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Review Requests: ON
420 Public Reviews Given
424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Mostly just bitchin'. If it's great writing I switch over to nit-picking but usually I'll find something to like. Please don't ask me to review poetry unless you're either James Fenton, Seamus Heaney or thick skinned as an elephant... I absolutely hate bad poetry. I'm the terror of the dactyls, I swat them with my hat. I'll have no truck with trochees, coz life's too short for that. Seriously I'm not qualified. I mean a metre is made up of feet? Like what?
I'm good at...
Nit picking. Spotting big fat slabs of exposition pretending to be dialogue. Fighting my way out of paper bags.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that might be expected to rhyme or scan but doesn't.
Favorite Item Types
Personal preference is narrative fiction.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Haunted Requiem  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I thought this was quite effective... The first para has an intriguing valence and going forward, there's just enough context without being heavy handed with exposition.
A few things concerned me though - like para 3. My plaintive babble rings out clear within the closet... The character's in a cupboard? If so the idea doesn't seem to be followed through. Or is there some other reading of this? Generally I think staging is overly ambiguous. Ok, the voice is generally ambiguous so it's consistent I guess but as regards staging I think the staging could be tighter.
With each passing day she watches over me, At First reading I thought this indicated we had shifted temporal perspective but apparently not.
All in all, an interesting exercise in narrative impressionism. Vaguely poe? Or ecco? (Or maybe that's just a closet thing.)
or Ecco?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of Chapter 1  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
I had lost confidence in the writing by the close of the first para.
Four identically structured sentences. He..., he..., he..., he...
Then a bland language choice: He jumped down from the four foot truck. Really? No attempt to identify genre or epoch. Was it a dirty diesel, battle - scarred diesel? A tesla? A horse drawn vehicle?
Next few paragraphs are I think wrong. Yes, they offer some visual detail but we the reader are supposed to be in the mind of the protagonist and he shouldn't be reviewing his fancy armour he should be focused on his goal and telling us why we should care.
Also to my mind the tenses need work.
By this point I'd had enough. If I had picked this up in a bookshop I'd now put it down again. Doesn't pass the scan test.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Amusing and entertaining story in a Pratchett sort of line. The ending is decent too.

some points:
the transition from straight fantasy to office parody is good. the point though takes a good few lines to develop, II wondered if it could be more punchy? the orcs enter & immediately react to the strange office environment.

The end - I wondered the warlords point might be come across stronger if some of it came from the orcs.
I haven’t had that good a laugh in a long time.
You mean those bulls*** rules were bulls***? (for example)
Good luck and keep on pushing those buttons


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of The Loss  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Enjoyable short. Love the formatting wish I could get mine to look like this. I have a few comments but they're all either trivial typos and a couple of ambiguous stylistic choices.

Some typos: line 2 extra "

What had started out as just a short drive...
awkward unnecessary repetition of short drive concept in two consecutive sentences. combine?

ems better than commas for the y, y, stutter?

–no, needed --
using Word? it's failed auto the two minuses into an em here.

whispered, “The sound has started.
lowercase t inside quotes following comma I believe?

Not sure, why the single quotes on the final dialog line.

capital J on jeep. I mean yeah, for the brand, but when used as a generic sort of vehicle type? not sure.

not sure I entirely (at all) understood the ending but I'd rather have that some off pat cliche.

very good.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
On rereading this piece it occurs to me I may have substantially got the wrong end of the stick (as we say in England.)
I am therefore editing my review.
I should like to point out that, AFAIK the term is straight-faced.
A strait is a body of water.
Good luck with your writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was great. The author has a real sense of comedy. From the great choice of name - Budsworth - presumably he's some kind of stoner detective, through the comic description of the sniffing mourners, and the OTT macho sheriff, it's comic genius. Akin perhaps to Robert Anton Wilson in style.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting. I didn't know the Jade Rabbit story. style is very tell-y but I guess that's folk tales for you. Seems an authentic take on the tale as far as I am capable to judge.

For some reason one para (5 I think) is in a different tense (present). seems to be an error.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
interesting account. some very minor formatting issues - a misplaced space, capital K in ...Hughes Boys Knew...
ending could has the barebones of a payoff but it could be a bit more vivid. instead of letting the father speak for himself it goes into second hand reporting of what he said which kills the mood a bit:
He went on to say that we were...

nonetheless very good.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.5)
An intriguing poem. Mechanics - spelling grammar etc - all seem to be faultless.
I'm a bit of a stickler for form so I applaud the attention to rhyme, tightly structured stanzas and good scanning. Some interesting word choices to.

I'm not sure I get all the meanings contained within but that's something to ponder on going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Review of The Unopened Door  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Intriguing. The first paragraph is an fine piece of prose poetry in itself. mechanics are handled professionally. spelling, grammar, formatting all seem faultless. and the plot rolls smoothly on to a kind of inexorable end.

if I had one criticism it would be I found the pov's lack of reaction at the moment they find themselves apparently trapped in a coffin to be unconvincing. I expected some reaction - panic, suppressed panic, maudlin acceptance of a reserved fate, something, but we are given nothing at that point.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice short story. Strong central idea. Good opening line. worth dramatizing the summary sections in a show-not-tell manner perhaps?

[You seem to have fanned me, and for this I send you my thanks. I can only assume however that it was a slip of an aberrant mouse since I haven't put anything new on here in about a gazillion years. And I would like to assure you in strong but polite terms that it is a most serious error of judgment bordering perhaps on some kind of reckless temporary insanity brought on, no doubt, by the stress of modern life bearing cruelly upon a finely tuned aesthetic sensibility. At least that's what I told the police last night. And the hospital people for that matter. But hey! I'm out again and that's the main thing.]

Best Wishes. Good luck with your writing.

Nb: Please disregard at least some parts of this Communication as they are a tissue of lies so thin you'd be ill advised to try to blow your nose on them.
which parts? Of that, I leave you to be the judge.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review of Scurry, Scurry  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is fun though I'm not sure what if anything it means. A reflection on time, death and how pushed and pulled by those absolutes we hurry along on our brief and mostly purposeless trajectories.
Simple, affective and well executed so who could complain abut that.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Ok, Read that. Not so much to say really *Smile*. Nothing much bad at any rate. Minor stuff.

Being a child... it's Telling, and also probably unnecessary. We already know she's gripping clever, why not cut the boilerplate and go directly in at the powerful bit: I fancied…

The cold of the ground froze my toes. I could not feel whether I ran on the ground or flew above it.
These 2 seem to both contradict and repeat themselves at the same time. How about joining them with until & eliminating the repetition by changing 2nd ground to Earth?

Liked the humour: People love to help ax-wielding maniacs…

Later in Ben’s song: The walls were marked,
Marked? Pretty bland. Finely carved by the lost elven way? Scoured by foul claws? drawn by fingers in blood? cunningly wrought by etc etc. Missed opportunity…

fought like badgers… pretty well then, but i wonder is that common knowledge?

Shaman… just idly in passing I wondered whether it would be interesting to invent a female form, something obvious, a little tweek, shamanya, shamani, hmm… this is not really within my remit…

Hunger gnawed… why does hunger always gnaw? A fresher turn of phrase?

I stole away like a pickpocket...
That worried me somewhat. The stealing a pickpocket does is close but not precisely the same verb as stole away leading the simile to feel to me a bit confused.

Finally back at my alley, I missed the ratspiders a score of times.
Missed how? With the cleaver I suppose? Possible to miss-interpret missed as wished there were some left. 'again' clears it up but until then the ambiguity hangs.

All in all, I would say ch.2 is 90% sweet. It does it's job. Making ch.1 the best introduction to this world it absolutely possibly can be, that's the big thing. first chapters have such a hard job... I can never let things lie so I may well have more thoughts later.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Plot is interesting and conflict ridden. I had some issues though.
in vi even on 2nd reading I'm not at all sure who the pov character is. it doesn't seem to me there is one - there isn't very much that could be internal dialog.
in vii i had to get to the end of the para to work out the 'she' is Shannon and she's dreaming. And after that there's about 20 lines of essentially talking heads.
it seems to me that the adoption of a clear pov character would strengthen the message. when events happen and no pov character comments on them i find it's harder for me as a reader to be sure what judgement the author intends me to make of them. at the end of the day i suppose it comes down to style. some popular writers don't do it. Anne Perry comes to mind and i find reading her difficult. at the very least it's a missed opportunity for expression.
regards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
the technical stuff is all well executed here and the style is clear and direct. and the first paragraph successfully evokes pain and hunger. but after that hum.
Now I'm not the target demographic, I'm far too old and mean, but, how to put it... I found this pretty hard going. Slow that is. ch2 just seems to be introductions.
I'm really not sure about the enterprise of following a life from birth, i think it's generally a bad choice as it's real hard to do well.
have you read 'the art of racing in the rain'? flawed maybe, but nonetheless really poignant dog pov novel.
also we're seeing the world from misty's pov and at 6 months this kitten knows what a time bomb is? i guess she watches at a lot of 24 reruns on netflux.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting. I don't know what to make of it but it is evocative and executed with style.
two bits jarred...
He wishes he could be frantic - that, at least, would feel reasonable.
was that supposed to feel odd? Surely frantic is something other than reasonable?
Also But he has only the energy to be mildly frustrated. The mildly seems like a bit of a mood killer. seemed to me his mood was more like some kind of insatiable burning gnawing frustration not a mild one.
thanks


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (2.5)
Certainly a topical piece with some interesting word choices.
But for me the interest in poetry comes from the cleverness of construction.
I think it was Robert Frost who quipped that writing free verse is like playing tennis without a net.
I'd say it was more like Sudoku without the boxes. So I feel obliged to deduct a point for no rhymes and another for no regular stanza form.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
interesting world nicely built with a few deft touches.
however there were bits I didn't get.
'came face to face with an old one...' was that the wolf? as a reader i would have liked to have seen this character more clearly.
My main problem though was that by the middle of the chapter i was feeling quite a bit lost as to what was at stake here. that first encounter could have been an opportunity.
later on 'An imaginary ghost of my uncle that stood on the stairs.' not a complete sentence. had to read the whole paragraph before gettting it.
at least one typo. wising=wishing i think. and i'd have said the past tense of to slink was slunk but maybe both are seen...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.0)
An ambitious story that isn't afraid to tackle difficult material and which has some poignant human moments.

Unfortunately, about half of the text is taken up by this found letter, and for me it didn't work. i found it dry. it removed the life from these terrible events. it wasn't drama to my mind but narration. maybe if the material had been in the form of a conversation?

so my rating is really about a 4.5 for the second half which was great and maybe a 2 for the first which I can't say I was so keen on. I'm sorry that averaged out it looks a bit mean.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Review of D is for Monkey  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Fantastic first line and some other great turns of phrase. Well sustained sense of dread. But I found the air-conditioning line rather jarring. Air-conditioning is for the riders comfort and it seemed out of place.
And unfortunately I got lost towards the end.
Suddenly, the screen comes to life...
What screen? Is he watching a movie?
Where did the monkey come from? Nothing that came before suggested it. And why is is letter D? Perhaps it is the nature of dreams not to make sense, but I think it might have been more satisfying if the monkey motif had appeared benignly early on.
Anyway, main thing is the writing was affective. Made me think of the King in Yellow. As for the rest, I expect I'm missing the point.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting. Some good scenes.
I don't see the point of the first scene. The whole Jim Amy thing just seems to bog the plot down. I mean, do we don't see them again? If we need to prove Jim's love have Rita blurt out how the last thing he did was email her or whatever. Same with scene2. I don't think we need to know why Rita's circumstances changed. More interesting to hide it. Give her issues but don't tell us why. Later force her into an emotional crisis where she snaps and tells us.
My pennyworth.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
An interesting but of writing with an intriguing premise and plenty of conflict.

Unfortunately I was lost. The first para has this character Gordon, but after his problem, we move into an I voice. I presume the I is not Gordon but I wasn't sure. I know authors shouldn't over-explain but i felt the confusion marred my appreciation of the rest of the text. If i had picked this up as a book while tempted to read on i don't think i would.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
Review of Confessional  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
There are some intriguing imagery and imaginative word choices here that make for an ethereal experience.

On the downside i felt that more attention to the rhythm of the piece could have benefits. at least for me it was hard to read smoothly. i found the stresses uncomfortable to articulate.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review of Eyes of Mist  
for entry "5 - Dark Journey" 
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Some interesting and natural interactions that flesh out the characters quite a bit and an exciting cliff-hanger ending.

And hooray! at last Tamaril does something. Unfortunately he suddenly seems to be an entirely different character and after all the stuff that's happened he chooses now to get p*d off? Don't get his character arc...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
for entry "The Watchdragons" 
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
More interesting conflict and some self-doubt on the part of the protagonist.

It's a shame the guard pulled his punches though. Character got lucky i guess. Let's the tension down.

[the usual trope in this position is to introduce a powerful character, what will they do? of course they bawl out the minor character. Hey maybe they aren't so bad... of course later we learn they have their own agenda.]


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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