The opinions offered by me are strictly from of my viewpoint and not to be taken literally. I offer them so you may understand my thoughts at the moment for my reasoning. If these are of use, take them. If they are not of use, by all means disregard them.
Title: "Unlikely Christmas Miracle" 
Chapter: Unlikely Christmas Miracle
A woman receives a very unexpected miracle at Christmas time.
Author: Iva Lilly Durham  
Plot:Carrie is aged living in assisted care and follows through with her Christmas evening.
Style Voice: Third person, consistent. I found some confusion with two names Tom and Bill, notes in the LBL. I did enjoy the italicized thoughts of Carrie, I have a fondness of such things.
Referencing: Aging can be festive and still the complications remain.
Scene/Setting: Carries apartment and the day room. A Christmas scene winds up and most spirits are lifted.
Characters: Believable?Absolutely UniqueDefinitely
Grammar: Any Comments are in the line by line.
Sentence structure, fragments, paragraph-line break, hard breaks, word count: Any comments are in the line by line.
Personal comments of certain POV or other unique opportunities. Any comments will be in the line by line
P/T Past tense
Rewrites. Being respectful to the author's work.
Comments or suggestions:
Any are in the LBL.
My Personal Opinion:
This was a fine read, it brought laughter to me and it brought forth the realism that exists with our aged society for how daily struggles can easily be taken for granted by us younger ones. The scenes were bright and cheery and everything molded around a Christmas evening so well. The end was a surprise and left me wondering if she had dreamed or passed on. This was a very good read.
(2164 words)
Carrie slowly walked from closet to living room by holding on to furniture or walls as she went from the closet{c:greencloset is repeating. Try instead a brief description like she went from the small storage space containing her Christmas ornaments to the living room, carrying ornaments as she went. She was not strong enough to carry the box but didn't let that interfere with her enthusiasm for decorating.
All of her ornaments were precious -- the elegant white Christmas angel which, when plugged in, caused the wings to change from one Christmas color to another. Her favorite were the silver wings which matched the trim on the three-foot angel itself. Her only child, Lena, gave her the angel years ago in better days.
Next came the two snow people, man and woman, 20 years old but looking new. They smiled at each other as she and Tom used to smile at each other so, to herself, that's what she called them -- Tom and Carrie.
She gradually added her hand-made, crocheted cream-colored stocking, at least two feet long,I doubt a comma is needed here, but I'm no comma expert. decorated in pearls,Again no comma and in this case the description is continuing. roses and ribbons. Little by little,No comma. There is no effect showing for a pause. she got the decorating done and sat down with a half cup of steaming Latte and enjoyed the festive look of Christmas once again, just in time for it was the 23rd of December. The Iowa weather was perfect too, a cold, crispy day. All she had left to do was to bring out the large,I doubt this comma. large and white are descriptive of the nativity scene. white and light blue ceramic nativity scene her sister-in-law made for her for her very first Christmas as a new wife. When she had the breath to carry it to the covered patio with the blue and white lights surrounding it, already put up by the handy man at the senior apartments where she lived, she admired it's ageless beauty..
She was ready for a short nap; then she would begin working on the last Secret Santa gift. Most of the residents participated and names had been drawn. She had a small gift which she would give at the Christmas dinner for residents. She smiled at the thought as she drifted to sleep in her big recliner, although she had planned to watch 'Days of our Lives' first. I'm really drawn into this scene as this little ole' lady definitely enjoys Christmas and she makes me feel quite well.
#####
Carrie woke, as usual with every joint in her body stiff and hurting, her feet and legs stinging, burning and aching with the chronic pain she had, a residual of her diabetes, although she now had normal blood sugar levels. Neuropathy, her doctor called it. She had named it 'Should Have Known Better Syndrome.' I should have taken the diabetes more seriously when I was younger." She has much worse medical problems to worry about now, a tired and well-stented heart and total kidney failure. She received dialysis three times a week, necessary to sustain her life. Most of the time, she was happy to be alive but some days were very hard to endure. She checked her watch to see if it was all right to take a pill for pain. Twenty minutes to go -- she decided to try rubbing circulation back into her limbs. Just then, the telephone rang. She reached for the phone on the near-by end table. Sounds so much like my wife and she is only thirty nine.
"That you, Carrie?"
"Who else, Bill? Did you hit the wrong number again?"
"Very funny, Carrie. Ever since you had your cataracts fixed, you are so smug."
Carrie giggled. "Well, if you weren't so chicken, you'd have yours done. I now have 20-20 vision with my new lenses, thank you."
"I don't like being cut on. My see-ers aren't that bad yet. So what'cha doing? Cooking I hope." A cute beginning to their conversation that brings forth a chuckle.
"Net yet, only three o'clock and we will be at the Christmas dinner this evening. You had no lunch? I have some leftover fried rice, salad and peach pie if you are interested."
"Does a pope pray? I'll be there in a few. Don't fall back asleep." I burst out laughing with this one, that was good.
"I don't fall asleep. I plan my naps unlike some people." I think she actually did.
"Ya, ya. Bye. Coming right up."
Carrie got up and furniture-walked to the kitchen to put the food in the microwave. Greatest darn invention since television. She hummed to herself. In a few minutes, the door bell rang and she opened it. TomI thought this was Bill? stood there, grinned like the old fool he was, and she motioned for him to enter. He ambled in and leaned over to kiss Carrie's cheek.
"There you go again, starting something you can't finish." She smiled.
"Maybe I can; maybe I can't, but I can try." He smiled back.
"Well eat first. It will build your strength up. One can always hope." They laughed together while she dished up his food for him. This dialogue is quite humorous and perhaps at such a age such talk may be just what's needed.
Carrie watched as he ate with gusto. She had little appetite anymore but loved to see a man eat her cooking. She cooked more for him than for herself.
"Wonderful, Carrie. No one cooks like you. That should hold me until Christmas dinner tonight. May I sit at your table this year?"
"Of course, as long as you behave yourself."
#####
Carrie loaded her scooter with Christmas gifts and cards, her portable oxygen tank and a sweater in case the day room was cool again and drove it out the door. She stopped a minute to get her breath and drove down to the elevator door. Another resident held the elevator for her until she arrived. They chatted happily as the elevator took them to the first floor. Bill was waiting in the hall for her and they went into the day room together. Most of the residents were there, chatting, drinking punch or coffee. They joined another couple at a table in the middle of the room.
"I don't care what you say, Paul. There is some kind of gremlin pulling all these damn cords causing all the alarms to go off night after night. "
"You alarms going off again, Rhoda?" Bill laughed.
"You wouldn't laugh, you old fool, if you were up all night trying to quieten the damn things."
"Maybe it's your smoke alarms going off, bad batteries maybe? That happened to me in the middle of the night when no one was around to fix it. I had to listen to the thing chirp for hours before the maintenance guy came on duty." Carrie frowned with the memory.
"I took mine down." Bill grinned.
"You'll get in trouble on inspection day, not to mention you might die in a fire. Not to mention, you don't have your Life Line button on again." Rhoda's pinched face had a superior look.
"Don't want to be drug off to the Emergency Room anymore. I'd just as soon die."
"Don't say that Bill." Carrie patted him on the arm. "I'd miss you."
"You're the only one. Kids don't care and most of my friends are dead already. I've outlived my usefulness." So sad.
"You're useful to me." Carrie leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then patted his arm. "You don't believe in gremlins, do you Rhoda?"
"I believe in ghosts. Same thing. Something bangs around in my apartment, and I hear the door knob being turned all the time but no one is in the hallway when I get there. And I can't count the number of knocks on the door. Just irritates the life out of me."
Bill laughed. "If it takes you long as me to get to the doorway, an infantry unit could be gone by then." Busted out laughing again, I like this.
Everyone laughed but Rhoda. "Don't care what you say old man, I hear and see strangers all the time. "
"Coming for the carry me home," sang Carrie, "words from 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."
"You just wait and see, you folks. Your gremlins will come."
#####
The dinner had gone well and Bill was asleep on the sofa, full of turkey and dressing and pie. Carrie smiled at him. No use in waking him up. She left a night light on and went to her bed and was asleep in minutes.
"Carrie, honey. I'm going home now. Need some Pepto. My stomach is killing me."
"OK, Bill. I'll go to the door with you and make sure it's locked. Don't want Rhoda's gremlins getting in."
"Sorry I had to wake you. I need to bring a bottle of Pepto up here; you never have any."
"Sorry, hate that pink stuff. Can't take baking soda either my doctor says, bad with no kidneys to speak of."
She kissed Bill lightly on his cheek just before she closed the door. She realized she was too awake to go back to sleep, and her legs were hurting. She took half a Vicodin and then sat down at her desk top computer at her desk. The lap top was getting it's battery revived. She grinned because it reminded her of how her grandchildren teased her. "Ma-Ma is a nerd," they said while checking out her computers, smart phones, ipods and ipads. She had just ordered a Kindle Fire. Love my gadgets, she laughed to herself. She would tease the kids too and tell them she had been online since the O.J. Simpson trial when she got hooked on news chat rooms. These days, it was Barack Obama she followed or that weird Rush Limbaugh, even Glen Beck. One thing never changes, always some interesting or weird person spouting off. She logged on to AOL to check her email, thinking how she had her AOL email for 18 years or so.
As usual, most of her email was SPAM. Her old high-school friend, Naomi, had sent her another 'birther' email. She had given up a long time ago. She knew Naomi was a right-wing wing-nut as Bill called her type, believing every conspiracy theory known to man kind.
But wait, who is this email from? She opened the email and read, "Tonight, you will get the surprise of your life." That's all it said and was signed Ghostman1992. "How strange," Carrie thought as she hit the delete button. Maybe it's one of Rhoda's gremlins. She giggled to herself. Suddenly, she had a little pain in her chest. "Shouldn't have had that sweet-potato pie," she said aloud, rubbing the center of her chest, "but dialysis is tomorrow. Probably too much phosphorus in it. "Always something to worry a body." She suddenly remembered what the doc had said the last time she was in the ER.
"Elderly people cry quietly." This was his explanation for keeping her all night for tests. She assumed he meant that small symptoms were more likely to be serious in older people. Turned out I had a bleeding ulcer that time. No wonder, the number of medicines I have to take. She continued reading her email, rubbing her chest and waiting for the pain to subside. After a while, she dozed off in her office chair, not unusual for her. The last part of this sentence is narrative, telling not showing anymore to the reader.
#####
A few hours later, Carrie woke. It was chilly in the room so she put on a robe and made it over to the big window at the end of her bedroom. Looking outside, she saw that it had snowed. It was beautiful. Kids were outside playing in the snow and men were cleaning off their auto windshields. No pain this morning. Going to be a good day. She decided to go to the kitchen for her morning cup of tea. Just then, she heard the TV come on. I thought Bill went home last night. Looking confused, she walked slowly toward the living room.
When she entered the living room, it had changed. It was huge and filled with all manner of smiling and laughing people. Oh my word, I need to get dressed! There's a party going on here.I laughed while wondering she hadn't noticed light from the room and noise too. But this could be a dream so I'm going with it.
"Carrie! So good to see you darlin`. Come give me a hug." Whoever it was looked just like her Uncle Don, but he died of kidney disease many years ago, long before dialysis became possible. Carrie thought her imagination was playing tricks on her. This had never happened before.
Someone said, "Where's Tom? Tell him Carrie is here. He will be so glad." He padded the cushion next to him on the sofa. "Sit down girl, take a load off." Carrie sat down, wondering who he was. He looked so familiar to her. "I've never had memory problems before," she said to herself, looking confused. She spoke to no one in particular, "Where am I?"
"You're home, Carrie. I been waiting for you."
Carrie looked up and saw Tom standing before her. He looked so good, not old or sick, really good. " Tom?"
"Who else would be waiting for you all these years, doll? It's me. Tom. Ain't no gremlin." His big smile had not changed, she thought.
"Bill, how did you get here?" She looked so confused. Is Tom, Bill or is Tom someone new but not getting much view time here?
"You got here, sweetheart." He pulled her up, into her arms. "There is no pain here, no tears, just like the good book says. I've been watching and waiting, just like I said I would. Merry Christmas, Carrie."
Everyone in the room started singing, "Joy to the World." Carrie finally understood.
"Merry Christmas, Tom. It's so good to be here."
The End
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