Please understand if I get this wrong, but poetry or lyrics in this case are hard for me to comprehend. It looked pretty good. It sounds like the narrator has to succeed in life, but it's very difficult. There are many obstacles along the way, but if he overcomes them, then he will be a great success. Good job.
The light at the end of the tunnel isn't slear I think you mean "clear"
Okay, first, I hate smoking. It's smelly and my lungs subconsciously close when I'm around the smoke. But I hear what you're saying about the endless list of human vices. No, we will never stop finding things we HAVE to improve. And what we think is good one moment, is really bad the next. I remember a number of years back, when butter was so bad and then it became margerine that wasn't that good for you. Eggs are bad because of cholestoral, but good for protein. Go figure. I still say smoking is bad all around, but that's my two cents. Good article.
This was good again. It's wonderful how the filthy rich know what's best for the average American and middle wage worker. After all, it's the wealthy that do all the hard work and daily labor, oh that's right, it's their middle wage servants. Oh well, they still know what's best.
Hey, will it make everything okay if Bush comes over and mows your lawn? Nah, he'd probably mess it up.
I like how you imply how much they're making financially and all the wrong decisions about wars we don't need to be in.
Unfortunately, what you need are people in office like us, those that have an agenda good for the nation and stick to it. But you will never have it.
I have seen my husband's secondary father mayor three times of his hometown. After the second time, he was out of office for a term, because people blindly listened to some rich woman with a lot of lies and speculation. Guess what, once she won, she put the town in massive debt. Bob was elected again and is still trying to fix her mess. He'll probably run again this year, but the mass idiocy, called citizens will probably listen to another bad intentioned liar and blindly follow.
The other problem, is idealists are crushed in Congress by the Reps. and Senators that have been there forever. The idealists on put on worthless committees and ignored. So it's either sell out or give up. And that is why we have fat cats runnng our government.
I really enjoyed this article. And it's exactly why, even though we qualify for WIC, I refuse to accept it. Instead, I put in a few hours a week and use my earnings to pay for the baby's food. And don't forget, we don't need social security either, or at least Bush and his cronies don't, so the rest of America can deal without it too.
I also appreciated the minority rule comments. It seems if anything offends even one person, it is no longer allowed. Very good piece.
This still looks good and you should work on it some more. But I'm a little confused. I understand the plans for the base and why it's going to be destroyed, but I'm not sure if there's more to this. Is the whole town on the hit list as well? Or are they just being kept out of the way by the false gas situation? Good job so far.
This looks promising. I have no clue what's going on for real yet and so a lot of ideas are passing through right now. I can't wait to read on and find out what's happening in the town. Good job.
after the September 11th thing?” Fix the spacing in "11th"
I don’t want to chance with Nate, with his asthma like it is. Change to "...chance it with Nate..." or "...to take a chance with Nate..."
and two cases of bottled water left over from last falls camping trips. Change to "fall's camping trip."
Angus would probably be eating Frosted Flakes, or something. Ditch the comma.
This was a pretty neat article. At the end you mention you've heard of worse "ethnic" hair. I can't imagine. I have the plain old white person hair and it's really easy to manage, though very plain and expensive to get colored red. But after reading your horror story, I can't imagine anything worse. I applaud your patience and not giving in to the temptation of hacking it all off. Great article.
This was an interesting poem. It seems really negative with the whole death theme in the beginning and end, but I think it's actually more about laziness and giving up. There are so many things to try and do, but the narrator isn't willing to put in the work, but die and go to heaven, where it's easy to suddenly become an expert in everything. Good job.
Sometimes I think about fate, and destiny,
And predetermination, and piles of s***, I'm curious if you mean "predestination" here, instead or "predetermination."
I'm not quite sure where this is going. Fawn seems to have the effect of mentally destroying all she talks to, so that they go nuts. She doesn't help them.
Also, the ending is confusing. You need a little background to explain the "law" and why Fawn is doing all of this. It's more like Fawn is the insane one.
Everything is well written and I didn't see any errors, again, just really odd. Nice start.
This was great, but probably because I can relate so well to it. We're currently living in Darmstadt, but stuck in base housing. BLECH! The first place we visited was Heidelberg and I can picture your descriptions of the roads, vividly. We also messed with our first Einbahnstrass there.
I liked what you said about speaking the language. We as Americans can get arrogant and not try to learn, but the response you get when you stammer out even a few badly pronounced words is wonderful. The Germans are happy you're even trying and are perfectly helpful.
I hope you finally found the hospital. It can't be worse than us driving over the Rhein River 5 times in Wiesbaden. Great piece.
This was a wonderful story. And it's also why I refuse to have a daughter as my second child. There's no way my son will cut off her hair. It's boys or bust. I loved the innocence and attempt to fix his mistake with tape. This first part of the story had me sufficiently horrified.
The ending was also lovely, with Tommy learning his lesson and trying to make ammends. Very good job.
You might want to break up the paragraphs with spaces or indent.
This looks like it will be a pretty good story. The whole ADHD epidemic was an interesting concept to work the story around. I liked how Avdonina found the general and how they will team up now, it ends this part with a lot of questions that will bring the reader back for more.
The descriptions of Avdonina eventually give the reader an image of her, but the descriptions are scattered throughout and it might be easier if you clump them together.
Also, I understand that the Johalimar have long fingernails and that they are taller than humans, but the story could use more description of them. Are they so similar to humans that Avdonina really thought she could pass as one? The general says her face is wrong, as well as her bone structure, so there must be noticable differences.
This was a good start andis almost perfect, with just a few more descriptions needed. Good job.
Sorry, my husband booted me off the computer for a few minutes befoer I could read this.
This was a pretty good poem. I didn't see any gramar or spelling errors, so you're good on that front too.
The poem seems to have more of a fantasy feel to it with the description of the wizard and the castle. But it also works for the rule of the early Catholic church and their condemnation of people like Galileo. Very good poem.
Besides the good writing, I'm giving it 5 stars because it nicely reflects how we as a society are fickle and easily throw away people that don't hold to our opinions at the time.
This was a cute way to write out your advice on grammar to Newbies.
But *TSK* *TSK* As someone who studies Medieval History and hopefully English Literature as well this spring, I have to bring out the historian. Umm... this is Middle English, not Old English. If it were Old English, very few people here would have a chance in heck of understanding it. I pick through Beowulf a little and I can only understand about every twentieth word. Just my historical accuracy screaming out.
But very original on the piece and great job.
Ye scole of Wrytyn.comme had putethout a decree fore alle that knew ye mysteryes of Englissh to abandyn theyr committmentes to instruct and holpen ye Newbies ynstead. A spacing issues. Change to "had puteth out..."
This was a nicely written piece and my rating does not reflect my opinion of the holiday, but of your work. It was short and a little rambling, so that's what the 4 is for. But you made your point quite clear.
Now for my rebuttal. I agree there are too many fake Christians that attend church on Christmas. I don't try to lie to God, I just don't attend. If there really is a God, then by my trying to be a good person and live a good life, then he should be happy with that and I won't be a hypocrite by attending a church I don't believe in.
As for Christmas and take no offense, this is the historian in me who's working for an MA in Medieval history, so my words are coming from research. Christmas was an invention of the Catholic church during the early Middle Ages.
Modern research has come to the conclusion that Christ was probably born in October, not December. But even the most devotely religious don't want to be told that. Everyone still tells the story of how Christ was born on Christmas Day. In actuality, Christmas falls around the Pagan holiday of Yule, or Saturnalia celebrated by the Romans. December 25th was chosen as Christmas by the Church to incorporate some of the pagan rituals and help convert them to Christianity. This was before the Church grew powerful enough to outright destroy pagans as heretics.
Okay, this was just my view. Now that's notto say celebrating Christmas religiously is wrong, but there's more history behind it than many people realize. Good job on the article.
In a way, this was a very sad piece. Being torn apart and having to decide between familes for the holidys. My husband and I had to make that choice too. But then we moved to different countries for the military and the choice was gratefully made for us. We have our own holidays.
It was nice to see how supportive the husband was though. I liked the description of the boys sliding and ambling in to breakfast.
Only one typo below. Great job.
since her parents separation, they had split Christmas Day between her father and mother. Change to "parents' separation..."
Now this is the kind of silly story that makes you cross your eyes and stick out your tongue in confusion. I get the basic story of this piece, only as long as I read it out very slowly. But if I attempt it again at a reasonable pace, forget it, I'd go insane. Very good job on this cute piece.
This was a very cute story. It starts out with the reader getting the impression that the blue-eyed man is some older hunk with a handsome smile to make the ladies swoon and he's probably selling brushes or knives, or the like. But I like the ending, when you find out who the "hunk" really is. Great job.
This was an interesting piece. A little confusing, but sad as well. I'm not quite sure what the green monsters the rabbits saw, was. But it was sad how the man was evicted from his home because he was so poor. Good job.
The court room had been darkly and without spectators:
[c:red}Change to "had been dark..."
A green light shone into that textil interior. Misspelled "textile."
I realize this was short for a contest, but it sounds like it could be a whole big story on its own. This sounds like just the romantic happy ending.
I'd love to read more, such as the fateful case the kept them apart. And why did it? Did either of them every imply anything? Good job, I'm just a curious sort.
This was a rather disturbing story. Not that Ernie was attacked by a bear and wrapped up, but how sad their lives are. Everything Greg and Ernie talked about, they had to compare to television or movies. This showed they had very little imagination or a life of their own. Very sad. Good job.
“you know like on Winnie the Poo.” Change to "Winnie the Pooh."
This was a curious story. There isn't any background to explain why the painting was special or how it came into their possession, but there was much mystery and danger. It seems the painting was alive and nearly killed, like it seemed to in its changing image. Good job.
Just before cubby was swept in to this happening, he was able to excape the visions he saw. Capitalize "Cubby" and misspelled "escape."
it was something cubby saw all the time for he was sitting across from the painting. but, with it being in the ashes, it is forever gone but remains a memory within cubby's mind. Capitalize "It was" "But, with" and "Cubby" twice.
This was a horrible story. The "man" sounded like such a hunk and the woman was able to get up enough courage to approach him and even thinking of something to say. And then to find out after she was probably seen skipping up, but other patrons of the neach, what the man really was. Great job, this was really funny.
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Good article.