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Review Requests: ON
420 Public Reviews Given
424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Mostly just bitchin'. If it's great writing I switch over to nit-picking but usually I'll find something to like. Please don't ask me to review poetry unless you're either James Fenton, Seamus Heaney or thick skinned as an elephant... I absolutely hate bad poetry. I'm the terror of the dactyls, I swat them with my hat. I'll have no truck with trochees, coz life's too short for that. Seriously I'm not qualified. I mean a metre is made up of feet? Like what?
I'm good at...
Nit picking. Spotting big fat slabs of exposition pretending to be dialogue. Fighting my way out of paper bags.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that might be expected to rhyme or scan but doesn't.
Favorite Item Types
Personal preference is narrative fiction.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is SN area where I struggle so this interesting and compact summary of the field is welcome. The links are worth pursuing too. I can't imagine how professionals keep up with their characters over long running series. Even with a profile I think I'd soon be lost.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
A nest of tables is a thing of evil
Ever been to ikea? you'll get the idea...
Underneath the newspapers a nest of weevils
Multi-legged, crawling things, some with wings
Among headlines of worlds evils
They chews over the news
Consuming violence medieval
Black and white? Nay! Exuded shades of grey.
Insect mind incapable of retrieval
Has no leaning to meaning.
We search for emotions primeval
In lines full of rhymes
Yet what causes upheaval
But verses and curses?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A story with a clear message. The reveal in paragraphs three and four makes for a good hook. The ending is effective.

Unfortunately it's told rather than dramatised. A bit of drama and dialogue would lift it considerably. How did the perp get in? Did eyes meet? Did the minister look at him at all? What does the officer think? Any sympathy anywhere? Maybe years ago the officer kicked the habit himself?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Proceeding fairly linearly, by paragraph 5 we have had very little anchoring. There is no indication what country we're in (except it's hot) or what century (other than speeding is possible and the bike is invented). Later on we find the pov doesn't know, but she can see and she is proceeding with painful slowness, she ought to notice things, clue us up.

'- her atrophied and tired too weak to keep her arm in the air.' Don't think this sub clause makes sense.

After that it trips along nicely.

Maybe people speak like this in El Paso but something you did in the past you 'used to do'.

'Start from the beginning' jarred. I'd 'start at'. For that matter, why not just 'The beginning, Miss.'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Nicely sustained dark tale.

I have to take issue with the dialogue tags though. People mutter. Fine. And there's also a lot of spoke-ing which I think sounds bad but Ok that's probably just me... however they also remark, chime, shout and joke. At one point someone 'sprung' something. Please... (strangled cry dies away to hollow echoing rattle) there's no need. For the most part said would be fine.
Also (I'm not great at speech formatting) some of the caps looked off to me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of Evil's Fingers  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well sustained fairy tale voice.

Several mechanics issues:
At least two missing opening quotes. 'unusual amount of disappearances'. Disappearances is a discrete known so it has a 'number's. Destroy is in one place 'destory'.

'began to see all manner of fantastical things in the sky' cries out to be shown not told.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review of Proverbs  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting work. First paragraph is a decent hook and a succession of others follow. Clues are nicely placed though at least one might be more subtle.

Temporal changes and scene changes aren't always that clear. I didn't get the mirror thing. If was hiding through a mirror beyond which was a ladder descending to a lake of fire I'd hang on the top rung, not descend. Metaphorical I guess. Plus if he's descended to hell, why is he back in the forest in the next scene?

Tone is nicely maintained and mechanics are good.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Engaging piece depicting an emotional family incident. Shame there wasn't more dialogue as it lifts the whole thing. Ending has poignancy. Formatting is clear, and Spelling and grammar are good.

Personally I'd ditch the somewhat dubious and unnecessary first paragraph.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting article that highlights the the lack of effective controls over the tech giants. We should applaud those who speak out.

The situation is Orwellian. Take eBay. They have about 27 ways you can report a 'bad' item to them but none of them is 'item is misrepresented'. Like Google, eBay doesn't care. No fraud is reported because no fraud can be reported; in the newspeak feedback mechanisms there is no such list item; no such word.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting and well thought out system. Nice to see the drawbacks thought out too. All powerful magic quickly gets dull.

As it's a personal take, there isn't much one can say, but if I understand it correctly, there doesn't seem to be anything like alchemy in this system.

It's perhaps also worth noting that star wars was at its strongest when the magic (the force) went unanalysed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A nice rounded tale which us compact and well written. Dialogue is natural. Ending follows naturally from the build up. Spelling and grammar seem impeccable.

I wasn't entirely convinced by the sudden onset of Homeless Guys antagonism to Stanley but as a plot device it works.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review of Liar's Deathbed  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I didn't get the emotional development here.
'his wife and his children would never leaf through the photo albums' none of them? Not ever? The reactions seems to flow from something other than what is presented.

'suddenly more welcome one with each passing second.' This seems like a linguistic contradiction.
'He turned his gaze back to her, not wanting to reveal just how cowardly he felt.' The superficial contradiction here seems to require more than 'But also' to motivate it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88
88
Review of Four Way Stop  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An interesting voice combined with a curious premise makes for a combination that reminds me of Robert Rankin.

Suspension of disbelief is nicely done thanks perhaps to the POV's I've-seen-it-all attitude.

Mechanics appear faultless.

Inciting incident seems to be completely deus ex but, in a short, so what...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
89
Review of Death Race  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
An interesting premise executed with faultless attention to detail. I am reminded of that seventies film in which Michael York flees life in the domes to meet, as far as I recall, a senile Peter Ustinov.

Things I didn't like: I thought the cold precise voice of the narrator somewhat drained the final action sequence of emotion. Quell lives in an immortal society but I didn't get his personal motive fir seeking death. To return that film, in that the POV eventually returns (classic heroes journey) and achieves personal and social redemption. Whereas this seems to be an elegy to hopelessness.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
90
90
Review of Transformation  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
An interesting tale. Kind of reminds one of the Kafka beetle story.

A few issues:'grown a tumour in a day’s time.' sounds like a future construction. In the last twenty-four hours? 'Shock and disbelieve' surely 'Shock and disbelief'?

I think I'd have liked it better if the dude escaped to the sea or whatever...'I knew what I had to do, I stumbled down the stairs past the blue rinses, I flapped across the road, the water glistened...'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
91
91
Review of Rockabee  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting well executed tale story with some nice turns of phrase. By the end the word Gran seems to echo with resonances of Bran (the epic character to the breakfast cereal component).

Evokes both Irish folktales but also the troll work of Terry Pratchett.

Certainly more interesting than my trip to Cong where the greatest conflict arose from having a pregnant partner and finding, or rather not finding, any public toilet facilities.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
92
92
Review of The Seventh Day  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Nice intro. Good foreshadowing of ending. Clear formatting makes for an easy read. Situation is clear and clearly painful.

I found the 'No woman...' section jarring. I mean I get he's sarcastic ('he laughed aloud') and a bit crazy, but to follow with 'foolish to hope someone would befriend him' still seemed a bit odd. Worry about the rough chafing garments, the risk of infection. But socialising? Come to think of it, what is he wearing?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
93
93
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Strong start and the character exposition us done with a nice light touch. Situations has interesting conflict and stakes. Use of smell modality is refreshing as so many ignore it.

Unfortunately after a good start thus slips out of dramatisation and into narrative summary. 'She was frightened' is about the worst. Pov character experiencing strong emotion at the very climax of the story and it's told not shown.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
94
94
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
This argument presupposes that the human God created the universe.

But why? It's an assumption. The God who supposedly created the Genesis gig might have been an advanced but ultimately physical being whose remains are out there still 9n planet XG1471 or wherever. One day human travellers might find his dessicated crumbled skeleton and perhaps a note: 'I waited my people, but I am old now, and you never came...'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review of Cordeila  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An interesting ghost story with some affective scenes.

A few things concerned me. I thought the formatting was a bit rough. I thought maybe some genre foreshadowing might not have gone amiss in order to make the experience seem more in keeping with what's gone before. Also the change of poverty in the final scene felt a bit odd though i see how it's necessary. I wonder if changing the first scene to teacher poverty would balance things? It would also give useful external view of the main focal character.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.0)
A boy and a dragon. The seaside and evidence that suggests smuggling. Classic kids adventure material. Spelling seems perfect.

It's quite a short fragment but it's got several typos and the formatting is a bit clunky. Proprioception and sensory detail are not strong.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
97
97
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Clear straightforward writing and an interesting Poe-ish tale.

Unfortunately I didn't quite get the end. It seems Stubbins had a change of heart about the denial. but why is the letter an old one? it struck me there was more poignancy could have been extracted from this.

also 'Research indicated the population was a result of nature, being unable to support more due to terrain, geography and the vagaries of weather.' struck me as an awkward sentence.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Most amusing. Is that an 'romantic' subtext? Well why not...

I was a little bit taken aback by the 'crowd of curiosity seekers' who suddenly barged into my readerky vision. they kind of jarred with the initial image I had built up of an apparently lonely field in early morning. Otherwise impeccable.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review of Hours of Fate  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.0)
Mechanics here seem flawless; spelling grammar etc.

I don't see what it really has to do with the shut restaurant. the gods might as well have been on a cloud or mount Olympus. it wouldn't make any difference.

the eco point is potentially interesting but it comes across as a lecture and is mostly 'talking heads'. sensory anchoring is sparse.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting and informative piece.

I don't really get what is wrong with the writing though. Excessive telling was the idiom of the day so I don't see that as too big a fault. it might have been helpful to quote some examples.

so many books are unrecognisable following the transition to screenplay. Fleming for example. often the process distills a rambling narrative into something powerful and concise.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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