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Review Requests: OFF
3,224 Public Reviews Given
3,263 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there. Nixie here. I found your poem via random review.


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I began reading this because losing a memory of someone is one of my greatest fears. The loss is tragic and devastating, even if expected.

The brief description was confusing.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
So much loss is captured here. And so many senses are evoked. Great job! Honestly, I struggled reading this, since I've never overcome the deaths I've seen. Actually, I never want to overcome them. They are still a part of me.

This is classified as personal, so I'm guessing you've lost your wife in real life? And your cat?

Of course life isn't fair, but I protest every time I feel that something happened that 'shouldn't' have. (There are no shoulds, only what is.) Your wife's death was unfair.

Oh, you really caught me. The stars were the ones pasted on the ceiling. Someone who lived here before me did the same thing. Super-confusing the first time I noticed. *Laugh*

If this is non-fiction, did you really kiss your wife in the funeral home? I made the mistake of touching my sister, and that feeling of her arm looking so real, yet feeling like cardboard haunts me.

*Baretree3*
Oops
The title isn't correctly capitalized.

Watch out for changes in verb tenses. I noticed two oopses, the first being the second stanza, third line. (are) should be (were) in keeping with the other lines.

I'm curious about the punctuation. The last guideline I read was no punctuation at all, or be consistent. My thought is, punctuation guides the reader. So where's the harm in that?

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
Okay, I've been dwelling in this sorrow for far too long. Soon, I'll be cast asunder in the void of loss.

Your poem was painful and touching to read. And if you're still hurting, remember grief is not linear.

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi AmyJo- only 2 steps behind - Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" 

Overall Impression
I had several thoughts as I read this several times. My main reaction, though not the intent of this poem, was anger. I resent when people use the word 'promise'. Promise implies the person may not follow through.

However, the second stanza clarifies my point. The words direct the person to make a vow, not necessarily a promise. Vow is a much stronger word, and this word I consider sacred.

'Sin of the heart' was my favorite line, and perhaps the most insightful with the greatest punch. Without that line, the poem felt a little 'weak' in word choices.

Let's say, for the sake of this review, that the topic is about marriage, or any long term relationship. It does take hard work and dedication to maintain an ongoing romance, once the initial thrill lessens.

Considerations
suggest a period after the word 'bond' in the first stanza, second line. The semi-colon in the second stanza seemed awkward. It's possible to replace that with a period.

Overall, as this is about expressing yourself, not an easy feat with only eight lines, I'd conclude you believe in integrity and steadfastness. The ideal is to find a partner who can actually do everything this poem dictates. Unfortunately, it's not realistic in our ever-changing society. Although there are exceptions, I don't think it's fair to ask one person to fulfill all the other person's needs and wants.

This is not a reflection on what you've written, rather my personal take, addressing the feelings your words created in my worldview. A reader's reaction to anything I've written means the most to me. I hope you feel the same way, since that was my focus. I'm at 'sixes and sevens', trying to sort out my thoughts. But that could take forever, so I'll leave it here.

One last reflection: I've resigned myself to no more relationships as every partner drawn to me causes pain. Pain that I should not accept, actions I should object to and end the relationship. But I stay, to my own detriment. I've made the choice to stay single because I don't take care of myself.

See what reaction you've drawn from me? I didn't intend to write so much, but I couldn't stop thinking. *Smile*

*Heart* Ah, what a grand relationship could be founded with your words.



~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review of Shadow  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Zane. Nixie here. I found your item via read and review.


My job here today is to help with this piece. I wanted to know how old you were, because what you've written here is so puzzling. We are writers. This website is not a social media site. Why am I saying this? See below.

(u for you) (ur for your). (Who am u ask.)
(hahaha but I am a funny guy.)

I'm not here to insult you, but I'm guessing you're young. That would explain a lot. And having your bio completed would help readers understand why you composed your work in this manner.

Let me say a bit more. I think the premise of this work is fantastic. I'm sad to see it presented in such an unprofessional way.

I checked your portfolio to see if this bad habit was consistent. I glanced over "The Lighthouse"  and discovered you were capable of writing like a writer would. Although it's still presented as a block of text, the errors were not as pronounced. This tells me you do care and are serious about writing.

I believe this is a stream of consciousness, and, as such, all the words do stay tightly spaced. It's obvious you have a strong mind and provocative thoughts.

What I didn't expect was the conclusion. All along, I was thinking, this is the person's dark side narrating, not a specific emotion, such as fear. (Merely my reaction.)

How can I say 'keep writing' without sounding condescending? But practicing is the answer. It also helps to review others' work.
Keep writing. *Wink*


image for word search puzzle

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review of Nick  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Nixie here. I found your item via random review.

The hook
Considering the quality of this story, it deserves a better title than the character's name. The brief description, although not electric, fits the story.

A closer look
My goodness. Someone knows how to write. All your descriptions were crystal clear in my mind. The beginning of the story had a certain warmth to it, emphasized when the snow started falling.

Honestly, I was holding my breath as I traveled with Sadie and Nick through the snow storm. The tension was high, and the danger was imminent, with 'when will disaster strike?' hovering in the back of my mind.

I'll take a quick break here to explain my connection. I had been driving my boyfriend's Camaro through a snowstorm, with no mishaps. Then Mr. Macho decided (I think he was threatened by my skill- long story) and insisted upon taking over the wheel. Within seconds, he buried his Camaro into a snowbank, all the way up to the windshield.

Oops/suggestions

*Questiong* The only hole in the story was that it lacked a time frame. It had the feeling of the 1800's, but women gave birth at home in that era.

*Questiong* ...We have plenty of time to adopt if that’s what we decide”.

*Right* A quick fix to put that period inside the quotation mark.

*Questiong*...Nick was hopeful on the ride home...

*Right* I thought they were home? It's possible I missed something, but I can't blame myself. Your words kept drawing me ever closer to the plot. Especially when Sadie and Nick met the storm.

Final impression
The read and review option gifted me with an outstanding story. The little twist (Nick came back from the war as a compassionate man.) My brain tells me, not possible, but the way you slipped that seamlessly into the story made it believable.

For me, the draw of a story is what happens between characters. I liked both. The cherry on top was the excellent plot. I'm still pondering why the conclusion irked me. What you wrote makes perfect sense, and it fits in with Nick's transition from soldier to father. Something tragic or life-threatening makes a decision for many. So why am I angry that Sadie only agreed after the snowbank disaster. That's on me. I only send the author such detailed impressions if the story appeals to me. And yours most definitely did. One 1/2 star deducted due to my few questions that I mentioned earlier.





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55
55
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Alex. Nixie here, who landed on this item via the carrier random review.

Initial Reaction
I'm not sure any story begins with 'once upon a time' but maybe there's an exception since the tale is a legend.

It took me all of two seconds to latch on to your story. The description of Kieran painted a vivid image in my mind. And then along came a Jedi, because every story needs a woman. (lol) And not to be impartial, LGBT relationships also have a profound effect.

Characters
I continue reading stories due to my fascination between characters. Although the story was swift and to the point, the Captain and the Jedi's relationship warmed my heart. I liked how you pointed out that time spent together is often limited by circumstances. But I believe carrying love in a person's heart keeps that love ignited.

I hope her love tempered his ferocity.

The entrance of the Jedi was striking and memorable. And her name suited the experience that was unfolding. Names help identify characters, and Elara Sage met that expectation.

Your sentences varied in pace and style, which kept me engaged. One problem I have is avoiding the use of pronouns. I noticed you overcame that challenge.

Avoid over usage of one word. We all have one. It's not a big deal, but two sentences began with the word 'with'. I don't know why that caught my eye, but since it did, my brain insisted that it had to be mentioned.

I had to google 'kyber crystal'. I collect crystals. What a shame this one can't be real. But with a life of its own, it most likely wouldn't appreciate captivity.

Final Destination
I can't help my longing for happy endings, but I wouldn't call this one sad. Yo carried this theme throughout the story, so the story arc was completed. Well Done!



inscription similar to quantum entanglement that allowed Rose to travel back to the Dr.

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#1300305 by Maryann



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56
56
Review of Second Chances  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, fellow writer. Greetings. Should I type welcome back?


*Baretree3*
The Hook
The title accurately captured the contents of the poem. The genres were mostly correct, just remember that when the contest is over, change the second and third genres. I would choose love as the first genre, then romance, and then, if nothing else comes to mind, change the last genre to relationship. *Wink*

I always appreciate the link to the contest at the end, so I hypothetically write something for the same. (No big deal, a personal preference.)

*Baretree3*
A closer look
I liked the balance in this story. All paragraphs led smoothly to the next, and were relatively equal. I wanted this beautiful tale to be perfect, but I few 'things' distracted me.

*Baretree3*
Considerations
Take a second glance at this line.
"Their, love, Titled by Moonlight..."
If love is to be titled, I don't understand why the word [titled] was capitalized. Apologies, I don't understand that sentence at all. Am I missing something?

If they met in an art gallery, why would Elias's violin be present?
Eleanor's painting is finished, and Elias's musical piece is completed, where have they been all this time? Adding locations to events transpiring that led up to this point would make more sense.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
I couldn't resist the spell of love you wrote, even though I don't believe in love. The moon played a significant role and wasn't present accidentally, having no influence on the story. Rather, it pulled and tugged until the final embrace.

I liked the metaphors as they gave life to the characters.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I absolutely adore the conclusion. No promises of eternal love, only the suggestion, poetically written. The theme, overall, reads like a poem. Nicely done.





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57
57
Review of Man of Music  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Cathrin. Welcome to Writing.com. I found your story through the read and review tab.

*Vignette2*
From the top
I like the alliteration of the title, but I could not avoid thinking, 'why not women too?' Lovely cover art that greets the reader with a hint of what's to follow.

*Vignette2*
Emotions evoked
Music is magic. I focus on the lyrics and that transports me to another dimension, changing my mood.

*Vignette2*
suggestions/Thoughts
The commas at the end of each line are distracting. What about no punctuation? Or a period when a phrase is complete? Just a thought. Some poets prefer no punctuation, or consistent punctuation throughout.

Why was the poem repeated in French? Is it personal to you, because most members speak english?

*Vignette2*
Wrapping it up
I read this over several times, allowing the sensations to soak in. The rhythm is hypnotic, alluring, and soothing. I did have to look up 'staves'. Nicely done, since in one definition it only applies to music.


Damiana Matrix SPR

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#1300305 by Maryann


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58
58
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
May 2023 Raid Image


Hi Humble_Poet PNG Nixie here.


*TulipO* Overall Impression
What you wrote was so unusual I couldn't resist reviewing it. What a lovely wife you have, and a clever one too! I wish my daughter would explain how to use an airfryer, but there's no room in my kitchen.

What I liked
*Checkg* The compassion you feel for your wife. She's a lucky woman.

*Checkg*The professional appearance of your work. A larger font was used, thank goodness, and you chose a specific font. That's the same way I like to compose my stories.

*Checkg* Cover images embellish the overall appearance, and you somehow found the perfect one. Good job.

*Questiong* Can this be improved?

A few thoughts. There are so many phrases in parentheses it's distracting.

The last sentence in bold stands out too much and also distracts. To answer the question. You are definitely NOT making too much out of little acts of love. In this cruel world, we all need to recognize and celebrate every moment of joy.

What/where is Bren's theater? I'm a bit curious.

What about using a smaller font for the poem? If you want it to stand out, and it should, maybe a colored font would look nicer. Or center it? Just a thought.

*Bookstack2* Thanks for the read and review.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 



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59
59
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
To honour Mona A.K.A. eyestar


Hi once again, Maryann. This is the second treasure I found in the long, long list of items for potential review. I ended up writing two back to back.

Way to make me cry, woman. I prefer to be alone, but it still breaks my heart when I read stories about friends being parted. The title and brief description alone attracted me, although I knew what my reaction would be from the beginning.

What I liked best was the explanation of why the two could never be together. At least they had each other as friends before the law demanded the separation. What a poignant reason, without the hope of anything changing.

Your words were quite masterful and unique. At every line I paused and reflected. All put together, I'm now a mess. I've lost friends through distance. Not to mention the ultimate end.

Yay for centered and colored font. It's really the only place we can employ those delights. And at the end, oh goodness. An animated dragon. Nicely done, my friend. Mona would be proud. *Heartv*

~Nix out.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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60
60
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
May 2023 Raid Image


Hi Maryann! You know why I'm here with a review. What a delight to find your poetry listed on the raid page.

No laughing. I related on many levels to this poem, but most odd were the feelings that your work also could reflect a person's life. So many of us are lonely and stuck pondering our existence. Searching for the meaning of life.

The words also made me sad and then hopeful at the end. Surely, he'll find a companion. The thought of his lonely existence, especially for such a mighty creature is poignant and tragic.

A couple of notations. In the last stanza, wondrous is used twice. Now, this, in one way does work. No doubt both his abilities and mind are wondrous. That makes sense. It still leaves me longing for a different word.

Your words created a powerful image to hold in my mind.

Today, we celebrate Mona. She would have adored this poem. I'm so happy to have found it today. *Heart*

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of Fay  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
An image to honour Mona


Hi Chris. Nixie here with appreciation and joy for the poem you wrote. More than anything, this is a true expression of who Mona was. It's difficult here without her, and at this moment, you reminded me of her light-hearted and glowing spirit.

I like the cover image, too.

With each word, a small story grows. First with the birth, so beautifully shown in the first stanza. You had my attention right there. I guess the conclusion is tragic, but we don't have to believe in fairies to believe in magic. We've so often spoken of Mona as carrying fairy dust wherever she went. I'm happy she was able to read it and featured the poem in the Newsletter. She's forever immortalized in your work.

Just watch out for that nasty word (very). Authors call it a non-word since it really has no meaning in creative writing. I'd also suggest not capitalizing the first letter of every line, most importantly, when the thought is continuing.

All the enchanting words are here, and I can feel Mona's presence and imagine her smile. Thanks for writing this, even though at the time you didn't know it would be a tribute.

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 



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62
62
Review of The House  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
May 2023 Raid Image


Hi Paul Nixie here.


This is an odd approach to a review, and I hope it makes sense. I did cut off your sentence because the rhyming of (flight) and (light) pleased me.

The illusion of flames disappeared and the sheets seemed to consume themselves in flight so what reached the fireplace was a fine dusting of light,

I liked your thinking behind the story. And the first few paragraphs puzzled me and interested me enough to keep reading. The images you showed were strong and vivid.

As far as development goes, there are too many repetitive words, fillers, and errors that distracted me. As I read, I thought, 'keep reading, the mistake you stumbled over can be pointed out in comments.'

I almost skipped over this due to the errors, but it looks like maybe this is a contest piece and you'd appreciate the help. I know without reviewers my work suffers.

In the spirit of keeping a positive take, I'll only mention a few slip-ups.

*Asteriskv* A thesaurus is an author's gift. Read through and see how many times you fell back on the word (fear).

*Asteriskv* The reader only needs the house described once. Maybe a truncated version later in the story could work.

Forgive me if I'm wrong. I'm confused. If the narrator is 87, how can he have been fighting it for seventy?

*Asteriskv* Why mention his travels? It didn't seem to relate to the plot. The sentence following is a good one to demonstrate your point.

*Binoculars* If you take out words like (seemed, very). The reader is looking for action, and the beginning really grabbed me. Technically (was) isn't a passive verb, but it does slow the pace. That way you'll have less words that don't contribute, and the opportunity to add more. Watch for the preponderance of other passive sentences.

Okay, that's enough for one review that probably looks discouraging. Remember, I cared enough to read through this and help you see places for improvement. *Wink* I didn't pass it by. And I've been reconsidering not sending it for over an hour. *Pthb*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


I found your item listed on our Raid page and dove in. A mermaid and a dragon, I wondered? What possible combination is that? I'm not familiar with this form of poetry, so I cannot comment. Having seen many of your writings, I know all is correct.

Teasing me with (the greatest treasure on earth) kept me engrossed and submerged in your fantasy world. I had to know and read the lines quickly, which almost ruined the experience.

At first, I read the dragon's name as Drakrein. *Rolleyes* Back I went to the beginning and slowed down. The punctuation threw me a bit of course, but it is not my place to question due to my unfamiliarity.

My goodness, that final stanza gave me quite a kick. Last night, we had near-hurricane winds and a tornado touched down near me. I'm sure the mermaid was riding the dragon that night.

And, I can't dock a half/star just because this reading experience was new to me and a bit confusing. *Facepalm*

Nicely done. *Smile*

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
May 2023 Raid Image


Hi 💙 Carly Nixie here.


Hook, line and sinker
The catchy title and brief description are compelling, but as far as the village being identified (Luna) maybe a more exotic name would fit.

Appreciations

I found the format unusual, but unique appeals to me. The words you chose created a vivid picture. I understand the fear of those who lose people who venture there and never return. In my case, I would never return, because this imaginary world appeals to me. I'd find the dragons, mermaids, and other mythical creatures protective. The world you created would be my dream life. That is, if I were deemed worthy.

A few observations:
(They) acclimated. Who is (they?) Two sentences above, a traveler returns. One traveler. I'm confused.

(It is said) no comma after (said)

Way to go!
I was tempted to fly through this read, but the contradictions of people reacting differently slowed me down. As written some succumb to fear, while others, such as myself, may spend the rest of my life finding this village.

You mentioned this poem/prose could be a beginning for a story, and I totally agree! Hi-ho. Back to work you go. *Laugh*

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,Ned. Nixie here. Random review landed me here to read your poem. Random sends the reviewer everywhere. You wrote this in 2019. *Smile*

*Crown* Initial Attraction
Okay, in all honesty the cover art drew me in. That is why I'm using my glam girl for a sig. *Laugh*

*Crown* Overall Reaction
Absolutely fantastic. It seemed that I met this woman in real life. I could picture her in my mind. I've known women like her. Women who practice their smiles in the mirror everyday.

*Crown* Stand-outs
I think the word [fantastic] was previously employed in the beginning. It's still my first reaction. It's obvious that each word was chosen with care and in only a few short lines the reader sees a character. Well done, and much more.

*Crown* And in the end?
I can't say [fantastic] again, can I? That prompt wasn't an easy one, but you pulled it off with accomplished flair. If it's of interest to you,the prompt word no longer needs to be shown in bold.

I seriously enjoyed reading and reviewing your gem. *GemG*

Personal image. One 1/4 of the inner me.

Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66
66
Review of What If  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Tiffers. Nixie here. I found your item via random read.

*Baretree3*
The Hook
I hardly even needed a hook. The title and brief description spurred me on. I absolutely adore kids.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
I like the free form format you chose. You weren't saddled with a particular style. The topic itself isn't uncommon, but you did an excellent job of both showing the scene and striking terror into the hearts of every mom.

I had to look up 'Usian'. I think [bolt] should be capitalized because it's part of his name.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
My son was a wild child, but it was my two-year-old daughter who wandered off one day after daughter number one told her three kids in the family were too many. Good grief. I was feeding my newborn son and had to go racing down the sidewalk, newborn baby in my arms.

I particularly enjoyed your word choices and shortened phrases. "Six badges" was my favorite.


*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
My heart broke with the last two lines. One more example of your outstanding style. The consistent no punctuation approach worked like a charm.

You've only recently joined, and already you're a star!

Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Overwatch Guardian



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67
67
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
"I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  Thanks for entering!"


What an interesting way to show the genre of traveling. I liked the implied futuristic plot. It wasn't necessary to explain to the reader what the terms meant. I don't think I'd like this trip, though. It would be too much stress for my mind. I'd rather never relive it. The story was a little confusing. If I were someone else, I' d be tempted.

One problem in the conclusion. Neither character would know what past they would be living. Whenever you mess around with time, the more likely changes would occur. And even though Brea was careful not to see himself when they traveled. But no way can he be fairly certain of the outcome. How many times has he taken this trip? In the beginning,it seems to be that this was Brea's first trip. But later in the story I had the feeling it wasn't the first time he'd come.

You chose a tricky story to write and it worked fairly well. For me, it was simply too confusing and hard to follow.

I will remember all the futuristic words you wrote. That was my favorite part.

Thanks again for entering,
~Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
68
68
Review of Dream Vacation  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Nixie here. I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  Thanks for entering!"

Bravo! The humorous and excellent twists and turns creating conflict and resolution made for a great read.
The character was funny and personable.

The spider was a split character. First, a plant she fussed with in the beginning and then it completed the story arc by becoming very real. And freaking scary.

Since my mind was going back and forth I wondered which guy she’d end up with. Seems I chose the right one. Now if only I could make good choices in life…

You gifted your reader by sharing your work. Thanks again for your entry.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" 
Thanks for entering!"


Thanks for showing me the sites of London. Gladly Golightly made this story special, as his narration and comments added another layer to the plot. I enjoyed the comic relief.

One question. Golightly is really a stuffed bear, and only the narrator sees him as living and commenting? How is this possible?


The story would be easier to read if the font were bigger. More spacing between paragraphs would also help. Especially because the story is so dense. The body appeared as one solid block. Something to keep in mind when writing. *Wink* Readers like 'white space' and can be discouraged by density.

I enjoyed your story. I did find that the details were almost overwhelming. Check your grammar and comma usage. I found some distracting errors.

Understanding exactly how a stuffed bear that can be real to the narrator had me questioning.


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"  Thanks for entering!"

What a fascinating story. It was authentic and believable. You showed me everything through the character ‘s eyes. The overall mood was quiet while he ruminated. The twist was delivered with surprise
and rerouted that mood.

The story, as I stated was authentic. But the last paragraph seemed rushed. The small apology in the letter wouldn’t have made him forgivable to me. But then I read it twice and changed my mind. No doubt upset his family, but his actions brought so much more to others. A remarkable character, conflicted as most of us.

Yours is a story worthy of reading many times over. Thank you again.



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for entry "More 'Sea Stories" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jim. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

Yippee for me! A submarine entry to review. I often read your submarine stories when they're posted on the Newsfeed. Why don't you write reviews, Nixie? No idea.

Ages ago, I visited a submarine that was 'on land?' and open for tours. I was totally panicked and overcome by claustrophobia. How could you possibly survive those cramped quarters?

Gallows humour. That was my thought while reading your entry. In tough situations levity can be a life-saver. Laughter, in and of itself, relieves stress. In a RL prank, the 'pranked' person may feel violated or humiliated, depending on the situation. Gallows humour makes perfect sense if a person is living (trapped) in a submarine.

I like to insert a comic relief break in a drama or tense story.

What's an Evaporator? Since this entry is 'addressed' to
Kåre Enga in Montana and ForeverDreamer, it seems you're responding to an ongoing conversation where you all have the same knowledge. You have a submarine family at WdC. *Smile*


One slip stood out.
There [were] 2-3 Machinist Mates [were] nearby

I read "Playing With Hot Dogs" . That was totally off-the-wall. So gross, it was hilarious.

That's it for now. Thanks for the entertainment. *Laugh*

~Nixie


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love. It's my pleasure to review this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

Overall Impression
You definitely captured the essence of the prompt. As I read, it sounded as if the narrator was living in a dream/nightmare. I have a habit of writing as I read, so bear with me. *Wink* The beginning drew me into the story, and reminded me of grave sites I've avoided. In St. Augustine (Florida) many have reported ghost sightings. That's why your chilly description was so vivid for me.

Thoughts to think
What I noticed was a repetition of words and phrases. They're easy to pick out.

Here, you've engaged the smell sensation twice.

It's very hot and humid and the air smells earthy. You can smell the rain in the air...

Avoid filler words like (very). They're meaningless.

Exclamation marks should be used sparingly, preferably, not at all. I found several. *Smile* They're distracting.

More repetitive wording.
My heart races!

Three sentences later,
My mind races

Check your comma usage. (My worst part of editing.)

And then it's goodbye.
A truly, unexpected conclusion. Horrifying. Except how could a blanket of bones cuddle? How can bones cry? Or is that part of the horror? Didn't she notice there was no soft body? Overall, I like the story, but it does raise a lot of questions that I can't answer.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work.

~Nixie


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Review of My Sister Kathy  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi AmyJo. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

Overall Impression
I have to admit this wasn't an easy item to read. I, too, lost my only sister in 1983. She was only 30 years old. And she died from Leukemia. So we have several parallel connections, unfortunately through tragic circumstances.

And so it continues, nearly exactly from stanza to stanza. I moved to another state before her death, and could not catch a flight back home until 5 P.M. That was the time of her death.

I've written many pieces about her over the years. The loss feels as if it happened yesterday. She remains in my heart. The only difference is that she wasn't cremated. I remember walking with my mom through rows and rows of coffins. A truly awful experience.

Your poem flowed smoothly from stanza to stanza. The sorrow is evident in your words. It's amazing how you found a rhyming scheme to express yourself concerning such a devastating death.

My only suggestion would be not to capitalize the first word in every line if it's a continuation of the prior.

Some people like punctuation in poetry to guide the flow. I prefer the style you've chosen, no punctuation. That allows me to follow along at a pace dictated by my heart. I paused over most lines and reflected before continuing to the next.

To say I'm sorry for your loss sounds shallow. But the overall mood was a celebration for your sister, without bringing a deathly and morbid pall in your words. (Although that's not to say there's anything wrong if a person chooses to demonstrate a sad mood.)

If it helps, you keep writing to Kathy. It's cathartic for some, including me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and allowing me to gather my own memories while I connected to yours.


~Nixie


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Review of Shattered  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tina. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" 

Overall Impression
A compelling story with vivid descriptions of the setting and showing of well-rounded characters. Each personality was distinct.

As the plot unfolds
I enjoyed the tense build-up as Madison explores the mansion. With each room my dread mushroomed and the tension escalated. You weren't kidding when you said 'cliffhanger'. I could never leave my child under those circumstances, unless something were seriously wrong at home.

Wow, the description of the painting gave me the creeps. I had the same reaction as Madison. Fascination and horror.

As you'll notice below, I found a few blips along the way. I know there's probably a ton in the story I'm working on. It's so easy to see what we want, not what should be written.

Thoughts to think
Consider mentioning the mom in the first paragraph so we know who's driving.

run-on sentence
... At least it wasn't grey...

Something is off here. Or I'm reading it wrong. (it led?)
because as she followed the foyer which led to a choice of two directions.

Filter word (decide) and why the past tense. Isn't she here for the first time? Or was she saying it was a room she hadn't entered since she began her tour? *Confused* Maybe internal dialogue? I haven't seen this room, yet.
Madison decided then she'd never entered that particular room.

Why would she be anything but silent? (maybe she tiptoed?) Also, the two instances of (it) throw off the sentence.
A massive painting commanded her attention and silently she went to it and studied it.

???
...and she [could look stand] to be in the room no more.

A few problems in this paragraph. Who is talking? Madison's mother and the grandmother?

"She is nothing like me[,]" [H]er Mother retorted. [full stop]

"She is nothing like me," her Mother retorted. > Mother is not capitalized because it's not being used as a name here. A full stop is required.

And then it's goodbye.
Aside from the blips, easily fixed, the reading experience was awesome. You really put me inside that house and in Madison's head. Well done! You're off to a grand start with this early entry. *Bigsmile*

~Nixie


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Cass.

HAPPY 20th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Of all the stories to choose from, I selected this one. The title (with a bit of alliteration) appealed to me. I'm also an avid reader of children's stories. The plots go straight to my heart and squeeze. Yours did not disappoint. *Star*

I do have one or two questions.

Did you begin the story with 'Once upon a time' on purpose? And why the 'he was very sad' sentence? Since this was written in 2003, maybe writers didn't emphasize the downside of weak verbs propped up by adverbs.

Why is (boy) sometimes written (Boy)?

divider for port items

The set-up, with the dog dressed in a wizard cape made the plot sensical. It prepared this reader for a fantasy story. Excellent choice.

My favorite part was the compassion of the Man in the Moon and the spoonful of (Light) given to Wiz. (Was the l in (light) capitalized on purpose?)

Not much hurts a mom more than a child crying. Especially at night. I can't decide which created the most impact. Wiz and the Moon, or the boy crying in his sleep. My grandson, years ago, always fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Your story left me feeling uplifted and cheered. The cleverness of the plot stood out as unique. I could picture the entire scenario in my head. Other than my few queries, a great write. *Bigsmile*


Nixie
Image #2220774 over display limit. -?-

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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