First Impression
I thought...
The title was very fitting.
It was very heartfelt and heart-wrenching, beautifully and powerfully written.
It was very smooth and didn't break the flow.

Suggestion/Errors
Did not see anything.


My Favourite Part
Cancer has spread, how much can you give?
Changes the style of your writing. Makes a piece more powerful.

Overall Impression
Very motivating piece for others. Many can relate to it. A very much enjoyed read. Good job!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated.

Thanks for letting me review you,
Sarah

Check out the contest I am currently hosting! :

Cliché Story Challenge  (E) Are you up to the task? Sept/Oct round OPEN. #1555787 by Sarah~goodbye writing.com

,
And my cNotes shop:
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Characters
Since this was short, I didn't really expect much from here. You did a good job, though. I seems Steve was really nervous there, LOL! I also knew Steve wasn't THAT old since he had a Dad who seemed very proud of his son. Nice!

Plot
There wasn't much plot in the story, but you clearly had the scheme planned anyway. I like it.

Suggestion/Errors
Here, I spotted one you might one to take a look at:
"Run"! The crowd cried out in unison.
"Run"! should be changed to "Run!". I think you put the inverted commas in a tiny bit too early.

My Favourite Part
The bat twisted down and connected.
Interesting choice of words, Phoenix! I could easily imagine how that happened.

Overall Impression
Overall, I found it a very nice and easy read. I look forward to reading more of your pieces. So far, you have never failed to disappoint me! :)

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
I think we both know that the title is very suitable for the piece, LOL. "Nature Awakes" is absolutely precise. The descriptions were beautiful, like: Flowers open and reach for the sunlight.! I could just about see them twisting around each other.


Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that is in need of any correction/suggestions.

My Favourite Part
After the stillness of the moonless night.
Will soon give way to nature's first light.
It is very dreamy and an excellent way to start a story!

Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
Overall, I personally found it to be very well-written. I like the way it was done. Your style's great! Happy writing!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
Well, what can I say? It was already too perfect. So descriptive and well-told! It is hard to believe your wife could be anything less than how you described her (which was perfect, LOL) Very heartfelt and moving, too... This is what a fantastic poetry piece has... High qualities. I am seriously impressed! =D

Suggestion/Errors
Hmmm... how about here?
You're the beauty I adore I don't need anymore?
I strongly believe the "?" should really be converted to a full-stop. Must have just been a slip-up.

My Favourite Part
#1. The rainbow after rain you take away my pain.
#2.You're the sugar I eat you make my life sweet.
The descriptions here were excellent. A "rainbow after rain"? When I see it, I always feel today's such a blessed day. Sugar, sweet? Sugar is really very sweet. And you went for something not so typical. In many poems, "honey" is used too often, almost like a cliche.

Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
Very beautifully written! I can't stop imagining the rainbow in my head now. LOL. It couldn't have been better-written. Well done, Carl!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
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First Impression
I found this to be very expressive and descriptive and easy to imagine. The darkness of the chilled night, for example. The whole idea was very good. It was written -- I observed -- in an optimistic way, but then again, I guess that's the only way you can do it if your piece IS meant to be happy. Your style of writing tells me a lot.

Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs correction. Good job!

My Favourite Part
"The darkness of the chilled night.
Fades into the days early light."
When I read this, I immediately imagined a whirl of colours merging together. It was so creative! A good start to the piece. =D


Overall Impression
Overall, I was very impressed (as usual). It was almost perfect, one could say. I'm so glad you came up with the idea and was kind enough to share with everyone on WDC. Thanks!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
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First Impression
"Lucky Star" was great! When I first started reading it, I knew it would be good. I was right! It was more than fantastic. It was an interesting piece, and the title fitted it perfectly. I'm so "lucky" I got the chance to read this. The rhyming made it work well. Brilliantly created!

Suggestion/Errors
I didn't see anything that needed improvement/correction. I guess you can say I'm not so fussy on poetry-pieces because there is nothing standard about it.

My Favourite Part
Sparkle bright in the night lucky star.
Light up the sky from where you are.
Shine from a distance high and afar.
It had a very dreamy effect on me. The descriptions were good. It was easy to imagine how your lucky star actually looked like.


Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
It was truly very thrilling to be taken along to see your wonderful "lucky star". Thanks for sharing.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
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First Impression
I feel this piece "radiates" a lot of emotion, from hate, sadness and desperation to love. To me, when someone writes full of expression and depth, they are writing with passion from the heart. You conveyed a very beautiful message, hidden under those words.

Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs improvement/corrections.

My Favourite Part
From my eyes he's gone your hate is strong.
Loss of love in your heart has driven us apart.
The first line expressed hatred - "your hate is strong" and the second sadness "Driven us apart". It is amazing how many emotions can perfect a piece of poetry.

Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
This was really something! It was very moving, too. An enjoyable read. I'll definitely be dropping by your port for more pieces. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
I just noticed you like to write very dramamtic poems. I have to say, it was a tiny wee bit unsettling. You made me look at death in the scary way. I liked the way you end each line, and each line carried a different perspective of death.

Suggestion/Errors
1.My race i will run until it is all done.
The "i" in the sentence should be capitalized.

2.what life has offered was once routine.
Since the start of each line the words are capitalized, I suggest this follow the trend.

3.I will live If I have one thing left to give.
If I'm not wrong, the "i" in if should not be capitalized

Yeah, I guess that's all I spotted. Other than that, you did a fine job.

My Favourite Part
Tombstone say he fought all the way.
I found this to be very spooky, and yet I wanted to laugh.

Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
I think you did a really good job on this. It started off fine, then things seemed to take a drastic turn. I like it!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
Carl, this was a piece I really loved. It was very touching and takes the reader up and down. In some lines, you made you shared with your reader laughter and others sadness. It was perfect! I didn't even need to search to find a poem like this!

Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs correction/improvement. Good job!!

My Favourite Part
I liked each and every line for their own uniqueness and different meaning. Very creative. Wasn't an easy achievement.

Overall Impression
This was one of the best pieces I have ever read from you, Carl. I hope ou continue to write more of this kind because I just found out my interest reading from you. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
Carl, this was indeed a very nice and cosy place you have "invented" for your poetry-writing. I don't know how but I could actually "see" you writing in a dark corner with only a flickering candle. Your descriptions were deep (regarding the room) and the third line you expressed your written work. Each line conveyed a different message, but all somehow was connected.

Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs correction/improvement. You've already made it work.

My Favourite Part
No better way I've found to any setting.
Write my poetry and bring out feelings.
This was well expressed. It's true that poetry does bring out feelings but the way you put it let the whole thing run smoothly.

Overall Impression
I thought this poem was really a piece of work. It was very easy to imagine what it would be like. Fantastic job! Write on!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
When I first read it, it gave me chills. I thought this was unsettling and a little "horrorific (if there's such a word). You sounded very depressed and I don't know... very haunted. But I liked it. This style suits you. :)

Suggestion/Errors
Nothing that I see needs improvement/corrections.

My Favourite Part
"All my mind wants freed from its hold.
Expel this haunting out from my soul."
It made me think of a human who wants to go to heaven, yet bound to Earth. Very creepy and expressive.

Overall Impression
This was quite a good piece. It's not my favourite, but one of my top choices on WDC. Great work, Carl!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
Wow, this was so sad! I can't imagine the feeling, but you must've, that's why this piece was such a sucess. I'm too young to get this "love", but it seems so sad... Very touching and emotional.

Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs correction. Good job!

My Favourite Part
I swallowed the bait hook line and sinker.
Then I found out you were just a deceiver,
I liked this part best because it was very descriptive... A "hook line and sinker" is a good and creative way to express how it feels.

Overall Impression
I think you did a great job, that's why I'm awarding this 4 stars'. I've never been much of a person who likes lyrics and songs but this was impressive. Write on!!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
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First Impression
I thought this wasn't too bad. You have some strengths here and there. It was beautifully tragic and negative, like someone giving up. That was the first thing that came to my mind.

Suggestion/Errors
"without them, is a thought i just can't bare"
bare should be spelled "bear".

Your poem did not contain enough "depth". Not enough description. You should work on that.

And capitalize the "i". I'm not sure if it's your style of writing, but I'm going to be honest: it'd look so much better with the capital letter.

***Please disregard anything I have said you find offensive and only take what you deem useful! After all, we're all here to learn.***


My Favourite Part
my heart, you WILL not take!
This was a strong line, especially because you capitalized the word "will". Now THAT is very suitable. Good job!!

Overall Impression
This was a pretty good try, but still can be improved. You're doing a good job. Keep writing!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
I liked this piece a lot. It only brings out your true and natural talents. I especially like your descriptions on the lady; it was delightful and interesting to read about.

Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs correction. Everything was good.

My Favourite Part
"Only He could have given you beauty so fair.
Your innocent smile and the gorgeous red hair."
Very, very descriptive. But then again, it wasn't TOO much, so yeah, I guess it worked out well.

Overall Impression
Very well-written. I couldn't imagine a better way to write it. Good job, Carl.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
Ah, day and light. Very well-expressed. I like the way you compare them both, but they both light up our morning and night. It is a very clever way to describe the night and day... Something I've never given a thought about before.

Suggestion/Errors
"Okay!you don't have a choice either way."
You want to space the exclamation mark from the "y". It should look like this... "Okay! you don't have a choice either way." Yeah, that's about it.

My Favourite Part
The Sun rises and warms the day.
Moon light takes the darkness away.
See the contrast here? These two lines are very strong individually, bringing in lots of meaning.

Overall Impression
This was a good poem. You write of all sorts, but anyway, I love them all. You're such a great writer!!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
The first thing I thought to myself after reading this piece was, "Oh my Gawd! Perfect!" Yes, I thought it was perfect. Tragic, and yet romantic. The title was so suitable to the piece...

Suggestion/Errors
Did not see anything that needs improvement/correction. Everything was good.

My Favourite Part
"Come here let's talk about tomorrow.
Rekindle the fire that's still my desire."
I always like the part where it's really passionate. Very expressive, Carl.


Overall Impression
Like I said, perfect. LOL, I want to give you a 5.5 but the rating system doesn't allow that...

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
This piece was creatively written. The red rose was a lovely way to express your love for your wife. Its description was honestly very enchanting. It reminds me of the rose in "Beauty and the Beast".


Suggestion/Errors
Here...
On a bush with others this red bud grew,too.
You need to add a space between the word "grow" and "too". Otherwise, everything else looks fine.

My Favourite Part
She is still that red rose I picked years ago.
Still like a lovely rose with petals that glow.
*screams* Your descriptions here are very precise and beautiful. I can't think of a better way to express it!!

Overall Impression
I loved it!! You write very well, Carl, and I admire you for it.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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Characters
The two men. Funny! Your descriptions were good. i could totally "see" them as they are. Like for example, take Steve. I could see he was stressed and hot-tempered and Larry was a huge coward. Good job.

Plot
The plot is probably the best thing you've got in this story. Easy to understand -- clear and straight to the point. I admire that; I have a serious problem and usually get carried away.

Suggestion/Errors
The whole paragraph has gone wrong.
“Can I sit down, Mr. Jackson….uh….sir?” Larry’s barely audible request was met with a volcanic tirade. “Sit down?….Sit down? You’re not going to be in my office long enough to sit down, Price. You’re fired! Pack up and get out!”
Where there is an underline and none, there should be separate paragraphs, because the conversation is being delivered by another man.
***Please feel free to disregard anything I have said and do not take it personally. Remember, I have no intention of doing so -- it is only MY opinion***


My Favourite Part
Ha, the funny bits. The whole thing was hilarious. You did a good job capturing your readers' attention.

Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
I'm awarding this a 3.5 stars'. Your story wasn't too bad, but it still needs work. I suppose you haven't totally explored the site yet. Get a read on others' work and learn something.

PS. I read in your port you don't know how to get around WDC? I suggest you check out:

Invalid Item  This item number is not valid. #1510308 by Not Available.

They conduct challenges, teaching you how to move around WDC and basics of this site. The mentors there are friendly and helpful. Next term begins Oct 1, but enrollment is already open.


Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Assistant to co-leader in The Paper Doll Gang.

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First Impression
This was honestly one of the best pieces I have ever read. It shot straight a little fast at the beginning, but then slowed down. With each and every line, I got more and more hooked. Now I want more. Your usage of the English launguage was like you'd memorized the entire dictionary and carefully chose the right words to go with this piece. I was amazed with your talent.


Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs to be corrected. Well polished-up work.

My Favourite Part
"Can't you see I need my space?
Still mourning a lost mate."
This two lines were strong and powerful. With just so little words, it was like an entire story tumbled out. You made me understand WHY you did not wish to commit to a relationship.


Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
This was a beautiful piece. I fell in love with it. If you ever plan to continue this, do tell me! See, now I want to read more of your works. Congrats on the awardicon, by the way!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
A very, very expressive and descriptive piece. Simple and yet beautiful. Fresh and creative! It was a fun and nice piece to read, and made me feel satisfied after.


Suggestion/Errors
I did not see anything that needs to be corrected. :)

My Favourite Part
"Ever flowing one into the other
Like the current of the sea."
This was a creative and imaginative way to describe the moving of life. Well-exaggerated.


Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
I liked this piece a lot. This is by far one of the best poetry pieces I've ever read from you. Good job, Joy, and thanks for sharing.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
((Hugs)) from your ex-pal,
Sarah

Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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First Impression
I thought this was a good and creative piece. I did not really know you excel so much at this. This piece started of to a quick and passionate start and immediately pulled me in. I wanted more.

Suggestion/Errors
1. I think some scences are a little too "intense". Like here: "I know in my heart that it's a lie and that you will still hurt me, but it's a lie that I want to believe. It's a lie that I wait for every time you do this to me." Perhaps you could say something like how you know how he broke your heart and how hurt you feel, but despite the fact you just can't seem to stop loving him? I found it a little cheesy, what you said.
***Please disregard what I have said if you wish, it is, after all, only MY opinion***

My Favourite Part
"I pour my heart out to you and you close your ears.
I give you my heart and you rip it to pieces."
This two lines were very strong, clear and descriptive. These are the things most readers look for when they are reading a piece. Sometimes, twisting something too much isn't all too good. Lucky for you, this didn't happen in your case.

Overall Impression/Final Thoughts
I found this to be rather interesting and well-written. Passionately and expressively written. You have expressed yourself well and pulled out a beautiful piece. It wasn't easy, I know, but you did a pretty good job out of it. Write on!

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

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"Invalid Item" "The WDC Angel Army" 
"Invalid Item" 
"Open Door To Grace ♥" "Invalid Item" 
"Smile~Worldwide" 
"Invalid Item" "God's Way Group" 

First Impression
Aw, this was so sweet! It was something like reviewing a little boy's work. Actually, it's probably somewhere around my age where someone can relate to it.


Suggestion/Errors
Here, when you say...
"When I find her I will treat her better than any pure gold."
... I find this sentence a tiny winny bit week. The first part of the sentence is ok, but here "I will treat her brtter than any pure gold" is a little out. I mean, how do you treat pure gold? Maybe you could say "how" much she means to me and add in the pure? Well, only what I feel.


My Favourite Part
"If I must I will wait forever just to meet my unknown lover.
A girlfriend who'll be mine a sweet angel gentle and kind."
Truly sweet and charming. This was very expressive and can you see? Very capturing. It's also two stronger{/i} sentences.


Overall Impression
This was quite good. Keep it up. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Groups:
"Invalid Item" "The WDC Angel Army" 
"Invalid Item" 
"Open Door To Grace ♥" "Invalid Item" 
"Smile~Worldwide" 
"Invalid Item" "God's Way Group" 

First Impression
All I can say is... "Simly Amazing Job." Even though it was short, your descriptions were very deep. I can almost "see" what you're trying to say. The good thing was, it wasn't a difficult read. Easy and yet deep. Wonderful.

Suggestion/Errors
I just wanted to clear something up with you. When you say...
"From up above,
I heard
crying.",
I think you've used the wrong tense. When I glanced at the rest of the piece, I saw you used present tense. If so, "heard" should actually be "hear".
***Please feel free to disregard anything I say and remember, it is only MY opinion***

My Favourite Part
"The stillness of my heart
appalls me."
I admit, it was the first part that really grabbed me in. I started wondering... Is he dead? (At first)

Overall Impression
It was a good job, Jimminy. Thanks for sharing. You're a beautiful poet I never knew.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Groups:
"Invalid Item" "The WDC Angel Army" 
"Invalid Item" 
"Open Door To Grace ♥" "Invalid Item" 
"Smile~Worldwide" 
"Invalid Item" "God's Way Group" 

First Impression
This was slightly different from the other pieces I have read from you. It is funny and loving and immediately (almost) made me laugh, I don't know why. The piece was perfect. What you wanted to express was easily made known: that you had a sister when you were sixteen, she raised a son as a single mother, and you and your wife, who couldn't bear a child, watched over him like your own. This message was delivered loud and clear.

Suggestion/Errors
Nothing I observed needs correcting.

My Favourite Part
Here is my favourite part. It made me laugh. This family's so lucky! And blessed.
"He became the son to me my wife could never bare.
He has grown into a respectful young man who cares."


Overall Impression
Beautifully written and very touching. Thanks so much for sharing.

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us here at WDC. Your effort and time spent to create this story is very much appreciated. Keep it up; you're doing great!

Don't forget to drop by my new forum "The Friendship Forum"  or help raise GPs to save my membership and also win prizes for yourself at:"Invalid Item" 
Cheers and keep writing,
~Sarah
Proud Member of The Paper Gang.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Groups:
"Invalid Item" "The WDC Angel Army" 
"Invalid Item" 
"Open Door To Grace ♥" "Invalid Item" 
"Smile~Worldwide" 
"Invalid Item" "God's Way Group"