I love the crown intrigue combined with the reptilian backstory! Margon and his brood were bought because they were unique, which leads me to believe that other creatures do exist in this realm. It looks like Redwyn is going to have his work cut for him to keep this realm together. I read a lot of stories that go heavy on the dialog with no other expression of the character and I think it takes great skill to include dialog as just a part of the story and not the whole one. I hope you plan on writing more as I was highly entertained and would definitely by a book like this.
Thank you for sharing it and I look forward to reading the other pieces.
So, I know it's a little personal to share this in a review. But, my younger son is always talking about energy and dimensions to other portals. He believes in the stuff we don't see and my older son is so patient with him that they are great buddies. I love the interaction between Aaron and Tree as I see it play out every day. What a wonderful story! I loved it and it connected with me on a such a deep level. That's why I love reviewing. It's like I get to peek inside other peoples' sentiments and I feel so connected with their sentiment connects with mine.
I love that you are encouraging people to follow your light. Although I have never seen the way you describe, I believe we are all connected through a constant ebb and flow of energy. I love your description of it. Have you ever thought to set it to verse and make a poem from it? It's my personal style, so I'm a little biased. I'm glad that you have a path and are committed to following it. Keep up the writing and I hope others follow you into the light!
I love that your writing about what some of us feel. Self pity is the emotion that gets us into the most trouble and then allows our inner insecurities to have their way and wreac havoc. I love the purpose of this poem. It's almost a warning to stave off self pity or else. My favorite line is self-pity is like a cage, being self-absorbed. I think that if you can break it into free verse, it will read more like a poem if that's the style you're going for.
What a sad tale. Unfortunately, deaths like these happen all too often. You used some great words and it painted a picture in my head. I know the parameters of that particular contest and given what they are, it's a wholly complete story, not just partial one. So, kudos to you for that.
What a clever way to show your displeasure at anonymous hate raters! What a great name for them! Ha! I loved your creativity at dealing with it and your further explanations show that you are trying to be objective. But for me, the beauty and the curse of open forums is that allows people to express how they feel. Now, I get a low rating without explanation then I can't consider it as valid because I can't remedy the problem. So, I don't think much about it. But, I would appreciate an anonymous review with a low score because at least they thought enough of it to give me corrective feedback. Keep writing the write! Good for you!
It almost sounds like a poet longing for death's embrace. It feels almost hopeful about it. I think this piece speaks to the part of us that feels like we want to have accomplished something with our mortal time. The last verse is my favorite. The last line really speaks to me. I bet everything fuses together at the end: time, day/night, past and present. It's a really cool piece and I enjoyed it!
I'm glad that you found what you were looking for. Sharing your story could be incredibly powerful for people struggling to find something to hold onto. For you, that was faith, as it is for many people who wish to feel more connected to something other than themselves. I'm so happy you found peace. Keep going and sharing your truths. Other people may need to hear them.
Definitely feeling at one with nature here. Until I realize that the great big sky contains the word I just referred to as I is my favorite part. We are all part of a spiritual existence and I'd like to think that we are all part of God and God exists in all of us. I love the natural feel to this as well because it's easy to feel close to the divine in nature.
He sounds sooo cute! What a clever idea using writing.com in that way. Sounds like it must be true love after all. It's an internet fairy tale. Literally. Awesome job and love the dialog! She sounds like a smart fairy. Keep writing! Thank you for sharing it!
Wow! What an awesome universe you're building with Size Queen. I'm glad you made it Earth instead of off world. There is a ton of dialog which goes a long way in character development but I also want to see more of this universe. How many years into the future does this go? And, I hope you keep Tina humble. Does she have anything from the past to hang on to in order so instill hope or is she supposed to connect to Doc because he's the best shot at normalcy she's going to have? I love how you set that inner conflict up.
I would consider setting some scenes with this new found technology like nanomachines and maybe go into what the treatments are a little later into the story. I want to really feel this universe and it's hard for me to put myself in the world even though I connect so well with the characters. I'm rooting for Size Queen and hope she find her place in this tortured world! I hope there is a big conspiracy brewing with Marco. Why did he sell her contract do Doc? I want to think that maybe part of the larger story.
I would consider leaving out the oy vey part when she rolled her eyes. But, that's just me. It threw me off a bit and didn't seem to go with the character.
Overall, I love the story and hope you keep writing it!
The end is always rushing towards all of us. I guess humanity is bonded in that way, we are all united in death. There is nothing except absolution and it's finite. But, we do not know what lies on the other side so there is a choice to be made. We either succumb to the darkness and expect that's all there is or we decide on more hopeful future. It seems like your entwined in the questioning of it. You suspect nothing matters at all but yet what lies after this life is going to be supermassive. It seems to be a conflicting sentiment that we all at one time or another contend with. My vote is that it matters a great deal. Good luck in your writings!
Allergy season is upon us! Cute! I know it's a ritual for me, except I hardly ever get to skip the sinus infection part! Keep your tissues handy and your eye drops near so you can see the Spring all the more clear! I didn't know about musettes so I learned something new here. Thank you!
It feels like Mad Max to me. I would love for you to describe the world more. It seems desolate. Your writing is very intelligent. Almost too intelligent for me to keep up with. When you start describing the weaponry in your dialog, it loses me a bit. But, I love Arron's introduction to Sandy. They will make good partners.
Ah! Poor Alfie! I can't recall seeing any movies or reading any books that highlight the battles from the crusades. Often enough, I read or watch about soldiers who come back to England or go off from Rome but it's interesting to read about a battle from their. I'd like to see more of that. Something like Gladiator for that time period. Maybe a historical fiction piece. It was entertaining!
It would be awesome if this story turned into a murder mystery. It's got a great premise with secrets and intrigue and risque pictures taken and put into manila envelopes. I can almost see this as a CSI episode or a John Grisham novel. Interesting internal dilemma of the main character here. There is potential for advancing the story line here.
Self hate is such a powerful emotion. We can't help but hurt ourselves sometimes. It's our nature. But, I think in our reflections there is chance for redemption which you seem to get in touch with in the last stanzas. Keep pushing, keep combat the going for it is that battle ground that makes us strong and able to withstand the potential harm life inevitably brings us. Warrior of the light!
xenophobia does separate humanity, I love that line! Beautiful prayer and much needed sentiment during these times. Which freedom's fires are spreading? I think I want to hear more about that. Maybe add another stanza. Good job and keep writing writing the write!
Great ending! Accomplishing dreams usually do take hard work and commitment to see goals through. All dreams start from a seed and then nutured to grow. Maybe you could add a stanza about that. It's important to motivate people and give them hope of a better future.
Wow, what powerful emotions. I'm sorry for your loss. So much vivid detail in your account. I'm assuming its a biographical account. The only critique I have for you is to break up the story into paragraphs to make it easier to read. I never considered that we might have considered putting Italian Americans into camps but it makes me wonder if the bosses in Washington ever thought to orchestrate something like that. War is such a terrible and heart wrenching phenomenon. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
It makes me feel like that too. Keep going. People try to tell us thinking emotionally is a weakness but I beg to differ. It's a gift and we need to role model it as often as we can. I have a feeling your bet work is yet to come. Shine your light bright!
Fight the good fight! Let me feel what keeps you awake and compelled to do your best writing.
Such vivid memories! Were you thinking of fall? It seemed like it to me. The air seemed crisp and I felt a slight chill in the air. What a fond memory of a grandparent!
Short and to the point. It's very clear. It's probably not paranoia, or at least that's been my experience anyway. Glad to see you listen to your inner voice. Could be a tad more creative. Maybe throw some imagery or imaginative word play in there.
It certainly seems like exercise has helped you stay healthy and strong, and slim! Good for you! What about a catchy ironic title like Heart Attack Missed, or Cake, how I Miss You. May note be your style some thoughts about your title.
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