Hey there! I'm reviewing you on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" due to you being nominated for Port Raid Author Of The Month.
First Impressions:
Corrections: None to speak of. Fantastic puncuation and spelling!
Final Thoughts: I was slightly confused about this. Whether it was because I'm tired or whether it was just hard to interpret, but either way, I couldn't understand who was the angel. Was it your old self? Or was it your grandma? If you could clear that up for me, I'd really appreciate it.
So, good luck in winning Port Raid Author Of The Month, and I hope to hear from you soon!
Hey there! I'm reviewing you on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" due to you being nominated for May 2012 Author Of The Month.
First Impressions: A poem about a girl whose beauty is a curse and she therefore has to hide behind a mask until her older sister finds a true love of her own.
Corrections: There was only one minor mistake I could find, and that was...
"She walked and talked with a delicate air,"
When it should have been "She walked and talked with a delicate air."
Final thoughts: This was a lovely piece about the art of selflessness and I enjoyed it very much.
" She stiffened realizing she was no longer alone. " " She stiffened, realizing she was no longer alone. " Added a comma.
" I pressed my hand against her wet face, it was the color of ivory... " " I pressed my hand against her wet face. It was the color of ivory... " Changed comma to a full-stop.
" Underneath the dark material, a silver chain hung low showing only... " " Underneath the dark material, a silver chain hung low, showing only... " Added a comma.
" It was almost time another minute or two. " " It was almost time. Another minute or two. " Added a full-stop.
“ "Are you alright Maria? Do you understand what I am? I waited for her to comprehend. " " "Are you alright Maria? Do you understand what I am?" I waited for her to comprehend. " Added speech-mark.
“ "Yes. I know. She said. " " "Yes. I know." She said. " Added speech-mark.
"He thought anxiously fidgeting with the doorknob." " He thought anxiously, fidgeting with the doorknob." Added a comma.
"...while her outstretched fingers slid against the paneled walls." "...while her outstretched fingers slid against the panelled walls." Changed spelling of "paneled".
"She extended her foot feeling for the edge of the step..." "She extended her foot, feeling for the edge of the step..." Added a comma.
" “Who is this beautiful creature at my door? " " "Who is this beautiful creature at my door?" " Added speech-mark.
" “Grandpa! It’s me Maria, your favorite.” " " "Grandpa! It's me, Maria. Your favourite." " Added a comma. Changed comma to a full-stop. Changed spelling of "favorite".
" "Well then. Won’t you please come in? He bowed down and swung... " " "Well then. Won’t you please come in?" He bowed down and swung... " Added speech-mark.
Final thoughts: This was a well thought-out piece about an Angel who wanted to relive a treasured moment he had shared with a Mortal in the past. It seems your only main problems are with punctuation, but you would do well to spell-check your work first too just to sort out those minor spelling problems.
Hey there! I'm reviewing you on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" due to you being nominated for May 2012 Author Of The Month.
First Impressions: A touching poem about the love and potential loss of a friend.
I found this quite interesting at first as after reading the description it seemed to me as though you'd lost your friend, but upon reading it you were merely saying that should either of you die, you will still live on in each-other's hearts. A clever technique!
Corrections: None to speak of. Some would disagree and suggest that you add punctuation but I love the way this poem flows freely, expressing your thoughts without boundaries.
Final thoughts: It seems this friend has a very special place in your heart. I would consider myself very lucky should I be this friend you speak of, and I'm sure they appreciate it very much.
Oooh. A cliffhanger. I love those! This piece has certainly intrigued me and it's not often that happens when I come across works that are non-fanfictional. I'll give you a somewhat brief overview of my thoughts on this...
Initial thoughts: The beginning of a horror story depicating Sammy's kidnap. It was good at first but I have to admit some slight confusion halfway through as to who the girl was and what she was doing there. I understand this is from Sammy's POV and he was confused but even a brief description of the girl and the room she was in would have helped me get a better understanding of what Sammy felt.
Corrections:
""He started to plot his escape, when a buzz went off..." I don't feel there is a need for a comma in that fragment.
""The light was black." What do you mean by that? How can a light be black? Unless you mean the light casing or anything surrounding the light?
"...he had not disturbed their sanctuary, and upset them somehow." Again, I don't feel there is a need for a comma.
"...she said through her tears, still unsure of herself." How do you know she's unsure of herself? Was there a facial expression to back up this point? Otherwise I don't understand how Sammy could have possibly known. A better sentence would be "...she said through her tears. Her voice showed all the signs she was unsure of herself."
"Reach into your pocket, use the knife." I think it would have been better to use a full-stop for dramatic emphasis there.
"You'd better hurry, they don't like having..." I think it would have been better to use a semi-colon there.
Overall thoughts: In all, this was a very good piece that had finished with a well-executed cliffhanger, making the reader desperate to know more, with the only main faults being minor spelling mistakes. I would look forward to seeing your next installment of this tale.
Awwwwh! Wow! This is ay-may-zing! I've never seen a KOTOR story before depicated in the form of a male Revan. It's always been the female version! I love this and I hope you will continue to write more KOTOR and maybe KOTOR 2 fanfictionals! This is a great start to what could potentially be a great series!
This was wonderful! From the very first sentence I was hooked! Immediately, I found myself transported back to my childhood years when I too had a Belle dress and would parade about the house like a Disney Princess. It's good some people still take pride in the good old 2D Disney films insted of the most recent ones like Tangled. Keep it up!
If only I knew this had been re-released in 3D! I had no idea! I am, like many others, a huge Burton fan, and the way you have described 'A Nightmare Before Christmas' is truly enthralling. It's almost like watching the film again! You have kept all the important details about the storyline without making it too long-winded, and you've included what the cinematic 3D experience was like too! Well done!
Hey! My name's Ridley and I'd love to become a part of the Vigilante Angel Ranger Team! I love getting involved in WDC groups and anything I have to do to prove myself, I will do! I've already proven myself countless times in the WDC Angel Army and I'm sure to be an excellent addition to the group if you'll allow me!
I found this a truly enthralling start to a story. The way you just jumped straight into the plot without hesitation is a trait rarely seen in unexperienced writers. You could really go far with a piece of work like this. One suggestion I might add, however, would to add who was speaking maybe at the begginning or end of the dialogue, as I found it slightly confusing as to who was saying what. Other than that, though, this truly is an amazing piece of work. Keep it up!
I found this page really inspiring and it's nice to know therer are people out there who support each and every writer, including the rookies. I would love to be a part of 'The Angel Army' and help spread the word about it too. Would you please take me for consideration? It would mean so much.
I've played Battlefront 2 and honestly, this fanfic is more interesting than the game itself. I love how you use all the proper terminology that the clones themselves would have used. I think maybe you could have made your intro a little longer though, maybe describing the sheer size of area you had to cover to get to your checkpoint, and maybe adding the few amount of comrades you had. Other than that though, this is amazing.
Aww. This is amazing. It's so true as to what happened to Anakin along the years. I missed the old playful one, and you've described it perfectly. I think maybe you should describe more what Anakin and Sidious are planning for the benefit of those guys who don't know too much about Star Wars. Usually, people resort to fanfics instead of films to find out what happened, and this could possibly prove to be quite confusing unless you explain more. Other than that though, this is perfect. I can't wait for the next installment.
This is great. You've really nailed how most people feel in life when they go through struggles. It's obvious that this topic is close to your heart and it's evident in the way you write it. Well done. A tip for improvement would be to maybe check your spelling before you post it up, I noticed 'stifled' was spelt wrong. Also, I'd suggest putting capitals at the begginning of each line, capitalising your I's and putting in apostrophe's. That way you can really emphasise the true meaning behind this piece.
Awwww! Wow. This is so cute. I never thought I'd find someone who was into Snape. I'm writing my own Harry Potter fanfic at the minute, do you mind if I add Becka into my story? Can I also have her last name?
Hmm, this is really good so far, but what I don't like too much about these things is that it goes in a relationship too quickly. Think about it: If Andy Biersack saw this random girl crying in the park, would he really end up kissing her five minutes later? Plus, he's with Juliet Simms at the minute. You'd need to write something in here about them breaking up or something. I'm sorry if you took this as an insult but I just want to help. Please don't be disheartened by this, it's still really good.
Hey that's quite cute. I don't mean that in a stupid, vague way that most people would put. But I know what you actually mean because I've had similar experiences. So I'm not saying it's cute because of the thing at the end. I'm saying it's cute because you can write so passionately about things that matter not only to you, but to a vast majority of other people too. I only wish I was better when putting pen to paper otherwise I would have wrote something about my feelings a long time ago. But I can't, I can only write fanfictionals. But even if you don't get a lot of feedback on this, know that there will probably be a lot of people reading this in awe, knowing they've felt the same, but just don't have the courage to write something down. But don't be disheartened because this is really good.
Wow... I have no idea how old you are, but whaqtever your age, the sheer imagination and creativity and... accuracy.. in this is just... astounding. No, extraordinary. No... it's phenomonal. How did you ever come up with the idea for this? I am so putting this on my reccomended items on my biography. This is possibly one of the best things I've seen on this website. Keep it up! Please!
This is oficcialy. THE book to read on this site. I can honestly say I have not seen a better one. Some have come close, yes. But this is astounding. From the very first sentence I was hooked. I sincerely hope to hear more of your works. Keep it up (Please!)
I really like this item, however I think Draco and the Malfoy's home could have been described better. It also took me quite a while to understand why there might not have been a letter saying the main character was going to hogwarts. Apart from that I found this item really intriguing.
I found this story really intriguing and would like to read more. However, just a noteto all writers: I would check spelling before you write it as it took me a while to work out that 'frigged' in this story meant 'frigid'. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
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