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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/simply2020/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
Review Requests: OFF
631 Public Reviews Given
639 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, honest, sometimes blunt. If you don't want the truth don't ask me. I do try to be nice, but I will tell you what I think.
I'm good at...
I'll read your story and let you know how it makes me feel. I don't mind spending time providing details of what works or doesn't and provide suggestions for the author's consideration. Grammar is important but I'm not a real stickler. Spelling though, at least use spell check.
Favorite Genres
I'll read many genres if your story grabs me.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, interactives.
I will not review...
I'll read most things. If I don't think I can, I'll let you know.
Public Reviews
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Review of Welfare  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again huntermartin!

I've read the fleshed out version of Welfare. It gives us a little more insight but still it didn't really satisfy. There are too many questions still.

Why does the captain sleep with her men? How does she manage to perform her duties.

Why do you mention she doesn't age only at the end? Still not enough details here. It seems rather pointless to include this tidbit but not give the reader the whole story.

Your premise is interesting and I truly think you could make this into a 'long' short story.

Give the character a name. Make him real, what does he look like, how old, how does he feel about this life he has, what does he like/ love, hate, want? Make him REAL.

Same with the other characters, what's the captain's story?

What does the ocean smell like, how does the ship sound as it moves... make your story alive.

As I said before your writing is good. I hope you choose to give us a real story. I'd love to read it.

All the best,

simply
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127
Review of Welfare  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello huntermartin,

I'm reviewing your story Welfare.

There is promise here but the story is too short and lacks details and information. It also lacks a beginning, middle and end.

I am in no way suggesting the writing is poor, this is not the case at all. I think you just need to expand this and make it into a real fleshed out and interesting story. The characters are flat and one dimensional.

Your writing is good, I hope you choose to expand.

All the best,

simply
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128
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi bumblegrum!

Oh these were lots of fun, AGAIN!! or STILL.

Just so much fun to read. I think you should publish them in a nice little book. I'd buy it.

There's lots of imagination here and all manner of sweet little stories packed in a few lines. I don't know how you do it, but it's a fun.

Thanks for the excellent entertainment.

I'll wait for more.

all the best,
simply
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129
Review of Die Only Once  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello iva*mae!

I just read your piece Die Only Once.

If you think of this logically, you'd say, well of course we die only once! But your piece made me think about that and wonder, but do we?

You can sit and think about what being alive means really. And if you aren't alive in your daily life, you could be dead inside, not living, not being, not interacting. Your soul and spirit are dead, while you still exist.

So I agree with you, we should all die only once.

Great job,

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*


Write On!

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130
Review of Enticement  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*RainbowL* *Bird* *RainbowR*


*Exclaim* Hello: Mikaylee- Rae Johnson



*Star* I Am Reviewing Your Story: *PointRight* Enticement




*Reading*What I Liked:*ThumbsUp* Interesting short told from two perspectives. I think for the most part this worked, though I found it odd the kidnapper had a van parked there and the girl didn't scream. You say at the start there were lots of people about. She didn't scream and suddenly there is no one around to witness the kidnapping.



*QuestionG* Suggestions and Thoughts:*Idea* I found this difficult to read because of the colours. I would have found it easier if you simply used a different font or italics for the red text.

The colour just made it harder to follow and didn't add anything to the story, in my opinion.




*Heart*My Favourite Part:*BoxCheck* This part was nicely done:

I tailed her through the market, at first careful to never to avoid her gaze. I slowly gained in confidence, purposefully positioning myself within her view. Eventually, she noticed me, recognition glimmering in her eyes, and gave me a delicious smile. I was paralyzed; she turned away before I could return the smile, before I could warrant her trust.


Keep on writing. This piece could be expanded if you would like.

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*


Write On!

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131
131
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello dogpack! Happy WdC Anniversary!

I read your piece, Me, Myself and I. I am always so happy when people fill in their Bio's but sometimes a bit more info is helpful.

I love to read stories where people have overcome something, that is considered by most to be a huge obstacle. To me these pieces are inspiring and help teach that I too, can deal with whatever life throws at me.

This piece gave us insights into you and what makes you tick. I am glad that you didn't end up as a grumpy and unhappy person!

Keep on writing and be such a helpful and supportive member of WdC!

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*


Write On!

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132
Review of Ceremony  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* *Bird* *RainbowR*


*Exclaim* Hello: Michael K!



*Star* I Am Reviewing Your Story: *PointRight*
Ceremony



*Reading*What I Liked:*ThumbsUp*

Very nice revenge type tale. I enjoyed the narrator personally. It really worked for me in this.

I do have to say that my curiosity is still just a little unsatisfied because I'd just like to know why this guy is killing off all his high school mates. Yes I know I can guess, but sometimes I just want to be slapped in the face with the fish.



*Heart*My Favourite Part:*BoxCheck*

Liked the first paragraph, nice hook, lovely description of the scene and loved the tucking the hair behind the ears.

I'll be back for more!

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*


Write On!

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133
133
Review of Knock Knock  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
HA!

Brilliant. This was a terrific idea. Love the POV and your terrific descriptions make us feel 'at home'. I can see the room and the poster. Very very well done as always!

Still waiting for the book of shorts!

simply
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134
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Angus,

I came a-hunting for nice story and look what I found! This isn't an original idea, city boys get lost and are found by looney mountain boys, but the greatness is in the telling not the idea. You told it perfectly and the as always a delicious original twist at the end!

You are an exceptional wordsmith and your imagination is second to none.

Thanks for yet another terrific tale.

All the best,

simply
135
135
Review of Pop Dolls  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Mike!

Just read Pop Dolls.

There isn't a lot to comment on and technically I found nothing at all to quibble about.

This commentary on celebrity and falseness could be expanded to include much of our society today. Things, looks, money and having, are so much more important than a person's thoughts, interests, humanity and humility.

This piece is an excellent piece of writing and I'm sure if a pop doll manages to read it, they certainly won't apply it to themselves.

Very well done.

simply
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136
Review by Simply
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like this. I work for a bank, and we always hear the same things. A bank is not a charity or a government agency, it is a business, we are in business to be profitable and charge fees to cover costs and satisfy our shareholders. People need to get real.
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137
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Angus,

Wow again. This was terrific, lovely story and your Dad I'm sure would have been proud, knowing that you wrote it with his life in mind.

I think you did a great job as per usual. Great characters, wonderful images, a nice 'gentle' ghost story. A nice change from the usual screaming nasty hauntings.

What else can I say, but Brilliant.

Thanks for sharing your talent, I just love your stuff.

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write On!

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138
138
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Michael K!

I have to apologize, I did read this the other day, but was interrupted and couldn't leave a review then! So I saw it was still here so I read it again. Enjoyed it as much as the first time. Rated it 4.5.

Nice description of a cheap dad from the pov of his son. How boring to hear THAT all the time. But I think you did a great job with the back story and the description of dad.

And as is usually the case, with a dad like that the son turns out to be the opposite and what a perfect choice of future job but Paleontologist. I laughed out loud at that.

Great twist to introduce the T Rex as the cause of the accident and the final sentiment of the boy was perfect. Great job, loved it!

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write On!

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139
139
Review of The Trap  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Coffeebean!

I'm here to review your story, The Trap.

Nice short story, with marvelous images of days gone by. The marshall and Hardy were well written and realistic. The whole story was well done. The reader is expecting a fight and we got a marvelous alternate ending.

Great job. Interesting and fun read.


All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write On!

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140
140
Review of The Meeting  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1*


*Exclaim* Hello Pibody!




*Star* I Am Reviewing Your Poems: *PointRight* Worm and Apple




*Reading*The Plot and What I Liked:*ThumbsUp*
Two lonely beings searching for love and companionship. I enjoyed both poems and points of view. Word choice was excellent.



*QuestionG* Suggestions and Thoughts:*Idea*
I know this was for a contest and this isn't a comment about your work at all, but I had sort of wished that the title was different, it would have been fun to figure out from your writing, what these two were about and represented.



*Heart*My Favourite Part:*BoxCheck*

This stanza was very good and I could just see the apple partially hidden from view in the tree:

Amid the crowded walk I see
Nestled 'neath the shaded leaves,
A figure yea, so plump and round
Could she be the one for me?


All in all, very good work. Thanks for the opportunity to read!

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write On!

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*Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1**Vine2**TulipR**Vine1*
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Review of I Still Remember  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello april(6)

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* I Still Remember


*Reading*The story and what I liked:
Very sweet and sentimental like being a new mom is supposed to be. But this is also sad too, and the sadness runs through this whole poem.



*Pencil* Technical Stuff:
I have no technical know how when it comes to poetry, so I don't even try. I'm sure there are lots of folks on wdc who can help there.


*QuestionG* Suggestions:

None really. This is warm and gentle and tinged with sadness and loss.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

I still remember your sweet little
smiles and your giggles
I still remember how
soft your skin was when I rocked you to sleep at night


I wish you continued success with your poetry.

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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142
142
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Elizabeth T. Rubenfield:

Thanks for asking me back to re-read your story May I Have This Dance.

Wow, I have to say when I got to the new parts I got chills - no I'm not kidding - I did. I think you did a good job adding the extra information. The flow of the story didn't change and it's even more 'Ghost'-like now.

Really well done. I've changed my rating from 4 to 4.5.


All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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143
143
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello Elizabeth T Rubenfield!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* May I Have This Dance


*Reading* What I liked:
Interesting story about sisters and their love for each other and their lives.



*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

Nothing I noticed.


*QuestionG* Suggestions:

There is too much space between the paragraphs in this story and it is a little off-putting. Consider reformatting.

Though I enjoyed this, I found there was a glaring amount of missing information, as explained below.

Why was Elysia killed?
Who were the armed men?
Why did Elysia tell Theresa to run? Did she know something? Was she involved with the men?
Was this all just random?

I think more detail and /or answers to the above would make this a more satisfying story.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

This part was very warm and wonderful, almost a 'Ghost' like feel:


I could almost see Elysia’s wonderful smile, clapping and laughing in joy and glee after one of my freestyle performances. I reached back out to her, and said: “Elysia… I finally did what you always wanted to do… Dance professionally…” I said softly.

She smiled warmly and reached out a hand to me. “Then, my dear professional, may I have this dance?”


All in all a good job. If you decide to change/expand, I'd love to re-read it!

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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144
Review of Wonderful Things  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


Hello robertwriter!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* Wonderful Things

*Reading* What I liked:
Well written vignette about the lengths a junkie will go to, to get what he wants/needs. Nothing and no one is sacred or gets in the way.


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

Nothing that jumped out a me.

*QuestionG* Suggestions:

None, this was creepy and nasty, just like it should be.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

He was certain he couldn't sell himself that night, not with the chancre sore. People were disinclined, when they could actually see the herpes.

What a way to live. As I said before this was a nasty little piece, because that's how it is. You did a great job.


All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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145
Review of Macabesity  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Hello robertwriter!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* Macabesity

*Reading* What I liked:
Good start that hooked me immediately. I liked how this man talked about his life with his beloved wife.


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

Nothing to report technically!

*QuestionG* Suggestions:
The beginning and rise of tension was very well done. However, I found there was a lot of what but not enough why as we got into the middle of the story. Why was the boy like he was? What made him that way?

I think that you could have given us that information in your conclusion, which I found to be too short and not satisfying considering how well written the rest of the story was.


*Heart* Favourite bit:
I had a few fav parts, but I thought this one summed up how this man felt about Clare:

Slowly, with concern, I shook my head, I don't know. In my natural instinct to protect Clare, I started to walk slightly ahead of her, holding her hand behind me, leading her.


All in all a well written interesting story. Thanks for the opportunity to read it.

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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146
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Hello N. Bukczevnikova

I am reviewing your piece: *PointRight* Thoughts On A Lover

I this piece was well written and quite uplifting as well as heart wrenching.

You were lucky to have known and shared a part of your life with this man. And yes, it was very unfair that this person and the life you shared was taken from you. So I don't think you should feel badly about not wanting stop those feelings yet.

Though, I'm sure your man wouldn't want you to pine for him too long.

I think you wrote about him and your life beautifully. There are wonderful descriptions and I think that you have actually lived. Many haven't had that and never will.

I didn't find that this piece was too personal, I felt no discomfort reading this, I only felt for you.

I wish you well in the future.

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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147
147
Review of Motherhood  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hello Sarah Rae!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* Motherhood

Ah this brings back memories. Up all hours with a crying baby ... funny how you can forget things.

*Reading* What I liked:

Well written and honest portrayal of being a new mom. I don't know if it isn't the truth for most of us, if we're honest.


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:
I didnt' find anything to quibble about. I thought you did a great job.



*QuestionG* Suggestions:
I liked reading this. I think is what happens to a lot of women when they bring home a new baby. You are so busy that housework gets left behind unless you have a husband who is an angel!

I don't have any suggestions to make this better. It's honest and truthful and how can you improve on that.



*Heart* Favourite bit:

This section was perfect. I was right there in the room and I remembered the prayer, word for word.

Soon, the sucking and gulping stopped and the infant’s breathing softened into the sweet sounds of sleep. Gently, oh so gently, she moved him away from her body and leaned over the crib. He twitched once. Her eyes closed instantly and a silent prayer flew from her heart. The infant sighed and fell back asleep. Heavy with relief, she tiptoed from the room, quietly latching the door closed behind her.



All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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148
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hello mair!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* I understood my mom when i became a mom

Please know I am aware this is your story and your voice. Any suggestions are offered as food *Apple* for thought!


*Reading* What I liked:

I enjoyed the sentiment in this piece. I think it was heartfelt and a great description of what a mother is.


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:
There were some problems which you can fix easily. For example: 'i' should be 'I'.

all sweet,tender,caring and energetic....someone
Should be: sweet, tender, caring and energetic ... someone
 You just need to use some spaces between the word and the ellipses {...} need to be spaced correctly. There should be a space before and after the dots and there should only be three of them.

Also ensure that you leave a space between your sentences:

nd realizing what actually a mother is?Even though there is no

Should be: nd realizing what actually a mother is? Even though there is no

*QuestionG* Suggestions:
If you can write using a word processing program such as Word Perfect. It can help you with grammar basics and spelling. Don't rely on it though, because it offers suggestions which are not always the perfect choice. There are lots of grammar and punctuation articles on WDC if you just search for them.

Capitalize your title: I Understood My Mom When I Became a Mom

Keep on writing and reviewing because both are very helpful to your own work.



*Heart* Favourite bit:
The following is very true:

If one asks me to describe mother in one word i would say she is the second name of "love"....all sweet,tender,caring and energetic....someone in the world who is always ready and keen with all her pure intentions to provide you with her shoulders to lean on when the world has turned their back on you....a person infront of whom you can open up your heart and she will listen to you no matter how bad or worthless it is for others.A person who live here life as if it belongs to her kids.A person who actually knows you....


Keep on writing!

All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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Review of Cookie Parts  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello Coffeebean!

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* Cookie Parts.

Please know I am aware this is your story and your voice. Any suggestions are offered as food *Apple* for thought!

Busy, perfect mom, takes the kids for fast food, oatmeal cookies and a six-legged visitor spoils the day. I had to read the last part a couple of times to get it, but that could just be me.

*Reading* What I liked:
Terrific story telling! Great little tale flowed well and mom and the kids were believable. Just had a little issue with the 'perfect' mom being late all the time. So she's not so perfect after all!


*Pencil* Technical Stuff:
Nothing to quibble about here. Grammar and punctuation all look good.


*QuestionG* Suggestions:
Donna felt some of the guilt go away when she looked at the oatmeal cookies.

I don't know, this whole thing was so well written I found the sentence above stuck out. Your word selection was so perfect throughout that 'the guilt go away' just didn't fit to me. Maybe consider, "the guilt disappeared" or "the guilt vanished".


*Heart* Favourite bit:

I read this again to find my favourite bit, but there isn't really one without the rest, so I'll have say it's the whole thing!

Great job with this little slice of life!


All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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Review of Last Letter  
Review by Simply
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello Warrior Poet

I am reviewing your story: *PointRight* Last Letter

Please know I am aware this is your story and your voice. Any suggestions are offered as food *Apple* for thought!

Loving grandson writes to his deceased Grandmother.

*Reading* What I liked:

This was very heartfelt and honest I thought. I think the author wanted to tell his grandmother what was great and also not so great about his beloved grandma. He needed to finally say all that he hadn't been able to.



*Pencil* Technical Stuff:

There's not a lot here to quibble about.


*QuestionG* Suggestions:

Please don't take this the wrong way but I had to make myself read this. Not because it wasn't well done, but because it was very hard to read on the computer.

It would have benefited from leaving more space between paragraphs and breaking down the text into smaller blocks.


*Heart* Favourite bit:

I am ashamed to admit the next part. You used to irritate me. You were constantly demanding I write you letters and send you pictures. Writing letters was your hobby. You only had one hobby and way too much time to practice that hobby. Don’t get me wrong. I always enjoyed getting your letters, especially when I was overseas. Unfortunately, I never had the motivation or time to keep up with your pace. I don’t know what you did with all the photos I did send you. Yet, you would constantly ask for more. I figure they got stashed away, lost, or stolen from you like so much of your stuff. You were an incredible pack rat. I could track the progress of your failing eyesight based on your letters. There were some letters towards the end I couldn’t even read.

I liked this part because it's so honest. My mom passed last year in June. She irritated me too and I know I did the same to her, but we loved each other, just like the author loved his grandma, no matter what.

Keep on writing these wonderful true and honest pieces!


All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*

Write on!

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