Loved it!! I enjoyed your spin on the Christmas poem. I usually don't hear too much in celebration of the Pagan/Wiccan holiday. You not only enthralled the children in the poem but myself as well. You also kept the same rhythme throughout the whole poem. I have a hard time doing that so I applaud you!
I really enjoyed reading this creative short story. It puts a whole new spin to the life of a vampire and uses the not-to-much-written-about character the leprechaun. To top it all the even the ending had a spin too! It was a great read and very hillarious! Keep on writing!!
The beginning is a little off. A few words do not sound right and there are a couple punctuation errors. The errors are mainly in the first three "paragraphs". Other then those I really enjoyed the story and cannot wait for more! Keep me posted.
I loved this story. All the foreboding helps to lead into the rest of the story and makes you wondering where the writer is going with it. Even better was to end the chapter before the wedding. So far the story is great leading into the future and showing parts of the relevant past. (Keep writing this and let me know when there is more!)
I loved this story. The beginning really captured my attention and swept me away. I hope that you do continue because now I am left wondering where this story was leaning toward and what happens to the girl. It was great and I beg of you to continue it!!!
I loved this story. Two says came to mind while reading it. They were "if you love something set it free" and "the loss of one benefits many". They are worded differently to fit the story of course. I loved the descriptions and the little girl was so cute. It was a fun read that reminds others of their childhood.
This was an interesting read. The beginning reminded me of the new movie that had come out a little while ago, I can't seem to remember the title though. The idea of an elf showing the future was a creative one. I just wished that this piece was a little longer and had more description about the characters, events, and such...
I had never really thought of hiking as exercise but more as a hobby. This article is very interesting and I too believe that kids need to become a little more athletic with all this technology around. There were some minor grammer mistakes.
In the beginning you used the word past but it should be passed. In the second paragragh, first sentence you should use the word "and" instead of the ; and then decapitalize the If. I thought there was a couple more but I cannot find them again...
This was a very touching tale. When I was younger I had een around step siblings that sound like your brother. He sounds very sweet. My fiance is about to lose his grandma to Leukemia. Even though she's older the heartache and dread is still there. Thank you for sharing this tale.
P.S. At the beginning you wrote "rcently" I think it was supposed to be recently. Just a minor error...
This story was great. Really shows that sometimes there are more important things in life such as family that trumps your work. You should always manage your time for both. I loved the part about it being his horn that went of and it just goes to show that sometimes it takes a miracle to make you realize something. Great situation, characters, I loved it all!
Wow what a good and quick read! Who would've thought that she was a murderer! I had thought that she was a theif at first. There were some mistakes in grammer. Try reading this outloud and you'll catch them. Some are as simple as missing comma, using the word what instead of want and typing were (at the beginning) as we're or we are.
Wow what a shocking story! I would have never guessed that he was a murderer. This story was great and I was really fascinated and, well, a little freaked out when the title came into play at the end. That is some freaky collection. I really enjoyed this piece and cannot wait to read more!
Wow what good questions! They really do make a person think. What I wanted to ask is, "Will these situations every happen?" I really want to know but since I am not a fortune teller I will not know and the answers may live beyond even my generation.
Wow this is such a heartfelt story. It is amazing at how people meet each other and this one was quite suprising. How ever to make it better can you tell in other tales between when they got startled and when they got married? Like how did they start going together? Did he do anything romantic? Try and add a little more adventure, romance, and emotion to make this piece even better.
Great article! I really loved it and enjoyed that you shared my same thoughts as well. Valentine's Day is a day when people should show love to everyone, not just their partner or close family. You also gave great descriptions and was able to clearly get your thoughts across. Great job, and I can't wait to read more things from you!
So far it is a great story, except that it was cut very short. I want to read more! This is also very good for a fourth grader, though I understand you may have done some editing... You captured our attention and this sounds like it could be really great, maybe even a young children's book someday. So keep me posted and let me know when you write more! (Hopefully soon :) )
I loved reading this story and found it very creative. The nightmares were very vivid and the idea of being a never-ending worker of Lucifer was horrific. I however had a small complaint. The blue on my computer is too bright and is was a little distracting and started giving me a headache. Maybe you can try a dark ble instead? Just an idea.
This story was great, even though the topic was gruesome. I think this topic was a good one, and a recent one, and the descriptions you gave were great. I particulary was fascinated by the description you gave of death, such as the smell. Great Job! But a tip to make it a little more appealing to the eye would be to divide it into more paragraphs if possible...
Wow I really liked this story. It was short, quick, and to the point but still sent terror into the reader. This story was really creative in its making. The characters were simple and complex at the same time. The way the shadow and possessed Stella was a new idea in the way of possession. Great Job!
I love this tale. It has intrigue and a great plot line. I might be a little biased though...I always have loved a good vampire tale... But I also enjoyed the subtle comedy and the way the two characters were made to seem human. No body has really attempted that. Great Job! I also hope that there will be more...?
Still the suspense! I never had read a story before with this much hold on me, wow! And Theminor is still alive! Yeah, and the wolf pup seems cuter than every... Hmmm, a shift in the balance? I wonder what that could be... Well I guess I should read on to find out.
Wow, another great chapter, and the story just keeps getting even more intense! Now I know more about the characters and their kind. And the other man is still alive and with the wolf to help protect him. I hope he stays alive. This story is wonderful and I love the descriptions and the creativity involved!
I hope that he doesn't die. It would be sad if he did or will. He doesn't seem like a stereotypical barbarian for he had a soft side when he decided to help the baby wolf. My favorite animal is a wolf and I was please to read about one. Also thanks to the wolf finding him, he now has another companion. Now I will go on...
Loved this chapter too although so many deaths were quite sad. I also loved the details in your descriptions. They were very vivid and it was as if I were right there. Great job on creating the ektaks, they were very interesting. Now I have to wait about five hours to read the rest. How depressing...
This chapter is great. I cannot read more right now but I will later for sure. It is such a great read and it keeps a hold of me. I love the tale, characters, and the creation of suspense and its plot. Great Job! I cannot wait to read more of this after school.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/star61789
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.25 seconds at 10:14pm on Apr 25, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
