As a hospice worker, as a chaplain, as a lay speaker I know that this is a nonfiction piece. I know because I have had and have heard about others having such experiences.
My father died four days after Mother's Day and he too had a knack for making it special. This is a special tribute to yours.
Write ON!!
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I found the link to this item in the June 23 Noticing Newbies Newsletter.
The author has taking great poetic license in describing her delight with the site (WC, that is). As they state this is a beginning of a thought, my rate has left room to explore again later.
Write ON, Newbie!!
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I found the link to this forum in the June 23 Authors Newsletter. I find it to be one of those forums so necessary to a writer's mental health. I know I need every one of this kind I can find!
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This is an interesting short story. You must have a pretty good idea of the goth mind (I have a son who went through that phase).
I would point out that you have numerous incomplete sentences. Often, our artistic license will allow one here and there, but too many breaks up the flow of the reading.
Write ON!!
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I found the link to this essay in the June 16 Spiritual Newsletter.
I love the premise of this piece and it is perfectly logical to me that the narrator is right about the stranger!
That being said, I had a difficult time reading it with no spaces between the paragraphs. I know, I know, some do, some don't, but it truly makes the piece easier to read!
I would point out also that this story could use some tightening. More or less saying more with less and leaving more to the reader to imagine -- show don't tell.
I am impressed with the piece and would be happy to re-rate and re-review if you ever make any changes.
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This is an outstanding poem on the "Who are You" question we all ask. I was struck by the simplicity of the answer by someone who has endured hurricanes. It is what I would expect from my Christian perspective, but worry about if times would get tough.
Write ON!!
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This link was also in the June 9 For Authors Newsletter. Mostly, I say look at the last public review I just gave on the opposite of your subject matter.
When I review anonymously, publicly it is because I want the transaction to be between myself and the person I am reviewing. If they respond positively wanting my help or further information, they will get all of my expertise without having to pay my usual $25 charge to doctoral candidates.
If they choose to take it as a personal attack (my anonymous review) then quite simply they fall onto my "don't review at all list." Having given bad and good anonymous reviews and rarely failing to respond to the author when they respond, I see more of a problem with the reviewee rather than the reviewer.
There are so many different kinds of members of this site, it shouldn't be taken personally. I always go back to the fact that we are all faceless and equal in this virtual world anyhow.
This may be more diatribe than review, but of late this topic is a hot one!
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and Top 100 Reviewer on and off
I found the link to this oh-so-true poem in the June 2 Noticing Newbies Newsletter.
One time a friend of mine at church said, "Hi ___, How are you?
I began to tell him some things on my mind and he said, "Whoa, 'OK' was all I really wanted you to say."
Shortly thereafter, I heard a joke about the word fine, which I shared with him. Now when I answer "Fine." to his question, we both chuckle because it means:
Fouled-up-Insecure-Neurotic-Emotional, I'm fine!
Write ON, Newbie!!
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I found the link to this piece within a piece offered in the June 2 Noticing Newbies Newsletter. As I started to read the former essay, I felt the need to know more about the essay it resulted from.
This is a powerful piece of prose. I was impressed with the intricacy of each phase of knowledge as it occurred to the narrator. I will read the latter piece as well.
Having just attended the 2005 conference by Women of Faith, Extraordinary Faith, I interpreted this piece within the sovereignty of God that underlined the two day conference.
Write ON, Newbie!!
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I found the link to this item in the May 26 Noticing Newbies Newsletter.
I was intrigued. It an above average piece.
I half-way guessed early on where it was going. This is an excellent story and I like the end. I would suggest though, tightening it and having the narrator allow more mystery. George's stream of consciousness gives a little too much information to the reader.
That I was interested enough to read to the end is very good indeed. Should you ever revise this piece, I would be pleased to rerate and review!
Write ON, Newbie!!
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This is a very deep and emotional poem. It doesn't tell you everything and leaves many horrors to the imagination, at least horrors are what it brought to mind for me.
My first inclination was to correct the authors inconsistent use of "I" and "i," as I often do, saying not everyone can be e.e. cummings. However, if read a couple of times you will see that the "i" is as visual as the rest of the poem.
Outstanding!
Write ON, Newbie!!
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Your title of this piece on the review request page, drew me in. And, as usual with any title, I got a great deal deeper story than I bargained for! Your further inference in the description regarding the road less traveled had also intrigued me.
Last night, I watched a tape of old highlights from Women of Faith Conferences where Luci Swindoll gave a talk on labeling. She only utilized a personal experience from the first type of labeling you shared, but her words were echoing through my head as I read the first part of this along with her conclusion matching yours that we should be looking at our own labels when we make snap judgements based on appearance.
The second hit home for me with a relative and how taking a forced road less traveled almost cost her her life while her abuser enjoys a life of comfort and prosperity. (Long story, I will have to transcribe it from one of my journals past one of these days.
Though enrapt in your story, a couple of typos caught my eye:
to bare - in this use you mean "to bear." To bare means to disrobe or uncover.
trouble-maker or trouble maker - I didn't check a dictionary on this so I will say either way you decide to use this (hyphenated or two words) be sure to use it consistently throughout the same.
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I found this on the review request page. I was in my late 30s when my last grandparent died. My one grandfather died when I was 3 from effects of World War I. I don't remember that. Nevertheless, the next grandparent I lost was my dad's mother and I was 27. I guess I kind of thought (naive, considering, even then, I was a student of grief/bereavement support) my children would always have their grandparents. My kids lost both of their dearest grandfathers when the twins were six and my oldest was 12.
I know what books tell me about the children's reaction to death phases and for the most part and I know how I reacted around that age to losses of dear great aunts and uncles, I think Robert is reacting normally according to authorities on the subject of children and grieving. Leaving the adults out of dealing with Robert's emotions and questions was in keeping, though it is a shame we are so rapped up in the death of our parent to realize the kids are hurting too.
I did notice a couple of typos
Typos:
IN Reaching the Surface:
around his thoughts
IN The Body Turns Cold:
lower lounge room
s
Your first paragraph bothered me because you had told the reader too much without letting Robert guide it as he did every other part. Here is a suggestion (ignore or not I don't mind):
Looking in the mirror with his grey-blue eyes at his 12-year-old skinny frame, feeling smaller than his five feet and 100 pounds, deep in thought and searching for the tears he feels should be there considering the family meeting just minutes ago. After all, the adults have them. He was old enough to hear the news and in his mind, where many incredible, and terrible thoughts and emotions are churning, spinning in the whirlpool of intelligence, though that intelligence tells him there should be tears.
One other note of case-in-point: I didn't point it out by changing it in the paragraph above, but as I tell most of my students, avoid words such as thing, it, everything, something, etc. I forget about this often myself. When I proofread, I try to ask myself, as in this case, what "incredible and terrible 'things'" would be going through his 12-year-old mind.
This is a wonderful short story.
Write ON!!
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I found the link to this poem in the May 12 Spiritual Newsletter.
This is poem that spoke to my heart as many times as a Christian, I have felt just the way this poet does. There are times when we all question and doubt, which makes Grace all the more important!
Write ON!!
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I found the link to this poem in the May 12 Noticing Newbies Newsletter.
I don't know why you think this is a sorry attempt at a poem, I found it delightful. However, one who thinks her attempts at poetry are sorry to another, this is great AND true to parenthood!
Write ON, Newbie!!
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This is quite a ponder on pondering! I found the link to this piece in the May 5 Noticing Newbies Newsletter.
It was very humorous, in fact, I tried to remember my schooling on worms and had to go to Ask Jeeves to learn something I thought I knew but didn't know.
I agree with almost everything, except that to weigh something in your mind doesn't require it to be of consequence.
Write ON, Newbie!!
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I found the link to this poem in the May 5 Noticing Newbies Newsletter.
It is an interesting poem that seemed a riddle to me. In my mind I saw many of the patients I know that are in nursing homes. I do hope that was your goal. I know one told me one time (she struggled but could still speak) that we don't know all we passed up until we are no longer able to do it.
Write ON!!
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This is a good solid story which needs some grammatical, formatting, and spelling attention. From another aspect fleshing out some of the vague referrals to torrents and what the parents are like would give the atrocities I read between the lines have more impact. It might change the rating, but these situations are noteworthy.
It is listed as non-fiction and was linked in the May 5 Authors Newsletter, so I assume it is the author's own story. It is a powerful piece of abuse and self-esteem and how they link to the person as it is and a recommended read.
Write ON!!
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I found the link to this poem in the May 5 Authors Newsletter.
I think you have beautifully packaged the role of anger in ruling our emotions. Like grief and other emotions I advise on, the only way through it is to acknowledge it and go through it. Anger denied or repressed, not only hurts you, can fester into depression and self-loathing.
Wonderful poem!
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