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Review of Weavers  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Found you in the newsletter "Fantasy Newsletter (July 6, 2016)"  and had to take a peek. That's right, you've been featured again :D.

What I love about your work: I loved the bar scene. It absolutely cracked me up. For all of his clumsiness, he seemed sincere and sweet, and had the eye of the princess. I particularly liked the way he accidentally offended her with his pronunciation of her name.

Why I could relate to your work: As an avid fantasy lover, this was quite enjoyable.

My suggestions: "she looked like a six-year-old child. Irresistible." This is more or less my only complaint about your story, and that's cause it gave me the heebies. Maybe it's cause I've read too many stories about real predators or am aware of the known predators in my neighborhood, but when a grown man is drooling over a woman and she does something that makes him think of a six-year-old, and it's irresistible? Just, um, an uncomfortable comparison given his very obvious infatuation. Maybe instead describe how innocent it made her look?

Otherwise, I enjoyed the details you wove into this, the dialogue felt real, and the characters were impossible not to fall in love with.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that stole my attention from your work.

My favorite line(s): I loved the name exchange, made me chuckle, and even when I went back to try to copy some as my favorite line, I was too entertained by the exchange to pick.

In conclusion: This was beautiful, and I did so enjoy the touch of the little painted house. I liked the magic and romance spinning together into a sweet tale of acceptance. It was cute, and glad I got a chance to read it. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
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This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: I thought you did very well at breaking this into parts, and sounding elegant while still spelling it out in simple terms. I'd never really focused on the title in my critiques but feel that's an important point I should keep in mind in my future ones. Definitely felt this was a great educational piece for someone like me.

Why I could relate to your work: Admittedly, I find poetry very difficult to critique. Some of it is so vague, I wonder what it's about, while others are so focused on rhyming that they break the english language to achieve it. And some pieces are so personal for the writer, that as a reader, I am terrified to say anything negative lest I break the person. So, this immediately grabbed my interest as someone who finds poetry intimidating to critique :D.

My suggestions: I don't have any. I think you did well at putting together an easy to understand and helpful article on something that may at times seem daunting. Much appreciated.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me out of your words.

In conclusion: This was a very insightful piece that I do think will help me with my future reviews. A definite must read for our poetry fans. Nicely done, and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Man, I swear I'm a glutton for punishment. This made me tear up and ache for the our grieving writer, but it was a beautiful tribute. Short and sweet, it left me with moist cheeks.

Why I could relate to your work: As a mother, my daughters are my world and I fear so much for them. This tore at my heartstrings.

My suggestions: I don't have anything to offer. It flowed well, and was absolutely a sweet, heart-wrenching tribute to someone taken far too young.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing stood out to me.

My favorite line(s): "A bright little star from heaven returns"

In conclusion: This was beautiful and heart-breaking. A well penned tribute for a little angel.



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Review of Sweet Poison  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I think you did a beautiful job of capturing emotion in this piece and weaving it into a dark spell. Your word choices were pretty much spot on, and I loved the imagery. This is incredibly sad, but beautiful at the same time, bittersweet if you will.

Why I could relate to your work: In order to appreciate the beauty of a good soulmate, you must first have endured someone bad. I still harbor feelings for my bad ones, and probably always will, but their poison fades to a faint tickle at the back of my heart in comparison to my husband.

My suggestions: "keeps on thinking" I wasn't a big fan of "keeps", I'm thinking "keep" may flow better and not break the reader's concentration. But that is my only suggestion as I felt this flowed well, was beautifully penned, and captured your message very loud and clear.

Any noticeable typos: Asides from what I already mentioned, I didn't see anything that stood out.

My favorite line(s): I liked multiple lines, but I would say the last stanza was my favorite. It was a strong conclusion and brought the poem full circle.

In conclusion: This was a beautiful piece that captured heart-ache well. Nice choices on the imagery, and great title to hook the reader. Well done, welcome to the WDC, and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: So, I had no clue what I was walking into and the genres are not necessarily something I would hunt down, but as soon as I read the opening lines, I was hooked. The story has a very strong voice and makes me want to know what happens next. I enjoyed the banter in the beginning, it felt very natural and I liked how the story progressed from there.

Why I could relate to your work: Aw, Christian SKA, Five Iron Frenzy :D. My friend dragged me off to a concert with her when I was in high school, and it ended up being a bunch of Christian bands playing SKA. Got me hooked and introduced me to the world of punk music. Just how things go. So, this totally tickled my nostalgic bone.

My suggestions: "said Mike, simply, to the dude in the lead" The simply in there kind of threw me off and I reread it a couple of times. I think it would read just fine if you left it out altogether. Otherwise, I don't have any suggestions.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything blatantly obvious.

My favorite line(s): I don't know, I really enjoyed the banter in the beginning and Caleb's meltdown. I thought this all came together very nicely.

In conclusion: The story felt real, the characters easy to identify with, and you did a wonderful job at painting the scene. As a reader, I felt very connected to everyone and everything. Welcome to the WDC, and as they say, write on.


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Review of Silent Tune  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Found you in the ghost story section and had to give your work a peek.

What I love about your work: First off, I LOVED that last line. What a strong conclusion to a fascinating story. But secondly, I enjoyed this tale, of the poor fellow being driven into an early grave by a vindictive ancestor. Guess the ghostly Alonzo was just making sure there would be no more bloodshed over women.

Why I could relate to your work: I love ghost stories so this definitely had my attention from the beginning.

My suggestions: There were a couple of sentences where the wording seemed ever so off, but not enough to detract from the story.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing more than what I've already stated.

My favorite line(s): "He was still hearing that violin. I saw it in his eyes." Like I said, loved the conclusion. It felt strong, poignant and eerie.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this ghost tale and thought it came together very nicely. It was a fun adventure though I certainly felt some pity for the poor cemetery explorers. Nicely done, and as they say, write on.


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Review of Frozen in Time  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Found you in the newsletter "Short Stories Newsletter (June 29, 2016)"  and had to take a peek. Well worth a glance.

What I love about your work: Well, I don't know what I was expecting but the excerpt grabbed my attention in the newsletter, and your story held it. I love the world you built up, the apprenticeship, the kinship between Quip and Jhorri, the proud Ta Whomal. I loved all the details you packed into this, the backstories and such, without doing an information dump. That's a hard skill to master, but this was a wonderful read. And the ending surprised me. I did not see it going that route, ouch.

Why I could relate to your work: Have you ever read the Dragons of Pern series? The level of the world you're building up, the characters, the familiarity yet still an obviously different place, it brings Anne McCaffrey's work to mind.

My suggestions: Aside from the one typo that caught my eye, I don't have anything to offer. I love how you feed us bits of information about everyone, but do so in such a manner that it invites us to love them instead of feeling overwhelmed. I think it's a strong piece, and was over before I even realized how much I'd actually read.

Any noticeable typos: "aloud to insure that" I think ensure would be the better choice here.

My favorite line(s): "I bet he wishes he’d gotten his robe wet today. Might’ve hid that accident." I laughed out loud over this, though there were many parts I enjoyed.

In conclusion: A beautiful story that held my rapt attention from beginning to end. I loved the characters and though it's a short story, felt very attached to them, even poor Kor Bovel. This was a gorgeous story, well done. And as they say, write on.


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Review of The Trap of Anger  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Found you on the random reviews, and it was quite an enjoyable poem.

What I love about your work: Sometimes, when people rhyme, the language is butchered to make it work and it's hard to get into. You rhymed without making it an awkward read. It flowed so well and was easy to understand, very nice.

Why I could relate to your work: Anger is an emotion I think we can all relate to, and I can not deny I've seen and experienced the last effects of anger out of hand.

My suggestions: I don't really have anything to offer. This flowed well, great word choice, I appreciated the appropriate punctuation, and thought it came across very nicely.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing stood out to me.

My favorite line(s): The opening and end stanzas are my favorite because I always enjoy when a poem does a full circle, plus I think they're both a strong opening and conclusion.

In conclusion: This worked very well, and was an enjoyable read. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found your piece on the review list for the WDC Power Reviewers and thought I'd give it a peek.

What I love about your work: The message in this is very strong and a reminder that we need to take care of our world before there is no more world to take care of. I liked the hints of the world around the narrator you gave us through her grandma's stories and her justified jealousy.

Why I could relate to your work: Living in Arizona, we understand extreme summers and the joke is that we have summer and fall, sometimes spring, but no real winter. But unlike the narrator, I actually like the heat. I drive with my windows down in 120F and look forward to July :P.

My suggestions: I noticed you share in a case of "thatinitus". It's the tendency to put too that into a story more than necessary. It's a filler word, and often the sentences flow just fine without it in them. I would suggest checking out a site, autocrit.com and running your story through there. I swear by them ;). It'll help catch filler words, passive voice, redundancies, and a whole slew of interesting things that on our own, as writers, we never seem to catch in our writing.

Any noticeable typos: I noticed a few minor punctuation and grammar issues, but nothing distracting me from your story.

My favorite line(s): "It’s not just me, everyone hates summer today." I think, even not by the standards in this story, many people share the narrator's distaste for summer. My husband included.

In conclusion: Anyway, this was an interesting reminder of why we should take care of the resources we have now. Nicely done. As they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: Found your story in the ghost section and liked how it played out.

What I love about your work: First off, the concept caught my eye. I'm confident most of us have been warned about hitchhikers, but a ghost one is a whole different ballgame. Secondly, I loved the ending. It cracked me up and was a good, solid conclusion to this piece.

Why I could relate to your work: Having done my fair share of travel on lonely stretches of highway, I can't imagine being in this situation. How terrifying!

My suggestions: I would suggest working on the passive voice in order to make this story really pop. I would also maybe suggest adding in some of the other senses to make the reader connect more with the story. Maybe have the woman smelled of lilac or cinnamon, have the driver catch a faint whiff of roadkill, something that makes our senses more immersed in the scene.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't really see anything that stood out.

My favorite line(s): "... and be happy when I don't see her." I really like that, and chuckled though at the same time sharing the driver's relief.

In conclusion: This was an interesting tale and did well at telling the ghost story. Nicely done, as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Found you in the newsletter "Short Stories Newsletter (June 29, 2016)"  and had to take a peek. Well worth a glance.

What I love about your work: This had such an eerie, otherworldly feel to it. Made me curious about this world and their family work. I also liked the fact that her mom was with her, even if she didn't realize it. Very sweet yet sad and dark at the same time.

Why I could relate to your work: As a lover of fantasy and horror, this pulled me in.

My suggestions: " Everyone was attracted to mom. When mom was at Camp" The way mom is used here is as her name, her title, and it should be capitalized. If it were "attracted to my mom", it would be fine lower cased, but when used as her name, it should be Mom.

My only other beef is I would suggest trying to reword lines to remove the passive voice. It's not an easy task but if you can really limit the passive voice in your work, your stories will pop so much more.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that distracted me from your work.

My favorite line(s): "She saw mom standing behind, a hand on her shoulder and smiling.

“This is from today.”" Aw, sniffles, so beautifully sad, but still mildly creepy at the same time. As a mom, I like the idea that she would stick around and make sure her baby was doing okay.

In conclusion: I enjoyed the eerie atmosphere and the exploration into the family business. It was an interesting tale that poked my curiosity, and my maternal instincts. Nicely done, and as they say, write on.


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Review of Jackamoor Manour  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: Aw, darn siblings always getting each other into sticky situations. Though sucks it ended up so bad for the brother. It was a cute, eerie read.

Why I could relate to your work: My daughter is a horror writer as well, and your story seems like something she would enjoy. She's really into reading Mary Downing Hahn, takes a lot of inspiration from her works, perhaps she's someone you would enjoy too. Anywho, I clicked on your story originally cause I saw the horror tag, and that's what I'm drawn to as well.

My suggestions: This was a great start, but there's so much more you can do with it.

I would suggest adding more detail. Tell us what the widow looked like. Was she solid? See-through? Gray and wrinkled with age? Eternally young? Tell us about the house, share the conversation between the siblings.

Remember the five senses: taste, touch, smell, sound, and sight. It's best to use details in the story that make the reader use all five senses. Maybe have the house stinks like dirt and mold, the floor creaks with every step, the wood of the door is splintered and sharp, the bitter flavor of fear, just little things that will make the reader connect more.

My favorite line(s): "BANG!" I like this because you're rolling the story along, seemingly everything is fine, and then you slam that door in the story, totally changing the tempo of the story. It was fun, and was the equivalent of jumping out at someone and yelling boo! Definitely a nice touch.

In conclusion: This was a fun ghost story that entertained me from beginning to end. Well done, and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, hello there: I found you on the random reviews and instantly identified with this piece.

What I love about your work: I can't deny I enjoy work that questions our government, and demands action against their over-reaching, not well thought out problems. I liked how this flowed, and how it spoke to us, and not down to us.

Why I could relate to your work: As someone who thinks we need less government (that includes both conservatives and liberals), this spoke to me. Sooner or later, we need to tell them to quit digging into everyone else's pockets and start reaching into their own. How can a government that can't afford to to pay its debts continue to grant pay raises to the politicians running it? I mean, that's a whole other can of worms, but gah... sorry, off on a tangent. Did I mention, your poem was something I can identify with?

My suggestions: I don't really have any. I liked the flow, liked the message, thought you did well with the word choices, and liked how you called out a national problem that we all have to deal with or face the consequences.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that stood out to me.

My favorite line(s): "A government taking into account
The power to act on folks’ behalf;" This was a strong opening and set the tone for the rest of the poem. It also made me bristle, because the government has gotten too big for its britches, and acts out on folks' behalf, even when the folks say opposite of what it's doing.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this, and agree with it. Felt you did really well at conveying your message, but again, did it in an understandable and relateable method. Well done, and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Well, hello there: I found this on the review page of the WDC Power Reviewers so I had to snag a peek.

What I love about your work: This is lush with imagery and a beautiful mystique that wraps around my mind, begging me to look deeper and fall in love with the setting. I loved Death, there was such an elegance to her that made me want to fall in step behind and see what she stirred up.

Why I could relate to your work: Ever read Kate Forsyth's "The Witches of Eileanan" series? It's beautiful and honestly one of my favorite works ever!!! Anyway, your story brought her to mind, just a tantalizing treat for the senses.

My suggestions: My first piece of advice to most authors is to read your work out loud. If there are sentences that throw you off, even just a little bit, they are tripping your readers up something awful. There were a few sentences in here that didn't work the way they were worded, and you would likely catch them if you read it out loud, especially to someone else who might notice it even if you don't.

My second is a couple of programs designed to help strengthen your writing. Run this through autocrit.com, it will help catch repetitive words and phrases. "pale" is mentioned five times in this story, four of which take place in the first paragraph. Autocrit will help catch it, and then wordhippo.com will help you find different words to cover the same thing. The same description so close together distracts from the story, and this is too pretty of a story to lose attention.

Any noticeable typos: Anything I saw I think is covered by my suggestions, but to be fair, I was deeply immersed in your story so it's hard to spot errors.

My favorite line(s): I liked the opening. It was beautiful, enticing, and despite the over-abundance of "pale" ;), it grabbed me with the descriptions and promised this would be a worth-while read.

In conclusion: I think this has a lot of potential, and is really lovely, but it needs some work to make it spectacular. Check out those sites, and as I tell most everyone, read your story out loud. It helps catch what we fix in our minds when we read in our heads. An interesting excerpt, as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found you on the reviewing page for the WDC Power Reviewers, and wow...

What I love about your work: I'm kinda reeling over the beauty of this piece. It is crammed with delicious detail and stunning imagery, making me sing-song it, but not get bored or lose interest. It was truly a gorgeous piece.

Why I could relate to your work: I could picture the scene, having enjoyed the snow myself, and see this little creature stirring despite its want to sleep, thus needing to forage. I loved it.

My suggestions: While the last two stanzas didn't break me out of rhythm, this one did "Crossing grasses, maunders 'bout like many a time before," I had to reread it a couple of times to get back into that back and forth pattern this lulls us into. I think, perhaps a comma after 'bout to keep it in the same pattern as the rest of the stanza.

"sniff an snort" An is just a substitute for A, but before a word that starts with a vowel, so I don't think it's correct just as is. I think it should be an' to smooth it out and mark it as not being a substitute for A but an abbreviation of and. Just my take on it though.

Any noticeable typos: Asides from what I mentioned above, I didn't see anything that pulled me out of this gorgeous piece.

My favorite line(s): "Slumbered stirs, nestle tight, gentle rousts, by morning's light
Woe to them that travel near, be mice, or man, and even deer." I enjoyed this because it was a strong opening, and set the tone for the rest of your work.

In conclusion: I'm not a big fan of poetry, but this was beautiful, and kept me hooked from beginning to end. I loved the flow, the winter blossoming into spring, it was just gorgeous. Well done, and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thought I'd give you a review as a congrats for earning yourself a spot on the
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This item number is not valid.
#1635349 by Not Available.


What I love about your work: This certainly touches on an important subject that is impacting every single person in the world. It reminds us to do our part, that even simply picking up trash is enough to begin working towards a difference. If we don't step up, we're going to destroy ourselves and I think you did a wonderful article that expressed this without being overly preachy.

Why I could relate to your work: I've taught my daughters that not only do we clean up after ourselves when we're out in nature, but we try to leave the place better. They go to school and pick up the playgrounds at recess enough that they've been rewarded by the aides. I think it's very important to do because so many people don't bat an eye at trashing wherever they go, shudder.

My suggestions: This line read a bit awkward to me "Why is there smog in certain cities that you have to wear a mask just to go outside?" I think it might be missing something like "so much smog in" or "so bad that" or something along those lines to help it run smoother.

Any noticeable typos: Asides from what I mentioned above, I didn't see anything that leaped out at me.

My favorite line(s): If you enjoy traveling and visit all the scenic areas throughout the world, we must do our part to keep it beautiful and safe for us to enjoy." Yes and double yes. It's just not that hard to pick up after yourself. It's terrible what people leave behind despite having shown up in the first place to enjoy the natural beauty. Ugh.

In conclusion: Again, this is a strong piece that I enjoyed because it didn't feel holier than thou and imparted an important lesson. I like that you do point out how we're plundering the earth but without overly demonizing humankind, which I think is an important line to straddle to encourage people to actually listen instead of tuning you out. Well done, and as they say, write on.


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Review of Illicit  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Um, jaw dropping, not what I expected. I mean, yeah, the title says Illicit, but I didn't really expect it. Nor when it started out with the description of food did I see it coming. I thought it was going to be about the temptation of food while trying to play the perfect mother at one of the soccer games. So, this took me by surprise, but was very well written. Such a naughty meeting, but you wove it in beautifully and only alluded to the details. Well done.

Why I could relate to your work: This grabbed my attention because well, saying this with pride, I'm a soccer mom, but just for the record, I'm not that kind of soccer mom. All of my bathroom trips are to accompany little munchkins cause they shouldn't be going in on their own.

My suggestions: Anywho, I have no suggestions. I loved the flow of this, the build-up, the climax (oh yeah, pun intended) and the conclusion. What a hot, erotic encounter, and you described it all very tastefully so there was no feeling like I should avert my eyes or something.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that pulled my attention from your words.

My favorite line(s): "Wedding ring glimmers
In a ten o'clock sun.
Gold shoved into the pocket of my jeans,
Hidden like another bit of lint." Oh, it's going to be this kind of poem is it. This was truly the knock against my head that this wasn't quite what I was prepped for. Kind of like following after Alice at this point, I knew I was headed down the sexy times rabbit hole, and I had to follow to see how it all played out. Again, beautifully done.

In conclusion: I'm very impressed with how you approached this and liked the layout. Well written. As they say, write on.



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Review of 30 Minute Dash  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I love how you made such mundane details in life so interesting and humorous. I found myself chuckling and identifying with you even though I don't do coffee nor do I blog. I loved the natural ease of your writing, it flowed smoothly and kept me entertained from the beginning to the end.

Why I could relate to your work: I understand that waste of time in the morning. Mine's spent on the Simpsons Tapped Out and this gorgeous Seeker's game. It's addicting, shhh, look away, don't judge!!! It's hard to motivate yourself out of the time traps, but I think if this is what you're doing instead, it's a worthwhile venture.

My suggestions: I don't have any. I loved reading every aspect of this. The ending wrapped it up nicely and left me chuckling, but the opening did a good job of grabbing my attention as well. This was a great piece that took what could have been considered average moments and made them feel extraordinary with your fun perception.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that pulled me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): Nope, no favorites. I truly enjoyed the whole thing.

In conclusion: Not what I expected, but oh, such a fun surprise. This entertained me from beginning to end and was easy to relate to. Well done, and welcome to the WDC.


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Review of Out  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: It is so short, but well done, capturing the tension of that situation and yet relaying relief at the end, for though we don't get to see Daren's reaction, I can imagine it was first stunned confusion than that blessed relief you get when your secret's out but no one had a cow.

The title conveyed exactly what this was going to be about, so I started it with the expectation it would be a sexuality confession, and was glad I didn't misread the clues.

Why I could relate to your work: I think pretty much all of us have had a secret that was weighing us down and we were terrified to spill it.

My suggestions: My only complaint is that Daren and Jared are very similar. I tried reading Jared as Jaren, but realized my error, and still had trouble convincing my mind to accept Jared. Otherwise, I think you captured the conflict well, provided a solid conclusion, and made the conversation feel natural and real. Not bad for only 55 words.

Any noticeable typos: I did not see anything that pulled me from your words.

In conclusion: I enjoyed this. It was short and sweet, providing an actual situation in the equivalent of a paragraph. That's difficult to master, but you did it well. Nicely done, and as they say, write on.



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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there: I found this on the review page of the WDC Power Reviewers, and thought I'd give it a shot.

What I love about your work: To be fair, I entered into reading this completely ignorant of Eva's story, and having no clue what I was getting into, but I really enjoyed it. I imagined this young woman on a stage with the scarf, backlit with a soft red or blue for a more dramatic look, every movement big and dramatic to pull us into the beautiful story.

Why I could relate to your work: I remember when I was little and seeing previews for Evita with Madonna. I assumed it was based on a real woman, but I was too little to appreciate her impact. I looked her up after reading your niece's piece, and wow, what an impressive woman. I definitely think this monologue did her justice.

My suggestions: I don't really have any. I think the words are powerful, the transitions well chosen, and the conclusion a nice wrap up of the entire piece. It's more lines than I would want to say in front of an audience so kudos to your niece, but I definitely think this was well done.

Any noticeable typos: Nothing stood out to me.

In conclusion: I went into this blind and came out of with a much better appreciation of a driving force in Argentina. And though I don't know your niece, I could totally picture the way this played out thanks to the transitions and the strength of the words.


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Review of Being Naked  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: Your faith comes through loud and clear with your work. I can read it and sense your devotion to God, can practically taste it in your words, but you write it with a reverence that makes it feel genuine and not condescending or preachy.

Why I could relate to your work: As someone raised in Christianity, I can relate the feeling of vulnerability that happens when you open yourself up to God. It's not easy to look inside of yourself and acknowledge all the bad as well as the good, but that's what happens when you are "naked" in the spiritual sense.

My suggestions: I have only one and that's simply because I have a sarcastic mind that instantly responded to the end question. I'm not entirely sure I'm a fan of that last line. I can see the intended conclusion, but for someone who is sarcastic and looks at things more with a humor, it came away different for me. It also didn't feel like a finishing line to me. But otherwise, I think this flowed well, exposed your soul for us to see your devotion, and carried a strong message.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that pulled me out of your words.

My favorite line(s): "Being naked before God isn’t a glorious thing.
It’s being vulnerable, exposed, humbled, and disgusting to look at
With nowhere else to go." I thought this came across as truly beautiful and sincere, daring us to look into our darkest corners and lay it out there.

In conclusion: I think this is a wonderful devotional piece that really captures the strength of your faith. Well done, and as they say, write on.


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Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: Aw, such a bittersweet piece, revealing the beauty of young love but knowing it ends six feet under. Sandy definitely strikes me as someone innocent and stuck forever carrying the memory of love lost too soon.

Why I could relate to your work: Thankfully I've never lost a boyfriend to death, but as someone who's been married for over twelve years, the idea of being in Sandy's shoes is enough to make my heart clench into a hard knot. I've threatened my husband that I get to die first or we have to die at the same time because I cannot imagine my life without him. He's my best friend and my smile at the beginning and end of every day. So, yeah, this piece touched that aspect of my life.

My suggestions: I do have a few. I enjoyed the build-up of the characters and leading into their romance from the point of loss. However, I would suggest, if you get a chance to go google passive voice. If you can learn to eliminate the passive voice from the story, or at least tone it down, your work will pop.

A couple lines felt repetitive.

For instance: "As she reflected more on that notion, she felt a deep pang in her heart. A feeling that had become all too familiar. It was the kind of pain that seemed to swim through you slowly, like a river just down from the hillside, spreading across the flat land after a heavy rain." I would remove the second line, perhaps simply replacing deep in the first line with familiar. Otherwise, you have three lines in a row about the feeling of pain. And while this is a story about about pain, it can be consolidated a bit.

Showing versus telling is something you want to keep in mind when writing a piece. I would love to be seeing her memories instead of "listening" to them, if that makes sense.

"It was always hard to think about that day that all their dreams came to a crashing halt." That is considered a filler word and often isn't needed at all, but when it's used twice in one sentence, it's distracting. Perhaps, "It was always hard to think about the day all their dreams came to a crashing halt." might work a bit smoother.

And my last suggestion is merely an aesthetic one, but trying to keep the format consistent will help keep your reader immersed in the story. I noticed a few places where there wasn't an extra space between the paragraphs, and it just detracted from the story. Super minor and easy to fix, but will help make sure the reader's attention isn't pulled away.

Any noticeable typos: I noticed a few minor punctuation and grammar things, but below are the typos that distracted me from your otherwise very touching story.

"Isn't it pretty to think so" This is the opening line and there should be a question mark at the end of it.

"The magic of that moment with the colorful fireworks bursting into the night sky, was as etched into her mind now, as his name was into this granite stone in front of her. " The comma use threw me for a loop. I think it should be more along these lines: The magic of that moment, with the colorful fireworks bursting into the night sky, was as etched into her mind now as his name was into this (though the would work better than this) granite stone in front of her. However, don't hold me on that one. Commas and I are not friends and sometimes, I'm totally off my rocker.

In conclusion: It never seems fair when one reads about love lost so young. It definitely tugged on my heart strings and made me ache for poor Sandy. Quite a sweet read, and I definitely see a ton of potential in your work. With a little polishing, this could really shine. I enjoyed reading it and loved how tender and innocent their romance was, even if cut horribly short. Welcome to the WDC and as they say, write on.


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Review of The Siren  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: I love the characters and the world you built up. The action felt strong, and had me struggling right alongside with them. I found myself wanting to read more, and hoping a romance is budding :P, and I'm not even a horribly romantical type of person.

Why I could relate to your work: Well, I've been watching The Expanse on the the sy-fy channel so I instantly understood the whole gravity thing. And then, I can't explain why, but Firefly came to mind too as I was reading this. My guessing is because you have this beautiful world of intrigue and desperation, miserable desert combined with air ships. It just spoke to my inner sci-fi fan.

My suggestions: I see we have an ailment in common, thatinitus. In the first few paragraphs, the introduction I guess, 'that' is said three times. At least two can be removed and not impact the flow of the sentences. It's a filler word and the less times it's used in a story, the better. In the first non-italicized paragraph, that is used six times. It was definitely distracting from the story, but once I got past the first few paragraphs, the rest of the story gripped me, so if you could tweak the wording to eliminate most of those 'that's' it would read much smoother.

I also suggest working on trying to get rid of the passive voice. It felt a bit clunky in a few spots because of the passive voice, but I think a little polishing, maybe run it through autocrit.com, will help clean it up.

Any noticeable typos: To be fair, I was really immersed in your story and it would have had painfully obvious to tear me out. I didn't see anything capable of managing that.

My favorite line(s): "In the desert, winter ruled with as harsh a hand as high summer." I know, probably not what you expected but having lived in the high desert, I could relate to this instantly and it completely set the environment for me. High desert means heat stroke in the summer and snow in the winter, cruel and unforgiving beauty.

In conclusion: I very much enjoyed this story. I loved the main characters, and you did a wonderful job on giving us enough of her history woven through the story to make us care about her future. I loved you gave us her said history without doing an information dump. That is a mad skill to have and one so few authors have mastered. Kudos. Overall, I really liked how this progressed. I wanted to know more, cared about the outcome, and was pleased to see her ultimately get away, even rethink her cynicism about the world. Well done, and as they say, write on.


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Review of Black Heart  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC!!!

What I love about your work: I knew better to click on this, I really did, but I had to anyway, and despite it being only four lines and nineteen words long, it hit my heart with a good solid punch. You captured those last few moments in a beautiful, painful tribute.

Why I could relate to your work: I've put down a few animals in my lifetime, but my first cat stands out the most to me. I'd had her since she was a few weeks old (she was a stray that followed my father in) and when I was twelve, her kidneys failed her. The vet gave me the option of letting her wallow in pain for a few more days or putting her down. I held her while they injected her, and she purred all the way to the end. Sorry, I'm sure this doesn't help, but thought I'd let you know why I am tearing up as I'm writing this.

My suggestions: I don't have any. I think this is well done, and straight to the point. Tugged at my heart strings and definitely left me thinking about it when I was done.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that stood out.

In conclusion: This was well done, and absolutely heart-breaking. I'm sorry for any loss that has inspired it, but know you're not alone in your grief. Many of us know how much it hurts to part ways with a beloved, furry family member. Anywho, welcome to the WDC.


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Review of Going Places  
Review by Siobhan Falen
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Anniversary this month!!!

What I love about your work: This cracked me up, for so many reasons. I loved the rhyming scheme and how everything came with reprimanding for the little brother getting too frisky. Very cute.

Why I could relate to your work: Ah, multiple reasons. Being the oldest, I know what it's like trying to curb the more troublesome sibling. Rotten little sister :P. And in a horrible (horrible because I'm a horrible person and chuckled at the connection) way, the beginning of this made me think of current events.

My suggestions: I don't have any. I enjoyed the flow, thought this told a great story, connected us with both children, and tickled my funny bone.

Any noticeable typos: I didn't see anything that stood out.

My favorite line(s): "Hold my hand and stay by me.
Or I’ll take you back to that monkey!" Lol, aw yes, when all else fails, threaten them with the monkey! Did I mention I could relate to this as the older sister? Hmmm.

In conclusion: I thoroughly enjoyed this and am glad I picked it out of your profile. It's sweet, innocent, and left me smiling still even as I wrote your review. Beautifully done, and happy anniversary.


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