*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rmcgee/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: ON
420 Public Reviews Given
424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Mostly just bitchin'. If it's great writing I switch over to nit-picking but usually I'll find something to like. Please don't ask me to review poetry unless you're either James Fenton, Seamus Heaney or thick skinned as an elephant... I absolutely hate bad poetry. I'm the terror of the dactyls, I swat them with my hat. I'll have no truck with trochees, coz life's too short for that. Seriously I'm not qualified. I mean a metre is made up of feet? Like what?
I'm good at...
Nit picking. Spotting big fat slabs of exposition pretending to be dialogue. Fighting my way out of paper bags.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that might be expected to rhyme or scan but doesn't.
Favorite Item Types
Personal preference is narrative fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 ... Next
101
101
Review of A Puzzle in Love  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I had no idea what we were supposed to think about the pov. she has some painful back story which seems to be quite interesting. unfortunately the experiences related here seem somewhat meaningless.

dialogue doesn't come across as natural but maybe that's how lit students talk.

ending is an odd mash up of repeated phrases.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
102
102
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Seems like an interesting premise. this would be chapbook or YA I suppose? What are you looking at? A sort of skulduggery pleasant tone? Strong female pov? magic?

I guess making this work is gonna have a lot to do with choosing appropriate opposition.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
103
103
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice little self contained piece.

'Their was' should be 'There was'. capitalisation of Martian varies. Not sure about the word snow in the last line. think i would be tempted to remain in character and use 'white stuff' again. i think people would get it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
104
104
Review of Celestial  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An interesting intro and some nice turns of phrase make this quite compelling writing.

unfortunately I couldn't make out what was going on. the blade mens and something heavy hits the floor. what? the head presumably. but it doesn't affect the character and a bit later he seems to be worrying about the length of his hair. so maybe it was just hair... but then what was the heavy thing. whose eyes is he looking at? rise of his own head perhaps? maybe it was his head after all? i gave up.

i think seeing double spacing to give space between paras would aid readability.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
105
105
Review of Loving Ghost  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Formatting is clear. dialogue is natural.

ultimately however I didn't get this. OK the guy's a ghost and we have conflict but how does the lover get in the box? if it's simply an unexplained paranormal agency then why bother focusing on the physical movements of Pedro so closely? also the ending, she managed to fit into a coffin next to a dead guy at all (these things aren't built for two)? and she did so without noticing the cold dead thing beside her that smelt rather less than fresh?

a 'lightning bolt struck' is such a clichéd phrase. are we to take it literally out as a mental event?

at least one typo 'He wanted to rub he eyes'.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
106
106
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
An engaging piece that shows less can be more. Interesting conflict can be found in little things.

Not sure about the ending. It seems to be somewhat Deus Ex.

Also the hymn titles seem to be inconsistently formatted. Mostly they are quoted but towards the end they go into italics.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
107
107
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
What's not to like? It's funny. Hamster prison! Great notion.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
108
108
Review of Last Pictures  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
I didn't get this. As far as I can see, there's nothing to show what did happen to Donna.

Dialogue is natural. It's an easy read.

For the gimmicky, temps is presumably 'temperature is' contracted and therefore should be temp's.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
109
109
Review of Day 18 - 2.13.13  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting work.

Most pieces default to a visual aesthetic that excludes all others. But here, in contrast we have a tyranny of smell.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
110
110
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
A compelling first para (though it might be good if it tied in more to the end. Perhaps referenced the family members we see there.)

Imagery if falling person seen in windows is fleeting but vivid.

Final twist is effective, though I think it could be stronger. For example the pov could have used his four seconds to reflect on something that reframes his experience of them.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
111
111
Review of Blood Works  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a substantial piece with a lot of interest. The characters are interesting and the writing has an enviable directness (murder those darlings murder).

What I particularly liked was that the pov didn't know everything about their world. They express surprise about the blood colour.

One meets so many pov who would have wasted no time going into paragraphs of explanation about it (goodness knows how some characters know all this...)

There were a few technical things I didn't likely e.g. present tense (ew!) and I think a white line between paras aid readability. Also at least one grammatical (feelings plural with singular verb). However the writing was sufficiently compelling that I was willing to ignore those minor issues.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
Review of Screaming Kettles  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Starts well with a good initial hook. Characters and dialogue are nicely done. Exposition very natural.

Final image is quite strong, though I thought the ending as a whole was a bit weak compared with the rest. The boys characters seem to lose coherence.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
113
113
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hmm the return of 'captain info dump'... Seriously there's a lot of telling and narrative summary here and at least some if it is avoidable.

'were covered with cloaks to protect them'
Why not some action? Have them pull their cloaks closer?

'the building was extremely beautiful' Great. I'd like to see that beautiful inn.

Spelling and formatting are impeccable. World building and characters are the best bit I think.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
114
114
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I didn't get what I was supposed to feel about the protagonist at all. One minute I get the impression we're in a buddy, movie, another it's a romantic comedy and we end up in Lee Child or something. I don't get what make the POV so self destructive. He could as Shelley says 'walk away from this'. Sure they're gonna work him over a bit but he's a tough Guy. He can take it.

Some nice turns of phrase including 'conduct my symphony of steel'.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
115
115
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
An decent tale. The ending seemed a little low key so I wonder if it's part of something bigger?

Double spacing between paras would have enhanced readability. Some of the language seems a bit cumbersome. 'They had traveled too far for his wife, the man knew...' why not the simpler 'He knew they had traveled too far for his wife...' Also who is 'the man'? I guess it's done to avoid repeating 'Ethan' so often. If so I thought 'he' would be preferable.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
116
116
Review of The Armory  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I didn't understand the puzzle at all or why the answer was 7. Eight doors, eight numbers and a question mark whatever that means. It was all too profound for me.

I didn't get why Dochia was do affected by Duncan's behaviour or why the characters were all so cross with each other.

Or why Peter carried a stone filled tree. Surely if you want to weaponise a tree you put the stones on the outside. Inside just makes it heavy to carry. Questions... always questions...

Clear formatting makes for an easy read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
117
117
Review of Spare Change  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hum. I think I'm probably even more confused than the POV. Two girls spend their days hanging out at the local mall and amuse themselves convincing the simple minded they're some kind of angelic beings? The phrase 'divided for the sake of union' comes to mind... How I wish I had more important things to do.

Mechanics seem flawless.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
118
118
Review of Life on a Loop  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
This was too difficult for me. I didn't get the point of the first half. Graham is born and has a disappointing life. So what? It touches on hell and gold... Maybe that's the point.

The piece picks up with the Satan sequence which is quite funny. Unfortunately I didn't get the end. The wooden door is no good, but then it is? And then there's a scream from above? I was lost.

Spelling, grammar etc appear perfect.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
119
119
Review of ICEBERG  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting piece. I hadn't heard of reality meditation. I'll have to check it out. Could be good for creativity? Seems to touch on that NLP concept... framing? But oh for double paragraph breaks.

Made me quite disappointed to hear titanic II has been cancelled (not that that detracts from the piece).


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
120
120
Review of Mary  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Scourge is certainly an interesting character and if I remember correctly this part of a larger story. Mechanics here are good and it's an easy read.

Maybe there's more to Mary's story but I didn't think this brief episode stood very well on it's own. She comes, she wants, she goes away.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
121
121
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is pretty well executed. Dialogue is natural. Mechanics are good, making for an easy read. Pacing is good and builds quite nicely.

Unfortunately, I don't know if this is part of something bigger, I didn't get it. Maybe I missed something?

What was Natasha?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
122
122
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A pleasant story with some nice turns of phrase and interesting characterisation.

Unfortunately there seem to be some unsettling POV issues. POV is mostly 3rd person focussed but skips into 3rd person omniscient at times (head skipping). Tense is mostly past but now and then slips into present.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
123
123
Review of FOREVER  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting voice. Formatting is nice making for an easy read. The ending has poignancy though it seems to contradict the tone of the intro para with it's 'Time. I have plenty...'

I wonder whether this was the best posdible ending? Might the ancient being weeping over the billions of years of darkness he must now spend alone have been more powerful?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
124
124
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Mechanics are flawless which makes for an easy read. The premise certainly contains a strong conflict.

Unfortunately there's a lot of narrative summary and the characters are not deeply drawn. Does the lieutenant actually face a dilemma? He raises a moral question but he doesn't seem to face any meaningful choice. Perhaps the companion piece will make things clearer.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
125
125
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is really very good. There was wist is very good. There was a lot of world building and expo to get through and it's handled easily, almost imperceptibly.

I think if I'd been Prell I'd have switched to 'kill' at the loss of the fist crew member but then I'm not a murderous bipedal rhino (no really). The 'Pern' noun in the first sentence as is a bit difficult to interpret in that context and is somewhat jarring. The second occurrence runs much smoother.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
196 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 8 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rmcgee/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5