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Review Requests: ON
420 Public Reviews Given
424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Mostly just bitchin'. If it's great writing I switch over to nit-picking but usually I'll find something to like. Please don't ask me to review poetry unless you're either James Fenton, Seamus Heaney or thick skinned as an elephant... I absolutely hate bad poetry. I'm the terror of the dactyls, I swat them with my hat. I'll have no truck with trochees, coz life's too short for that. Seriously I'm not qualified. I mean a metre is made up of feet? Like what?
I'm good at...
Nit picking. Spotting big fat slabs of exposition pretending to be dialogue. Fighting my way out of paper bags.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that might be expected to rhyme or scan but doesn't.
Favorite Item Types
Personal preference is narrative fiction.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ho ho. Very good. Rhymes, scans and tells an interesting story too. The ending is successful in offering a poignant and amusing twist to the story.

'detents' is an imaginative usage though I'm not entirely sure it rhymes with 'resents', at least in my part of the world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting short piece. The mechanics, formatting etc are flawless as far as I can see.

The jump from antiquity to 1700 might have been smoother and some consideration of the decline in lighthouse keeping duties in the twentieth century might have added a poignancy at the end.

Also, I didn't get 'It burned brighter than any other lens and gave off the effect of being seen from the side.'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review of Terror...  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm afraid I didn't get this at all. I had some difficulty imagining the split screen thing (is there no screenwriting convention for indicating that stuff?)

I'm willing to believe it might be more effective on screen but ultimately nothing seemed to happen. Some dude has some dynamite. That's all? My grandad used to keep dynamite in the kitchen cupboard. Used it for shifting rocks in the garden. Not inherently exciting.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An interesting point of view and a poignant if low key ending make for a satisfactorily rounded story.

We don't ever really get any deep insight into the POV and that's a bit disappointing but, given the premise, I suppose it's only to be expected.

Formatting and other mechanics seem flawless.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
A young man never taught
No smoking please in the court?
A lady with a judges gavel
Does, I see, prepare to travel.
She clearly must avoid the monkey
Come next line she's but a flunkey.

A motor car without warning?
Now I see the gap is yawning.
A kingly fellow who's just messin'
Surely he should learn his lesson?

Confidence comes in a spray can,
Under arm it saves his day plan.
Goodness knows! He says he can't?
Well I'll be a maiden aunt!

The unit of measure is an inch.
Nearly over, mustn't flinch.
Are we sure they sing with pride?
Actually I think they've died.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.5)
A moving poem about the dangers of blind allegiance. I can't adequately review it so here's a repost I wrote, vaguely inspired by spike milligan:

Rudyard Kipling was quite barmy
To see his son into the army
Sadly Johnny was quite blighted
The poor fellow was short-sighted.
But Earl Roberts pulled some strings
And soon there was one less Kipling.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review of Bones  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I thought this was great character driven writing. Exposition is nicely worked in.

However in the end I felt somewhat let down. Yes the death of a pet is tragic, but the creepy tension that had been so carefully established just seemed to fade away to disillusion. Maybe that's the point... Perhaps there's more? I think a powerful ending would be err... more powerful...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of Apartment 15  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A engaging short story executed with enviable simplicity. Dialogue is natural and the writing is clear. Didn't spot any mechanics errors.

Ending is a decent twist. The whole 'man of science' is a bit dated perhaps, but it's the sort of thing Poe did all the time, and it's done with a light touch.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review of SEASON ONE  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
First off I have to say I think the mechanics here are great. The writing is clear and all that.

However, I don't at all see that the narrative structure is compelling. We seem to have long sections of meeting interspersed with breaks to a smug scientist. Yes, it's kind of like Heinlein, but take that as you wish.

Let's assume we are vaguely in X-files territory with high tech craft that may involve stolen ufo tech pursued by shadowy military agencies... how would they do it? They'd start with a disturbing encounter scene (usually a cop car attends an incident in a pine forest at night de dum de da) then there might be a brief briefing and things would unfold through action on the ground.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
This has elements that are very good. It reminded me of something of Kafka's. 'the Giant Mole' I think it was called. The Yah and Weh sequence I thought stood out.

Ultimately however I'm not sure I liked it. The start is rather slow and I felt I would have preferred it if it stuck to the core question as the the legitimacy of the journal. I didn't see what the material on quantum indeterminacy added to the narrative.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting premise and a very distinct voice. Great names too.

On the downside, I believed Slearch was dead the first time, and by the fifth time it was becoming irritating. I didn't like the use of present tense. I felt maybe the ending wasn't as strong as the rest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
Review of Black Eagle  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a substantial piece of work and effectively executed. Formatting and writing are clear and accessible.

I have to wonder though: was there any need to slow down the beginning with detailed profiles of the crew during a mission? They might have been better observed over a debrief.

Is Capt. severus interesting enough to warrant receiving character focus as much as he does?

None of the characters are very deeply drawn. There's good use of sound but not much visual description. Only smell I noticed was 'the smell of death'.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
I guess this just isn't my thing.

The reader is plunged into a sea of metaphor with little anchoring.

Just taking one element, 'cold, white-blue shades of ice reached out through the crimson shadows - begging for sanity'

I mean aside from the duplication in telling me ice is cold, how does ice beg for sanity? It puts up cold wet paws perhaps?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review of INTO THE BONEYARD  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nicely done. Good atmosphere and pacing. Perfect formatting makes for an easy clear read.

First paragraph succinctly establishes characters and stakes. After that the tension builds. Ending ok. It might possibly be regarded as a bit formulaic but heck this is a genre story after all.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
140
140
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The story itself is fairly interesting.

Unfortunately it could do with attention regarding editing.

There's a certain number of spelling errors and missing punctuation.

Besides that 3 out of the first 6 dialogue lines start with 'well'. The first one also contains a sense that should be since I think.

Tense seems to flip between past and present.

The phrase 'our story starts' appearing in the halfway into the 2nd chapter of a novel made me smile.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
141
141
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.0)
I have to say I found this prose pretty difficult. Both the paras and the sentences I found overly long.

I'm not against long sentences, but they need to be good, careful sentences.

Take 'In the final cinematic scene between the two eternal archenemies, Robert Downing Jr's Sherlock Holmes engaged the nefarious James Moriarty (played by Jared Harris) in a climactic battle of logic and theory, hypothetically testing each other's strengths, weaknesses, and every factor that made them who they were.'

Does that makes sense? I can't tell. Is it clear? No. The first clause has RDJ as subject but then it has an enormous relative (possibly adjectival) sub-clause tacked on where RDJ and JH are both subjects.

I was left really unsure what the piece is trying to say.

The first para suggests the theme is something to do with Sherlock Holmes or possibly logic vs theory but we finish on the perils of poor communication.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
142
142
Review of The Book  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I found Deal an uninteresting character whom I had no desire to know more about. The writing is somewhat distant and I guess that's part of it.

Some of the language lost me.
'All at once, they darted from the trees and dashed across the steamy meadow having reasoned enough troops for battle.'

reasoned they had enough troops perhaps?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
143
143
Review of The Flawed Gods  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The first section seems to lack any meaningful anchoring beyond we're in a field. The somewhat abstract discussion doesn't do much to illuminate character or create a compelling reason to read on.
After that we get into some antagonism between the POV and some other folk the identity of whom was lost on me.

'Did I wait too long? Is it too late?'
Err yes. It is.

I had to agree with the POV 'There was no motivation to continue except for my guilt'.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
144
144
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Nice bit of world building accomplished with aplomb.
Unfortunately I just didn't get the ending. Why would the captain of this spaceship from another star system be under any obligation to prove anything to residents of an alien planet by means of 'images to prove it'? Once they are ly away how would it even be an issue?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
145
145
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is pretty good but I think you're right the ending isn't exactly right.

In my opinion, the issue is the beginning: to suggest that the ghost is this otherwise unseen Gibson Crumb is an unnecessary distraction.

One possible approach: Have Corky show Harlan the figure and question who it could be. Have Harlan rack his brains because there is something strangely familiar about it. Then possibly have Curly suggest it's Gibson...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
146
146
Review of I am a Ninja!  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Amusing and the dialogue is pretty good but for me the ending doesn't work. I don't mean to be mean but these are not ninjas but ninjnas. If it wasn't the ending I could let it go but the ending, the final closure thingy is surely critical (I know I am).
Also it's a bit talking heads.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
147
147
Review of The Road  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting, evocative and well written.
However I felt some confusion. There seemed every reason to assume the 'big man' and the 'boss' referred to the same person yet I wasn't sure. Also the man who appears to be the 'boss' refers to meeting the 'boss today'. I was lost.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
148
148
Review of The First Lord  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The scene with the dwarf is quite funny and reminiscent of the Monty python holy Grail bridge scene, and the plot was interesting enough for me to get to the end.
There were some nice turns of phrase but overall I thought the language was often sloppy and could have benefited from more work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
149
149
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
A perfect save the cat if there ever was one. Great opening paragraph. Action is gripping and the characters are nicely drawn. I think we probably all know someone who'd sink the ship to save a kitten.
I didn't get the ending. It seemed a little flat. Some wry observation to illuminate character or tie the end to the beginning...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
150
150
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hum. This island should come with a health warning.
First sentence doesn't make sense as it stands. Proprioception is weak. Nothing between landing plane and kicking off shoes? I'm sceptical the poverty character needs to 'deep' and 'gaze'. Surely everything described is his pov?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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