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333 Public Reviews Given
333 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I do like this concept. Leaving what the aurora is open to the reader’s imagination, in my personal opinion, is the best move and will allow them to press upon it their own personal beliefs. For example, is it the action of a divine being, is it nature’s way of rectifying the laws the father is breaking?

There are a few technical errors, which are easily fixed. As it stands they do not overpower the piece, but you will probably want to adjust them as you finish and polish the story. I’ll list some separate issues and provide an example or so of each, so you understand what I mean.

The first is something I seem to put in my reviews more often than anything else. When editing your document, you need to do two things. The first is to run it through a spell checker, this will pick up errors like ‘and i was’ and in the title ‘Moonight’.

After you have done that you also need to proof read your document. Not all errors are picked up by spell checking software, as the ‘wrong’ word maybe a word in its own right and therefore the program doesn’t see a spelling error. Many also ignore any errors in a word which begins with a capital letter. Doing this will ensure that you pick up on ones like ‘nearly hear’ and ‘cabinet the held his tea’.

Lastly, be careful about using the same word in short word span. It can make the reader feel like the sentences are repetitive. For example ‘before him and slid into the seat across from him.’

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
102
102
Review of F IRVING!  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Some minor spelling and grammatical errors, for example “at Basic training” and “statues on a chest board”.

Interesting concept which deals not only with bullying in the military, but also with how it was decades ago as opposed to now. We can see how the events impact your main character now, but it would have also been nice to know if it impacted his army career.

Still, the piece is well written and feels complete. Well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
103
103
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Interesting concept and I think it has the potential to be a longer piece, including what accident occurred to him and also what he supposedly knows.

A few spelling and grammatical errors.

The middle of the piece reads a bit confusing. For example, you have “as his left and horribly scared of his face and body came in view” which is worded poorly and then referring to the right side having been the one damaged “His right side had been horribly burned and his right arm was torn off”.

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
104
104
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This piece reads like it is meant to be continued as part of a longer story. Given the time of year you have joined, it is also thematically appropriate :)

Just a few minor spelling issues, for example “jewerly”.

Main thing I would recommend here is reduce the amount of times you use the word ‘Keegan’ as it feels repetitive, especially when it is sometimes used twice in the one sentence.

Good start though!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
105
105
Review of Compost  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brings a description to such a simple act I have never thought of, though part of me was ‘argh’ when I read about the feet in the kitchen sink lol.

Sentences are well constructed and I can find no obvious spelling or grammatical errors. You manage to put enough depth and detail into the ‘event’ without making it feel dragged out.

Welcome to the site!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
106
106
Review of Pulpit Grasp  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Obviously this is the beginning of a longer story. I think it is worth pursuing this concept to completion. I know I’m curious as to what exactly Priest is, as a number of mythical concepts fit the circumstances you have described.

There are a few technical errors, which are easily fixed. As it stands they do not overpower the piece, but you will probably want to adjust them as you finish and polish the story. I’ll list some separate issues and provide an example or so of each, so you understand what I mean.

The first is something I seem to put in my reviews more often than anything else. When editing your document, you need to do two things. The first is to run it through a spell checker, this will pick up errors like ‘Atleast’ and ‘befor emine’.

After you have done that you also need to proof read your document. Not all errors are picked up by spell checking software, as the ‘wrong’ word maybe a word in its own right and therefore the program doesn’t see a spelling error. Many also ignore any errors in a word which begins with a capital letter. Doing this will ensure that you pick up on ones like ‘He look on his’ and ‘Preist’.

Make sure you keep track of any missing punctuation which may also be missed by the spell checker, for example ‘priests breath’. Also that any names you have used are consistent with whether they have apostrophes etc, for example St. Martin’s/s.

Careful with what words you use. While a character may often say words which do not exist if it is in context with their style, outside of dialogue you may want to avoid it. Of course, that is a personal style issue and you might want to continue with it anyway. An example is the use of ‘ginormous’ a word, which to my knowledge and country of residence, isn’t a legitimate word.

There are a few basic grammatical errors, such as ‘father and me’, but nothing major.

Some sentences don’t fully make sense, for example ‘a few seconds after instant’ or ‘Finally, the priest it felt as if the priest had relinquished his grip on me’ but this is likely to resolve itself as you read over the document.

Lastly, be careful about using the same word in short word span. It can make the reader feel like the sentences are repetitive. For example ‘from me, and the room softened for me.’

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
107
107
Review of Bus Stop  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
It would be nice to have a bit more character depth. While we know she is young, how young?

Please make paragraphs and not have one continuous block of sentences. Given the intricacies of the site, when you upload a story you can tick a box to preserve spacing. If the box isn’t ticked, then it comes out in a single block :)

Some minor spelling and grammatical errors, nothing major.

The story needs a bit more flow. Currently it reads almost like bullet points. Try fleshing it out a little, with a bit more description and I think this issue will resolve itself.

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
108
108
Review of Dreams  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
When using phrasing like ‘you/r’ and our, make sure it is consistent. This may mean you would have to reword “Dreams are like a key to your true self. They emit your true personality, only to ourselves.” As it reads a bit clunky.

Make sure you look into what is simply a noun and what is a proper noun, to ensure you aren’t using capital letters incorrectly. Also, try to avoid repeating words too closely, as it disrupts the flow and makes it sound repetitive. An example of this is “Hot chocolate, as I carefully poured the mixture. Hot Chocolate is like a daily tradition to me. It soothes my mouth with warmth, leaving a strong taste of chocolate”. While I am far from the best author in the world, I would be more like to phrase that as “Hot chocolate was part of my daily routine. I watched it fill my mug slowly, thinking of how soon it would be soothing my mouth with its warmth, leaving a sweet aftertaste behind.”

Double check that the word you are using is correct for your intended meaning. Remember that your readers may not have specialised knowledge in an area and if you use rare words they may not understand the meaning. An example of these two concepts is “Sub-continuous...”

Other than that, a good start. I’d like to read further into it, just to know what direction this story is headed.


WDC POWER REVIEWERS
109
109
Review of AWAKE  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
The concept of this piece is interesting. While many ideas refer to using cryo, normally it is done in relation to long term travel as opposed to managing overpopulation.

For me the problem was it is very difficult to read due to many technical errors.

Please spell-check your work and also have someone proof read it for further spelling and grammar. The lack of correct punctuation makes it hard to follow what is occurring, causing the reader to go over the same sentence a few times. An example of this is not always having your speech marks closing off the verbal exchange before continuing, (” Well we all know how does it feel, don’t we? she said). Also, separate the dialogue exchanges in conversations onto a new line. This also helps to improve the readers understanding.

Many of your sentences have extra words or are incomplete, making the reader then have to ‘guess’ your intention (The door had been released as all the wires from my body).

I know you are having Andrew take a leap of faith, but there is nothing you presented me with in the story that would make me believe he would do this. He doesn’t recognise the connection with Cathy, doesn’t know her from a bar of soap and has expressed no desire about being ‘free’. I think the story would benefit from adding more motivation on his part to agree to her request.

In addition, I don’t think you have made it incredibly clear what has happened to Andrew in the last paragraph. This should be further explored.


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110
110
Review of The Wooden Sphere  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very ethereal feel that takes me back to authors like HP Lovecraft. While a couple of words seem a bit harsh for the ‘floaty’ flow of the piece (for example, “in a flash”, they still suit it due to the events occurring within the piece and the reality of how quickly it would be taking place.

Only spotted one error (though I’m not the best editor) “a attempt” should be ‘an attempt’ due to the second word commencing with a vowel.

Well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
111
111
Review of Dead Man's Hand  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the piece. I don’t often read westerns, but you have captured the stereotypical tone of the west fairly well.

A few technical pointers though. First, ensure you read the words aloud instead of just writing, you may find things come out sounding odd. For example, $98 nice shiny silver dollars, would read as 98 dollars nice shiny silver dollars. For things like that it may be more appropriate to have 98 nice shiny silver dollars.

Also, watch how you use apostrophes. For example, if the name is Cummings, then it would be Cummings’ outfit guy not Cumming’s.

Watch having words put in twice and also where you are ending sentences. For example, “Three of them took this with with ok shrugs but one guy.”

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
112
112
Review of Old Man Gordon  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Make sure you proof read. Sometimes word processing software does not detect when a word is spelled incorrectly due to the ‘wrong’ word being a word in its own right, for example “as a slipped a shell”.

Originally I was mentally distracted wondering how the kid got there, especially if the cabin is so remote, but I quickly forgot those things as your words drew me into the scene.

Other than that a job well done! It flows beautifully and your descriptions of Gordon’s words and actions are consistent. I had a feeling there would be a twist, but you kept it very well concealed and the way you word the last sentence to reveal it is excellent.

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
113
113
Review of Only For You  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A good start!

Just some tips, make sure you proof read your work! Some words aren’t picked up by word processing software because the ‘wrong’ word is still a word in its own right, for example “A week ago this would have brought be pain” I’m sure should be ‘me pain’.

Careful not to repeat the same words too closely, for example “force myself to move forward. I push myself” as it makes things feel repetitive and also interrupts flow.

You have a number of paragraphs with limited sentences, one way of improving flow is to join them up somehow. You may find the steps you take to join them will help you improve the overall flow and feeling of your piece.

One other thing I noticed, which is more a personal thing instead of a structural one, you have a lot of what is happening to your main character, but not as much of what she is feeling and thinking after the first few paragraphs. What are her thoughts? Why is she taking those actions and not others? Asking yourself questions like this will help you to build your main character and give your story more depth.

I hope you got decent marks for your assignment!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
114
114
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I took your advice and popped in for this one  I liked it a lot and it is definitely in the style I prefer to read!

Some of the phrasing feels a little repetitive due to being in nearby sentences, but at the same time I do not think there is much alternative wording you could have used on those occasions.

Some minor spelling errors, for example, What it the silence or was it the fat moon outside?


WDC POWER REVIEWERS
115
115
Review of Stuck On You  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very amusing piece. I was wondering if they were really flies or if it would turn out to be a decoration or something along those lines.

Two suggestions, it isn’t clear if Mark intended to meet up with her at her work or if it was random. Not overly relevant to the piece, but would be nice flavouring to know.

Second suggestion, which is relevant, how can he see the flies if they are on the crown of his head? You may want to consider changing it to another word like ‘feel’ instead of ‘see’.

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
116
116
Review of The Sisters  
Review by Talera
Rated: E | (4.0)
“They faced one another yet facing the blue horizon.” Feels clumsy, may want to reword.

Some minor spelling mistakes, for example “traveler".

What I really like about this piece is your conversational interactions between the two sisters. It is consistent and also really does bring to mind the image of elderly sisters sitting there and jokingly bickering or gossiping with each other. Well done 

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
117
117
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Some minor spelling and grammar issues, for example: “for months ago”. You may want to have someone proof read your work as often mistakes like that are not picked up by word processing software.

Some of the sentences feel incomplete, for example “The more I am convinced he is innocent.” You may be able to join these with nearby sentences in order to improve the flow as the repeating incomplete sentence feeling throughout the story is distracting as a reader.

There are other flow issues as well. It feels like in some parts something is ‘missing’, almost as if you have changed the order of sentences, removed bits, but not returned to rectify the flow that was once there.

You may also want to review the title of the piece. Titles can make or break a piece. They should infer both tone and concept of the story in a brief few words. The title you are using is relevant to the main character, but not the plot of the story.

Despite these issues, I think it is an interesting concept. I would like to read it again if you have a go at editing it and want me to have another look.


WDC POWER REVIEWERS
118
118
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
While the motivation for Neel going after Raven is very clear, it isn’t clear why he would go after Sonal. Surely if it was to make Raven pay he would have done that first? You may want to flesh out her involvement in the whole thing to help provide a motive for the last part.

Also, “Later, Raven had gloated with malicious satisfaction that it had worked out well. One night, when his urge for Sonal was unbearable, he accosted a woman. An idea formed in his head and he asked her to lure Aneesh and put up an act. He had timed it well.” doesn’t read quite right because of the changes in timeframes during the paragraph.

Other than that, good job 


WDC POWER REVIEWERS
119
119
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like how it is hinted that the other presence may be either demon or angel until you reach the final confrontation. This works well as a short story piece and I can see why it has been previously recognised.

I only have two suggestions. The first is that in some paragraphs you let the description become too extensive and it overpowers the plot intention of the information.

Secondly, if she does not remember the nightmares, how does she know she is reliving it and it isn’t just a general nightmare issue or fear of the future?

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
120
120
Review of Life Changing  
Review by Talera
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I do find this piece interesting. I especially enjoy that you do not know until the end if the creature is genetically modified, alien, demon and so on.

You may want to consider rewording “The first three times, I'd smiled at the fair-haired imps. When they apologized lispingly, their dark brown eyes looked as sad as cow eyes, but soon the stomps on my white tennis shoes escalated.” As it does not currently make sense with where the period is.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
121
121
Review of Timarie's Guest  
Review by Talera
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This piece is written well, but I find I have more questions than answers while reading it. Also, it is not clear who ‘master’ is, why he would have guards for his tomb, how long your main character has been operating or even how long in the grave. While some vagueness is great to allow the reader to fill in the gaps themselves, I think it has gone a little too far. Overall though, I quite enjoyed this item.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
122
122
Review of Grave Dirt  
Review by Talera
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Some minor spelling and grammar mistakes so it could be beneficial to have someone proof read your work.

I like the premise. An indication of how long she had been in the grave might have been nice. From what I can tell, the insects and teeth comments were to indicate that, but it would also depend on whether the body was embalmed etc.

The transition from escaping the grave to being ‘above’ it could have been handled better. The concept of being terrified of the bugs yet no real mention once she comes up lets the transition down. You may want to read up a bit more on temporary amnesia from trauma just to ensure your descriptions on what is initially remembered/forgotten is consistent, but not essential due to the amnesia potentially resulting from brain cell decay rather than trauma itself. However, if you want to rely on the brain cell decay, latter parts of the story will need to be adjusted.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
123
123
Review of Zombies  
Review by Talera
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Some minor spelling and grammar mistakes so it could be beneficial to have someone proof read your work.

Structure and tone remained consistent. You didn’t make your people more skilled than a normal person which is good. Some more character development to indicate age etcetera would have been nice and allowed the reader to develop more sympathy/empathy for their plight.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
124
124
Review by Talera
Rated: E | (4.5)
I both liked and yet was distracted by the headings. It broke it up which disrupted the flow, but also allowed for the discontinuity of the scenes.

I liked not having much detail on the girl, the secrets and so on. It allows me to imagine my own concepts of what the ‘reality’ is, for example, is going into the woods becoming insane and losing touch with reality? Is it simply retreating within herself? The same goes for who/what the flautist represents.

Well done!
125
125
Review of Thorn Tower  
Review by Talera
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow, this is awesome. I know that doesn’t sound eloquent, but I’m finding it hard to capture my opinion to put on the page. It definitely craps all over my entry lol

Only suggestion is I noticed that you use two different spellings for Theodoric/k. Just double check this sort of thing for consistency.
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