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Review Requests: ON
420 Public Reviews Given
424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Mostly just bitchin'. If it's great writing I switch over to nit-picking but usually I'll find something to like. Please don't ask me to review poetry unless you're either James Fenton, Seamus Heaney or thick skinned as an elephant... I absolutely hate bad poetry. I'm the terror of the dactyls, I swat them with my hat. I'll have no truck with trochees, coz life's too short for that. Seriously I'm not qualified. I mean a metre is made up of feet? Like what?
I'm good at...
Nit picking. Spotting big fat slabs of exposition pretending to be dialogue. Fighting my way out of paper bags.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that might be expected to rhyme or scan but doesn't.
Favorite Item Types
Personal preference is narrative fiction.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of Sweet Sixteen  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very good. Don't see any point in listing all the things done well here cos all things are done well.
One nagging doubt: to my mind the catalog and upgrades clues in para1 were verging on too subtle. I nearly stopped reading concluding I was facing another formulaic teen angst. As it turned out this was a story with a big idea. I'd be tempted to move the clues to the first line to hit the reader harder.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
177
177
Review of Halloween Night  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Inspired and technically polished. What else can one day?
Handle change to Preposterous snow perhaps?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
178
178
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's certainly good writing. Exposition is nicely worked in and attention is given to sensory detail.
Ultimately though I felt disappointed. I had hoped for a big reveal to tie it all together.
But in the end we seem to be left just having to accept this hospital is run by Med school also-rans.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
179
179
Review of Good Friday Bingo  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (2.5)
What I liked: The characters are interesting and the hooks are perfectly placed.
What I didn't like:
When all is said and done is the plot good enough? This guy gets a tip off and solves the case. Yeah sad. But there's no twist at the end and the Guy faces no opposition. He mostly just does stuff.
And quite a lot of it is told. The church thing is a great detail but I didn't get how it was relevant. Sorry and all but that's my honest opinion.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
180
180
Review of Lullaby  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A decent plot and I really liked some sections of dialogue.
What I didn't like: 1) Aaaahh! Why write in present tense. I hate it. 2) The start was slow and I thought quantity of exposition was unnecessary. 3) the structure had me confused: At the end the officers are dead it mia so neither of them is the narrator who started the story?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
181
181
Review of Addict  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
It's emotionally charged certainly. Is this prose or a non-rhyming poem. I'm afraid I don't follow.
Is not 'then she murdered Mary's a lost opportunity?
What was beeping?
Was the skunk black and white or green?
Questions, questions.
And who is this Felicity?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
182
182
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A well written and sentimental narrative.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
183
183
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
It gets better as it goes along. The action's done effectively but Merrick's characterisation is a big slab of info-dump that takes up -- estimate -- about a third of the story. Also why bother telling us about his Ahimoth pseudonym when it hasn't got anything to do with anything? Maybe it shows him be a cautious character but it slows the narrative down...
Final twist is bleak and fairly engaging.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
184
184
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
The words themselves are all right. Active verbs. Visual imagery and all that. But I have to say I found this very, very dull.
Of course maybe that's just me. Or maybe it's not.
I'm going to stick my neck out here but blow up the world. Kill a thousand nuns. Drown some puppies. Go on. I dare you. I can take it. I'm like that. In fact I won't care at all. Not unless you make me.
You gotta show them to me first. Show me how cute they are (maybe not the nuns, though ultimately it's up to you). Then suggest you might hurt them. Then hurt them just a little bit. Then a bit more. Preferably chop the little wet noses off one at a time. (Again possibly not the nuns).


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
185
185
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A distinctive voice and that's for certain. It's not my cuppa tea, but that's my look out. I won't be scoring it down on account of that. For all that the violent talk, I didn't feel much tension. Foreshadowing might be worked in.
guide the phones handset to the appropriate requirement seemed an awkward construction. 'put you right', struck me as a simpler alternative. I didn't believe the POV knew a flying flock about global warming.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
186
186
Review of Film Noir  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a pretty good noir pastiche with some nice chandleresque phrases (no not the one from friends) slithered like a snake on ice. The writing is tidy and well executed. But is this it? (In which case a stronger ending please) or will there be more?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
187
187
Review of Light Sleeper  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Faultless writing, detailed world building and something even more unusual,a distinctive voice. Very promising. If I had to criticise, and I must say it's hard to do so, I wonder whether this fantasy world will be able to differentiate itself from the many others available to contemporary readers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
188
188
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Oh man! Pick a tense and stick to it will ya!
And just what in tarnation does this sentence mean:
The reason, they were in the company gave them a vacation as a means to celebrate the amalgamation of two companies that were impossible to see eye to eye with, until he spoke up.
I'm sorry, there might be a great story here, and I don't want to seem mean, but I couldn't hack it. I gave up. Fix the grammar and you may be onto something.
I'm going to rate this 3 because in a perfect world I would have more patience.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
189
189
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
A traditional shaggy dog story if ever there was one. The beginning intrigued me and the twist at the end was good too. The dialogue is minimal but business-like and effective. I was left wondering about the narrator and who they eere but it's not really a story about them.
190
190
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The plot's ok. I'd have liked to see a bit more showing and a bit less telling. We keep being told about the cops speech impediment yet his dialogue doesn't back as its spoken normally.
Some attention to police procedural might help too. For example, The cop asks do you know Cummings? The perp might not know him by name. A capable cop would have a photo.
Also the whole setup lacks differentiation. There's nothing here we haven't seen in a thousand interview room shakedowns.
191
191
Review of The Flying Goat  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
This trips along nice, making the reader work, but here and there I lost it.
For example who is "C'mon back, don't screw with me!" said to?
Or "The one on the left looks right...?
192
192
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.0)
I can't say this worked for me and I'm not sure why. Yes, there was sensory detail. Yes, there were active verbs. But I found the style remote. I didn't feel I was there. To me it felt like more notes. Like something unfinished.
193
193
Review of A Wise Father  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Exposition and dialog excellently handled. Nice twist. Perhaps lacking in conflict but I imagine this was the desired effect.
194
194
Review of The Moonstone  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pretty high standard here I think. Nice twist at the end and exposition is carefully layered in.
Some stuff i didn't like so much: i found the tone of the first paragraph odd. A Knight on a horse called chocolate. I laughed out loud and I'm not sure if I was supposed to. Also I appreciate the effort to avoid the dreaded info-dump, but I would have liked, early on, to know more about where we were. Just a paragraph. The way it was i had difficulty visualising the Knight and his journey as there wasn't enough to go on.
195
195
Review of The Nine Planets  
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hum. I'm scoring this well on account of the brilliant ending straight out if left field 'kicked off the team'. Loved that. Otherwise I'm afraid I really don't get what effect is being attempted here. The other stanza ends just aren't as good. Call me old fashioned but I think I would like it better if it rhymed.
196
196
Review by RobMcGee
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting ideas but a but hard to follow. It might help understand your work if you included more concrete imagery at the beginning to ground the reader. after that setup you could become more abstract. Spelling needs work.
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