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420 Public Reviews Given
424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Mostly just bitchin'. If it's great writing I switch over to nit-picking but usually I'll find something to like. Please don't ask me to review poetry unless you're either James Fenton, Seamus Heaney or thick skinned as an elephant... I absolutely hate bad poetry. I'm the terror of the dactyls, I swat them with my hat. I'll have no truck with trochees, coz life's too short for that. Seriously I'm not qualified. I mean a metre is made up of feet? Like what?
I'm good at...
Nit picking. Spotting big fat slabs of exposition pretending to be dialogue. Fighting my way out of paper bags.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that might be expected to rhyme or scan but doesn't.
Favorite Item Types
Personal preference is narrative fiction.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review of Reading  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
An amusing idea. I'm not sure if it might not be better to reveal the poverty is a child immediately, otherwise there would seem to be a danger of the reader thinking the pov is a loser at which point ones loses them. It would have to be a big har fir people to stand in. This literal minded reader might notice that. At the beginning the boy says 'a jar' but he doesn't need his mother to fix that. Surely she should say it's 'ajar' boy. One word. Oh! I thought there must have been a space missing...


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152
152
Review of Man's Best Friend  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An affective piece of writing which quickly and clearly communicates a poignant situation.
I wondered about the formatting as verse, but I guess it's a valid stylistic choice. Also the lack of punctuation. Surely 'could she do this again' is a question? Still, various great writers have eschewed punctuation... One typos I think, surely there's a T in snatched?


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153
153
Review of Eyes of Mist  
for entry "1 - Peaceful Days" 
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Starts off pretty rough and unimmersive. Five or six paragraphs of prologue about a 'soldier'. Why not name him? 'He pushed back some of the attackers with his blade.' is pretty remote writing.
Some grammar errors 'were she grew up' should be 'where...' many fragments. Personally I lost track of character motivation in the middle.


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154
154
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
This has an interesting voice reminiscent of a folktale. For me, it brought to mind Dr Seuss's 'Thigwit the Big Hearted Moose'. Unfortunately, while the writing was mostly fine, even for a tale of this sort, I thought the ending was unsatisfactorily weak.


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155
155
Review of The Diagnosis  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Who could resist the initial hook? 'it’s not every day you get to meet the man who will murder you.' A tiny drop of brilliance!
What follows is professional and well executed. Unfortunately the final twist is rather predictable but the journey to get there is enjoyable enough.


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156
156
Review of Toressa  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
I admit i don't know how to review this (120 words but Verse 1=4, 3=6 so less). it scans ok and rhymes. Given a good tune i expect it could do great. I can say no more especially as I wanna keep this under 250 to save the author GP...


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157
157
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Strong voice, deftly sketched characters and interesting emotional development carried along in a fairly rigidly defined poetic rhyming form. I heartily wish every poet paid so much attention to meter... And the story is engaging too. What's not to like?


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158
158
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
In places this was direct compelling writing. Dialogue is good. Stakes are high.
Unfortunately, there is too much telling. The last couple of paragraphs especially are presented as narrative summary and are a very disappointing end to a dramatic story.


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159
159
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I thought this was compelling writing. Possibly excessive 'grandmothers' in the first few paras. As we know the pov is headed for grandmas house, perhaps some of them might have been omitted. Ending kind of low key but strong mood carries it. At least one typo.


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160
160
Review of The Book  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This has some wonderful turns of phrase. World building is intriguing too.
I found some of it a bit awkward e.g. para6 as a whole and in para7 'His exact words felt foreign, though he repeatedly talked to someone, or simply, himself.'
I can't help thinking the work asks too much of the reader. We have to cope with a speech impediment, an unusual incident, at least one newly coined word that is clearly highly meaningful in this mileu and a whole lot of back-story.


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161
161
Review of The Hunter  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Why oh why have the POV wake up in bed? That said, it's not Richard Stark, but it is done quite well and trips along quickly. World building and dialogue are nicely handled. Big expo after the first beat but bearable.
I think I must be the most obtuse of readers. Some dude gives some other female dude whose been undead for centuries a mission. Is this unusual for undead female dude? I get the impression it's not. Problem as I see it, is what's at stake for dude number two? Cos I completely missed whatever it is. Also female dude has demonstrated little in the way of sympathetic qualities. So even presuming she faces some kind of serious jeopardy why should I care?


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162
162
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An interesting and thorough analysis.
However, what was then the sin of the crew of the Nostromo? WRT Conrad, they transgressed by their mere presence? Surely that sin was the company's?
A barrymore beginning is impossible unless the monster is already ITH? I don't see that. Surely the monster could be in the grounds? Or am I stretching a metaphor?
Several typos. I would say therefor with no e is a minority choice.
And Sigourney Weaver did, after all, save the cat.


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163
163
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Most of the sentences are OK, I guess.
I found the language a bit vague. 'He looked up at both men and how well prepared'... what does well prepared look like? He'd brought some lunch or what? The two men 'appeared'? How? Transporter beams? Puff off magical smoke? Pushing aside the scratchy pine needles? Seriously, first chapter, genre not established, could be anything.
The hunter... the man... they are the same person i think... ok, he's short lived but what's the problem with naming him?
Didn't think the senators character came across very plausibly. He's such a loser, he wants a drink but didn't think to bring a hip flask? For a politico he's plays fast n loose with the salary account.
The characters are distant. Fall in icy cold water and no reaction? Not a bad word or a thought his cold it is. Man this guy is focussed!


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164
164
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Most amusing. Not being an American, my ability to grasp this satire is, of course, blunted.
I wondered about the decision to format this as verse and whether it might look better formatted as prose? I also wondered Mark Twain would have said. I suspect he would have smiled.


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165
165
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The sentences are nicely formed snd formatted. The grammar is seemingly faultless. I have to admit I just don't have the attention span used to. A paragraph of reflective prologue, a newspaper article, two more paragraphs of reflection. Then into the lives of two characters whose motivations I didn't grasp. Harsh, but I felt no compelling reason to find out any more about these people. A hurricane. That's great. It's devastating. But only potentially.


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166
166
Review of The Creators  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An interesting twist ending.
It's often difficult reviewing pieces without knowing what age range is being targeted. If this is for a younger audience then the style is maybe ok. If it's aimed at adults i think it's excessively tell-y. I thought the exposition could be better handled. We have two characters with very different backgrounds. Exposition through dialogue would seem the obvious thing.


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167
167
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Something quite unusual here I think.
An interesting premise and imaginative world-building. Plenty of tension. After the slow contemplative build up the deluge of ice cold water hits like er... a deluge of ice cold water.
I think I would have liked to have seen the scene a bit stronger. She hid that she was blonde and presumably caucasian skinned? I'm not sure that inversion theme came across clearly.


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168
168
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, here's my take on this.
 Teatime of the Jackal  (18+)
A ruthless villain meets his match (flash)
#2161400 by RobMcGee
169
169
Review of Copycat Devil  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.0)
Misha's character is an amusing draws on some well observed bad writing traits. How she writes one word and feels sated. How she boldens a line and feels a sense of accomplishment. Her tension was nicely drawn.
I felt the last paragraph let things down by suddenly dropping into telling.


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170
170
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting. I was left wanting to know more.


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171
171
Review of Al Viola  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Compelling writing. Twist a little bit transparent.


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172
172
Review of The Bell Tolls  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nicely written but ultimately I felt let down. I was hoping for some kind of big finish even if it was some terrible cheese related pun. The judgement on the nature of judgement I found unsatisfying.
The Stan Popeye thing was a nice image. I wondered why it wasn't placed earlier.
cinched his faith? Or his fate?
At least one typo.


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173
173
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Poignant and personal. Full of interesting telling detail. Today I run yesterday Iran... nice funny line. Personally I can't see a typewriter as relaxing: Every keypress the opportunity to make an indelible eternal error on the page. So much better now.
wasn't quite certain i got the line able...fewer words.
I suppose 'found myself capable of' was the thing rather than 'was required to'?


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174
174
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
It's pretty good. Comes across a bit heavy with so few line breaks. I'm gonna stick my neck out here and say you a Pratchett fan. Perhaps recently read the thief of time?
POV shifts from ring called Molvus to Moldus.
...lumps of fucking bread for the fucking proletariat!
I assume you were making a lumpen proletariat gag? If so I thought it too subtle. Why not put the actual word in?


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175
175
Review of Musical  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The writing I'd pretty good. There are some lovely turns of phrase: like he’s never seen a bathing ape before.
There were some things I didn't like which I'll skip because they were trivial. I would mention
The hallways in Macro High are crowded like pigeons surrounding an old lady throwing bread.
This dropped me right out of the narrative. I put my tablet down and spent a minute wondering whether hallways could be like pigeons. I think adding 'the students in' would clear it.
I have to say though at the end of ch1 I have no reason to read on.
Silo hasn't any clear goals. he's a blank. He doesn't care what show they do and he's in a good place with his woman.
Both wrong choices to my mind. He's fine. Why would I read on? Better to have him incensed at the show and do it now, this paragraph, earlier even... he wakes up in bed, he's mad, he's been thinking it over all night. he's gonna have it out with so and so.
And Bella. No conflict. she could text him. They must meet. Urgently. She has something to say.
Then I'd be reaching for ch2. I expect you build all that later but bro think you got time. you ain't. Thr reader is fickle. Hook that dude asap.


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