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333 Public Reviews Given
333 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Abiku  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very interesting story. I presume that the character’s accident occurred prior to his waking given the declaration of the hooded people stating ‘spirit’. However, if it was that they caused his death you may want to make this clearer.

Two things I can recommend, one is to review use of hyphens. In some places the spacing differs and also in others you use a hyphen where a comma would suffice.

Secondly, review the rules on using ‘numbers’ in your writing. Often using the numerals, unless a specifically numbered thing like ‘3 Smith Street’ is frowned on where the numeral is less than 10. However, that may simply be a rule used where I reside and not in your country. If it is a rule there as well, both your ‘5’s should be ‘five’.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
27
27
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Given this is for a contest with limited word count, I think you have done an excellent job. The descriptions you use are very apt and help the reader bring images to mind as they go over the words. I would have liked a better indication on her age, why she was there and so on. While hard to do I think if you rework the story now the word limit is no longer required this information would provide more depth. However, as it is the piece is a great snapshot of an event.

Only thing I can suggest other than that is with “The bright red blood mingled with the trail of dried blood” using ‘blood’ for a second time feels repetitive.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
28
28
Review of The Library Lady  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really found this piece to be a moving snapshot of the lives of two people and not just the character from whose perspective it is being written.

I had a very rough childhood. Due to my work I encounter many people who are criminals. I have always found it interesting that while we have such similar childhoods, I have turned out educated, employed and stable, as opposed to them being in jail. One day I looked at why and realised that I simply had someone coming into my life at the right time to provide support and help me to believe in myself and see I had more choices. These criminals are what I could have been if that person had not been there for me when I was in my teens.

I think this story is fantastic the way it is, showing that often the choices we make are dramatically influenced by a single person wanting to help.

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
29
29
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Having entered this competition before, I know how hard it is to convey large amounts of depth in such a small word limit. I think you have done a good job with this piece. While you don’t go into much on your main character, the brief additions of ‘gills’, ‘watery home’ and so on still give enough information for your reader to formulate and picture who/what you are talking about.

Only thing I would suggest (which is entirely person opinion) is some clarity on whether she is effectively beaching herself or if she will fall back to the water. I presume the latter, but the frothy waves indicate she is incredibly close to shore.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
30
30
Review of Wind  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I do like stories that have personification. I think you have personified it well in that the girl is projecting characteristics instead of the wind itself. I wasn’t sure at first if Bre was also a personification, such as a tree, however, it became clearer at the end.

The story is well constructed and I only picked up on one error, being “with razor” which has an extra space.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
31
31
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very emotional piece. I was wondering how you would cover the obvious event that was coming, such a thing would be difficult to convey in the same way it can be difficult for someone to read. I thought it was appropriate that you left the piece at the point you did, as your reader is well aware and can imagine the event to the limits of their own comfort.

Only two technicalities that I could see, the first was “squirted her” has an extra space. Also “He knees almost buckled when she hit him, so he grabbed on to his buddy’s shoulder” should be reworded.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
32
32
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The first part of your story reminded me of when we took my son to a firework show. He adored it. The older children around us had lost interest, parents were used to it, but families fed off the time together and the joy of the young ones.

I liked that you presented the other side, both the performer and observer. It added a nice touch to the warmth.

You have a good use of adjectives. The reader is able to clearly picture the events, without getting dogged down and slowed by the amount of description.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
33
33
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love stories that break down the ‘fourth wall’ and this one is no exception. I think the way you have blended the fictional and reality was excellent. The use of adjectives and character propositions was consistent and appropriate.

Only suggestion I have is “hesitant to unravel, shy of the fingers that wanted to carve it distinct. That’s why I paid no attention to the hesitant scrape of fingernails across stucco” feels a bit repetitive given the two instances of ‘hesitant’ in short word span.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
34
34
Review of Triple Danger  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Interesting story and also a creative revenge. I do like the humour behind the piece as well and the light hearted nature near the end actually made the piece more enjoyable for me.

I didn’t find any overall issues in relation to spelling, grammar or format. However, my main suggestion for you would be to examine your use of adjectives and adverbs. Most of the ones you have used are standard. I think the description and tension, especially in the middle of the piece, could be enhanced by using more unique words. An example, not directly from your piece, would be changing ‘brown’ to ‘chestnut’ or ‘mahogany’.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
35
35
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This piece has a good use of adjectives and is well constructed. Though enjoyable I found it hard to suspend my disbelief with the story in its current form. Why is this happening now? Surely if the house has a history Peggy would know being the real estate agent? Why hadn’t it happened when the buyer inspected the property or when the real estate first went through?
On a technical side, my suggestions are to ensure consistency in spacing between paragraphs. Also, you include extra spaces after commencing dialogue which are not required, for example, “ Charlene, get it together.
In a couple of spots you swap tenses between past and future, for example, “It would be another ten minutes before Charlene would see the house sticking out of the woods.” Is future tense but surrounding sentences are past tense. This can lead to confusion for the reader on the initial read through of the document.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
36
36
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this piece well constructed. The use of description was excellent and you even managed to keep the respective party’s dialogue appropriate to what their character actually was.

I would have liked to have seen something different in the ending. Given the supposed secrecy, not telling anyone what happened, waiting until deathbed and so on, I honestly expected something ‘bigger’ to be the final event. While I can understand the boys not wanting to tell people about having a fight, it is still not something that presents with such seriousness that it would require never telling anyone until your deathbed.

Also, the interjection of the people Ellis goes to see feels out of place. While in some ways it adds depth to the story in that it shows a little more of Ellis, I felt like the characters and even in some ways the Sheriff, were redundant for the piece and had nothing to do other than just ‘be there’.

On the technical side, not all of the paragraph spacing and dialogue indentations are consistent.

Make sure you use a spell check to grab errors like “comtinued”, “reentered” and “hunt.Lonely”. Also proof read to pick up errors like “Ellis's” which should be Ellis’ or where the sentence may read as if a word is missing, for example, “Turning back to the trees, inhaled deeply and stepped warily into the woods”.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
37
37
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I loved this piece. While the first portion tends to use base adjectives, the descriptions improve as the action commences and it heightens the events of the story.

While I was reading it, I did begin to wonder what the police had made of the previous stripper death. Mel may not have been there to remember the fire, but had he moved there by the time the stripper was killed? Why hadn’t the strip club been shut down and so on. I also wondered what the police did with Leticia’s death and thought it should have been included, but given the ending and the notion of the dream I can see why this information was not present.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
38
38
Review of Stall  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This piece is well written and I did not see what was coming until the very end. I knew what would happen to Chet, but the cause was unknown. Well done on that front.

I would have liked to know more about what actually killed him. We know its relationship to the other person, but without knowing what the beast is the relationship loses a degree of significance. For example, the daughter of a werewolf would leave the readers with a different feeling than the beast being a demon.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
39
39
Review of Night and Day  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very touching story. Many people fail to find a connection with someone this strong, and such connections should continue to be guarded from their envy.

The technical construction of the story was sound. Only part I found was ‘only to reemerge with a darling brown and white Paint’ which (in the country I reside in) should be ‘re-emerge’.

I would have liked to know more about their lives since marriage. You speak of their connection, how others could not see it and partners dying, but what about children? Did they return to farm life or stay in city with work? Just little things like this can add a lot of depth to what you are portraying.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
40
40
Review of Fluffy the Dragon  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting twist on the pet dragon theme, making it more realistic. The style is jaunty, but it seems to suffer from my worst habit… more tell than show. This is something all my stories have in them and I’m still trying to work out how to get past it.

It would have been nice to have more character development, age and so on, but given word limit I can understand why it is absent given the story events do not depend on such facts.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
41
41
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece is well written and I find it an interesting account of how the misperceptions can grow without founding. Only two points really. The first is that BB was there four years ago, but we don’t know what happened when he was. It would be nice to elaborate if the previous experience confirmed his reputation.

Secondly, the sentence ‘I stand before a run-down cottage hunkered back from the street behind a picket fence framing a front lawn overgrown with weeds and untrimmed bushes’ reads a bit long and clunky. May be good to break it down a bit.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
42
42
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
There are a few technical errors, which are easily fixed. As it stands they do not overpower the piece, but you will probably want to adjust them as you finish and polish the story. I’ll list some separate issues and provide an example or so of each, so you understand what I mean.

The first is something I seem to put in my reviews more often than anything else. When editing your document, you need to do two things. The first is to run it through a spell checker, this will pick up errors like ‘told.With’. In reading your story it appears to me that you have consistently forgotten to put a space after punctuation. I’m not sure if this is because of the machine you are using to type on or if it is because of language issues such as English being your second language.

After you have done that you also need to proof read your document. Not all errors are picked up by spell checking software, as the ‘wrong’ word maybe a word in its own right and therefore the program doesn’t see a spelling error. Many also ignore any errors in a word which begins with a capital letter. Doing this will ensure that you pick up on ones like ‘Its’ when it should be ‘it’s’ and ‘upraised’ which should be apprised.

Make sure you keep track of any missing punctuation which may also be missed by the spell checker, for example ‘dads’.

Some sentences don’t fully make sense, for example ‘Samantha, who wants to live every second of her life never really has been able to strike a deal whenever she has thought of doing something’ which reads clumsily, but this is likely to resolve itself as you read over the document.

I’m also not quite sure what the intended aim of your piece is. While at first it starts as if it will be about the main character, like an insight piece, it then becomes a brief experience piece. I’d suggest tightening the story up after deciding what you want to project to your audience and what you want to leave them with. Also, try developing your main character a bit further. What is her age? What does she look like? And so on.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
43
43
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this one a lot. I would have liked more indication on their current ages, how long they had been married and so on, but the story still gets its point across without the character development.

Only technicality that stood out was ‘mustache’ which here is ‘moustache’.

Also I don’t think you need to have ‘AFTER…’ as it is clear from the way you have written things that it is occurring after the incident.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
44
44
Review of Kris Krimson  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
You have a good use of description to paint the picture in someone’s mind. I especially like ‘Dark whispers like dying angels still trying to sing’.

Just have a check on the format regarding new lines with dialogue. I think you will find you need to put some of the ones you have on a separate line.

I would have liked to know more about the lockbox.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
45
45
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Interesting. I like the interpretation of Father Christmas in this story and that not all is as it seems for those who are willing to look. One thing to consider is that if they saw the ritual, wouldn’t they know what it was for? Also, did the mutilated body remain?

Just one thing really stood out: “stanched itself” would be ‘staunched’ I think.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
46
46
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My son is still young, but every year we add to the ornaments for the tree. Some were made at school and others ones he and I made together. Every year we set up the tree and while at times it can be frustrating given his energetic eagerness, I stop and remind myself that in many ways, putting up the tree and making it look that way is his time. His way of expressing the joy in the season given he can’t do many of the things that others do. For him, too young to be overly materialistic, it really is about what we do together and not about what is under the tree. He still holds all the wonder that I fear will abate to being jaded as he learns life’s lessons and yet I still hope that events such as doing that tree will bring it back for him.

Only technicality that really stood out was ‘who came into the room. and’ where there shouldn’t be a full stop. The other thing for me is the paragraphs are sometimes double spaced and sometimes triple. While at first this appears to be due to flicking back between memory/timeline, this is not always consistent as the piece progresses.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
47
47
Review of Little Lost Girl  
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I find this piece interesting. I like stories that spin innocence into something else. A lot of people underestimate how useful such things can be.

Just a few points. It isn’t clear why you have the viewpoints of the others aside from making it clear it could have been anyone who helped. This point does not really add to the story as it can be left out and the reader still understands the Good Samaritan was punished.

I’m also not quite sure on the reasons for the death. Being such a young child, how does she manage to obtain poisons, syringes and so on? Is she older than she looks and if so why can’t she rely on any other supernatural power that comes with it? While it may be difficult to develop this information when writing from the viewpoint of the victim, there are ways to give subtle information of this nature.

Also ‘Too short mousey brown curls fell out of her pigtails, tied with perfect pink bows’ should be ‘two’.

‘pedophile’ should be ‘paedophile’.

‘and lead her’ should be led.

I know in many ways my review may sound negative. It is not intended to be. If I don’t like a piece or think it isn’t worth effort, then I don’t review it. I think your story, with some polishing, has a lot of potential.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
48
48
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very amusing, I do like the spin on the story being written at the same time as the events. I’m sure if muses were visible things like this would actually occur conversation wise.

Only thing I can really suggest is using spell check software. Some of the words I found which were misspelt include ‘cobwebbd’, ‘ashtry’, ‘didn' and ‘resentlment’.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
49
49
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very amusing. I once conducted a similar experiment in my house, but after a month (and thankfully no fatalities) gave up and did it myself again. As any housewife would know, the cleaning is constant because it is as if the family follows you from room to room, making messes where you have just cleaned.

Onto technicalities.

Be consistent with spacing between paragraphs. Some have the break single spaced, others double spaced.

With spacing, some of your parentheses have additional spaces after the opening which is not required. For example, ‘( I had gotten to know those tiny ants well during my many hours of observation of the little piece of trash)’.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
50
50
Review by Talera
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very emotional piece and the thoughts have been captured by the words nicely.

A few technicalities.

‘all I knew was it was because that’s what they’d been told to do’ try rewriting this bit. The multiple use of ‘was’ makes the sentence read a bit clumsy.

‘I talked to father to’ should be ‘too’ at the end.

‘My mother was sitting next to me, still like everybody else wanted to ask her where we were going but it didn’t feel right, everybody else was silent’ should be broken up into two sentences.

‘She looked back at me, unable to speak,’ should be a full stop at end not comma.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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