Hello rendellgrisen! This a Power Reviewers Shop Lightening Review.
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I am reviewing After School To College, here's what I thought:
Story: Story of High School grad off to her first year of college and she feels like a fish out of water. Other students are not so welcoming.
While I thought you character development was good, I did find her constant lack of belief in herself and the fact she thinks that no one else could ever feel this way very immature and personally I found it a bit too much. I'd like her more if she just had a bit of inner strength. Surely no one just out of high school would be this out of touch?
Obviously, if this is how you were writing Annie, it worked!
Issues:
Consider changing one of the highlighted item below as it is repetitive:
lost as ever. These people were talking to each other as if they had known each other for their lives. Me, I was lost as always,
Missing word: I had, in the language of science, high amount of inertia of mass. (Should be, a high amount of)
Awkward and put Annie's thoughts in italics:
My name is Annie," I said, alternating eye between both of them. "What are yours?" Am I being too direct?
Consider:
"My name is Annie," I said alternating looks between them. "What are yours?" Am I being too direct?
Issue: When using acronyms, make sure you use the full name or meaning in brackets, so all your readers can relate.
For example: WDC (Writing.com)
Issue: Repetitive, over use of, 'however' during the conversion. I think I would consider reworking that, like the example below. Corrections or changes are in orange.
"Hey, did you see that episode from 'Big Bang Theory'? "  spacing issue
"Uh ..." I was sidetracked. What were they talking about?
"Oh, man, I nearly killed myself laughing. Sheldon ...." And both of them burst (out) laughing.
Big Bang Theory ... I had watched a few episodes. Before I could utter another word, ....
"... and then Penny nearly killed him! That reminds me, in 'Friends'..."
"Oh man, that was a killer!"
What the hell was a killer? I had no idea what they were talking about! Before I could open my mouth, however.....
"Hell, I hate that guy. But he is nothing compared to Dave!"
"I know right."
Now who is Dave? Should I ask them or just play along? Before I could make up my mind ...., however.
 This is confusing as I do not know who is talking now:
"Oh, 'How I met your mother' is replaying again on Star World," I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a guy, who was standing nearby.
Consider, re-doing the conversation as it really is hard to follow and understand. I would suggest reading it aloud which can help you hear where the issues are.
Issue: The latest cine news. Events from tuition classes I don't go to.
What is cine? What does it mean?
What are tuition classes?
Issue: Awkward sentence:
Stuff to which nobody is interesting in giving a novice like me background information so that I would know what is going on.
Consider: Topics I am not aware of and no one is interested in giving a novice like me the necessary background information so I can follow along.
My only other suggestion would be to reformat this piece. It is hard to read in its current state due to all the white space.
I think that this could be a better story. You just need to tighten up your sentences, read aloud to 'hear' your story and edit to improve it.
Thanks for sharing! All the best,
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| (4.5)
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Oh, he had done some bad things and his judgement seem to be off many times. That's why he was here.
Oh how he had tried to find that person, that helper, but in all the women he had known, he never was satisfied.
He heard the taping of footsteps as they walk to where he was.
If that is what you wish, it will be done," the Warden said.
it sounded like a core of soldiers 
Are you saying that the ghost is your main character's mother? I think the time frames are wrong for that OR you have to calculate the dates and ensure your reader is aware of the year this takes place. (If Cassidy died in the 1890's, what year does the story take place and how old is the Sinead?)
I edited the second paragraph fairly heavily for your consideration:
I hope you can see how the above paragraph is tightened up and it is a bit easier to read. A technique that helps is to read the story aloud. You can usually hear where you can cut things out.
To sum up, I think this is a lovely story of family love and bonds even after death. It just needs some editing and a bit of re-writing to improve it. It's a labour of love to chop and paste your story, but it's worth it!
I wonder if you took this a little too far to the evil side, though? I'm not so sure that people would go quite so far off the deep end. For sure there would be the feral ones, the crazy ones and the one that manipulate and take advantage of the nicer people.
But think given the time frames here, that there would be some nice folks that band together to get by.
The opening was good, I was interested and wanted to continue reading. 
I think you made your main character a good guy and a good father. I also like that you didn't go overboard with the swearing. I use it when necessary and I think you kept a nice balance.
All in all a good idea. I think though you can improve this by doing some careful re-writes and edits. Keep on writing!
All in all a good little story. Editing would help clean it up. Try reading your work out loud, this can help you hear where there are problems!.
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I like your writing style, sort of matter of fact, not overly flowery or long winded which I like.
The loss of memory is such a sad and frightening thing for the whole family. It can happen to anyone, anytime. You wrote about this disease with knowledge and compassion. I watched my dad look after my mother for years before she passed on, he was amazing to her during that time and I'm sure he had similar feeling to those that Sam was feeling. 
A Superior Kind of Hero and here are my thoughts.
I wasn't sure about the ending. My first opinion was meh, but after my second read through, I rather like it. 
I had to read this a couple of times to make sure I got it. Reading the underlined section I felt like the cat was getting neutered right there and then, adding 
I read your story, Writer, Dancer, Lover, Thief and am doing a review for your ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 
Just a small thing: "It makes sense that it would be haunted." (just missing quotation marks)
I thought you brought out dad's frustration quite well. I think most parents have been at their wits end like this at some point or other. 
I know you say you are trying this genre and I think you're doing a great job. Keep on because I think you will find your way. The writing is quite good and I'd be happy to read your work anytime.
