actually get an opinion.
This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: Thanksgiving turkey turned object of envy...who knew? This was short, but amusing. No rhyme but good flow, and easy to read.
Suggestions/Grammar: Nothing to suggest.
Thing I liked: I liked the end. "You're lucky! Your head is missing!" It really was the punchline, and it hit just the right tone to send your reader into giggles. (I know because I did go into giggles)
Overall: This poems feels like the narrator is sitting in her kitchen, staring at that turkey and talking to it. It's short, to the point, amusing and well-written. Kudos on a great job!
Honestly, I don't see that this needs to be rated 18+. I saw no references to anything that the rating system considers 18+, in fact I feel that it could be rated as E.
The content of this itself, here are my views: I presume that this was written where each day you wrote a certain number of words, and this was, overall, well-written. A few of the sentences seemed just a tad bit awkward, but I think that to change them would probably take away from the story. I enjoyed this, short as it was. I think my favorite part was, A sparkling jewel. Glitters in moonlight..
I'm not a big fan of the broken sentences, simply because (for me) they seem stilted and unfinished. I did enjoy this short, but it does make me feel left hanging, like there is more to it. I wonder about the characters and all that.
This is a Review by Mire: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: This was about a mother going against all she had been taught in her life, everything she had become, to help her daughters to have a better life. When her daughter was being forced into a marriage against her will, Amrita, her mother, risks a lot to help her. This was really, very touching. At first I thought it was going to be a romance, the usual of the daughter not wanting her husband until they meet and suddenly falling in love with. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn't. It's a story about breaking free from social bonds, and confinements to find freedom and identity.
Suggestions/Grammar: I didn't see anything, but I am by no stretch of the imagination the Grammar Queen. I think I saw a few spots where it needs a little bit of tightening as far as wording goes, but nothing that screamed out at me.
Things I liked: I loved that Amrita's friend remembered her, and was ready and willing to help her. That made me cry, it was so sweet and completely without strings attached. The part where Amrita was dressing her daughter, and the description of how she seemed, a silent storm in her eyes, wow. That was wonderful. It was such a vivid and emotional image that really grabbed me. I cried again when Amrita listened to her daughter crying her dreams again.
Overall: This was an emotion packed piece, and I really enjoyed it. Like I said, it could use a little tightening up. Maybe more description of Deepika's intended and her reaction to him, or something along those lines. Amrita mentioned later after the meeting that she recognized the look in his eyes, perhaps catch that during the meeting or something. All in all, a great story. This is definitely among my favorites. Great job!
General Impressions: Ah, the frantic search for a much-needed item through the ultimate messy room...who hasn't had to go through this? I'm forever trying to find something amidst the chaos of my room. This was an amusing poem about a general experience.
Favorite Parts: I loved the ending. I'll clean my room...tomorrow. The beauty of procrastination!
Characters: The poor, messy student trying desperately to find those doggone notes and the all-powerful, all knowing mother who managed to find the notes in less than a minute. You have to love mom's for that particular ability.
Overall Impression: This was a great poem. I thoroughly enjoyed it. You managed to portray frustration, desperation, even a bit over-dramatization, and finally relief and gratitude in 28 lines. Great job!!
Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts on your piece!
This is a Mire Review: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: I made sure to read your Authors Note before reading the poem. Honestly, I'm not sure what I think of your format. My first thought was that it was strange, but when I reached the "spiderwebs spinning", it really caught my attention. One thing that I realized was that the format distracted slightly from the poem itself. It wasn't until I was about half-way through it that the plot of the poem started to make sense. It's an interesting experiment that was certainly cool looking, and I think that with the broken style of it, the poem works.
Suggestions/Grammar:Well, to be perfectly blunt, you blew that all to heck and back, didn't you? But since you did it on purpose, I'll forgive you.
Thing I liked: I copied & pasted my favorite part. This is where the poem started to catch my attention, rather than just the format. It really popped out at me.
shatter is
sharp! shards
pressing tight against a finger
then it breaks
harsh red welling up
(too bright)!
pressure builds
clutched hands
poun
ding
rhy
thm
too loud
TOO LOUD!
Overall: The poem itself was really good. I'd like to see a few more tries with this style of format, and see what you can do with it. I can tell you right now to expect more reviews from me though.
This is a Mire Review: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: I really enjoyed reading this. Partially because these views are very much like my own (I am bi, and pagan) and partially because both entries were very well written.
Suggestions/Grammar: I'm not sure about this, since I've never made a campfire, but if you can make it an open one. So that anyone can join in. If you can, I would suggest posting it on the activities page. It would be wonderful to see other members participate in a conversation like this where anyone can join in.
Overall: Great idea! Well written, and I hope you add more to it!
This is a Mire Review: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: The tone of this piece was very happy-fake-smile, perky-come-and-shop-here, which I think was perfect. It was very commercialized, as all advertisements are.
Suggestions/Grammar: Nothing to suggest.
Thing I liked: I liked the tone, the style and the pace. It was actually amusing to read.
This is a Mire Review: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
First Impressions: When I first started reading this, my first thought was that this should actually be considered an essay. It was an interesting read.
Suggestions/Grammar: I didn't have any suggestions for this piece.
Thing I liked: I especially liked the end; this part: Remember we all have special things that we can give to others, traits and ambitions for life. Each one of these traits are as precious as the next. Do not think that your feelings or your behaviour is any less than anyone else’s. Remember that they have probably at one stage been in the same state of mind that you are in right now.
Overall: Well-thought out, well written. Good job.
This is a Mire Review: Please keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and, ultimately, only you as the author can know how the story goes.
Hello, care_a_lot, this is review number 2 in the package from your Secret Pal.
First Impressions: A great list of contests, and a good end goal.
Suggestions/Grammar: Something you might want to look at is Anastasia. V. Pergakis's Writing Academy. It's a great place for improving both writing and reviewing skills.
Note: This is a member-to-member review, from one Rising Star to another.
Plot: This is a heartbreaking, but uplifting poem about a girl raised in an abusive home and how she broke the cycle and raised her own child with love and encouragement.
Grammar/changes I'd make/suggestions: There is nothing in either version that I would change. I liked both, but I must say that the uncut version hit me harder than the edited one.
Voice/style: The voice and style of this poem was easily followed, a storytelling tone that was lovely to read.
Just my opinion: I really enjoyed this poem (both versions) a lot. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
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I was really hoping it wouldn't make me cry, but it did. To me, the sign of a really talented writer is when they can make their reader cry for the characters. By the end of this poem, I couldn't imagine anyone who could read this and not feel sorrow for the woman and gratitude for the men and women who go out and die for us. 
But as I said, this was a lovely poem and I'm glad I read it. 
General Impressions: Ah, the frantic search for a much-needed item through the ultimate messy room...who hasn't had to go through this? I'm forever trying to find something amidst the chaos of my room.