It's a very easy read and very well written. It engaged me immediately and kept me engaged. I bet the boss gets mad if he wasted his lunch too. So was it just a shadow or something more sinister? I feel like the ending threw me off a bit. You could totally turn it into something way darker like a demon or a ghost.
It makes me think of the symphony. I didn't know anything about blue violins. Are they different than regular ones or is yours just special? It's obvious that you love playing music and have a great passion for it. That's awesome that you compared it to yourself and a blue jay. On a side note, I like blue jays because they're aggressive at larger animals. Not unlike my chiweenies that attacked a pit bull. They're an aggressive anomaly in nature. Total non-sequitur but felt compelled to share.
It's an interesting spin in the Thor universe. April Fool's Day gone bad. There were many characters introduced and I had trouble keeping up with the intricacies of the plot. It was kind of cool to see The Thor universe in England. I couldn't quite get if it was mid-century or earlier. It was a very interesting concept to use a wizard time traveler as an informant. Good job and keep writing the good write!
I love your comparison of love to a flaming Habanera Pepper. I live in South Texas so it's a cultural reference near and dear to my heart. I also love that line when I was lost in the dark you were my iridescent flame. It's beautiful and I hope that your experience makes you stronger and more resilient. Thank you for sharing it.
That's a pretty cool twist on the whole cats kill mice story. I wonder if the lady was the child's mother. I loved it. I don't know if you were attempting a rhyming scheme but some parts flowed better than others. The second to last verse stands out as one that doesn't flow but maybe it doesn't matter. My favorite part though is you took a common knowledge and turned into a creative story. Great idea! Thank you for sharing it.
It's inspirational to me as a fellow Christian that you are focusing on God's commandments and apostle devotion to love. I totally agree with you that love apart from God doesn't exist. One of the reasons I converted to Catholicism (besides marrying and raising my kids in the faith) was Pope Francis made the decision a lot easier. He said something to the effect of we as a church body have spent enough time on judgement, let us now focus on love and joy of the spirit. Once I understood his philosophy better, I didn't look back. Thank you for sharing. It can be a little intimidating for people to share their views on open forum sites and this one does a good job at making people comfortable enough to do it. Kudos to writing.com for that.
I like pour me a sunrise upon my face. The imagery of that line is pretty cool. and comparing hope to pearls another really good image. It's a beautiful piece and makes me think of times at the beach when I see the sun rise or set over the water. I love a good natural light show and would never have thought to write about it in that way. It's very creative!
I think it's important to reflect on the people who shape and mold us. Good for your paying homage to the women you feel connected to. My list would be pretty long as well. I'm finally finishing Mad Men and it's made me reflect on how society still has trouble getting past modern women and their place in it. I believe women are pioneers. Perhaps, more so then men. When we strive to go into typically male dominated fields and start making our presence known, it's a natural disruption to the professional landscape. From our inception, we have been at a physical disadvantage. Therefore, we have to use other attributes differently and over time we have developed a different cultural influence and this definitely has definitely impacted us in modern times. In leadership, we are perceived sterotypically to be more transparent, more consensus driven and more thoughtful about effects on communities. I believe as we continue to gain our footing, we will continue to change the game and it's important that we recognize those that came before us. Some of my favorites are: lady suffragettes, Victoria Woodhull (the first female to run for president), Anne Richards, Molly Ivins, Harriet Tubman, Georgia O'keefe, and Gloria Steinem . Thank you for writing this!
Wow! Tough competition! It flows perfectly and the story is very clear. Of course, the ending is the saddest part. I wonder if it is a specific type of poem or is it free verse. I have a lot to learn about formal writing which is why I don't like doing formal reviewing but the meter of it is almost perfect so just thought I'd ask.
Heartbreak makes writing so beautiful. The flow is good and you use punctuation which I really like. My favorite line is carry my soul when I'm too weak to walk. It reminds me of marriage vows and the sentiment behind them. It's so hard when life takes these turns. It's a beautiful piece that speaks to many of us. Totally relatable. Thanks for sharing!
Social media is a phenomenon that we all have to contend with. I love that you put the pros and cons of the issue into the report. The issue for me as a parent is moderation. How do we encourage moderation when they are young so they don't develop bad academic habits? I love that you are already thinking about it and your citations are great! Your right is eloquent and non-biased. Good job on the flow! Keep going and save us from ourselves!
It's beautifully written but it confused me. I get that its about a vampire. Who is he refer to? Is it Death or God? What do you mean by I should have indulged that taste? Like he should have turned her? Or at least that's my thinking. I love vampire stories especially modern day ones! Thank you for the write.
I really like that one. Dark, mysterious, romantic. It's good competition for the one I entered. I hope she likes her as much in person. My favorite line And, now, with no warning. It makes it seem like there is a more mysterious plot being unveiled. So much potential over milk, who knew? Good job and keep writing the good write!
I know this was written 2002 and don't know it's still accurate but I agree with Storymaster's sentiments. I love this community and all the services it provides for beginning authors like myself. It's a community that thrives on positive feedback which makes it unique from a lot of other open forum communities.
I also believe its important to financially support (as much as one can to the extent they can) any worthwhile communities that support their craft. It takes a village with resources to keep its people strong.
I want to like it. I want to be intrigued by it but I'm having some trouble relating to Patrick. What makes him likable or relatable? I love the premise. It's a good idea. I wonder if he's going to get trapped in Bubble Gum adventure or Conflict Destruction. How will he get trapped? Good luck and keep writing!
Living in the moment is so important to maintain good positive energy I believe anyway. And, it alludes many of us. We get so consumed over what's coming next or what happened that we can't forgive or forget. The present is the most important thing we have. It's hard to remember that. I'm never to old to latch on to a new dream. They keep me going. Well done!
How sweet romance is! It's sounds like you must really be in love and that moment! Hope it lasted! I love the rhyming. It was an easy read and kept me engaged the whole time. The points were clear and I love to see punctuation in poetry. Keep writing, there aren't enough romantics out there.
Very cool! I love acrostics! It's nice that the place you visit doesn't matter. You must be able to make fun out of anything. I once had to go to Toad Suck, Arkansas to visit family. Expected boredom was part of the vacation. But, it also matters who my partner is. It was pretty clever.
How sweet! He fell into a world and found a friend! This theme must be popular because I just did the same thing! I just wrote about my sons falling in.
I loved that you describe what's he's doing during the story. I would love to see Aiden engage in dialog with it. I want to find out more about him. He's a nurturer and a healer. I wonder how you can develop his character more. Maybe the mammoth has a problem he can help solve.
You know, I love to read and review other people's work. I get to see how they use their word choice and set their ideas. Sometimes, I struggle with making a really good idea great and something that would be truly engaging to the reader.
What other fantasy trapped movies and books have you read that really make this story come alive? Peter Pan, Never Ending Story, Goonies, Jumanji. All of the things that you read can really help develop your ideas into awesome story writing. Those are just some of the references I could think of that may help you. Good luck and keep writing!
I agree with you but it can be a hard road to travel. As long as you find happiness along whatever road you travel, you are traveling better than most. I think that the people that are telling you that its bad are telling you out of worry. You know it's been my experience that most judgement comes from fear and most fear comes from a sense of caring, as warped as it is. Good luck on your journey.
Wow! I was instantly engaged! I felt the spark! It feels extremely intimate but without graphic imagery. I'm not crazy about writing with ellipses because I think here it detracts from the seriousness of your writing. But, I don't want to harp on grammar. Good write! Write on!
You are so right! On a technical level the meter and verse are good and I love it when poets use punctuation. On an emotional level, I love that you made it a theme! I was definitely entertained by it. The last two verses are exactly right and the right woman will see that! Don't settle. It causes chaos. You are reflecting the virtues that are important to you so if you keep reflecting someone will reflect that back to you. It' all about energy and compatibility! In any case, write on!
It's very intelligent writing. I feel like an Environmental engineer would understand industry terms that I didn't. But, I did grasp that Orgone was revolutionary and Peter was disappointed that Liam didn't feel the same way. Is that going to be central to the story line somehow? Is it going to eventually drive a wedge between him and Peter? And, what is going to make Orgone revolutionary? Just some questions I had after reading it. I hope you're still writing!
I love your optimism! I think that sharing our value is infinitely important and we can agree on that for sure! I agree with you whole premise actually. How quickly do you think we realize we are the solution? Do you think it's going to happen in your lifetime? I think if you are correct the timing will beyond anything I can see in the next two generations. But, here' to hoping!
Great free advertising for the movie! I like the Twilight series too. I'm a tween at heart and sucker for a good tween romance. Kimber Wheaton is a friend of mine and authors books with lots of tween angst. If you like the Twilight series give her books a try. I read them because I knew her but objectively, I can say she's quite talented. It's supernatural but it's more into the paranormal. Keep writing the good write!
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